Redneck Astrological Signs

[Gloria]

Don't know the source, got it off a digest email...

Redneck Astrological Signs

Okra December 22 - January 20
Although you appear crude, you are actually very slick on the inside.
Okra have tremendous influence. An older Okra can look back over his
life and see the seeds of his influence everywhere. Stay away from
Moon Pies.

Chitlin January 21 - February 19
Chitlins often come from humble backgrounds. Many times they're
uncomfortable talking about just where they came from. A chitlin,
however, can make something of himself if he's motivated and has
plenty of seasoning. When it comes to dealing with Chitlins, be very
careful. Chitlins are best with Catfish and Okra.
Remember that when marriage time rolls around.

Boll Weevil February 20 - March 20
You have an overwhelming curiosity.
You're unsatisfied with the surface of things, and you feel the need
to bore deep into the interior of everything. Needless to say, you are
very intense and driven as if you had some inner hunger.
Nobody in their right mind is going to marry you, so don't worry about it.

Moon Pie March 21 - April 20
You're the type that spends a lot of time on the front porch. It's a
cinch to recognize the physical appearance of Moon Pies. "Big" and
"round" are the key words here. You should marry anybody who you can
get remotely interested in the idea.
It's not going to be easy. This might be the year to think about
aerobics. Maybe not.

Possum April 21 - May 21
When confronted with life's difficulties, possums have a marked
tendency to withdraw and develop a "don't-bother-me-about-it"
attitude. Sometimes you become so withdrawn, people actually think
you're dead. This strategy is probably not psychologically healthy,
but seems to work for you. One day, however, it won't work, and you
may find your problems actually running you over.

Crawfish May 22 - June 21
Crawfish is a water sign. If you work in an office, you're always
hanging around the water cooler. Crawfish prefer the beach to the
mountains, the pool to the golf course, the bathtub to the living
room. You tend not to be particularly attractive physically.

Collards June 22 - July 23
Collards have a genius for communication.
They love to get in the "melting pot" of life and share their essence
with the essences of those around them. Collards make good social
workers, psychologists, and baseball managers. As far as your personal
life goes, if you are Collards stay away from Moon Pies. It just won't
work. Save yourself a lot of heartache.

Catfish July 24 - August 23
Catfish are traditionalists in matters of the heart, with one
exception: Whiskers may cause problems for loved ones. You catfish are
never easy people to understand. You prefer the muddy bottoms to the
clear surface of life. Above all else, Catfish should stay away from
Moon Pies.

Grits August 24 - September 23
Your highest aim is to be with others like yourself. You like to
huddle together with a big crowd of other Grits.
You love to travel, though, so maybe you should think about joining a
club. Where do you like to go? Anywhere they have cheese or gravy or
bacon or butter or eggs. If you can go somewhere where they have all
these things, that serves you well.

Boiled Peanuts September 24 - October 23
You have a passionate desire to help your fellow man. Unfortunately,
those who know you best - your friends and loved ones - may find that
your personality is much too salty, and their criticism will probably
affect you deeply because you are really much softer than you appear.
You should go right ahead and marry anybody you want to because in a
certain way, yours is a charmed life. On the road of life, you can be
sure that people will always pull over and stop for you.

Butter Bean October 24 - November 22
Always invite a Butter Bean because Butter Beans get along well with
everybody. You, as a Butter Bean, should be proud. You've grown on the
vine of life and you feel at home no matter what the setting. You can
sit next to anybody. However, you, too, shouldn't have anything to do
with Moon Pies.

Armadillo November 23 - December 21
You have a tendency to develop a tough exterior, but you are actually
quite gentle. A good evening for you? Old friends, a fire, some roots,
fruit, worms and insects. You are a throwback. You're not concerned
with today's fashions and trends. You're not concerned with anything
about today. You're really almost prehistoric in your interests and
behavior patterns. You probably want to marry another Armadillo, but
Possum is another mating possibility.

[yellowdawgdem]

1. very funny

thanks for posting this, it's amusing, and new to me. lol.

[Trillo]

2. I got a chuckle from these as well.

I kept trying to figure out the actual astrological correspondences, thinking maybe they were based upon sidereal, but that game became a Possum instead.