I'm curious

[Texasgal]

Hello fellow friends!

I have a question, it's not really anything serious... I'm just curious.

Some time in late January I posted a thread here asking for advice on how to accommodate my vegan Uncle who was visiting from Philly. You guys gave me really good advice, my husband and I were very respectful of his lifestyle and we learned alot from the whole experience. We ate vegan products the entire time of his stay.

Here's the question...curiosity...

My Uncle is coming down again this thursday, he is staying for ten days at my home.he is staying with me because I am the only one who understands or shall I say respects his lifestyle, the rest of my family thinks he's nuts ( they always offer him a grilled steak for instance ) They are constantly pushing his buttons.

So... this brings me to my question:


Do you find it hard to meet people who do not understand you ideology? Could you or would you have a relationship with a non-veggie? Do you have family members that try to fluster you or make fun of you because the don't understand?

My Uncle was married for a long time ( 10 years ) 2 kids, this was before he changed his lifestyle. His wife was kind of freaky, she was in and out of institutions the entire time of their marriage, they now share custody of the children. My uncle went vegan after that... for several reasons. He dates but doesn't really have serious relationships, he doesn't have many friends either, he said that he has a hard time meeting people that understand his mind set.

Do you find you have the same problem?

[smbolisnch]

1. Absolutely.

It is so hard to actually have a meal with other people and not have the topic come up. You end up being barraged with questions and snarky comments to the point that you don't even want to eat anymore. At leaast in my case.

My husband is a meat eater, although I won't prepare it so he never brings it home. He is a veggie at home, carnivore out. It works pretty well, although we do have arguments about it from time to time. We don't have any children, so that hasn't been part of the equation either. My parents are really good about it. My mom prepared a special vegan casserole for me at Easter. However, my dad said to me a few weeks ago "I am sure you are one of those PETA people, aren't you??" I had to laugh at that one.

I think it is wonderful that you go out of your way to accomadate our uncle. I can assure you that you are making his trip 10x easier! What a great neice you are!! :yourock:

ETA: I live in a pretty conservative area, and when most "new" people discover I am a veggie, I get the impression that they just think it is self rightous and/or strange. Oh well, I can't please everyone!

[Texasgal]

2. That's interesting...

I mean that your husband eats meat. That's cool though, just goes to show you that love can conquer all! :)

I guess the only reason why I ask is because my Uncle is a pretty good looking guy, he has a good job and plays the a big stand up bass in a jazz band for fun. He would really like to meet someone special, but they must follow his lifestyle. I can completely understand that.

He's from Austin, so when he comes home to visit he tries to see everyone. ( Our whole family lives here ) But, he did say that it's difficult for him to visit some of his old high school buddies. They make comments and tell him to gain weight....

It's a damn shame... thats' for sure!

[flvegan]

3. Yes and no.

I know that most folks don't "understand" my ideology. I however, crush the stereotype that goes with being a vegan, so most folks are surprised and interested to hear about it. Though, if they aren't, I don't beat them over the head with it (which I think also surprises some of them).

Relationship with a non-veggie? Not a serious one, no. I'd date someone that ate meat, but they'd have to be open minded about a veg possibility for them. I'd walk away from someone that was "I simply won't give up meat because it tastes good" I'm not very superficial, so I'd likely not be attracted to that person, anyway.

My brother can be difficult. He loves meat (and veal). He and I joke back and forth, but never venture into the serious discussion about it. He's set in his ways, and I'm not going to convince him. He stays away from the topic because he knows that's an argument he can't win.

I'm lucky, though. My inner circle is made up exclusively of vegheads. That said, all of my work friends, etc know me and always take my dietary needs into consideration. It's a very open topic. Of the 130 folks I work with, I can guarantee that every single one of them knows the full definition of "vegan" (I even have a couple of vegan "converts" here, thanks to yours truly). I also think that it's somewhat expected of me. Most of these folks have seen me on tv, either the news or public access talking animal advocacy. I run an animal rescue and advocacy organization. I think it softens the shock somewhat.

I also think that it's pretty great that you are so accommodating to your uncle. He's lucky.

[Texasgal]

5. It's strange to me

to get all the pats on back about me b eing accomodating to my Uncle.

Thank you, though. :)

I just cannot imagine someone not respecting ones ideology. You may not have to agree with it, but respecting it is essential in my book.

I love this forum, you guys are all so damn nice! :)

[shockra]

9. Argh.

How did your brother go so wrong? That could sure drive you crazy, if you let it.

My sister and I have never been that far off. She's keeps her freezer full of nothing but vegetarian dinners, Boca and Gardenburgers, and Morningstar sausages. Plus she drinks soymilk. She loves sushi though, which I've never liked at all.

I'm not sure if she leans veggie for health reasons, or ethical ones. Probably some of both. All of her pets are rescues, 3 bunnies and 2 cats. One of her cats is named Frostbit because she spent weeks in the dead of winter with the door open every night trying to get the kitten to come inside, and froze her fingers in the process. She finally managed to grab the kitten and bring it in. In the shed in her backyard she found the remains of the mother and other kittens, so this was the only one that survived. It's always been a very insecure and nervous cat, but at least it got a good home.

[4_Legs_Good]

4. Constantly

And everyone thinks it's oh-so-funny! Har dee har har. "Can I grill you up a steak?" "Why don't you go out and eat a burger."

It's actually kinda pathetic how much someone deciding not to eat meat disturbs other people. It's almost as funny as when they, when not challenged at all, instantly go on the defensive as to why they need to eat meat or why humans need meat or that God created animals for us to eat, etc.

It's just bizarre.

david

[bertha katzenengel]

6. I don't know yet. I've only been meat-free for a week. But . . .

My mother-in-law made biscuits & sausage gravy for me & Mrs. V. as a send-off breakfast last Saturday. I declined the gravy, so MIL tried to insist she be allowed to make me some bacon instead. I didn't take offense; I'm brand-new to this, and she is an old Southern woman.

edited to specify sausage gravy... obviously made w/ grease from frying sausage but also including all the sausage, crumbled up.

[flvegan]

8. Your mother in law sounds like a pretty cool woman.

You decline the sausage gravy and she offered to make you bacon. That's a triggered response. That's good. Rather than saying, "bertha katzenengal, you and your crazy hippie veggie crap won't go 'round here..." she tried to accomodate you. Not seeing the immediate link (sausage/bacon, etc) shouldn't count against her. I give her credit and big props for the initial acceptance of your veg decision.

First rule: when someone that maybe doesn't get it, but tries to get it or tries to work with or accomodate you, NEVER take offense. Brand new nothing, you're considerate.

For the record, I think that homemade sausage gravy could be the downfall of many a southern vegetarian. Not me, mind you, but I understand how it could be for some.

[bertha katzenengel]

10. She's pretty cool.

Mrs. V.'s parents are older than my dad by at least ten years, and they're Southern through & through (including So. Baptist), but they're cooler than he is in a lot of ways. :shrug:

Thanks for the input. There's a whole new world before me. I have a lot to learn.

[livinginphotographs]

7. It's something I've gotten used to.

I work with nothing but anti-choice, homophobic, war-mongering Republicans, and they've been remarkably accepting. In fact, they tend to ask a lot of questions and not be very judgmental about it at all. I even have one thinking about going vegetarian just for health reasons. As far as my friends go, we rag on each other a lot, so you have to have thick skin anyway.

My mother is fine; my brother was vegan for several years, so my mom just pulls out all her old recipes when I come home.

I guess as an atheist with a twin brother, I'm used to mind-numbingly stupid questions. Being vegan is probably the least of my concerns.

[SiouxJ]

11. My friends are very accepting of my diet

They normally consider it when suggesting a restaurant to go to etc. I've even had several friends who went out of their way on Thanksgiving (made a veggie version of stuffing or had some pasta along with the Turkey) I've been lucky I guess. None of them has ever made fun of me, but then again, I'm very picky about my friends and I wouldn't hang out with the type of people who would be so rude. I hang with very nice, open minded people, who wouldn't dream of doing such a thing.

[CrispyQ]

12. How wonderful you are so accommodating for your uncle!

It can be difficult visiting someone when you feel they don't understand or worse, respect your beliefs.

As for meeting someone with the same beliefs, I'm one lucky chica -- my husband was veg years before we met & when we first connected, he asked if I would give the veg life a try. I was never a big meat eater so it wasn't difficult, even though all we had back then was tofu & tempeh. These days there are so many meat/dairy replacement products that I imagine it is much easier.

Ahhhh, how much easier my early veg days would have been with Vegenaise! I was in heaven when I discovered it, being a mayo freak.

Has your uncle tried any online veggie dating services? I have no idea how they work & if they are reliable/safe, but checking it out should be pretty harmless. Personally, I could not French kiss someone who eats meat, chews tobacco or smokes. Or doesn't floss. x(