A medium?

[OneGrassRoot]

This thought never even occurred to me before, but I feel like I need communication from my dad -- who has passed -- in order to help with my mom now. Certainly I call it forth every day, asking for his specific guidance...for any guidance...when it comes to my mom. But nothing. She asks for his guidance daily, too. She's begging for it, actually. It may be the one thing that could help.

If it were legit, with no doubt the message is from him.

I just got off another call from her, with her discussing suicide and feeling absolutely hopeless. I am truly at a loss. I don't want to spout what everyone else spouts about her going to hell, she'll be in purgatory, yada, yada. And I can't tell her it's going to get better and all the typical platitudes.

She may be so heartbroken that she won'I get better, especially if she feels she has no reason to try. And I won't guilt her. She needs to want to be here for her, not because she feels she is doing us a disservice. That's my personal very strong feeling, anyway.

Hopelessness is so insidious.

But I just had the thought to ask for the help of a medium. Now most people -- whether they're mediums or not -- are going to come up with the rather common sense responses of "there's a reason you're still here," "life is precious," "your husband would want you to go on."

I really want to find someone who has solid credentials in being a medium...that' his/her specialty. Besides that John Edwards guy...lol. Someone I could reach and perhaps get help fairly quickly.

Any suggestions or recommendations?

Thanks. :hug:

:grouphug:

[Cleita]

1. I wish I could help, but I know nobody like that.

I will send you and your mother what prayers and light that I can to attempt to lift her out of her depression. Maybe you should consult with a psychiatrist to see what they recommend to help lift her out of this frame of mind. It might be as simple as medication that is needed.

[OneGrassRoot]

2. Thank you, Cleita...

Your prayers are much appreciated. :hug:

She's been to psychiatrists, psychologists, grief counselors...been on various medications.

I have a dear friend who is director of a suicide crisis center who has spoken with her several times.

I'm truly at a loss. We've tried everything. Sometimes someone is so hopeless and heartbroken that no medication or course of action may be able to help. I don't know...I try not to judge it.

That's why it dawned on me that it's time to try to reach my dad. He's the one person she will listen to at this point. He's the only person she WANTS to hear from. Understandably. :)

Thanks again. :hug:

[Cleita]

7. It looks like you got some help that you need from our group.

:-) :hug:

[OneGrassRoot]

24. Yes.... (update)

Thank you...:hug:

Thank you all...:grouphug:

She was having a fairly good day today. She used to bowl in a league decades ago. She took it upon herself to find a bowling alley today -- by herself -- and called me from there to say she was having a good time. Found a new friend.

*fingers crossed* Perhaps a slight shift -- in simply reconnecting with something she used to enjoy, and it was HER decision to do it -- will help her along a new path of hope.

I know everyone's thoughts and prayers help tremendously.

I'm seriously thinking there's amazing magickal mojo with this group. ;)

:grouphug:

[MorningGlow]

3. Check your PM!

:hug:

[Fire Walk With Me]

4. And another PM.

[I Have A Dream]

5. Another PM.

:hug:

[OneGrassRoot]

6. Thank you, MG, FWWM and IHAD....

thank you so very, very much.

:grouphug:

[JanusAscending]

10. Strangely after I posted the other day about your Mom...

I had a very vivid dream last night that my dear husband and I were renewing our wedding vows. The ceremony was lovely and included our grown children as attendants, and a lot of the color pink. I wore white of course. Funny I've been married twice and never wore a white gown. Both were very informal. Tell her she is still in my prayers, and it would be lovely for her if he came to her in one of these vivid dreams like I have every now and then. I didn't dream about him at all for the first 3 yrs. or so after his death. Perhaps because the wounds were still too "fresh" (sensitive) They have become more frequent lately. It's comforting to me because it makes me feel that LOVE NEVER DIES. My favorite song was by Josh Groban "To where you are" after he passed. It brought the tears and began the healing.

[OneGrassRoot]

13. Oh, JA, how wonderful!

I agree that dreaming of a loved one can be so very, very comforting, and I really DO think if she could dream of him, it would help so much. What a magickal dream you had of your dear husband!! I can imagine it's very comforting.

For those of us who get most of our guidance through dreams, it is very trouble to not have them of a loved one who has passed. Interesting that it took about three years for you.

I had a similar situation with my son, interestingly. Joshua was stillborn, and I didn't dream of him until Taylor was about two (which would mean about three years after he was born/passed). Aside from the depression and grief, I was depressed because I never dreamt of him!

When I did, it was a message dream; he saved us (Taylor and I) from being in an accident the next day. I never dreamt of him again, but that was okay. I just needed that one dream.

For you and your dear husband: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-uIQp9Dqcrw

:hug: :hug: :hug:

[JanusAscending]

25. Thank you OGR.......

:cry: :loveya:

[bigmonkey]

8. I'm sure you've gotten plenty of good advice already, but here's another alternative.

A technique called Induced After Death Communication. Discovered (evidently by accident) by a psychiatric doctor, Allan L. Botkin, Psy.D., in 1995, it's a non-drug technique. What I've read seems impressive, but I haven't closely investigated it. It induces a communication between the patient/client and the loved one on the other side, so it's not actually mediated. Dr. Botkin holds off from saying that the communication is either real or not real, I presume to maintain his status with colleagues, but it seems sincere and legit to me. He's trained a number of people, there's a list on the site.

[NJCher]

9. more on Botkin

http://www.coasttocoastam.com/guest/botkin-dr-allan-/5684


Cher

[OneGrassRoot]

15. And thank you as well, Cher...

:hug:

[OneGrassRoot]

14. Wow, interesting...

I'll look into this. Thank you. :hug:

[bigmonkey]

26. You're welcome.

I was suggesting this to my sister a couple of years ago when she was missing my mom so much, and Botkin's techniques hadn't spread as widely. Good luck with whatever works.

[Behind the Aegis]

11. Some random ideas.

When talking with your mother, bring up happy memories, especially ones that evoke laughter. Then, as the conversation progresses, add more recent happy memories up to the point of talking about something happy or funny that you saw, heard, experienced in the past few days. This is a "psychological" process reminding the person of past happy times and shows how they have continued up to the present, despite bad times. It may not last long, and there may be bouts of sadness in the conversation, but this is also part of the "journey of life" conversation. It won't always work, but, over time, it has worked for my mother and it works for me.

The other thing I would like to add is about 'calling forth' for guidance from your father. Rather than calling for it, look for it. The best way other than a long drawn out conversation or post is to use an analogy. Are you familiar with the "Where's Waldo?" books? If so, continue reading, if not, skip this and go to the next example in the following paragraph....in those books Waldo is "hidden" among a variety of things and people, but he is there. Some people actually find him not by staring right at him, but rather catch him out of the side of their eye.

Another example is the "magic eye" photos, the ones made up of dots or other pictures, but if you looked at it in a certain way you are able to see another picture, usually in 3-D. What both examples have in common is that the actual goal, seeing or finding something in particular, is best achieved by not looking directly for it. You aren't relying on chance, but on a 'skill' not often employed. So my suggestion is look for his advice, his words, his presence by using your "side eyes." I know, I am being clear as mud, so how about this: instead of waiting to hear him, catch yourself saying; "funny, my dad used to say that." "Oh, my dad liked so and so, too." "He kinda reminded me of my dad." When you find yourself doing that, then process: "funny, my dad used to say that." Perhaps he is saying it again! The voice is just different. The memory of your dad could serve as a trigger. Make a mental note of what was said directly before and after the thought about him, and what "clues" may be around visually (in the case of seeing someone who reminds you of your father).

I hope I made sense and didn't make it sound as if you should be looking for the Virgin Mary in cheese sandwiches. It is true we sometimes see what we want to see, but I have found sometimes it isn't what we see, but what we didn't see at the time or overlooked. So few have the ability to see and hear the other side directly, however, I honestly believe we all have the abilities to piece together the clues, be they real communications from the other side or our subconscious creating and giving us the answers in an indirect manner. Keeping a journal of those observations may also help you piece together the response you desire.

I hope you find the help you and your mom need.

[OneGrassRoot]

16. Thank you for that thoughtful response...

Behind the Aegis. :) Much appreciated.

I understood what you were saying. Indeed, of late I have had that trigger about one particular thing my dad would always say -- it was his mantra of sorts -- "Patience, patience, patience."

LOL. It would drive my mom, my sister and I crazy. ;)

I do indeed try to look for the less obvious signs and messages: songs playing, animals in my awareness, memories popping up out of the blue.

I feel that for my mom, however (who doesn't approach life this way), a solid communication is what is needed.

I do hear you though and will keep your wonderful suggestions in mind. They were very clear, and I thank you again. :hug:

[Celebration]

12. Someone came to town recently with good credentials

I could try to find out his name, and see if anyone I know went to the group thing that was put together. I go to a Lifeline practice on Monday, and will ask there.

BTW, this is a rare skill if someone is actually good at it, and could cost a lot, even if it isn't John Edwards.

Honestly, I would go another route. Your mom is most likely very out of balance. I suggest acupuncture or reiki or something like that. That would probably make her feel a lot better. For the strictly emotional part of this I would recommend the Lifeline Technique. That can be done by distance by someone experienced. I personally know someone good at this, and she isn't all that expensive, I don't think. She goes all over the world to promote and use this technique. It is a script with a sixteen part flow chart. But there are all sorts of different ways to go through the flow chart based on muscle testing results. Darren Weissman threw everything in there that he knew of--EMDR, NLP, five element acupuncture, his own stuff, etc. If you want her name and contact, then PM me. I have to warn you that she is in Australia right now and may not be back for ten days or so.

As you know I just took a course in this and put the first step in the flow chart up on You Tube. Most of the other parts are just not amenable to becoming slideshows, except for five element acupuncture.

I am sure that there are other techniques that work well. I think the most amazing in person I have experienced is the technique by Eric Pearl. I forget the name of that, but I remember we had a discussion here about it a couple of years ago. It is similar to reiki but no touching is involved. It just manipulates the energy fields.

Personally, I would choose one of those other than the medium. I would choose the Lifeline, personally. They go into things like "I am ready, willing, and able to be well." If muscle test negative to that, then stuff like "I forgive myself for not knowing that I could choose to be well." All this, except there is a lot of interaction, the client naming emotions, etc. It's pretty incredible and should be the first tactic used by all psychotherapists, I believe. The words "infinite love and gratitude" for each particular thing are used to clear blockages all the way through the script. I don't know how well I described this but I would use this technique for any physical or mental symptom. I don't know if someone truly suicidal would want to start the process, though. (???) But I just highly recommend it.

Okay, I am editing this to add this note: The woman that I am speaking of lost her amazing son in a tragic car accident a few years ago. After that happened I feel that she rededicated herself to the energetic work, and even went to Australia to help families that went through chaos after the devastating fires there took so many lives. She isn't in this for the money, I promise you.

[OneGrassRoot]

17. I agree this would be the best approach...

if my mom were open to it.

(You're right, mediums charge a FORTUNE! Wow....I was stunned looking into it last night.)

I'll PM you for the info. Thanks. :hug:

[I Have A Dream]

19. Eric Pearl's techniques are Reconnective Healing and The Reconnection.

I had The Reconnection done back in 2005.

I didn't have a Reconnective Healing session prior to having The Reconnection done. The person who did my reconnection is one of my closest friends now.

[OneGrassRoot]

18. I feel I should add very clearly....

that I have been in touch with professionals every step of the way with mom. They are aware of her current state of mind and situation. I'm in touch with a director of a suicide crisis center as well. I truly have tried all traditional routes.

:hi:

[SheilaT]

20. Do keep in mind that

you can't "demand" a communication from the other side. It may be that both you and your mom are so very intent on communicating with your dad, her husband, that you are inadvertently making it harder for him to get through.

Several years ago, when a good friend's only son was graduating college, I clearly got messages from her dead husband that day. Several times I asked my friend why she thought he came to me and not her, and she felt that it was because she was so tense and emotional about that day, and I was more relaxed so he was easily able to come through me.

I know the advice to relax is easy to give, so please, please, don't interpret this as a judgment.

Another thought I have is that perhaps this is something she simply needs to get through on her own.

In any case, all of the best to both of you, and I hope you find someone or something helpful real soon.

[OneGrassRoot]

22. You're so right, SheilaT....

Absolutely...I hear you and I certainly don't interpret it as judgment. :hug:

I do struggle with exercising "compassionate detachment," recognizing that there may be nothing I can do beyond what I've already done to help her move out of this space.

It just feels like my dad is the one who can help right now...that's what I strongly feel. As soon as I can truly detach more, perhaps that's when I'll hear him. :)

Thanks again. :)

[BanzaiBonnie]

27. Honor your feeling by following through with this

If you are feeling "moved" to go forward in seeking to contact with your dad, then I would say go for it.

[davsand]

21. We had a person in here at one time that was a medium.

I remember her because she was in one of my threads about the Ghost House. She was a west coast person and there had been something odd about her mother's death in a hotel out in California. I'm not coming up with a name here, but maybe somebody else will. "E something" I think...

As for your mom, OneGrassRoot, I am sorry to hear how difficult this has been for you both. My dad passed two years ago (March 7, in fact...) and my mom has dealt with a lot too. Some days she does better than others, but she still is in a lot of emotional pain.

We try to spend as much time with her as we can, but I know it is no substitute for the man she lived with and loved for all those years. We have dinner with her a couple of nights a week, and I am forever calling her to come along to something our 12 year old has going. We are gearing up for softball season, now, so that is gonna be at least two nights a week at the softball field. She sits in a lawn chair along with all the other parents and grandparents, and they root on our kids. It is very much a kind of social thing and I never cease to be amazed at how the "fan club" binds people together.

Communication with those who have passed really does offer a huge comfort to everyone left behind, and I know that my mom has benefited by not just having that communication but also being able to talk to me about it. (Please realize that my spirituality has not been anything that I have shared with my parents. With that in mind, you can imagine just HOW delicate those initial discussions were!) Now, it is not too odd for her to say that she had a dream about dad and he said...

I doubt that to much of what I've said to my mom has been anything she didn't already know, but I do think that the validation of having somebody TELL her it is ok has been a big thing for her.

Peace to you and your mom. I hope your burdens lighten soon.


Laura

[OneGrassRoot]

23. Hi, Laura...

I recall when you lost your father. We were approaching the one-year anniversary of my dad's passing, so felt tremendous compassion for the road you were traveling.

How wonderful that you and your mom can now talk about the dreams and other messages, and that she RECEIVES them! That makes my heart smile. :)

An added challenge is that my mom lives in a different state now. She moved -- against all of our advice -- less than six months, I believe it was, after my dad passed. She is one of those who made rash decisions...obviously trying to keep herself distracted from the extraordinary pain process...even though everyone recommends staying put, if possible, for at least the first year.

On the other hand, while I realized she may regret it later, I felt the move served a wonderful purpose. She moved to Alabama to help her sister care for my grandmother, who was nearing death. It helped my aunt, it helped my grandmother, and it helped my mom gain closure about a lifetime of resentment she'd felt toward my grandmother. Since my grandmother passed, however, my mom has really, really regretted moving there.

Now my focus is getting her closer to me. She doesn't want to live WITH me, but to be close, yet the cost of living where I am versus Alabama is apples and oranges, and it's simply not affordable at all. Yet. That is the one practical thing I'm praying for, though I don't know if that would change her outlook at all. Still, selfishly, having her close would be easier for me rather than working through this all at a distance.

Best wishes to you and your family as well. Thanks again. :hug:

:grouphug:

[Ecumenist]

28. ONEGRASSROOT....

I got your message and sent you an email. Check ASAP, please. I'm not John Edwards but I will help you....:pals: