The latest chapter in the saga--help! (Warning: Long!)

[MorningGlow]

Hola all,

Welp, for those of you who enjoy the MorningGlow Employment Follies, here's the latest! If you're feeling charitable, please put on your psychic perception caps, because I sure need help with this one!

Last week the VP who summarily stripped me of my job title in front of everyone in the department a month ago came to see me about the projects he wanted me to do and said we needed to meet about the one that had been languishing for a while. I said fine, "and can we talk about other stuff too?" because he had promised that in an e-mail a while ago. He said "Sure, we can do that."

Last week (Friday morning) was the meeting. He apologized for his rather detached state, as he had just gotten over a migraine. I talked with him and his Girl Friday about the project, then asked if he felt up to talking about my personal issues. He said yes, and Girl Friday left.

He started out by formally apologizing to me for stripping me of my title in the meeting. I said I appreciated that, because it had been hard for me since then--folks either came up to me to express sympathy or they avoided me because I seem to be "dead man walkin'". He said he was attempting to be honest and up front in answering people's questions in the meeting, but he should have said my job title was a private matter instead of blurting out that I was no longer an associate editor.

Okayfine.

Then he told me that the new job he wanted me to do is working in a department completely separate from all the other writers. For a manager that makes my Asshat Editor look like Santa Claus. This other guy is a liar, a cheat, pits his employees against one another, PLUS has slandered me in his department's meetings (which the other folks in the department have told me about)--that's because he's friends with Asshat Editor and repeats whatever Asshat says about me, whether it's true or not.

And yes, these people are considered middle management. Can you believe it? :eyes:

For the first time in my life, I calmly refused to do what a superior asked me to do. He was shocked. Asked why. I told him why.

Now, that's not exactly good, because as far as he knows, these middle managers of his are doing just fine (because they hide all the bad stuff from him and he doesn't ask or investigate). Other people have complained about them, but of course nonmanagers don't have a valid opinion and are probably wrong, so our thoughts don't count.

So in the midst of a long discussion, he said that if after trying out the assignments he just gave me, if I felt that I didn't like it, he would understand if I decided to look for another job elsewhere.

NICE!

I feel so valued. Not.

Especially because this guy is creating approximately 3,045 new positions (okay I'm hyperbolic there)--but this one job was all he could think of for me to do?

Well, part of it is because he said that he was well aware that Asshat Editor and I didn't get along--"and most of the negativity seems to be coming from you."

Now, ANYbody who knows me for real knows I am NOT negative, but A.E. is one of the most negative people on the planet. But again, as long as A.E. says "everything's fine", VP believes it. (I also found out from another manager whom I trust that A.E. said I was hard to get along with--most definitely NOT true for anyone except him--because he's an insecure troll and has targeted me mercilessly for the three years I've been here.)

In fact, A.E. has just jettisoned the entire staff of the magazine I worked on in favor of hiring a freelancer and using other writers on the staff to put it out. He keeps saying he can't work with me, can't work with the designers, can't work with the photographer...but he's okay and we're all the ones who are difficult?

I am stunned.

So I shut my VP's door and said, "Let me fill you in on a few details" and give him the highlights of my three years of hell with the guy.

Trouble is, I'm not sure if he believes me or not. There's nothing I can do either way, of course, so I'm trying not to worry about it. But if he thinks I'm full of it, then I'm branded a troublemaker and I have a problem with authority (not getting along with one manager and refusing to work for another doesn't look good).

I know in my heart that I am right. If anybody else around here had the guts, they could talk with the VP and corroborate everything I said. But they won't. So I'm out here twisting in the breeze.

Now the funny part--anybody remember my dream about the white female fox with the hood over her head? I thought that meant I was supposed to mask my femininity (to my credit, in this meeting I didn't cry as I usually do when I get frustrated)--but it turns out that I was supposed to hide the goddess till it was appropriate to bring her out--as I stood up to leave, I asked VP if he had ever had reiki done (he is ailing and his body is all out of alignment).

He had never heard of it. I tried to explain it. He got more confused (conservative Catholic guy). So I said "Sit there" and did about two minutes' worth of work on him. The problem he was having vanished. He was amazed. I told him he should have that done regularly, but barring that, if the problem came back to give me a shout and I'd do it again.

So NOW he must think I'm some sort of a "weirdo"--or whatever. (Do I care? Not sure that I do! LOL!)

After this whole drama, DH said he thinks I should stay home with MG Jr. and freelance. We can't afford it, though. He said he could make up my salary with a few extra hours of his own freelance work, but I don't want to put that burden on him--he'll be locked in his office all night after a full 8-hour day on his regular job.

Sigh. I don't know what to do. I don't know what VP believes. I DO think that my time here is coming to an end.

So, for those of you who made it through this voluminous post, what do you think? Where to now???

Gracias!

[Why Syzygy]

1. MG .. might be long too

thanks for the update. All that drama! Chaos even?

It sounds like you are handeling it well. My job of choice fell apart right in front of my eyes, and I did not handle it well. I was 'written up' for "talking to other people in the company", with no prior warning. She saw me as a competitor. I worked for someone who had ambition. And stabbed people in the back and saw nothing in her way of getting what she wanted. I was doing my job. Excelling at my job. Too much. Another deparment manager wanted me to work for him. She used to tell me, anything you want to achieve here is okay with me. She was lying. She wanted me for herself! I did not understand that I was supposed to be a servant for her. To make her look good. I thought we were on a team and any position I played would work for the team. Wrong. Every Tarot I tossed then came up with the Tower. I was so angry, yet I longed not to be. After a while, I lashed back. That was my mistake. I loved that job and should have just sat tight and wait for the fall out to settle down. The company was sold. People got transfered all over the place. I still had a buddy that worked there and he kept me informed. Everyone ended up without a job. Starting over.

The red mask is an interesting tid bit. I had nothing to contribute to that question.

But when you say:

After this whole drama, DH said he thinks I should stay home with MG Jr. and freelance. We can't afford it, though. He said he could make up my salary with a few extra hours of his own freelance work, but I don't want to put that burden on him--he'll be locked in his office all night after a full 8-hour day on his regular job.
...

Woman, why? Why are you resisting? Can't you give it a chance? How do you know that your freelance won't take you higher?

Could the fox with the mask be asking you, trust? .... The not quite ending to my story is, I went into a totally different field and learned a new art. It doesn't pay the rent, but has a certain fulfilling aspect and opened me up to meet all kinds of really neat people I would not have met otherwise.

Interesting that you would offer Reiki. My experience with the healing arts, and why I never wanted to go here, is that people don't remember why they feel better. Don't make the connection. I think that is why you will sometimes find callousness in the field. They can walk out a new person and forget you in a nano-second.

I don't like to give 'advice'. I'm of the belief that we know the Answer within our own hearts.
Sometimes people give me advice. But if I don't apply it, it is worthless. But here I go with my donation. I think you should give your husband's idea a trial. If it doesn't work out, you do something different. Take wing. But only when you are so fed up with this sicko drama that you are ready to do anything different.

Easy to say. That's why I don't like advice.
Whatever you decide will be the right course. Bottom line. End your anguish, when you are ready. We all deserve our angst. It teaches endurance and compassion. This is the mission: build character. I don't like it. But kicking against it is of no use.

You are doing well.

[MorningGlow]

5. Too true

Hi VSM,

Thanks so much for weighing in--I really appreciate it. And thanks for sharing your tale of woe--it's terrible to hear that other good people like you have gone through this kind of thing as well. Heck, I'm an indigo child--I really can't stand to see injustice being done. I want a fair and equitable universe, dammit!

:rofl:

In response to your question about why I'm resisting--my horoscope for today says that I am hesitating about striking out on a new venture because of fear of the unknown and fear of failure. That's pretty much it! I have been diligently trying to remove fear from my life--I do believe that's one of the most toxic substances on Earth--but it's not always easy.

So in this instance I fear that we won't be able to make ends meet, and then DH and I will start fighting (he has a near pathological need to have a healthy cushion of cash for his *ahem* free spending habits, and we are nowhere near having a healthy cushion even now, with my being employed full time, and that's created some tension). Or that he will overwork himself to make ends meet. Or that I won't like being home with MG Jr. full time. Or or or...sigh. We can create an infinite number of barriers, no?

I should trust, though. The universe has always protected me. I have always landed on my feet. Granted, some situations were less than ideal and I cried every day till I found a better one, but I never went hungry and never suffered. I am keenly aware of, and grateful for, my good fortune in that regard.

I agree with you about that character-building stuff. I wish I didn't have so much of it sometimes, but I suspect I'm untying some karmic knots from some other freewheeling lives I've frittered away! :D

Thanks again for your thoughts, VSM. Your opinion means a lot.

[Why Syzygy]

10. I have gone hungry.

There were days when I had 99 cents for a burger king, that was all I had to eat.
But there has been much more enrichment. I knew people last year who would sit and eat steak and lobster in front of you and never offer a bite. I do not understand that concept. It isn't that I NEEDED steak and lobster. It was just a matter of seeing greed right there. (ex-neighbors)

MG .. I pretty much know only one way to go at an issue. And that is frontal. Oh sure. I can dance around it and analyze it forever! So I'm very good at spotting that.

So I'll just tell you what stands out for me when I read your post.
DH has a freespending habit (by your standard)
MG is worried about said habit of someone else and feels a need to be responsible for same.

Is MG willing to allow DH the responsibility and play partners to allow you to leave an painful situation? Or does MG still need to be in the painful situation?

There is no wrong answer!
IOW .. do what you want to do. And yes, the Universe will abide.

:hug:
Thank you for the opportunity to clarify my belief system. Sharing your path helps me.

[MorningGlow]

11. Good on you, VSM

:hug:

I'm all for straightforward honesty--there's so little of it around these days. So thank you!

DH does want to be a true partner and help me out, and I love him dearly for that. He could have been callous instead and said "We need the money" but he didn't. (And he wouldn't--that's not like him.)

MG does, in fact, feel the need to stay in the painful situation because MG can be a right dumbass.

:rofl:

The coworker who's a friend of mine (also a witch) and I were just talking yesterday about how we kind of enjoy coming to work to watch the next episode in the soap opera. And of course that's not healthy, but we are enjoying the fact that karma is already kicking Asshat Editor in the butt. (Recent developments in the past couple of days have us starting a betting pool on when the eedjit is going to spontaneously combust from the stress of putting the magazine out all by himself (he also got rid of the two designers and the rest of the crew in favor of a freelancer); the latest--the proofs of the magazine never arrived at the printer--they've vanished into the overnight-mail void.)

However, I have started getting back in touch with my old freelance contacts and already have gotten some positive responses, so I'm closer to making the break than I thought.

I think it's a telltale sign that the two "very important" projects I have been assigned hold no appeal for me--to the point where I haven't done squat on either project. That's not like me. I'm starting to suspect that I won't be here to complete them--that I'll be gone much sooner than I expect. We shall see!

[Flying Dream Blues]

2. My intuition says that the universe is giving you a shove to

move on. Maybe not now, but whenever you feel the time is right. You say that you do think your time is coming to an end there, and your DH wants you to freelance and stay home w/ MG jr. Does that also sound good to you? (Also, have you thought about doing some Reiki to supplement your freelancing? It sounds like you truly have the touch, and not everyone who knows Reiki is as effective as you seem to be!) If it does, why not give it a try like VSM says, and if it truly doesn't work for you, can't you always go back into the workforce, hopefully for a better company?

Like VSM, I hesitate to give advice, but in reading your posts it seems you know there is a ending coming. When you've truly crossed that doorway in your mind, what you will do next may become more accessible in your thoughts and intuition. I really feel for you--it sounds completely awful and so undeserved. I went through a similar situation in the 90s, and it was so awful there were times when I thought I must be going crazy. Looking back, I can see how it added to who I am in many ways, and so was a valuable (but painful) part of the journey.

I hope for your sake that this time in your life is almost over, and that the next leg of the journey brings you the happiness and satisfaction you deserve! I hope you're getting some time off for the holidays so you can get some needed R&R. Good luck with whatever you decide, and I hope you'll keep us posted.
:hug:

[BlueIris]

3. I'm also getting that the Universe is telling you to leave this job.

I'm...possibly getting something else, but I'm going to wait and see if anything more substantial comes through before posting it. I may have to PM you.

[MorningGlow]

7. Rightie ho, Blue

PM away when you feel comfortable! Or send it anyway with a caveat. I'm eager to hear your insight.

[MorningGlow]

6. Good point

Hi TTLG,

I agree with you and VSM (see upthread)--this is definitely a shove toward the door. It's happened to me before, at other places and in other situations that I need to leave. I fight to stay and the universe makes the situation miserable until I take the hint.

I know this job is coming to an end, especially because it's become Mondo Bizarro Upsidedown World, with the terrible people being protected and praised, and the decent, upstanding, honest folks (I'm not the only one fighting the good fight right now) being labeled as troublemakers.

I do need to consider DH's offer more seriously and perhaps give it a try (but first get over my fear of making the leap). You and VSM are right about doing that when I'm ready--and obviously I'm not quite ready. Why? I'm not sure. I think, as I mentioned to VSM, I hate to walk away from a conflict that hasn't been resolved. I am a closure addict. I want everything to come full circle before I bail. Hardly ever happens, though, so I should be used to it. Plus I'm an indigo, and that means I WANT JUSTICE.

Alas, too many times karma exacts its payment behind the scenes or after the fact, and we're not always there to witness it. I must keep in mind that these trolls will get theirs, though. Sooner or later.

So sorry that you had to go through a rough time earlier as well. That should not happen to such good people! But I agree that difficult situations teach many lessons. I have learned a lot here, as I have in other situations-that-have-turned-for-the-worse.

Thanks again for the good wishes. I appreciate it a lot!

[Mist]

9. You "fight to stay and the universe makes the situation miserable

until" you take the hint? That describes so many situations in my life!!! It took me quite a while to learn to leave things (jobs, relationships, even cities) without being bashed over the head. I KNEW I was being stubborn, but back in the day, I thought stubborn was a good quality! I've come a long way from then, and I've learned the difference between stubborn, and a principled stand. I've learned that I probably won't have the power to change a really nasty situation if those above me don't want it changed.

I've had so many jobs that had unpleasant (or, as I might say now, "unevolved") people to deal with. I know it's unfair that the upstanding ones, including you, aren't honored, but a thought went through my head when I read the phrase "with the terrible people being protected and praised", and I thought "Well, if there's a dysfunctional management situation, the management would see honest, capable people as being threatening to their dysfunctional environment." And since dysfunctional is the only mode of living they know, the sane, decent people must be got rid of--I mean, you're interfering with their dysfunctional vibe! Your husband offered you a way out--I think I'd be inclined to take it! It's not forever, just a nice rest on a plateau that will give you time and room to look back at the dysfunctional job, and take anything of value from it, and think about the future. And maybe your husband is concerned with what the job is doing to you? He might have noticed the strain you're under and so made the offer of giving you some time off.

[MorningGlow]

12. Dysfunctional

That reminds me of a thought I had in one of my more lucid, rational moments during this whole drama--why am I fighting to stay in a place that's this dysfunctional? Am I such a "fixer" that I think I can right the wrongs that are so deep-seated in this place? That's probably my skewed viewpoint at the bottom of all this.

But you're right--this is NOT going to change. Enlightened people and their opinions and ideas will NOT be welcome. All I can do is change my own view of the situation ("live with it") (which is reprehensible to me) or remove myself from it. Looks like the latter is the smarter move.

You're right--DH is very concerned about what the job is doing to me. He doesn't say so outright, but when I look tired (even if it's only 8 p.m.), he says "Go to bed." (I don't, of course, but it's kind of him to try to get me to go.) And last weekend when MG Jr. was putting up a mild fuss about something (putting on a jacket, I think), DH said to him (joking but serious), "You've got to get one thing straight--mama's the boss and we just do what she says. You're not the boss; I'm not the boss. I've seen the boss' job, and I don't want it!" (Because mama's job is 24/7 of course--work, kid, house, etc.)

DH did also say that his taking on extra freelance work would only be temporary till I could build up my onw freelance clientele again.

So...the only thing stopping me is me...

[SeattleGirl]

4. MG, I'm sorry trhat I'm not getting any "hits" on your situation.

I will say that I've been there myself, and while I don't have any words of wisdom to offer, I will send you good thoughts, and pray that all works out for you in the best way. :hug:

[MorningGlow]

8. That's okay, SG

Your good wishes are most valued. Thanks so much!