Soulmates ...

[hippiechick]

Sorry for my overabunance of posting lately, it seems all sorts of unusual and offbeat topics are trying to sort their way out of my gray matter.

:silly:

ANYWAY. On to the subject:

I can't recall where I saw it, some astrology site IIRC, but it was a little blurb that said something to the effect of "Looking for Your Soulmate? Be careful, you just might find it!" and then
went on to explain that contrary to the romanticised definition of soulmates as being two people
totally in sympatico who finish each other's sentences and skip thru fields of daisies holding hands and sighing contentedly happily ever after; that really and truly, one's soulmate is the one who completes them as a "whole human" - ie, makes them stretch their intellectual, spiritual (and probably physical) boundaries - challenges them and essentially is the "other half of the equation" in working out one's karma. The Yin to your Yang.

So finding one's "soulmate" might actually be a somewhat frustrating and hellish experience, because they would tend to look at things from a different perspective - and bring a different thought process to the table - than you.

on edit: Found it! Astrocenter.com

"The Soul Mate Myth
Right up there with "When will I find love," a question that astrologers are frequently asked is, "When will I meet my soul mate?" Be careful what you wish for - you might get it! Having a soul mate is not always the bed of roses that many people believe. Soul mates usually are drawn together to help each other learn one or more difficult lessons. Astrology, Tarot, and psychic readings certainly can tell you whether you've found your soul mate, as well as what issues you came together to work on. Rest assured that you and your soul mate will meet. It's only a matter of time!"

Thoughts ? :shrug:

[NMDemDist2]

1. my DH and I say we're the opposite sides of the same coin

when we make salads, I love bell pepper, green onions and tomato. he'll take the carrots, radishes and cabbage

if I *love* it, he'll not care for it usually

we get along great, but with the constant reminder he's the Yin to my Yang

best friends? you bet! but he's neat, organized and disciplined. Me? well, let's just say "Not so much"

he's very visual and head connected. i'm very tactile and grounded

it gets interesting around here sometimes :rofl:

[stellanoir]

2. Well I've contemplated

the whole issue of soul mates at great length. I believe they do exist and have observed many examples of such.

However, I feel there are also soul entanglements which oftentimes are misinterpreted as soul mates and a not so holy host of confusion sometimes ensues from those interactions. It's as though our spirits are tricked into believing that a union is whole when it's only intended to be transitory to heal, mend, and resolve certain aspects of ourselves.

Also there are twin flames who are drawing from such similar energies that they often over amp and can't really be around each other for extended periods of time. If I told you the nearly three decades long cat and mouse story about mine your heads might spin. So I'll spare you.

The ability to differentiate between these three dynamics probably comprises the mystery of love.

I've also said to clients repeatedly, the universe only cares that we evolve. Whether we can do this by virtue of a union or in spite of it is really our choice.

Just my two cents.

by the way. . .I enjoy your posts :)

[hippiechick]

3. Thanks Stella!

:hug:

"If I told you the nearly three decades long cat and mouse story about mine your heads might spin."

I've got a mini-version of that (6 years so far, but I don't think either of us will live long enough for it to hit 30 years! LOL!) which is still playing itself out ... sort of what led me to start this discussion because we can't get along, but we can't break the connection, either.



:hi:

[stellanoir]

5. welp he and I met as kids so I'm not as ancient as you might think.

If you need any support with your dynamic, feel free to contact as I know all too well how crazy it can get.

He used to joke like a robot. . ."we share same brain."

Many other factors were at odds though.

Tres bizarro for sure.

[hippiechick]

7. Oh I wasn't implying that you're ancient ...

... but me and my crazy maker are gettin' up there (I'm 40 - he's close to 50) !!! :scared:

[stellanoir]

8. Oh I didn't think you were implying that at all.

Three decades just might of implied that.

At your ages and with 6 years of "cat and mouse" behind you, you could easily keep it up for a couple more decades. Not that I'm necessarily wishing that upon you. Sorta depends upon whether you're having fun more often than you're are not I figure.

Maybe I'll post my goofy "fun contract" a bit later when I have time if you're interested.

Somebody once described it as kinda "hippie-esc." :)

[Chemical Bill]

4. I've met people from past lives.

That doesn't mean it's easy in this life. Sometimes the task is to let go of the past, and these people. Sometimes the task is to grow together. Always the task is to grow as individuals. In the charts I look for Nodal connections, as wall as Saturn, Jupiter, and Pluto to especially point out relationships from the past.

Bill

[cassiepriam]

6. soul mates

.....usually about some lessons to be learned, not always easy, depends upon the karmic obligation, duty, credit or goals involved.

[Why Syzygy]

9. James Ray ..

from The Secret says 'soulmate' is a myth. I've been reading and listening to a lot of his stuff lately. I've never believed in ONE suitable person for love. I made that decision as a teenager.

I was told by my recent heartbreak that I wasn't his soulmate because I talk too much. Now at times, I have. There have been various reasons for that. In fact I recently read a book about being a better listener, and it has improved my communication skills greatly. I used to be so shy, I hardly ever said anything. I was "quiet". I came out of my shell and am now not afraid to strike up conversations or have discussions. I think his argument that my past behavior, which can be modified, rules me out, when we were matched up on so many other levels, was bogus. I think the real deal is that he is afraid of feelings and exploring who he really is. He is into self denial in other areas of his life, so this is just one more of them. He didn't want to 'lose control'. He is something of a control freak. But, he has his path. I can't change it and have no right to. Somehow it intersects my path, and that's my job, to figure out what that intersection means to me. I never even considered whether he was my soulmate, because I don't believe in them in the first place. He was definitely a soul buddy because our experience together advanced my soul purpose. Life is full of soul buddies.

James Ray says that the idea of soulmate implies that we are somehow lacking in something. And the LOA will attract the same amount of lacking from other people. I've just heard this recently, and haven't thought it through, so I'm not defending the idea. Just reporting. He says that our goal should be to have a perfect and complete relationship with ourselves and then we can have a relationship with someone who has the same. I know I would rather be with someone who feels complete than someone who views me as being their "other half". I'm not a half. I'm a whole.

You obviously have things to learn from this experience. I've spent a lot of time reflecting on what my situation is intended to teach me. There are several layers. It has propelled me into a whole new way of life with many wonderful people and opportunities. Maybe a launch pad. Or rocket blaster :D

Enjoy.

[hippiechick]

10. Yea there's definitely something to learn ...

... I don't think, though, the term 'soulmate' is supposed to refer to (sigh) "romance novel type love". I think that was a cultural corruption of it to sell self-help-seminars.

I read on another site this morning (crystalinks) that one theory is that a 'soulmate' can be someone who - on this plane - reflects the qualities that you had in a previous (or parallel) life.

So maybe he's actually a projection of 'a former me' (a manipulative, deceitful male jerk) for some universal reckoning of my own karma. It would make sense because I feel like I know him so completely, I can almost predict his actions. Yet I'm so offended and hurt by his callousness that I can't imagine why Spirit would have brought him into my life.

:hi:

[Why Syzygy]

11. Yeah that's a toughie.

Hard to say. People have their self images. This ex told me he would "destroy" my life because he always destroyed women's lives. That's how he saw himself, with the ability to destroy women's lives. When I pinned him down on that claim, he admitted, well there was ONE woman he "should have married". That's hardly enough evidence to claim the ability to destroy a woman's life. He broke my heart and acted like an idiot many times. But that's not the complete picture. He was also a lot of fun and did and said many loving things at times. He made things very hard on me for awhile, but I bounce. NO ONE is going to destroy my life, thank you very much.

So your guy has some kind of self image that causes him to act that way. Or maybe he has no other skills to try to obtain what he really wants. So he uses manipulation. A very poor choice, if you ask me.

I talked to *M* once about his unpredictable behavior. This was early on. We could talk about anything, and always did. I had no expectations going in, so I was absolutely free to be myself. He said he was aware of it and thought he might do it on purpose in order to keep other people off balance. That old control freak stuff. That is a poor excuse. Why would anyone want to keep others off balance other than to maintain an illusion of control? I think it has deep seated childhood issues. But he claims his childhood was perfect, even though he went to school one year in one state with one parent and the next year in the other state with another parent. I had to change schools a lot as a kid, and it is not easy and no fun. I can't believe that someone can grow up in that kind of instability and have no lasting issues to deal with. But Denial is impossible to counter from the outside. It has to be taken apart from the inside. He also always viewed himself as "Spock", without emotions. Nice, eh?

I used to be a man saver. I tried to save them from themselves. I don't do fixer-uppers any more. If this guy wants to run from feelings for the rest of his life, have at it. I'll step aside.

Take what you can from the situation. Take care of yourself. More James Ray: When in situations, ask,
1. How does this situation serve me? 2. How can I learn (and love) more?

I'm glad you continue to post about your situation. I know how hard it is. Thank Goddess for tears.

On my Own
BW Stevenson >

If I don't see you before I go
Remember what you've seen and what you know
Sunshine, you will be on my mind eternally
But you remember you and I'll remember me

I want to be on my own
It's a long way home
I feel like a baby boy
Just being born

If you find your true love once again
Please don't do the same damn thing to him
Even when I was with you, I felt so all alone
So I'd as soon do without you and be on my own

I want to be on my own
It's a long way home
I feel like a baby boy
Just being born

A captive of your heart, I guess I was
You gave no reason to stop loving me:just because
Well, you dragged yourself right down, you could not hear a sound
Just the tapping of your teardrops on the ground

I want to be on my own
It's a long way home
I feel like a baby boy
Just being born

Get outside your shell
Those things don't make you well
You're the broken part of a living fairy tale

I want to be on my own
It's a long way home
I feel like a baby boy
Just being born.

[hippiechick]

12. Wow, that poem's a kicker!

Thanks for the reinforcement, btw - I'd hate to know that people are going "oh Gawd, Hippie just shut UP about him already!"

I think he uses manipulation because it's what he knows best. He owns a business and is a very, VERY successful salesman. Like, self-made millionaire. He knows how to get people to want what he's selling. So I'm guessing he thinks that personal life/relationships work the same way.

"Keeping people off balance" ... "control freak" ... as a way to avoid internal issues ... Yep, this one is too.

:shrug: Sad, really.

Anyway, I'm slowly wending my way thru it but - I have throwback moments.
I know I'll never contact him (I never initiate things w/him); he'll have to contact me.
And the way our 'cage match' ended, I don't know that he'll ever be able to set his pride aside and pick up the phone.
Which is fine, too: makes it easier for me to move forward.

:hug: :hi:

[Why Syzygy]

19. Actually it's a song.

A pretty one.

And look what I found on another forum:

Today's thought is:

Time spent attempting to change others affords little time for personal change.
--Georgette Vickstrom

We must be willing to change or we wouldn't be reading these words right now. However, being willing to change is often easier than doing it. One of the biggest changes most of us need to make is learning to let others be who they are, regardless of who we want them to be. Most of us think our lives would be far smoother and more productive if only other people lived up to our standards. How wrong we are!

It we could change others as we wish, we would live far less enlightened lives. In fact, we discover opportunities for personal development in our interactions with the men and women who frustrate us so. The irony is that we wish they'd change, but if they did, we wouldn't experience the growth we deserve.

I will enhance my growth today by letting others be who they are and working on myself.

A Woman's Spirit by Karen Casey

[stellanoir]

13. I love these two comments. . .

". . .I'm not a half. I'm a whole." That really summarizes the co dependant versus inter dependant dilemma quit succinctly.

". . . Maybe a launch pad. Or rocket blaster. . ."

10. . .9. . .8. . .7. . .6. . .5. . .4. . .3. . .2. . . . . . .Om. . .

Great image.

[Why Syzygy]

18. I wish it were "Om"

Probably not as serene as I sound. This has been a particularly busy and rewarding week. Lots of thoughts of "wow, I love living alone" and "wow, I love being on my own". But today I am home sick with a swollen lymph and fever and it was too easy to sink into thinking all my miseries are due to loss. Takes a whole lot of self honesty and a couple of friends who know better to help me get my mind out of the abyss. But, Om it is! Thanks.

I'm glad you like my word pictures :hug:

[cassiepriam]

14. We have many soul mates, not just one. And it is not always a

good relationhip or long term.

[lildreamer316]

15. Very much so...and btw, Richard Bach's saga is a good example of this.

In Bridge Across Forever and One, as well as in passing in another couple of books, he chronicled his soulmate relationship. It is beautiful and moving...
and over.
Many readers where very suprised when he and his soulmate divorced..but he has said that what they had to learn from each other is over,and now they are free to move on to other learning experiences. It's a really good reality check,but an inspiring one. He is with another wonderful woman now, who may also be his soulmate...who knows? Only they do!

I personally have met my soulmate and am with him now....but the man I had such a tumultous previous relationship with (before he passed) was also my soulmate. He helped me learn many things in many ways, and when we were on an even keel, we were so very together. I don't think I will move on from the man I'm with now....but my mind is always open.

Cassie and James Ray are exactly right-it's most important to see what you need to learn from this,because that's why it was planned/brought to your life. Sounds to me like you're handling it well. And, you never know what's around the corner...maybe he needs to pay a little attention to his own learning for a bit.

[Why Syzygy]

16. What makes it so hard ..

*M* tells me he has learned what he needed to with me. Time to move on. But I didn't feel like the learning was over. For either of us. Maybe 'it' had to be over before I could consider the lessons complete. A part of me just rebels against that. It is easier when both agree that lessons have been learned and now school's out. I have had relationships where we both agreed that it was time to let go or take it to a different level of friendship. But when one doesn't want it to be over, it is especially painful. Even with his attitude, he told me it was painful for him, and I've got to believe that.

I guess any kind of ending is painful, no matter what. You sure didn't get to choose the ending for your first soulmate, obviously. James also talks about how nothing is born until something dies. I know this to be true. But 'knowing' it doesn't alleviate all the pain. There is no spinal tap for spiritual/emotional growth.

[hippiechick]

20. Hey Votes - did you see this thread ?

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=245x29280


:thumbsup: Synchronicity at work again! O8)

[Why Syzygy]

22. Yes.

I was glad to see that. I don't have cable though. But James has a lot of free stuff on his websites, and I'm on his mailing list. He's going to have a free seminar in Houston, which is about a 3 hour drive, 11/9. I'm trying to find someone else who wants to go.

[LaurenG]

17. Here is a really good song for soul mates

I used to long for my husband before I met him. It turns out we were both literally singing (we both had copies of it) this song to each other before we ever met. I hope its OK to post this.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZAhGERg5iPg

September 4, 1993

[I Have A Dream]

21. That's so beautiful, OB! (I think that I'm going to cry.)

I'm so happy that you found each other. I love the picture!

:)

[Digit]

24. I just purchased this CD three wks ago and I love that song

What a beautiful picture! You can't help but feel the love between the two of you and the look in his eyes as he gazes at you almost takes my breath away.
Thanks for sharing.

[stellanoir]

28. You are so-o-o blessed.

Count your lucky stars. This is a lovely and heartwarming pict.

[NEOBuckeye]

30. Thanks, OhioBlues!

What an inspiration! You look like such a happy couple together! I'm glad you were able to meet. It's as if you actually knew each other, and knew that you were going to be together, before you actually met for the very first time. In this lifetime, anyhow!

[Digit]

23. I like to think of them as soul connections instead of soulmates

I just have a problem with the connotation of soulmate like two people skipping off into the sunset when there are all sorts of issues that may need to be worked out in a relationship. Often, people think there is just one soulmate and if the relationship goes sour, that is IT. I tend to believe it varies by what we have chosen to take on in this lifetime.

It can be karmically challenged or two peas in a pod, but these are just my own views.

[BlueIris]

25. Oh, don't even get me started about this issue right now.

I'm now certain I've met my soul...something, and trust me, he is both the best and the last thing I expected. And unless something extremely perverse were to happen between us, there's no potential for a relationship there. It's great, having a soulmate is so cool. But--I always assumed we would be well, mates, if we ever met. I guess it doesn't always work that way.

[davsand]

26. I'm a lot more comfortable with how Astrocenter discusses the subject.

At least more-so than a lot of other places, anyhow...

I have never thought there was only ONE "true" partner for any of us. Maybe I'm too much of a product of the 70's and still have that song "Love The One You're With" running in my mind, but I have always kind of seen relationships as kind of like the transits of the planets. Some run longer than others, and some impact you WAY more than others.

I think Kev and I probably have been down this partnership path before together, but I also think that in any given incarnation there might be a different soul partnered with either of us. I think it is a function of where you are and what your choices are (both on physical level and in soul state) that finally decides your mate or if you even have one.

I think it is important to realize that being partnered is something that doesn't always happen or maybe ends before we are "ready" for it to. It is entirely possible that your path in life will not include a "long term" partner--possibly thru no fault of your own.

It doesn't mean you are "less" or somehow flawed. It simply means that maybe your path in this lifetime doesn't require (or allow for) a long term or "permanent" partner for some reason. Maybe your "soul mate" (I use that term here as a shorthand for an entity that you chose pre-birth) has a life path that calls for a really short stay on this plane. At this level most of us just don't know or don't see all the truths, I think--at least not all the time, anyway.

Something else to consider, is that we all WANT to feel that we are loved-that somebody loves us. We WANT to feel that there is some "divine" hand at work here. I wonder sometimes if maybe the idea of a "soul mate" doesn't leave us vulnerable at times to hanging on to some really awful relationships because we can dismiss it as a "soul mate" rather than seeing them for what they are and what they ACTUALLY bring to our lives. (Compare it mentally to clinging to the energy of a planetary transit that ended last week--it just doesn't WORK--ya know?)

Best of luck on sorting it all out. I don't pretend to have any real answers--only musings and speculation.

Regards!


Laura

[Why Syzygy]

27. When I have

(very rarely) obsessions or sometimes repeat dreams about ex's, I've learned to consider what part of myself they represent and how I can incorporate that for myself. (you mentioning we all want to feel loved) .. I used to dream about ex-dh almost every night. He would come back, we would reunite, and it was so real when I awoke, I would still think we got back together! Some soul searching brought me to the conclusion that the dream character was a part of myself that I needed to re-embrace. The dreams stopped.

When I did this with most recent, I realized, he made me feel "special" and "desirable". But, then I had to realize, no, I was special and desirable before I ever met him, but he did recognize and appreciated it. So I was able to reunite that part of myself, which I had believed he had taken with him.

It's just what works for me.

[MorningGlow]

29. A story

My aunt was one of the last in her group of friends to get married--she was all of (gasp) 28 !!! when my uncle practically had to hunt her down (this was in the '50s, so 28 was considered abysmally late to get married).

She insisted she didn't want to marry my uncle. Literally ran away from him. She had a crush on another guy; my uncle was just a guy she casually dated; she was having too much fun with "the girls". He didn't give up, though--he appealed to her siblings (including my mom) and others in the family to talk some sense into her. He stood on the front lawn and threatened to kill himself if she didn't marry him. (And my uncle was NOT one of those guys who would consider suicide, or invent such a dramatic fiction just to get a woman's attention.) When she was supposed to give him a yes or no to his proposal, she took off to a dude ranch on the other side of the state, and he drove there (four hours) to bring her home.

Eventually she gave in and married him. They were married for more than 30 years (no kids) when he was diagnosed with prostate cancer. And this was when prostate cancer wasn't as treatable as it is now. She nursed him for eight years and did everything she could to find a treatment, a cure, anything to keep him out of the hospital. He had a phobia about hospitals. He died at home 15 years ago.

I always saw their relationship as a classic example of soulmates in terms of coming together in a lifetime to help one another through a difficult patch. My uncle's higher self planned to experience a terminal illness (cf the hospital phobia). My aunt's higher self had agreed to help him through it. On some level her-self-in-this-lifetime feared what was coming and tried to avoid it, but she ended up loving him so much she refused to let him go. (He only passed when she finally was able to say "it's okay--let go.")

What channeled entity--Seth maybe?--said that we are part of a soul group--other entities with the same vibration as ours--and if we want, we can go lifetime after lifetime, choosing to experience different things and have different relationships with these members of our soul group.

As for me, my DH is A soul mate of mine. I've met others in this lifetime. Some are my female friends. I'll meet others before I'm through. And I'll meet still others (or will they be the same ones?) in other lifetimes. It's pretty cool.

[shanti]

31. i think astrocenter

has it right. soulmates aren't necessarily meant to be with you permanently. sometimes they are manifestions of someone from the past.

i had a relationship with someone i felt was my soulmate, but it was (mercifully) brief. we recognized each other, but it just wasn't meant to be...and there was also peter.

both of them were pisces too, typical fish.

[Pathwalker]

32. Imagine: souls leaving the body at night to mate

in the evening skies, on clouds, amongst the treetops, on a sandy beach - all on the astral planes where human eyes cannot see. That was what I first thought the word Soulmates meant when I first heard it, and I still think that sounds far more romantic than the idea that there's just one special person (out of 6 billion people) with whom our hearts can find "true love".
But, by then I had read several books on reincarnation where they stated that most people mistake Soulmates for Soul TWINS, something far rarer. Yes, a soul twin is indeed your other half - IF your souls were created AS TWINS, but that when one encounters their soul twin, a romantic relationship was very unlikely to occur, because even though you are twins, your soul's journeys have likely taken you in far different directions.
Those we meet in this lifetime who are significant are souls we have known in previous lives, some as mates, some not. In past lives, we may have been parents, siblings, friends, etc. , but have a soul contract for this life as something else.
Are we seeking a Soul Mate, or a "Grand Passion?" where the passion for each other outweighs the other considerations? Or, are we seeking someone who'll slide out of their sleeping body to go dancing with us in stardust across the ebony sky all night long? Because that's my idea of romantic.

[hippiechick]

33. I like that, thanks ....

... perhaps scholars and writers among us can help "consumer culture" to redefine it as the Grand Passion rather than the Soul Mate.

... Yes, a soul twin is indeed your other half - IF your souls were created AS TWINS, but that when one encounters their soul twin, a romantic relationship was very unlikely to occur, because even though you are twins, your soul's journeys have likely taken you in far different directions ...

I do think your explanation is more accurate, and it certainly fits more closely with my own personal experience.


:hi: