update on therapist search

[Shallah Kali]

for anyone curious...

I have met with the new psychologist twice and plan to see her again. She very kind but I am still getting used to her more old school style detached compassion. It is so odd to feel with my empathy that she is sympathizing with me but with that separation there. My previous therapist felt more like an old friend from day one. We must have known each other in at least one previous life which I have mentioned to her and she agreed. She does past life regression therapy so I can talk woo with her without worry. The new therapist not into such alternative techniques that i can tell but that is ok. I had talked with my previous therapist about traumatic events in my life and she had said I have ptsd but it really didn't hit me until I was talking with the new one and she said I had it and I then had one of those moments of feeling like a rung bell *GONG*. I guess I kept discounting that what happened was bad enough for me to be worthy of that diagnosis. I spent most of my life feeling and often treated like I was defective, that what I had was too much bother, some in authority acting like I was acting the way I did just to cause trouble refusing to see the kid in pain in front of them. ooo better go, melatonin starting to make me tired!

namaste "grouphug:

[OneGrassRoot]

1. Glad it's moving right along, Shallah....

I'm also glad you recognize the extent of the trauma you've been through, and that a "gong" went off with this new therapist. Maybe it was the fact that she was detached, as you perceive it, that allowed you to accept this truth finally.

Wishing you graceful healing....

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

:loveya:

[Shallah Kali]

4. if she saw it in two sessions...

it's gotta be true and the fact of it is finally sinking in. no more comparing things that happened to me to others and discounting and reducing how much it effected me. it surprised me to realize I was still disbelieving my own reactions so much. when I was a kid they said I had seperation anxiety w/my Mom but the fact was I was scared everywhere. I only clug to her like a barnicle when we were outside the house because I was slightly less afraid when I was with her. this in spite of my parents and myself telling them of things that happened and how drastically different I acted after. well I really can't remember the before of not being afraid, wish I could.

thank you

[I Have A Dream]

2. I hope that the PTSD diagnosis helps you to be more gentle and compassionate with yourself, Shallah.

You're a beautiful and gentle soul, and having people treat you as they have has just made matters even worse.

I'm glad that you stopped in; I always appreciate your wisdom. Much love and light to you.

:hug:

[Shallah Kali]

5. thank you

w/my parents it was more bafflement and bad advice from schools, psych experts that caused more trouble. It wasn't until I was diagnosed with a physical problem somewhere on the edge of the autism spectrum tactile defensiveness that a school system stopped acting like I was just being difficult for the sake of causing trouble and tried to help. it didn't help that in elementary school one official told my parents they could have the state take me for them neglecting to make me attend enough school. no offers of help, no suggestions for counciling, no mention of homeschooling or tutoring. Just drag the terrified kid in or we will take her away. idiots. and unfortunately my parents believed them and told me because they were afraid too....

[I Have A Dream]

7. That's terrible.

:(

I hope that things have changed for the better in our educational system since then.

:hug:

I just wanted to say that I've always been extremely impressed by how self-aware you are. You've done so much work that so many people refuse or are afraid to even start. I know that you'll probably say that things were so bad that you didn't have a choice, but that could be said for many people who never take even the first step to understand what's going on for them. (I'm not saying this to put them down but rather to recognize your efforts.) Therefore, kudos to you, Shallah Kali! May your efforts ultimately help you to get to the peaceful & safe-feeling state in which you want to be.

[Kind of Blue]

3. Good luck, Shallah Kali!

I'm feeling this is a turning point. I'm so glad that you have a second opinion on the PTSD and accept it. Your new therapist may not be woo but she sounds like a keeper.
May you continue to grow in understanding and love with her.
:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

[Shallah Kali]

6. she may not be fully woo but she is mindfulness based cognative therapy trained

which comes from Buddhism and teaches medication class so she has a wider view than usual. also she highly approved of me using st. john's wort asking me if I knew it was the most popular anti-depressant in europe. I was delighted she knew that and approved so I told her that was why I was willing to try it with the testing and safety record over there.

I wish I dared yet to ask her astrological sign. my previous therapist is a Scorpio which meshes well with her job - helping her clients transmute and transform - and with my Aquarius w/ Scorpio rising :)

[BanzaiBonnie]

10. I send my best regards to you

It sounds like you will be receiving good help with the new therapist.


St. John's Wort is a great medication. Worth its weight... I've headed off deep, dark depression a number of times using St. John's Wort.

[northernlights]

8. Shallah....so sorry you have PTSD

because I'm sorry you went through what you did to end up with it.

But so glad you have an 2nd, concurring opinion and relieved you feel "worthy" of the diagnosis. And especially glad you have a keeper for a therapist. It's ok that she is not exactly like your prior therapist. It is a good thing...she is what you need right now to help you move to the next level in healing.

I had 2 therapists in a row in my 20s. The first was like the good mother. Very close, very nurturing. Feeling my feelings for me, and crying when I should have been crying, because I was unable to feel them for myself because touching the wounds was so painful. The second was more a sister and friend. I was growing, and ready to have a little more space around me.

Like going from somebody holding me up and together, carrying me because I was unable to carry myself, to somebody walking beside me. Close enough to catch me if I fell, but now I was clearly walking more on my own.

Maybe you are in a similar place in your journey...:hug:

[Tsiyu]

9. Glad it's working out so far

i can relate about the PTSD diagnosis. It took me a long time to come to terms with being diagnosed with it, mainly because from what I was reading there was no "cure."

At the time I was very angry, very assured that I could "get over" what was bothering me, and very much convinced that it was other people who were the problem, not me.

But looking back I see now how it was all about fear for me - of losing control, of being labeled "defective" (as you said) and of others not being properly punished for what they had done to me.

Once I got over my intial indignation, and received some counseling on how to deal with "triggers" and other situations with the potential to become "volatile" I was glad I knew exactly what I was fighting.

I still struggle with it - one of my triggers is injustice against someone weaker lol - but journaling over the years - writing down my mental dialog when I had bad thoughts of rage or self-destructive thoughts - helped me to see the pattern, how the downward spiral starts and how I can nip it in the bud.


i went through a terrible spell of agoraphobia and avoidance, but then I moved to a rural area and found a lot of wonderful friends who live simple lives and accept me for who i am. Now I know that friendship is very healing for me and getting out of the house does wonders for me if I start to feel disconnected or worthless again.

It's a lifelong struggle, but I think overall the diagnosis can help you in so many ways. I think more people have PTSD in this nutso society than we even imagine, because of all the violence and bullying in our culture, because of its fast pace and all the traumas and tragedies that just happen in this life.

Thanks for keeping us posted and hope things continue to work for you, even if a bit differently than in the past :pals: