I need some advice/input/things to think about

[Why Syzygy]

Some of you may have read a bit about a recent heartbreaking break-up in my life. I really believe this person and I 'belong' together, so it is all the more painful. I don't usually let men get to me. There are plenty of them, you know.

I'm a Leo and he an Aquarius, so there is the polar attraction. Like magnets. "The Secret" has made this concept come alive for me. I alternate from believing things will eventually work out for us and telling myself that too much has happened, it can't be repaired, and I need to make other plans. He gives me no encouragement whatsoever that he is interested in having a full time partnership again. He wants a 'friendship', but one where he is in control, as he was during all our time together. He controlled the emotions, sex, where we lived, who was allowed into our orbits, etc. Why do I want a control freak anyway ....

We were supposed to go to a Full Moon swim 8/9, but I felt like seeing him .. almost every day last week, and he stayed over on the weekend .. was making my pain more intense, repeating the initial shock and just generally making me feel worse, so I canceled and told him I don't think I will see him again.

Here's the current situation . . . my horoscope for August tells me that 8/29 could be a very romantic day. Maybe even something serious. On that day I have a private massage workshop scheduled so I can get CEUs and renew my license. I have him set up to be my model for three hours. He has always loved my touches. He loves me too, but has a stubborn streak and a run-away from feelings habit, so, that sucks. I have asked another resource for possible volunteers to replace him. I don't know many people in this area yet.

I don't know if I should just blow him off altogether and get on with other things, or give it that one last opportunity. I guess it sounds rather silly to think that three hours of a massage class might change his viewpoint. I'm in pain and just asking for a share of the wisdom you beautiful people share.

[Cleita]

1. I always listened when my mother told me, if there are things

that bother you about him now, it's ten times worse when you marry. Now that control freak thing would send me running away from him as fast as I could.

Control freaks don't share their lives with you. They keep you in a cupboard and bring you out to play when it suits them. Many friends of mine who married guys like that found out that he never took them out. They never went to dinner, the movies, out dancing or anything like that. However, they went out with their friends often not bothering to tell her where they were and with whom. If they had children it was even worse because mom would get stuck looking after the kids while he played away from home.

He's not going to change and if he wants to be friends that means he's keeping you around until he finds someone he likes better. Run, don't walk. There will be the right guy who comes along, but you won't recognize him if you still allow this succubus around you to cloud your judgement. This guy will love all of you, not just your touch.

Your feelings for him are an attachment that you created and he doesn't reciprocate. I once knew a guy like that. Even when I met the guy whom I would marry it took me a couple of years to realize that he was the one. It was hard separating from him, but I have no regrets. As I kept in contact with his family over the years, I have been privvy to his life. Yes, he married a girl, had children and treats her exactly like property.

He disappears for days at a time without telling her all the while and when they had small children, she had to stay at home and fret. Now some children are showing up at his doorstep looking for their birth daddy. Yes, he loved them, made the pregnant and left them. A girl in every port it seems and I was one of them. The latest thing I heard about him was that his sister and her husband met him in CanCum for a vacation. Of course the wife wasn't with him. She had to stay home with the last of the kids at home.

Unless this is what you want your life to be, run, run, run as fast as you can. The true love of your life is waiting for you to find him.

:hug:

[Why Syzygy]

3. Thanks so much.

I love the way you put it. I thought at one time that he gave me a glimpse into causes of control-freakness. I used to be way more controlling, but gave it up because it is just too much work and people and circumstances don't respond well to force control anyway! A frustrating exercise. But, I also began to take control of the real things in MY life I could control. I think that's the basis of this affliction. Won't do the things needed in one's own life and so has to try to impose on others.

I talked to him about this. He said he has no desire to give up his control. Admitted that he likes getting his own way. This is so ludicrous. He lives with someone who dictates who he can see or not. (another man and no they are not gay) That's getting his own way? He is slave to numerous societal expectations. That is getting his own way? And so on. I happen to believe that the Universe is a marvelously designed self creation and has meanings for us. We learn from her. I am certainly in no position to think I can impose my will upon her Universal Laws. She is the only one who can make me sit down, shut up and take notes. When she sends me a note, I study it! I guess that's where my expectations of others comes in. I think they are about the same. My journal and pen are right here. I've been taking notes.

He has two focuses. His career and he wants to meditate. Yes, meditate. He claims to have a spiritual streak. I was surprised that anyone would consciously choose to be happy with a control freak identity. But he says he is. But what if? that very issue keeps him from pursuing his other stated interests? How can you meditate effectively if you have to be in control??? You can see why this man has driven me crazy. .. And thank you for your perspective, because I see this coming from a totally different direction now. I still don't know what it is, but it looks different.

btw .. I got a response for my appeal to other volunteers. One response was from a guy I had 'met' last year when I asked for tennis partners. We never got on the courts. I ended up moving away and getting attached to current situation. But I know this guy was reliable. I feel so much better about that.

ps..everyone who is real time with me on this tells me to dump him. I had a bf once whom none of my friends liked at all. It took me a couple of years, but I did finally dump him. Even though I loved him, he was wrecking my life.

[insane_cratic_gal]

5. Consider this guy a Note from the Universe

Study study study, he is everything you gave up. Have you not seen pieces of your old self in his own controlling side? So let me ask you why are you still standing their watching yourself in Male form? Perhaps she is reminding you this is where you need to move away from, cut the cord and trust there is something better around the bend.

Your past this, you know by looking at him and his behaviors that to expect and control anything outside of your own self is foolish and full of ego.

I'm an Aquarius, I can tell you, you can't tell us anything. Nope we have to come to it ourselves or with very subtle hints, we don't like being pushed. We fall in love and out just as quickly. And once we have made up our minds that we are done, we are done. At the same time we tend to be humanitarian, unconventional, dreamers yet rational and quirky at the same time. It's our nature. We move along at our own pace. It's what our mates tend to be attracted to, that same thing that eventually drives them mad. (ask my husband!)

I would say, intuitively you know this isn't the right one, you would just like him to be. Walk away, there's another one around the corner, how does fall sound? I got October for some odd reason, I don't claim to be psychic I just sometimes get impressions and I felt by fall you'll be invested in a much healthier relationship.

Plus you are discovering so much about yourself the two of you won't be in the same place for long, In fact! he's lagging behind! your miles ahead of him on your journey, how long will you delay yourself waiting for him? Move forward, learn to nurture yourself and the universe will take care of the rest.

[mother earth]

2. From what you are saying, I am feeling that you have already

decided to move on, but are feeling some lingering ties and emotions. Just follow your inner voice and do what's best for you, know in your heart that the circumstances are paving the way for new beginnings. It sounds to me like new beginnings with a new love are more in line with what you need, but be careful not to rush. Just be open and focus all your energy into manifesting what is best and what will be most fulfilling. Why not make a wish list of all the important qualities you would look for if you decide to be open to a new relationship. What would Mr. Right be like?

[marions ghost]

4. if I were you

I wouldn't torture myself any further. I'd get someone else for the massage workshop. Why do you want a control freak anyway? Maybe look at that. :)