Help.

[BlueIris]

I feel really bad for bothering everyone, but I could really use all of the positive energy you can spare. I am desperately trying to pull my life out of the quicksand, but it feels like everything is going two steps forward/three steps back. The only solution I can think of is just to work harder at trying to solve my problems, and to try to feel better about myself, but tonight I've realized that improving my situation, which I thought was getting better, is going to be so much harder than I thought. I'm scared right now because I feel that I have a very large amount of work left to do in order to get into a more stable and comfortable space, my resources are currently really pinched, and my living space isn't exactly safe. There also isn't anywhere else I can go right now. It occurred to me tonight to ask my guides for help to help make my living space safer until I have amassed enough resources to leave it, which is what I'm doing now, while I try to come up with a new, more efficient plan for my survival. So, I would really love it if some of our more gifted sensitives and light workers here, as well as anyone else who can spare it, could pray for me.

[u4ic]

1. I will send you light, BlueIris

:hug:

I'm sorry to hear of your continuing difficulties. I'm also concerned you mentioned you don't feel safe. That is very troubling.

[BlueIris]

9. You know...

the "not safe" issue is the biggest problem. It's very hard to sustain the confidence and drive necessary to get much done when you're living in these conditions.

[SeattleGirl]

2. If I may, Blue....

The part of your post that really stood out to me was where you said: "The only solution I can think of is just to work harder at trying to solve my problems, and to try to feel better about myself...." I do not disagree that at times, the work we need to do on and with ourselves IS hard, but I also think that sometimes, it can have a counter-acting effect.

You said a little later: "It occurred to me tonight to ask my guides for help...." My sense is that the best thing for you to do for a little while is to STOP working harder, and instead, ask your guides for help, and then let yourself be open to what they have to tell or show you.

I think that nearly all of us have had the experience where, for whatever reason, exasperation, frustration, a feeling of hopelessness, etc., overtakes us, and we stop trying. And then, BAM! Here comes an idea, an inspiration, an event, a person, that can show us the next step, or point us in the right direction to get to where we want to be.

Again, I do think we must sometimes focus on working hard and intently on ourselves; but other times, we have to get out of our own way, and allow ourselves to be open to the answers that may be out there, just waiting to grab our attention.

And, yes, I will definitely send positive energy and white light to you.

:hug:

[BlueIris]

3. Well, letting things take their course was what I thought I was doing.

No new opportunities have presented themselves really. So, I feel the message they were sending me was "be more proactive in seeking out the opportunities you want." But I thank you for your perspective. Getting perspective on what is actually wrong with my situation has been very hard for me. I mean, I think I know what I've been doing wrong now, but it took me forever to get here.

[LaurenG]

4. What SeattleGirl said

and no beating up on yourself, it's against the "rules" now. It is what it is, a message and a gift. Sometimes it doesn't feel like it is but as I look back at most of my unwanted "gifts" I see they were instrumental in getting where I needed to go.

Good vibes, positive energy and prayers go out to you. :hug:

[BlueIris]

8. Thanks, OB.

And I am taking the opportunity to relax after trying, once again, to sort of, sort everything out all at once. In my defense, it seemed like the right thing to do at the time (I was highly motivated to consider options for pursuing positive change that I'd never considered before last night, even if that maede me feel like I was even more desperate than usual).

[Delphinus]

5. They are yours, Blue.

May you be able to hold in your heart the feeling of what you wish to experience in your life.

[stellanoir]

6. Sure will do BI.

I just wish that you'd release all this stress and angst.

Looked at your chart again and noticed that you have your progressed Venus at 29 degrees, 47 minutes of Taurus. That's a degree that can feel like critical mass. It'll move into Gemini over the course of the next three months.

Perhaps stop trying to figure all of this out for a while as your circumstances will indeed change fairly soon. Try to take a vacation from stressing over all this stuff. It feels as though your anxiety has you in a state where you may be unwittingly blocking opportunities from coming through.

Maybe BREATHE and just BE for a short while.

best to you,

[BlueIris]

7. Yeah, we're doing that breathing and being thing right now.

Because the anxiety over the need to change virtually everything about my life has been making it hard to organize or focus. Thanks for checking out my chart.

[japple]

10. Hey Blue Iris! You don't need to change virtually

everything overnight. Like Stella said "breathe" and try to enjoy this beautiful season of love and light. Maybe you can do some things like listening to Christmas music, or taking a long walk in the winter wonderland and getting a cup of coffee or hot chocolate. Also, you might want to something to help others, like buying a gift for Toys for Tots, or doing some sort of volunteer work. It is in giving of ourselves that we discover who we truly are. Seems like you need to take a trip outside yourself for awhile. :hug:

Peace, and joy of the holidays to you, BI.

[MorningGlow]

11. Aw, Blue, I'm sorry to hear you're still having trouble

Here's some white light and good mojo for you :hug: :hug: :hug:

If it makes you feel any better, I'm going through a similar phase right now. Not concern for personal safety, like you (oh dear that is worrisome--here's more good mojo to alleviate that)--but I feel as though, in my bad situation at work, that I'm being pushed hard by the universe to be motivated to make a change. And unfortunately sometimes if the universe can't get our attention, our situation gets worse until we wake up. Do you think you might be in that phase too?

Erf, whatever the reason, it's no fun, is it? More hugs.

:hug: :hug: :hug:

[I Have A Dream]

12. Sending lots of light and energy your way, Iris.

I ask that the Universe bless you and give you an epiphany that will show you exactly what you need to do to turn your situation around. (This or something better for the highest good of all involved.)

[BlueIris]

30. Thanks for the request for an epiphany, I Have.

That is what I need more than anything.

[bianca2001]

13. LOVE AND HUGS

I've been lurking for about a year and formally joined during the last
fundraiser, so I feel I know a lot of you here.

I am so sorry to read about your situation, Blue Iris. Be assured that
Love, Light and Life will beam from my heart to you from this very in-
stant and until your situation improves considerably. What worries me
most is your fear, as I am well acquainted with that feeling - I've been
there a lot of times during my 69 years.

I am a Spiritualist and I am convinced that our loved ones who are on the
other side can, do and still love us as much (if not more)as they did
when they were with us. They are ready to help. Sometimes, when things
have gotten really bad, I mentally scream out: "I need some help here!!!"
I always get results, even if it takes a few days.

As a student of Astrology for thirty years, I was going to suggest you
give your BD, but Stella already looked at your chart, so you know that
things WILL change.

In the meantime, let's all send you help while you are going through
this.


Love, Light and Life,

Bianca

[I Have A Dream]

15. Welcome to the group, Bianca!

:hi:

[stellanoir]

16. welcome Bianca

I just PMed someone yesterday about the extreme disproportionality between #'s of views and #'s of posts on the threads on this forum.

It's nice to know a long term lurker has now appeared and has such lovely energy as you do.

I look forward to your undoubtedly enlightened contributions.

:grouphug:

[SeattleGirl]

24. Welcome, bianca

Nice to have you here.

[Brewman_Jax]

14. Good thoughts to you

from me and the cat

[I Have A Dream]

17. I received the Winter newsletter containing some interviews with the...

channeled being with whom I work. One of his quotes is as follows:

"Those who are working at high frequencies have the opportunity to see in their lives anything that is keeping them from functioning at that high frequency. So to them the energy change looks like all of their buttons are getting pushed and all of their difficulties are showing up."

Maybe this is what's happening for you, Iris. This doesn't tell you how to deal with it, but it at least might help to explain why you're having such a difficult time.

[MorningGlow]

18. A good quote, IHAD

Very true. I have gone through this many times in my life--when I need to be in a different place (spiritually), and I resist, I have one HELL of a time till I "give up" whatever I'm clinging to and move on. And then things are always better (heck, when you're on the right road, it's smooth--it's when you veer off to the side of the road that you hit the rumble strips). But I have one HELL of a time when I'm in the middle of the transition.

[I Have A Dream]

19. Yes, for many of us (including me), change is scary. We'd much rather...

stay in our miserable rut that we know than experience the insecurity that change involved.

This very same channeled being said that many of us will only make change when we are so miserable that the fear of the unknown is outweighed by our utter unhappiness at our current life situation. If this is the case, when the Universe really wants us to make a change and we resist, the only thing that the Universe can do is make us miserable in our current situation.

However, I think that Iris has recently made some changes that she thought were required, and this angst that she's currently experiencing started after she made those changes. (At least this is what I remember her saying.) This is always my concern about making change -- how do we know what the correct decision is in reference to making the change?

It's really weird, but if something just "happens" to me (like losing a job), I feel that the Universe was somehow involved in making it happen, so I have total faith that things will work out as they should. However, if I make a decision to change something important, then I don't have that same faith that everything will be OK. It has held me back my entire life. I feel that I have very good judgment, but, in things like this, I don't trust my own judgment. Maybe it's a past life issue. :shrug:

[MorningGlow]

20. I'm with you, there

I get completely paralyzed when I have to make a life-changing decision, because I'm afraid I'm going to make the wrong one!

Then again...I've been so damned sure of some decisions, and they've turned out to be the "wrong ones"--but only on the surface. Example--I was completely sure I wanted to be a high school English teacher. I got into a grad school in a large city far from home; I went through the program; I student taught; I fought and fought and fought for a job and finally got one.

And I quit the profession after one year.

My parents were beside themselves--"Such a shame--what a waste of three years--what a waste of all that money for a master's degree" etc. etc. etc. But then again...I think it was necessary. During that time I broke up with my boyfriend (which turned out to be a VERY good thing), I learned how to live on my own in an unfamiliar, go-go urban environment, I proved I could do whatever I wanted. And who knows--karmically, I may have untied some knots and may have helped some kids that I had in my classes.

So maybe there are no wrong decisions.

Or maybe I'm getting too zen for my own good... :D

[Why Syzygy]

21. imo

there are no bad decisions and no wasted time. One reason I cannot spend much time with my mother is because she says dumb stuff, like, well that was a waste of time.

No it was not. There are untold lessons that will be needed later.
The only way I was able to work with my ex in his family business was due to all the temp hours I put in through the years, which gave me a well rounded understanding of what needed to be done.
That experience disappointed some people involved. We were basically on a fire rescue mission, and everyone got out alive with no jail sentances. So it was a success. Sorry if other people cannot see these things.

I went back to school as a middle aged, "alternate student", and met many strong women who helped me through a huge transition. I did not complete the course of study. Just decided it wasn't for me. But would I have known if I did not try?

I wanted to reply to Dream's post. But this seems more important.

I arranged to move myself to a totally new culture, about two years ago. I have often thought, what was I thinking? Nothing has seemed to gel the way I thought it would. Have experienced the hugest heartbreak in forever! The single men scene here is not what I'm used to. This is a high tech area. Not used to the job market. yada yada .. Obstacles. It looks like. But I get by.
The Universe shows up all the time and asks me, are you ready to step over? Are you ready for Joy yet? But, yet I am scared. What would Joy feel like? Can't I just remain miserable? Although I am not even miserable. I have a condition of being a "victim". But the Creator of the Universe calls me to be a victor. He/She even writes signs in the heavens for me. A big clunk on the head. I look at that and think.. well guess I need to study. Do I? A message was delivered personally to me last night! I wrote it down. It says, stop . thinking of past failures. Stop. Not believing in me and yourself. Give it up. Stop the struggle. So why do I still feel a bit of struggle. I might love nothing more than to get in the flow and stop fighting. The first time I got in a tube and let the river carry me, I was scared. No one else was. Toobing for me is a great life metaphore. It might be skiing for someone else. White water rafting. Whatever it takes to make a surrender. I give it up. I quit. I resign from trying to control the Universe. That's my destination.

Obviously kicking and screaming. Drag me into the Promise Land! I dare you.
A soul at rest. No clue.

[japple]

22. AND ANOTHER THING...don't EVER feel bad about asking for

help. We've all needed/will need comfort and assistance, and we've all been through rough patches where the negative energy was stronger than the positive. We love you, God loves you, the Universe loves you, and you need to love yourself, too.

Blessings and peace.

[BlueIris]

29. Yes, asking for help is sooo difficult. And one lesson I know I've

learned this week is that when you don't know what to do/can't solve a situation on your own, asking for help is the first thing you should do. There's an interesting story I think I should tell about that, actually.

[BlueIris]

33. Okay, the story: for six weeks now, I've been trying to manifest

"new carpets" for my roommates. Yeah, I know, kinda frivolous, and it was only one thing I've been trying to manifest for myself and others, but I asked for it a lot. Last Thursday, during a particularly dark hour in which I was basically mentally begging the Universe to somehow prove to me that there was, well, a point to all this spiritual and personal transformation I've been attempting, an interesting development took place.

It was around nine a.m., and I was in my bedroom, and suddenly, the energy in the air seemed to go up a few notches. Then my phone rang. My roommate had found what he called "an impossible-to-pass-up opportunity" to get clean carpets, provided we could coordinate our schedules in order to get the house ready for that and to meet the carpet cleaners on our property that day. I figured this was my "response" from the Universe, and the only "catch" was being able to move quickly enough to take advantage of this blessing.

But actually, there was one more element in play, though I didn't realize it until after the cleaners had left. One of the carpet cleaners had a rash on his arm, which he mentioned during the process of cleaning. He thought it might have been from a plant he brushed up against while walking his dog in a new park, or possibly an allergic reaction to his girlfriend's cat. He also told me that he hadn't been able to get rid of it and was having trouble getting any medical professional to look at it because he wasn't carrying insurance. Apparently, he hadn't been able to fit a visit to an urgent care center around his work schedule. I told him I sympathized with his difficulty because in the city in which we live, primary care providers are hard to come by not so much because some of their fees for treating even the minor complaints of the uninsured are so high, but because almost all of them have closed their practices and groups to new patients. He admitted that this had been his biggest problem--not so much payment, which he was willing and able to provide, but locating a practice that was officially open. I blurted out that my father's local family practice was, as far as I knew, still taking new patients, some of them probably uninsured, and what I knew his standard O.V. fee for one medical issue to be. The carpet cleaner guy said he thought he could swing payment, then asked if I could call my dad to see if he would be willing to make arrangements to see him about the rash, which I promptly did. My dad said he would be happy to schedule Carpet Cleaner Guy, if he would be willing to call the office to set up an appointment time. Carpet Cleaner Guy said he would call.

In the moment, I realized only that I wanted to help primarily because I could. Later, I realized that I was really glad to have been able to assist him in getting treatment, because what Carpet Cleaner Guy had done was really unusual, despite the fact that his situation was so common. As I'm sure most people here know, Americans without health insurance choose to go without healthcare unless absolutely neccessary both because they may not be able to pay the heinous fees without it, but because of how scary it is to ask a physician and/or his or her office to try to work with you if you aren't carrying coverage. I think it's especially difficult to get care under those circumstance in our neck of the woods, where 99.99% of the healthcare facilities are staffed with complete jerks and which is, socially, SnottVille, USA. I actually think it's amazing that Carpet Cleaner Guy worked up the nerve to ask someone for help, which I believe is clearly why the Universe sent him to my house that day. I also think his courage was supposed to serve as an example to me about why asking for help when you are desperate is worth the effort, no matter how intimidating the person or institution you will be approaching may seem.

I just hope he calls my dad, which would actually be not both wiser but cheaper for him, if what I've read recently about getting treated in our local urgent care facilities is true. I actually left my father's cell phone number at Carpet Cleaner Guy's office in the hope that he'll understand that he is welcome to schedule the appointment.

[Why Syzygy]

39. Interesting what you say about health care.

Dr. Mercola has been writing for years that there was a health care emergency. Now we know it for sure. The doctor I had for more than six years has stopped providing some of his services. I have a limited amount of health coverage, but have spent hours calling through this town trying to find a specialist that a. was accepting new patients and b. was covered on my plan. A doctor who is accepting patients this week might not be accepting them next. It is so frustrating. I think I've finally found a PCP. The nurse/staff person who works for my former doctor (I moved) used to complain about everything. I knew her for years and listened to her constant complaining just so I could get in to see the doctor! It was kind of a strange situation. I don't know what people with very critical needs do. Hate to even think.

I hope things do work out for Carpet Cleaning Guy.

What you're saying? Is that the Universe did give you and him the right answer at the right time?
Iris, honestly. I am having a health care crises myself. I'm sick every day. The Universe showed up for me a couple of nights ago, quite by random. Someone I used to know in my former place of residence started pm'ing me again. I just happened to mention the health care issue. Then it was as if Spirit opened a door and spoke through this person. He gave me specifics. I followed his instructions. I'm not finished yet. It is an entirely new way for me to deal. But, really, it was like Goddes/God was sky writing. Big jet plane overhead. Here are your instructions. If much of your frustration comes from working/living with people who get the instructions and solutions and still cannot find the gumption (or whatever) to take the step, cross the line, do the chores, then I'm so glad you don't know me in person. That is exactly my Problem. I get a plan. Then the plan changes. I get distracted. Or hide back in my hidey hole. I'm a frustration to people who have stuck with me over the years. They know me to have moments of great achievements. And then I sink again, and there is nothing anyone can say to get through to me. It takes a skywriter! I'm dense. Or stubborn. Or a hopeless case. But the Universe is not. She delivers. Every day. I'll never forget your frog story. It was so precious. Some of us just have to be continually impressed? Maybe? If anyone ever produces a cure for the human condition, please give me an appointment.

[bianca2001]

23. You have some wonderful

friends here, Iris! Hold their love close and it will see you through
this difficult time. That's a lot more than a lot of people have. If
you start counting your blessings, that should be #ONE!!!

"Counting my blessings" almost always has done the trick for me.

Also, Votesomemore's take on life is quite remarkable and phylosophical.
It ties in well with counting your blessings.


........................................................................




I thank the ladies for their gracious welcome, I really appreciate it.


Stella, about the lurkers and the posters:

One cannot post on this Forum unless one is a paid-up member. It was
not the money so really, even though my Social Security check is not much.

Shortly after I got my first computer, I became a member of another,
rather well-known blog and made a lot of friends. Unfortunately, it got
overhauled this summer and most everyone I knew left. It just took a
while before I could join up and post my first comment, almost a year
to the day. It's been a little over one month now.

I first came to DU expressively for this particular Forum, for the
Astrology and for the comments on Matthew's Messages. Still, it took
me a while to take the step. No, one is ever too old or afraid of
changing or making a "new life". We are faced with these decisions,
big or small, to the end of our journey.

Love, Light and Life,
Bianca

[stellanoir]

25. Bianca

I'm personally pleased and privileged that you chimed in. Though I'll never pretend to speak for the group unless it's a co creative effort. :)

These are tough times for many and online communities frequently morph.

When I entered the blogosphere it was through an alternate site. And I've no contact with those folks now but that's okay. I still express and draw from what they shared with me and how they affirmed me.

I'll never forget it. I really needed it at the time.

Keep it up.

Love your spunky spirit.

[Why Syzygy]

26. Thank you for sharing that.

In the world of internet *wars*? DU is a lifespring. Really glad you made it here.

This forum is a wonderment. It has travelled a bit and changed. All to the good, I have faith.

My small take . it is a mostly safe place to spread wings.

Counting blessings is something that is easy to forget to do. But, when practiced, it sure works.

Really glad you are here and hope you enjoy your stay. Look forward to your contributions.

[BlueIris]

31. Yes, I know I have great friends, here. I am very lucky.

[lildreamer316]

27. Blue;

you are never far from my thoughts.

I don't have much advice for you; I am feeling as if I am not in a position to be advising; but any light I can, I will send.
If anything occurs to me I will post.

[BlueIris]

32. Thanks. I think about you a lot, too.

I think we are both in very similar situations spiritually, emotionally and economically. I know for myself, it's not that I don't know I need to make changes, I just don't know how. Yes, I am working on dealing with the "how," as I'm sure you are. But it's so hard, especially when things just keep going wrong.

[BlueIris]

28. Thanks so much for all the kind thoughts and advice, everyone.

We took an involuntary "day off" from our problems and slept, hid from the psychotic roommate and avoided the Internet, so I didn't get to read over these posts until now. I am very touched. And I'm so happy that the Universe decided to keep the windstorm we're having from knocking out my Internet access for now, so that I could really ponder everything that has been posted.

Oh, yes, and welcome, Bianca! It's so nice to have more energy in this forum--more can't hurt, right?

[Why Syzygy]

34. Blue Ice

I know I probably hurt you sometime.

But I want to ask. Can we smoke a peace pipe?

You are so gentle.

[BlueIris]

35. We could if my body still allowed me to smoke stuff. :-)

It made me stop that in '99. Darn it.

I'm sure my posts probably hurt you, too. I'm sorry. I'm feeling a little more centered now.

[Why Syzygy]

36. the peace is the important part of the pipe. right?

You have frustrated me because you remind me of myself.

So thank you for your mercy and patience.

Your immediate need speaks to many of us. I want to tear my hair out too. But I don't.
I know someone will come along to love me and pray with me.

The script might not be up to my judgment yet... and surely it is not.
But there are still characters.

I sense within you a great creative Spirit.
I'll race you to the goal line! One of has got to get there first!

I believe nothing if not in the power of love and keep trying.
If you/me/we face rejection, and we do, then just keep running for the goal.
Even if you can't see it.

People believe in me. I cannot imagine why.
But they know that I will not give up.
I suspect you are the same.

So keep going.

The best you can ever do for me, if you should want to .. is keep going.

I'm sorry. Thank you. We want peace and . if I could know you . I might say .
I wish Colbert was here to do his dance. .. if ever there was a failure. it is me . but love just keeps coming to me and asking me to please be a part.
I hear that same thing from you. I think.
It hurts. The introspection is endless. People want us to buck up.
Stope thinking. Stop being so sensitive.

Well, sure if I could. So I spread myself out.
Can't get too intensive on any one person.

This is where this came from. Unless I'm wrong.

I'm really glad the mods could get rid of my ragging.

Yes. You have hurt me.

But that's over now, right? We don't have to do that anymore?


Blue Ice .
this is our virtiaul world. Let's don't hurt each other here? K?

But . what do you need?
You have been braver than I because you ask.

I now see you as being gentle. And I'm not going to change my mind.

[BlueIris]

37. Yes, the peace is the most important part.

That is a very nice post you have left our group there. Thanks for that.

I agree that the most essential thing is to keep going, keep moving forward, keep trying to make progress even when it feels as if we are just hanging on to our survival and our sanity by our fingernails. The impressions that have come through to me recently are reminders that continuing to move forward is something that we must do for others if not for ourselves. Just the other day, when I was asking, "Why should I? It's so hard and I confess that I find almost no joy in it anymore," when I got back was, "New Special Friend needs you. (Beloved Democratic Senator) needs you." I was surprised by those impressions, which told me that I had stopped considering the big picture, let alone the other people in the picture. It's important not to forget them. And that is the worst thing that the fear I've been living with for too long can do to us--make us forget to care for others.

What do I need? I'm trying to make a list.

[Pathwalker]

38. Believe in yourself, dear sweet, BlueIris.

You are a remarkable woman, with great strength, an indomitable spirit, much love, and deep hope. No doubt you have already faced many challenges in your life, and by conquering them, you have shown that you have the strength and will to conquer anything life can and will throw at you. You've done it before, you'll do it again.
Believe in yourself; as you can see, we here all believe in you, too.
:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

Sending you light, love and prayers,
NB

[BlueIris]

40. Aw, thanks, NB.

I am trying to remember that I have already survived so much, finding the right, stable, full-time, non-abusive job for me should be easy...ish. And then life will get better, once I have collected enough resources to leave my current living space.

[BlueIris]

41. Shameless kick.

...egh. I feel so alone.

[I Have A Dream]

42. Iris...

:hug::pals::hug:

[BlueIris]

43. Aw. That is so cute.

I'm having something like an epiphany now. It kind of...bites, and is very painful, but at least I have more information about how I got here/how I might get out of this place now. Information is good. So are virtual hugs.

[BlueIris]

44. Whew. Thanks, you guys.

That was some gooooooood light you sent. And I definitely think I've had that epiphany, I Have. Not sure why that eluded me for so long. And japple, I really am enjoying the holidays now! Twenty four hours ago, I would not have believed that was possible.

[SeattleGirl]

45. I'm so happy to hear that, Blue.

I have had my own epiphany, but I'll write about it separately. For right now, I'm glad that you are feeling better. Lots of good healing energy can be found here. :hug:

[japple]

46. Whoohooo! That's great news indeed. It sounds as though

you've made another quantum leap. Good for you. Hope you can continue to enjoy the holidays until they're over.

Peace and love and another :hug:. Now, pass it on.

[BlueIris]

47. It really does feel like a quantum leap.

And I will be passing it on.

[Why Syzygy]

48. cool . now spread it

around? haha . just kidding

[BlueIris]

49. Well, first we're going to work on cementing it.

My revelation is still weak and fragile, and needs room to "gel." But then others can have lots and lots of it.

[SeattleGirl]

50. That's great that you recognize that, Iris.

Sometimes I forget that revelations need time to gel, or gestate.

[Why Syzygy]

51. This is what my friends

keep trying to pound into my head. And maybe it will work for you too. I'm still very wobbly.

I didn't realize your dad is a doctor. So that means that we were sort of raised in the same manner. My dad was in a service field. Both my sisters are in the traditional healing arts. We were taught a life of duty and service. But not to self. To Everyone Else.

So, my friends tell me, Save yourself, you cannot Save the World.
To which I usually reply, oh yeah? Watch me. But I'm not good at it.

I have been able to back off a bit and allow good things to come to me. Instead of looking for the next soul that I am so sure needs rescue.

It's tough. I've gotten a little more selfish. I might just take a big bite of selfish!
But, really, who are you here for? I'm talking to the mirror, believe me. Truth is, no one else is really going to take care of us, like our dads did. That is a hard pill to swallow. But BUT .. good things come in other packages. I'm sure you are due for delivery.

[BlueIris]

52. Um, everyone? Iris needs just a tad more light.

She's not in crisis or anything, but no significant progress has been made (frustrating) and she is distressed that another important part of her support system is in the process of leaving her life (her favorite blog).

[BlueIris]

53. Please? nt

[I Have A Dream]

54. Iris, sorry -- I've been away from Internet access until now. I will definitely...

send you some energy and ask that the light of the Universe shine upon you and allow you to feel its support so that you never feel lonely even when you're alone. May you walk your path in peace, Iris. (This or something better for the highest good of all involved.)

I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

:hug:

[BlueIris]

55. Thank you so much.

I am still stuck, and my living situation is still unsafe. One of my roommates has gone totally off the deep end, which is painful and terrifying to watch. Life here is one scary scene after another. I understand that a good way to interpret these frightening incidents is that they are reminders to leave, something I still can't accomplish because I don't have the financial resources to do so. I know that as long as I keep trying, something will open up eventually and after I few months, I'll be able to leave, but right now I just can't see it. And I am really sad about the demise of that blog, which I think kinda saved my life after the 2004 election. It helped keep me sane, and my correspondance with its author provided me with some semblance of support when I felt just as alone as I do right now. Thanks again for your prayers.