Who else here experiences when things are seemingly going very well

[DemExpat]

in personal life great dread and fear of something very tragic posed to happen to pull the rug out........?

It seems to me that the better I feel about myself, my life, and how my children are doing.....the more paranoid I get and unsettling my dreams of disaster.

Any spiritual ideas, experiences, intuitions about this phenomenon, which I know that I am not alone in experiencing - or is it purely psychological - having had to work through quite a load of negative stuff and not trusting positive feelings, work, circumstances?

It just seems such a waste to not ever be able to relax and enjoy the fruits of my (spiritual) labor! :D

DemEx

[NMDemDist2]

1. sounds like you still have some self esteem issues DemEx

you deserve to be happy and your family doing well. go to the mirror and repeat that line 4 times then say, as you look yourself deeply in the eyes, "I love you"

after you freak out or cry or bust out laughing (or whatever emotional reaction that brings) do it every day for 30 days

it will change your life and probably bring up what is still bugging you on why you don't think you deserve to be safe, happy and loved

I know that feeling of dread all too well, but haven't had it in years after trying the above method. hope it works for you as well as it did for me!

:hug:

[DemExpat]

2. Yes, AZ, I keep getting reminded of this technique!

:evilgrin:

Thanks for once again prompting my attention to really trying this out for a period of time.

I'll put a sticky up on my mirrors...

:hug: :pals:

DemEx

[DemExpat]

3. Although I also have a strong feeling that this has much to do with

past life experiences as well as present ones, and all of the self-love exercises and techniques won't wipe that out.

Although it might help the trust factor in all of this soul history!

:shrug: :hi:

DemEx

[I Have A Dream]

18. I agree, AZDem. I recently watched "What the Bleep Do We Know"...

and it discussed an experiment that was done on water by a Japanese Scientist. Different emotions showed water responding different ways. The water that had the energy of "I Hate You" had water molecules that were ugly and malformed. The water that had the energy of "I Love You" had water molecules that were beautiful. As the movie stated, water makes up a very big part of our bodies, so we would almost certainly be affected by negative emotions or thoughts about ourselves.

[DemExpat]

19. For me it feels more like a deep distrust of the Universe.....

not so much of myself, for in this issue of self-love/acceptance in my life I have done a lot of work and have made great strides.

Past experiences - in baby-childhood as well as I think past life victim stuff - have me seemingly imprinted that no matter what I do or feel, something more powerful will call the shots at any time - usually when I least expect it.

And in our world we see this all around us happening all of the time! :nuke:

This might also have to do with a large ego and fear of loss of control.....and need for a next step in practicing trust of greater powers....just not sure how to go about this as religious trust and reverence are not for me, and Zen meditation got me to a certain point but not in this department..... I guess my biggest belief is bottom line belief in Love as the highest good, but I unfortunately also "believe" in, and fear, great evil.....

But yes, I really see how energy and charged feelings have such expanding effect on the environment outside and within ourselves.

DemEx

[cassiepriam]

4. I agree, maybe you feel like you do not deserve to be happy?

And yes this could come from present or past lives.
That you do not feel worthy. You might want to look at your Chiron natal placement to see what wounds from the past you bring forward in this life. Could shed some light.

And also you can ask your spirit guide to help you release any old karma around this issue.

[DemExpat]

5. Another good tool I need to look into, cassie...

I had our horoscopes drawn and interpreted years ago, but I need to delve deeper into Chiron to be better supported/guided in sorting out some deep issues - also with my partner.
(Chiron in Libra)

Thanks for the direction,

:hug:

DemEx

[cassiepriam]

6. Your chiron is in libra? What house? nt

[DemExpat]

9. Sorry, I mistook this, it is in Capricorn in the 7th House.

I looked up on a few sites about this and it had some simple info about being focussed on relationships, feeling guarded.....seeking public validation for my efforts (although I am pretty much a loner and don't seek much action in public life)......

Anyway, I didn't find much through a quick search to offer any good tips...

:hi:

DemEx

[cassiepriam]

10. Cap/7h Chiron

DemEx, I am not sure if Chiron answers the question you posed in your post. But here is what your placement indicates.

In past lives you most likely had some trauma connect to authority or public positions. YOu may have been wounded by someone in authority or been the one doing the wounding. This can also indicate being wounded by a parent figure.

YOu may also carry a healing vocation. And you may have a parent in this life who was wounded somehow with interaction with the outside world.

Healing may involve trusting your own instincts and building confidence in your own inner authority. Taking back your personal power. This includes letting go of any old tapes which make you doubt yourself.

7h Chiron indicates past woundedness via partners. You may have sacrificed your own needs to those of another. In this life you may feel guilty when you focus on you. To heal, there needs to be an inner relationship with one's Self and a compromise between one's own needs and those of another.

[DemExpat]

11. Thanks so much for sharing your knowledge, cassie.

This sounds very different from the Astro site quickie info I looked up....:D

The woman who read my horoscope told me clearly that I had a huge problem with authority - which is absolutely true! I can't stand even someone close to me taking an authoritarian stance....and this adds to my utter abhorrence for this administration as well :-)
I have long been aware of a knowing that besides being a victim, I also have past experiences of being the perpetrator.

In the light of these 2 two healing indications I feel I am well on my way and am happy with the good progress I have made so far.

Is there a good reference book on Chiron, Cassie?

DemEx

[cassiepriam]

14. You are welcome DemExpat

Yes you have karmic issues around authority, and it is linked to soul purpose in this life, you wanted to work on it in this lifetime. Maybe part of why you chose to come back and live under the bush cabal? It might be helpful to try to focus on the parts of the current political situation that are most painful for you. That can be a clue as to what you are meant to learn in this lifetime. That is what I do, and it has helped a lot.

I am glad that you have worked on the healing part of Chiron. That means you release the karma and may not have to work on it again in a next life! Also it looks like you may have some healing talents, something you may want to consider using in this life.

And perhaps authority past live issues are somehow tied with your difficulty enjoying success, someone in authority in the past had prevented that. There may have been a very strong emphasis by a past parent or authority figure about duty and responsibility. Happiness may not have been acceptable. These could be some old messages you are carrying forward and need to release.

There is not much good material on Chiron from a karmic perspective. And I find that non karmic astrologers seem to struggle with Chiron, the nodes, and eclipses. Hard for them to talk about these concepts in a non karmic context.

I am a big Judy Hall fan, and most of my training comes from her. She writes some about Chiron in her books. Patterns of the Past is the best, meaty and complex, but well worth the time and energy if you want to learn karmic astrology!
Perhaps others have some good sources about Chiron.

And as usual, I keep saying to you talented folks out there. There are so many books that are just waiting to be written! Some of you, please think about it!

[cassiepriam]

15. An interesting book on Chiron I just found.....

Chiron by Barbara Hand Clow.

Looks good.

[DemExpat]

16. Thanks, very much, Cassie.

I will look into this book.

:hi:

DemEx

[seabeyond]

7. feeling of loss. experiencing the now of life, and then ego grabs hold

throwing in fear of loss. ego wants to play to. pat ego on the head, ego gets to come along for the ride, but...... doesnt get to drive. fear is never real though it causes a very real pain. fear is always illusion. it never is in now. only thinking of the past, or looking to a future of what if..... but never exists when sittin in now. go into now. sit in the fear and watch it go away. see how harmless it is. the more you do it and understand it the more aware you become and the less it is the part of your life.

also confidently know, whatever does come your way, experiencing it in now, you will do.

also i think there are universal energies that we feel. that could be what you are picking up. a world pain. this over time you can learn to not allow to attach to you. you feel, recognize, can give out universal healings, but it does not attach to you as fear

all different ways of looking at your experience. but utmost,...... all is good. faith there is a higher in all things.

[DemExpat]

8. Ooooh, seabeyond, your view resonates with me as well!

Just shows me how connected it all truly is....:evilgrin:

It often does feel like picking up on huge reservoirs of energies not purely my own....so to speak....:-)
I think that most of the time I am in touch with a lot of world pain, that I am highly empathic. When I focus on some good stuff in my life and in those of the ones I love, its like the world then comes crashing back in - don't forget me! - and also like its a habitual thing for me to feel the "good and the bad" of the world, and I don't get to wallow too much in the good stuff. :crazy: I'm just rambling here...

And ego is right - my astrologer interpreting my chart said I had a large one....and I picked up on here non-verbal language here that that was something I had to address this time.....

Does anyone here know how to clearly explain the difference between ego and self-esteem, confidence? Like how can I have a big ego (which I sense that I understand from my drive to be in control) while having had low self-esteem for much of my life - is this the price I paid for learning, experiencing to create balance?
I know that there are varying connotations of these words, but would be interested in hearing what you think.......

Absolutely - going into NOW is an excellent tool as well - one I actually learned years ago in Zen meditation practice.

All of these tools I have used and know well, just need good friends sometimes to REMIND me...

:grouphug:

Thank you all, my spiritual buddies.

:loveya:

DemEx

[seabeyond]

12. i am going to re read your post and sit with it and come back. but

for now, ego..... is about control. living in spirit. purity. stillness is no control. none. not needed. universe takes care of all we need. we are..... already. for ego to feel a part, ego must create the need to control or fear or lack.....

when living in ego you are not living in spirit. your spirit will talk to you, let you know, hit you upside the head, create a pain for you in body, all kinds of things to be heard,.....

when being in spirit we are all things. can ego even compare. not only do i get to be grand, but you get to be grand too. i know you are as grand as me. that is what spirit gives. ego wants to make self grand, and all inferior, that is the imbalance.

i dont even see good and bad anymore. in stillness, there is no energy pulling or pushing. if you have polarity, then ego has stepped in.

but again..... i want to re read and come back to your post

and ramblin, is the good stuff.

generally what i do is send out a post in mess. (this one)
then i come back with order
then i come back with third post, .... cnclusion, and i can put it away

[DemExpat]

13. Why, your 'messes' come across crystal clear to me, dear!

:evilgrin:

Thanks....

:hug:

DemEx

[yellerpup]

17. I stopped because I identified with your pain

(or fear). It is just great to come away with different strategies in how to cope. Thanks for posting DemExpat & thanks to all others involved in this healing.

[DemExpat]

20. Thanks for your connection here, yellerpup.....

I appreciate everybody here with their support and wonderful ideas and experiences, and I feel that we all learn so much from each other.

:hi:

DemEx

[yellerpup]

21. Me, too.

:hi: