So, ummmm....

[teenagebambam]

...I probably should post this in the GLBT forum first, but I'll try it out on friendly eyes first....

My partner's father, currently married to a woman for the past 30+ years (not my partner's mother) has all but come out to my partner and I. Via email. And, by coming out, I mean repeatedly getting drunk and emailing tales of his youthful same-sex encounters, then sobering up the next day and telling us to disregard the previous email.

The latest email was more of the same, with the added ingredient of asking if my partner or I knew anyone his age, his area that he could hook up with (!)

You might figure that, being gay, I would be a little more prepared to deal with this, but I admit I'm at a loss. Partner hasn't even seen the latest email yet, I'm certain he will freak out (the one piece of information you lack is that Partner and his father had no contact for about 20 years.)

So...yeah. Advice appreciated.

In happier news, Partner and I applied for our marriage license today in DC. Civil ceremony on July 30, religious ceremony/reception on the 31st. Yippee! After 17 years we will no longer be living in sin!

[Kookaburra]

1. Hey, congrats on the marriage license Bambam

As for your partner's dad, yikes!

Was their estrangement caused by his father not accepting him as he is? Maybe he was so closeted and needing to stay that way that when his own son told him he was gay he couldn't handle it? It's curious that he's coming out to the two of you, but not really. Who else would understand better?

[teenagebambam]

2. Nothing to do with the gay thing

A messy divorce. I was already in the picture when they reconnected.

[MorningGlow]

3. Wow. That's a tangle.

Sorry you've been dragged into this, but it sounds like your partner's dad is reaching out to the only gay people he knows (at least, as far as he's aware) for validation, and perhaps trying to reconnect with his son over this. And...getting drunk before nearly confessing? Sounds like he's having a really, REALLY rough time with all of it. Yikes. Not to mention saying he wants to hook up with men but he's still married--no matter the sexual orientation, that is quite wrong! :crazy:

Perhaps you could gently point him toward a support group in his area, so he can start to come to terms with his orientation in a sensible environment--? Dunno, BamBam--ultimately this is your partner's call, after all.

In the meantime, sending you supportive light so you and your partner can choose the correct course of action.

And congrats on the marriage license! :bounce:

[Name removed]

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[get the red out]

5. Congratulations!!!!!

I am so happy for you and your partner!

I feel for your family though, if your soon-to-be FIL is using alcohol to access realities about himself that he has stuffed too deeply to access any other way that is not healthy. Hopefully he will consider seeking a therapist of someone professional and neutral to help him sort things out. Bless his soul, I am sure he knows you can't "disregard" those emails from your minds the next day when he sobers up, he seems to be reaching out for help. Stuffing things so far can make a person ill.

[OneGrassRoot]

6. Abundant blessings to you and your partner!!!!

:bounce:

Congratulations!!!! :party:

As for the other...wow, that's really intense, and I hope a graceful healing is in the future for all concerned. A dear friend was married to her soul mate -- they really were soul mates in all ways -- and right after they had a child, he came out. It was absolutely, positively devastating for her, for about a decade. I was friends with them both, so it was a very challenging time.

When we're not honest with ourselves, we can hurt others we love so very much.

Blessings to all...

We'll want pictures! :)

:hug:

:grouphug:

[BlueIris]

7. Congrats! Are you getting new rings or anything?

Ahem. (I am a nosy Nancy.)

As for the other situation--ouch. I always feel terrible for any LGBT person who is trapped in a life that is wrong for them, secretive, oppressive, etc. I can't think of anything to tell you to tell him, except...get therapy? (Obviously, I've never been in your situation.)

Good luck with your wedding plans, though.

[Fire Walk With Me]

8. "Living in SINNNN-uh!"

:rofl: I can just hear the preacher's voice :rofl:

Congratulations to you both! And please connect with the man, he is in real trouble and needs an accepting space in which to pause and re-align.

Peace to you all!

[hermetic]

9. I had a thought for you

I mean, beyond congratulations, best wishes and all that.

Have you considered writing to Dan Savage of the advice column Savage Love? I read his column at thestranger.com but I know many publications carry him. I wrote to him once and promptly received a personal reply. Maybe your letter would get published and you'd have the added benefit of lots of opinions in the comments section. Perhaps you should introduce the father to Savage's column, he might find it very helpful.

Good luck!