Spiritual illness effecting the body, and vice versa

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

I've not posted here as much lately as I'm dealing with my husband and trying to figure out how to help in his situation. In doing meditation on it, I've realized that his myasthenia gravis, diabetes, and hepatitus are all manifestations of a spiritual illness that manifests itself through emotions which in turn effect the body. He is no longer sure who he is--and is unwilling as of yet to let go of old concepts of himself. In other words, he's unwilling to "Let go and let God."

He is going into hateful rages where he shouts very ugly things. He's done this with other people, but I catch the brunt of it. I've found that, through breath, he no longer pushes my buttons with these tirades-I realize they are not him, but his anger and frustration that have come out of basic misperceptions of himself and reality.

The trick is to know what to say and what not to say--so that actions I take help, or at least do not harm. I'm hoping to get him to the emotional healer in Eureka that we've used before. He has agreed to it. We went to a Doctor of Chinese Medicine this evening--he erupted in anger before and after (even though the treatment seemed to help a little).

The hardest thing is to know that the emotional prison he is in must be unlocked by himself.

Any insights or suggestions to help him or me would be appreciated a great deal.


Love.

[Fire Walk With Me]

1. I hope that he finds an instant and effortless healing.

I've experienced the getting angry and lashing out at people's weak points thing- it's from self-rejection, which then seeks to harm that same rejected characteristic in others.

The only balm that I've found for that is to admit that there is an issue, to become willing to name it, and to honestly examine it, and to then release it. It's only as bad as we ourselves make it.

Edit for spelling.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

2. Thank you for the insight

Myasthenia gravis is an auto-immune disease-the body attacking itself. Which is what anger is doing, only on many levels.

[Fire Walk With Me]

3. Please pardon me, but you seem to be saying that there IS something he rejects about himself

and that you suspect that it may be a root cause. I hope that he's able to heal...

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

4. No pardon needed, that is what I am saying

and in rejecting a part of himself, he doesn't love himself. That just came to me as I read your post. He (and everyone) must accept themselves as they are, love that being, knowing that the limitations given to it are lessons to be learned. Thanks for posting again, as these insights were sparked by what you wrote.

[Fire Walk With Me]

5. Thank the teachers who I am parroting

not the parrot :)

:hug:

[rumpel]

6. You know, I am going through the same thing

with my mother...Was he not also working with healing sounds, though? Is it possible that he also "acquired" other peoples' problems?

Have you seen this interview? If my mom would not have been bedridden, I would take her to her...I think she is in N.CA.

It is so hard to know what the spiritual problem is, and not being able to change it. I feel for you.

http://www.consciousmedianetwork.com/members/jkuykendall.htm

http://www.sharedwisdom.com/jill.htm oops, it looks like they moved back to HI(?)

Hang in there....

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

10. He gave up on the healing sound work

he interpreted Arkansas law in a way that made it impossible for him to get clients. Arkansas law says that unless you are an MD, you cannot claim to be able to make anyone feel better. He has only listened to the tones sporadically himself.

[I Have A Dream]

7. Ayesha, I don't have any answers or suggestions...

but I'm sending light and energy.

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. :hug::hug:

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

12. That helps more than you may know

to know I can come here to this group and talk from the heart means a great deal to me.

[Dover]

8. I've noticed that anger is often part of illness.

It was true for me and I've experienced it with others either preceding or during their illness.

It's like running an emotional fever, but with more serious physical/emotional manifestations. And it often seems undirected or directed at everyone and everything. Perhaps, like a fever, it needs to run it's course. It is difficult to see illness as a teacher when it feels that it is taking something away rather than bringing a more important direction and balance to our life. Usually that realization comes later or in hindsight.
It seems that you sense that beneath the anger are tears, frustration, fear and loss as some part of his identity (or perhaps his ego self is more accurate), is passing away. I don't know what preceded the illness (any losses?), but I've been through what may be a similar experience with a friend of mine.

He was a master craftsman and took great pride in his work. He also felt himself to be quite spiritual, having taken a shaman's path. But he took his body(a strong build)and health for granted working way too many hours and always on his feet. He also got an immune illness that prevented him from doing his craft. Just prior to this some disillusionment about his path and spiritual life also came up, in part related to the deaths of some very close friends, and partly just from a nagging spiritual angst that wouldn't rest content with his worldly ego achievements.

Suddenly all this anger came up and he became explosive at the drop of a hat. These reactions, and seeing their devastating affect on others only sent him deeper into disillusionment and a crisis regarding his idenity as a 'spiritual' person...not to mention himself as an artisan. A complete identity wipeout. It also left him more isolated and withdrawn. He felt like an empty shell and went through a very dark time...depression, anger, etc. It was for him the valley of the shadow of death. I've been to this dark place and understood it. I also knew that he must find himself again along with his faith and relearn how to love himself and find a new balance. This all takes its own time. His wife left him as she just couldn't take it anymore (and perhaps she too was caught up in his 'old' identity and wasn't willing to stick around for what might take its place). And maybe her own path was leading her in another direction. Who knows.

For him it was the final shocking blow that sent him to such a dark place that he actually considered ending his life. And no one and nothing could reach him in that place. But remarkably....and very slowly....he began to care for his physical self which led him deeper into alternative healing and also into finding new, less physically demanding outlets for his creative endeavors. In fact as of now, he has become a very loving and positive person who really enjoys his life and relationships. Never would have guessed it possible if you'd have known him just a short while ago. Ultimately, it had to come from him. And he discovered that he is NOT what he does. He'll never carry such a limited sense of himself now that he's connected to the Divine pulse within himself.

I know how difficult this must be for you when you are directly in the line of fire. Tough to love someone when they are in the throes of such rage and unhappiness.

Perhaps you can find what gifts lay hidden in this situation for you.

I hope you have found places and relationships where you can get some loving support and guidance
that provide balance for you during these rocky times.

Sending a warm embrace...:hug:

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

11. this story was very helpful

because it is what he is going through. He severed ties with his spiritual teacher two years ago, in a fit of anger that is related to the underlying issue. He still has spiritual tools to use (such as the chanupe), but he must decide to use them. Yes, he is wrestling with perceptions of self, and must find the answers for himself.

Thank you especially for the reminding me of the gifts that lay hidden. This is correct, they are there. Merely being able to, at least in part, be an observer and recognize when my buttons are pushed has helped me a lot. And talking with my landlord, herself a spiritual person who has gone through situations like this, is useful.

One thing that I've noticed is an appreciation of every moment of calmness, of peace. And a willingness on my part to say, "I can't fix this situation for him. I can send love and light and ask the Masters to come to his aid, but other than that, I must let go and know, somehow, this drama was agreed upon by both of us to work out old karma, or to learn patience, or whatever is needed.

Thank you for your hug. It has helped.

[Why Syzygy]

9. Ayesha

:hug:

One of my ex-rm has disabling fibromyalgia. He had a lot of pain and frustration. The first time span I lived there, he started telling me to move out about every three weeks. He changed his mind the next day, but it felt very chaotic. I could never say anything he would construe as an 'attack' on him or what he was doing. I heard him curse god. I feared he would take his own life at times. It is a terrifying place to be. We could talk about it sometimes. He knew he had a rage issue. But he was very ill.

Since the two of you are married, I think it is very important to talk about. Set your boundaries. If he is raging, you don't have to sit around and take it. You can tell him ahead of time that you will go for a walk or something if it starts coming your way. There are also outlets for his pent up energy. Tennis, even just hitting the ball, gives some relief. Some people throw ice cubes or potatoes at the house (outside). A punching bag works. Something. Anger is energy. While he is working on discovering the source and healing, he can divert the energy away from inflicting pain on others.

Do you know if he feels guilty about something? I don't know much about MG per se. But, I've read quite a bit about autoimmune diseases in general.

Caroline Myss at Hay House Radio has an archived topic on diabetes. I think your meditation is right on track with linking his physical symptoms to a deeper meanings. You have to log in at the Hay House site, but the show is on Page 2 of her archived shows. You can download it.

September 18, 2007: The Underlying Causes of Diabetes?
All illnesses can be viewed through an archetypal or symbolic lens. Caroline discusses the underlying stress patterns of diabetes and other illnesses.

http://www.hayhouseradio.com/episode_archive.php?author_id=59&page=2&first_show_id=26

Perhaps you can use that link and just log on in the process.

The ex-rm also found that sitting in the tub with warm water from the shower head streaming on his painful arms and legs brought some relief. Is your husband exposed to any toxic substances?

Take care of yourself, and Reiki for your both. Don't give up. Keep looking for treatments. Try acupuncture, massage (if he can tolerate touch), hypnosis (is very good for me . YMMV), a homeopathic practitioner might be able to ameliorate much of his pain.

I love Dover's post. There's that too. The Dark Night. I too have been there not too long ago. I don't know if we have more than one. It can be very frightening and discouraging. But it is a good sign to go through it. To me it feels like on the other side, there is more *connection*. At least that's my experience. I'm sure others receive exactly what they need. Illness has a powerful potential to transform in great ways. That really seems like the best way to go with it.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

13. I will definitly check out Hay House

His underlying issue is one of self worth and recognition. It's a theme that has become more and more pronounced over the years.

I do try and "get away" though most often his rages are when we are in the car, and that is impossible. This is when I go into the breath and get very quiet, asking Spirit to tell me when to say or do anything. I have found that words come to set limits. He is limited in his physical activity, but he does soak in the bath with lavender oil.

Thanks for the information. He had acupuncture treatment yesterday. Got to go to work, but will write more later.

[Why Syzygy]

20. The car.

Yikes. I hope you're driving! Please just take care of yourself.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

22. No, I'm not

he behaves this way while driving--and then drives recklessly. A couple of times I was sure we were going to have a crash. And he won't let me drive--says he'll get out and walk. Totally unreasonable. He has calmed down though--the herbs he was given appear to have helped quite a bit. So perhaps it has passed, at least for a while. I'm hoping it is gone, but it is only hope.

[Why Syzygy]

26. Walking might do him good.

And I mean that in the most loving way. That's what I was afraid of. I've been in the car a couple of times with angry men, and it is not a good thing. I'm really glad the herbs are helping. Is he still taking prescription drugs? Do any of them have this as a possible side effect?

I believe so much that physical illnesses are trying to tell us something. I believe it because I've heard it and it makes sense with my holistic views. I wish we were better at hearing. I'm not sure what to do about that.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

28. And I might do that next time this happens

Luckily, I have a spiritual sister who has been in a similar situation (though the anger in her spouse was from alcoholism) who is helping me with this. And my doctor is reviewing what he is taking, including supplements and herbs.

[demnan]

14. Anti-depressants might help

are you open to this? I think in certain circumstances they help in dealing with loss.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

15. Just had a phone call from Doc

who recommended lithium. I think she can persuade him to take it.

[Bluestar]

16. Oh, Ayesha, I am sending you both love and light

I have a similar disease to MG, it's called polymyositis. I have just come through the dark of night where I have been in the depths of anger, low self-esteem and sadness. There are a few things I have discovered and I will share them with you.

MG can be associated with Celiac disease. This is an intolerance to gluten (wheat, barley) which is found in almost all of our prepared foods, bread, pasta, etc. There is a book titled, "Dangerous Grains" written by an MD who also has celiac. In that book he links celiac to many autoimmune diseases (MG and polymyositis). There is no cure or treatment for celiac, only going gluten-free will help. In his research he has found that those who adopt a strict gluten-free diet sometimes heal their autoimmune disorder within three years. I am coming up on my third year and I have to say I didn't start healing until I went gluten-free. There is now a simple blood test for diagnosis which your doctor could order.

This is not an easy fix, and I hesitate to bring it up as your husband is dealing with a lot right now, but if he does have it, going gluten free would make him feel better right away and would probably help with the anger. If you want to read about the disease, there is a wealth of information on www.celiac.com. Many doctors don't yet know to link autoimmune disorders with celiac.

I know that your husband also has diabetes. The medication they gave me for my disease threw me into diabetes (type 2) as well. Diabetes I has been associated with Celiac, but there are no conclusive tests to link type 2. I think it is only a matter of time until type 2 is also linked to Celiac because my diabetes is getting easier to control since I went gluten free.

The only thing that has helped me has been holistic medicine--homeopathic, energy medicine, my own processing of issues. The drugs they have prescribed have only made me weaker and created more symptoms, so I am only using holistic right now.

I'm sending you and your husband love and light for a divine healing.

[Dover]

17. I also saw a headline the other day linking caffeine to diabetes

although I didn't read it. Something about the vascular system being constricted I believe. I'd think that caffeine would be bad for any disease that
had to deal with circulation or restriction of the blood flow, like fibromyalgia, renauds (sp?), and others autoimmune diseases.

On edit: Here is a link on this subject -

http://diabetes.webmd.com/news/20080128/caffeine-risks-may-rattle-diabetics

[Bluestar]

18. Hi Dover--I saw that article too

I have been caffeine free for about 18 years now--I appreciate your thoughtfulness in posting this here.

[DemExpat]

19. Thinking of you both.

DemEx

[Lindsey]

21. The Caroline Myss CD's "Energy Anatomy" are a must...

I have something that they thought was Fibromyalga but now they're saying it's some kind of musle disorder that they basically don't know anything about. However, so many people have the same thing that they had to pay attention. I've had a lot of challenges in my life and I'm convinced that it's stored in my muscles. I'm having to take meds and I'm also looking into Eastern options. I went to an energy healer and it helped a little but not a lot.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

23. The Doctor of Chinese Medicine

told him that he has insufficient core chi, and gave him herbs to take. They have made quite a change in his behavior and in his physical condition. He is back to being polite and attentive and has been able to do light physical tasks with no pain.

[BanzaiBonnie]

24. Wonderful

I am so happy you found something that was helpful and gave ease to the situation.

[japple]

25. Glad to hear your husband is responding to the herbs.

And I was also glad to read up thread that you realize that he has to be the one to heal himself. Wonder if accupuncture would help with his pain control and energy blockages?

I know this is frustrating for you, though, and having been through something similar to this with my late husband, please pm me if you need to talk to someone and don't want to post it. My husband had heart disease with an inoperable blockage, in addition to diabetes, and problems with a poorly made leg prosthesis (the amputation was a result of diabetes and neuropathy). He mostly kept his pain to himself, but occasionally, when he couldn't stand it, he would have to vent and I was the closest target. Fortunately he wasn't violent or abusive but his anger did frighten me and I usually tried to remove myself from the path of it. He died of a massive coronary (his heart literally exploded) just two weeks before we were due to move into a semi-retirement situation where life would have been easier and more peaceful for him.

I hope your husband will come to terms with his life and will find peace. Am sending light and love to you both.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

31. thank you

he's responding to the herbs so far and is more or less back to his own sweet natured self. But I am wary--but praying that the herbs and acupuncture will help him. But I will take you up on your offer if I need to.

[Celebration]

30. that is great news

I am a huge fan of all aspects of TCM.

[I Have A Dream]

32. Wow, this is wonderful news!

It makes me think about visiting someone similar to see if I can find out why I have so little energy.

I'm so happy that things are changing for the better, Ayesha. No matter what, you know that your beloved husband loves you with all his heart. :hug:

[Why Syzygy]

27. Energy Healing

works in layers. It rarely produces an immediate dramatic result. Matrix Energetics which BBonnie wrote about might be an exception. But the other methods I'm familiar with work in layers. Good for you for seeking other options.

[Metta]

29. Asking Goddess to help him and you deal with this in a manner that's best.

Love and light to you, in a manner that benefits you. :hug: