Three days.

[BlueIris]

Then the New Special Friend I met while volunteering for one of my state's incumbent Democrats finishes his work running said Democrat's re-election campaign and goes back to...wherever he lives. I think it's in California. ...egh.

I've known for the last six weeks that he was leaving, and said that because of this, and other things, I wasn't going to get attached. I realized today that I...got attached. And now he's leaving!

I've mentioned bits and pieces of this brief, magical story to at least one poster on this site. I guess I don't feel like posting the whole thing even now, but here's the gist of it: a while ago, I was told that at about this point in my life, I would meet someone, in a work or other professional environment, probably male, who was my "twin soul." I'm quite certain that's who New Special Friend is. (Please, nobody ask me how, it would be too difficult for me to type out the explanation.) Though I liked him immediately and found him to be charming and intelligent, he is the last thing I ever expected my twin soul to be. Literally the yin to my yang, and the yin part of the equation features a personality that though it is part of a talented, kind, tenacious and brave individual, is really struggling to deal with the ramifications of an extremely rough childhood, and the reality that he is a gay, gay man. Also--distinctly not on a spiritual path.

I am so mad at myself right now. I decided last month that while we had our nice little emotional connection and everything, and yeah, twin soul, I was clearly not meant to interfere in his development as a professional, an adult or a gay guy ('cause I would know so much about all of those things). But I can't help but wonder if I just copped out on trying to get to know him for my own reasons. I was largely consumed by my own stressful concerns at the time, (and my frustration that the campaign we were working on was chronically understaffed) that I just gave up trying to have meaningful conversations with him. Did I mention that he's leaving?

It was just so many days I could have appreciated him more! And I am so sad that I couldn't find an appropriate segue into having at least one more talk with him about what I see as his great potential, from my spiritually-informed perspective (he was kind enough not to mock my discussions of astrology and such in the office, and even let me do his own chart for him). Plus, twin soul or not, he did an incredibly nice thing for me when we first met that has really helped me along on my own path, and I wanted to return the favor. And what if no one else encourages him to get the help he needs to resolve the childhood trauma issues? I've spent close to four years trying to sort out mine and I'm still not done. I don't know where I'd be if no one had reached out and indicated to me that I needed to address my mental health. I realize we have to be careful about interfering in the lives of strangers, but I feel that I missed an opportunity to help someone here, because I was too wrapped up in personal and egotistical pain.

[lildreamer316]

1. Oh, dear...

do you mind if I say ..sweetheart?
You don't need to be so hard on yourself!!! Please, try to relax..and realize that if it is your twin soul, and you have felt something true, no matter what it is, surely that is not for naught. As I am constantly having to remind myself, no one really knows what's going to happen in the future.
(Teach best what we most need to learn, eh..)
You may have helped him more than you know. I bet you have. And, I'm sure he knows you are there for him-those people whom one is close to in spirit always know this innately, even if they give no indication outwardly.Really.
The childhood trauma--I know a bit about having a twin soul with that particular problem too. They absolutely have to be ready to face that (and ALL that it encompasses!) on their own.The fact that he knows he has a supportive and non-judgemental friend in you is only for the best. That may be part and parcel of why he is not staying there in your arena, too--not the right time for things to continue on that level of friendship. Look at it this way: he is not done going through what he has to go through to become the person you can best relate to. Eh? hope that was halfway clear.
The separation can be painful,but I have a strong feeling you will not fall out of touch, and maybe....you just never know. Welcome the fact that you have found someone you could feel such things about, too; the emotion itself is valuable. As to the not being on a spiritual path, well, again, I bet you have had more of an impact than you know. This is probably part of why you are in his life now-to open up his mind and soul to such possibilities.

Breathe, dear Blue, and feel your caring as an affirmation. I hope that does not sound like a soundbyte or preachy. I really mean it.
I felt exactly the same way not too long ago, when a good friend of mine, who is like a brother to me, left to go almost 3000 miles away, maybe permenantly. It did not hit me until the day before he left. I was immensely sad, but we talk every week, and I know I will see him again. He's the only straight guy I've ever known who could really be...just my good friend. Ya know how rare that is??
ANYway...:hug:

[BlueIris]

2. Aw, thanks. And it was good someone reminded me that

it was probably better that we never got a chance to talk in "that way" about his more serious concerns, especially the traumatic childhood...not really something anyone can "prompt" you into dealing with.

[Why Syzygy]

3. This reminds me ..

that I take attachments much more seriously than other folks seem to. Especially after 911, I felt a need to hold everyone in my sphere close. Others seem not to feel the same need. I don't understand. It seems to me that you are more like me in wanting to keep close ties, and sometimes just don't know how to approach that. Wish I could encourage you, but I have no answers to that dilemma. It just hurts. Sorry.

[SouthernBelle82]

5. I'm the same way

I don't like it when people leave my life and I make friends. I've had that happen all the time in my childhood and growing up going through high school. Now though I tend to definitely be more clingy at least with my family.

[Why Syzygy]

15. My family disintegrated

in 1998. My dad was the glue that bound us. He knew it. Was fearful at the end that we would not have anything to hold on to once he was gone. He was absolutely correct. We were so busy making sure his transit happened in a positive way for him. To make him feel loved.

Clingy with family is a good thing.

[SouthernBelle82]

4. Oh I know how that is

I used to have feelings for this guy friend of mine who I used to be friends with and so many times didn't make any moves because I was afraid of rejection. Now I believe he's married and all that. But when I was reading through your post I got right away that he is not going away from your life. Is there anyway you can contact him now before he leaves? If he hasn't left yet perhaps you can find a way to see him again and spill your guts. I did get the sense that this was the person you were told you would meet. Is he your twin? I am not sure because that didn't come through to me but what did was that this is the person. My advice is to try to get in touch with him before he leaves. This isn't really something I'd normally tell someone but what I would suggest is you just spill your guts to him about what all you said here. I don't know why I got to tell you that but that's what I got. I hope it works out and you are able to see him again before he leaves.

[SouthernBelle82]

6. I just wanted to add

though in the end it's your choice on what to tell him. You know the situation a lot better than I would. If you know for sure he wouldn't understand everything you told here than perhaps you can just spill your feelings. I did get that part very clearly though that you should at least tell him how you feel and that you should try to keep in touch. No matter what though the one thing I am certain of is this is the person. Good luck.

[BlueIris]

8. Thanks. And I love your avatar. :-)

I saw him for a while this afternoon. We may get to discuss stuff before he goes for good. Don't know yet.

[Cleita]

7. That's why we have email and IM's . Just because he's

physically leaving your presence doesn't mean you can't continue the friendship. You never know what may develop. After all California isn't on the other side of the world.

[rumpel]

9. perhaps you both needed a gentle introduction

and just know or have a sense of each others existence. I have a feeling when the time is right for both of you to sit down, it will just happen.

[BlueIris]

10. Yes.

This was actually the perfect time for us to meet each other. We are both at extremely auspicious points in our lives, and at this point, I think in a small but significant way, we were both exactly what the other person lacked at needed at this time.

[Why Syzygy]

14. that's a chill

factor. Beautiful statement.

[BlueIris]

11. Well, we said goodbye today.

With the agreement that we'd keep in touch. We didn't really quite get the chance to discuss that whole pesky 'twin soul' thing, but I did get to share a little more of my assessment of his future with him, which he said he appreciated. I wish there had been time to talk, but I never found an opportunity. There is a lot more pain and reticence to make new friends there than I initially guessed, which I still feel kinda bad about because well, I would have been even nicer to him if I'd sensed the depth of the degree that he is still affected by the scarring in his past. Poor thing. But today I got to give him a little gifty bag to say thanks for all of the work he did for our congressperson, which had a few special things in it (multivitamins, for one, which he needs). Even though this exchange resulted in him practically booting me out of his office, I feel like he at least knows that someone cares about him.

[SeattleGirl]

12. Cleita's post about IM's and emails got me thinking.

I know you have made an impression on him, and you CAN, and probably will, continue to stay in touch. My thought is that it actually may be to the good that he left. As you know, sometimes it's easier to talk about something when you aren't looking someone in the face, or sitting in the same room with them, particuly those things that are difficult to speak about.

When I was in high school, my mom and I had a hard time communicating. So we started writing notes to each other. We were each able to speak our piece without a ton of emotion getting in the way, and the other person had time to digest the words before responding. It was so helpful to the both of us. In fact, to this day (and high school was many years ago now), she and I both suggest that to people who are having a hard time communicating with someone, especially between parents and kids.

[BlueIris]

13. Well, I did emphasize to him that I'm a good e-mailer. Which I am.

Sigh. I realized today how strangely "coming full circle" this whole thing has been. Today (still the 14th where I am) is the sixth year anniversary of the day I decided to get involved with my abusive ex, who was, well, I later found out, also a repressed, gay man struggling to deal with his internalized homophobia. That relationship had a lot of issues, of course, as abusive situations tend to, and some of them got carried out over e-mail.

Sigh again. One reason I'm a little glad that today ended the way it did, with closure but with things sort of open-ended, was that I don't think it was a good day for either of us to really commit to the idea of a new friendship, especially one with the potential to be a little intense. Neither of us wants to repeat the mistakes of the past. Hopefully, if we do manage to get anything going via correspondence, (D seems more like a phone person, to tell you the truth) we'll be able to keep that form of communication from undermining the emotionality in the potential partnership. But you're right that it might be better to communicate online for a while at first, particularly about the more personal stuff.

[SeattleGirl]

16. We each need to feel safe in revealing the intensely personal

about ourselves, and you know, I should have added that it could be beneficial to you, too, to communicate either via email, IM, or phone. I have a friend to whom I have revealed things about myself that I have never told another soul. This friend does not live anywhere near me, so communication is via phone, email, and PM, and it has really helped the both of us to open up, and to start healing from some things that are, or have been, painful.

I hope you will share more of this, as time goes on, as I know that I -- and perhaps other here -- can learn things, as I believe we can all learn from each other.

BTW, I see you live in Oregon. May I ask where? If you don't want to say in the forum, you can PM me. My family lives in the Eugene/Springfield area, and I myself graduated from Springfield High School.

[Why Syzygy]

17. my mom doesn't even

jot down a shopping list. Wouldn't read a book to save her life. Our form of communication is that she can find me humorous and make her laugh.

My ex-bf left notes all over the house while he was cleaning out. I kept a couple, but for the most part had to toss them. Is that what he was doing? Trying to communicate? When I sent his huge packet of mail, I had written him a note, which I threw out and didn't send to him when it got down to the wire and I had to post his junk.

I never thought about that he was trying to communicate. D'oy ..

[SeattleGirl]

18. Yep, he was trying to communicate with you.

Don't beat yourself up, though. Just see it as another lesson, this one being about different ways people have to communicate.