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It was very hard. He felt guilty, I think, because when he was alive he was not able to really connect with us the way he wanted to. He was the "absent father" type, and worked all the time. Then, when he got ill with Parkinson's and dementia (he had the Alzheimer's type of Parkinson's) he was not Dad. After he died, he came to me and talked to me a lot. But instead of making me feel better, it made me cry. One time about a year later, I had a complete breakdown while I was driving home from a conference (long trip) and had to pull over so I could cry it out. I was there so long, a policeman came by to see if I was OK. I was so embarrassed. Anyway, after that Dad eased off. He drifted away and is now impossible to reach, even with a medium. I am always contacted by the dead, and I don't know why. But while they are living, I am also contacted. I am the one who is always left to deal with these things. I have six siblings, but they all live in other states. I am the only one who still lives here. My mother moved away after Dad passed, and lived in another state for 15 years. Last year she came home and I know she did it because she knew I was here and could take care of her at the end. It is OK. I'm used to it. But it is interesting that I'm the one. In 2001, my father's little brother died and I had to handle his last days in the nursing home up to the arrangements. He and my family were estranged at the time, and I was reluctant, but I was asked to deal with it by my aunt, who lived in Florida and was ill and couldn't. The jerk (my uncle was a miscreant and had a lot of issues) grabbed hold of my life force and wouldn't go. Even after he died, he was riding along, like a tapeworm. It took me awhile to realize that he was possessing me. But he is now gone, I hope. My ex-husband got him away from me. (He died in 2006, and the two really didn't like each other. My ex took Uncle E away, and at the same time, let me know he was dead. Interestingly, he was estranged from his family when he died, so it was up to me -- and I had not seen him for 35 years -- to let them know he was gone. It's a very strange story, really.)
Away, this long litany of mine was meant to tell you that your mother should not be hanging around. If you can connect too well with her, it is partly your fault and you need to let her go. After a few days, you should do a ritual to let her go. It is best for her - and best for you.
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