About our purpose in life--spinoff from unemployment thread.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

I was in a thread in GD that Rosemary started saying that she just couldn't understand why people could be unemployed for years. She thought they were lazy, or clueless about finding a job. She blamed the universities for not teaching us college grads how to find a job, or how to start a business, which is ridiculous. This flamefest has gone on for several days, and the utter lack of compassion is amazing. Rosemary, BTW, said she was disabled, so I guess she's not lazy. She seems to have all the answers for the rest of us.

Anyway, I finally thought of the real core issue, which is not judging yourself by whether you have a paying job or not. It's also about your purpose in life. Your purpose is not defined by whether you get paid or not. The meaningful things I've done in my life have been done for free. So I am reposting this as a jumping off point, because I think it expresses my feelings well:

The bedrock issue: My life has meaning because I SAY that it does.

My life is important because I say it is important. Not in an egotistical way. I have no temporal power over others to make them do anything.

What I do is important to fulfill myself and fulfill my purpose in the world.


If I cook a meal, sew a garment, weed a flowerbed, fertilize a plant so that

it flowers and adds beauty to the world, thank the mockingbirds as they chase

each other and I watch them, paint a picture, play music, sing,

pick out the colors to paint my house, make a pot of tea, wash the dishes,

make a piece of jewelry, light a candle to commemorate a person I miss who

loved me, research my ancestors to find out what sort of people I came from,

clean the clothes, mow the lawn, read to a child, comfort a friend who is

depressed.......

all those actions are meaningful in and of themselves.


Their meaning is not dependent on whether someone pays me for them or not.



My worth as a person with something to give to the world is not dependent on whether I have a paying job or not.


My worth is part of who I am, and my talents and skills. My worth comes from the fact that I exist. It comes from the fact that there are people who love me for being "the very one that I am" to quote John Bradshaw.


There are people who love me for being the unique, never to be here again ME. There are people who I love back for being the unique, never to be here again THEM.


This is what's important underneath all the squabbling from Rosemary about "Do you have a job or not? You're lazy, then. Your worth is dependent on a paycheck." Ironically, by her standards she would not meet that standard.


Her values seem to be the superficial one of "are you getting a paycheck from SOMEBODY ELSE?". Her values are dependent on other peoples' opinions & actions. Are you employed? If not, you're worthless. I say it means you're exploited. That is no way to live. Just because I can't make somebody else hire me, and the businesses I have started have either not gotten off the ground, or have failed due to lack of sales, doesn't make me worthless.


Basing your self image on what other people think of you is a horrible way to live. It's a good way to drive yourself crazy. We are all taught to internalize other peoples' opinions of us so we will be good conformist sheep, driven by unearned guilt and shame. Since most people like to judge and blame other people, to get their minds off their own problems, taking others' opinions seriously is a straight ticket to horrible, hopeless depression. (Read John Bradshaw, Ph.D.)

Most people are more worried about what you think of them than they are about developing their own opinions about anything in life.



What's important in life? Time for looking back at some personal history.

Will people remember all the hundreds of trials I took down in shorthand, and the transcripts I typed for the appeals?

Nope. I got paid for that. I worked incredibly hard, and made many thousands of dollars from that years ago. I got to where I hated it, I was stressed out and I cried every day after I got home from work, even when everybody at work was nice to me. I was one out of two hundred people who started court reporting school and finished and made a living at it. That's one half of one percent. Yet it didn't give me any satisfaction that I was doing anything meaningful.


Will people remember the hundreds of choir concerts & orchestra concerts I performed in and the good feelings they got from beautiful classical music?

Yes. I did those for free. Because I loved doing it.


Will they remember the joy they got from hearing me play the piano, play violin solos, and direct the choir in my local church on Sundays and special occasions?

Yes. I did those for free. Because I loved doing it.


Will people remember the joy they got from seeing the pictures and scarves and pillows I painted, and wearing the jewelry I made?

Yes. I sold those, and made a tiny amount of money. Because I loved doing it.


Will people remember the emotions they felt, the laughter they enjoyed, as I acted in plays and sang beautiful music written 170 years ago, in an opera, before them?

Yes. I did those for free, because I loved doing it.



If I was going to die in a week, and you asked me "Who am I?" what would I say?

Would I say I was a court reporter? No.
Would I say I was a musician? Yes.
Would I say I was an actress? Yes.
Would I say I was a creative artist? Yes.


The things I do that I identify myself with are the things that I have not been paid for, because our society does not value artists and musicians. If we valued culture the way Europe does, I would have had no problem being paid. But I would do it anyway. That's unfortunate. It does not change the meaningfulness of what I have done for decades.


Because I loved doing those things. For the glory of being alive.


:woohoo: :grouphug: :toast:

[lildreamer316]

1. WELL said!!!

I could not agree more.

It is hard for others to understand the joy I get from my profession, but I am lucky enough to dance and to be able to express music and emotion with my body, AND to get paid for it! (Sometimes). Also to interact with other souls on their journeys.

Goodness..is not music love in action also? I do love it so!!

Thanks for posting. Am having a hard time with feelings of self-worth and money right now, earned and un-earned. This helps a lot.

:toast:

[Manifestor_of_Light]

2. doing what you love and getting paid to dance!

Wow!!!

I'm retiring and hoping I can make a bit of money doing music and art.
If not, well, that's OK too. My BF and I have enough musical instruments and recording equipment for a small music store!!!

[SocratesInSpirit]

3. So many people

think a person's intrinsic value is based on what they earn or what their career is. As a creative writer/novelist (alas unpublished), I meet a lot of people who don't understand the spirit that drives creative people to create. They think it's just a nice little "hobby". I do have a day job to pay the bills (I guess Karen Bishop would call that my "storefront"), but I am uninterested in "career advancement", since my true passion lies outside of the 9 to 5 daily grind. I would rather write stories that inspire people and entertain them, and hopefully someday I'll be able to do that full time.

It's those little, seemingly insignificant things - seeing the buds on the trees in spring, getting a hug from a friend, hearing a moving symphony - that make life worth living. :toast:

[Manifestor_of_Light]

6. Novelist, excellent!

I think writing a novel would be good. I come from a family of good typists who were letter writers -- my grandma typed with 4 fingers on an old Royal manual. put in 2 carbons and addressed them to "Dearest Children:". Mom typed on an IBM Executive, and I took an IBM to college with me to keep mom and grandma up on what I was doing.

Mom and grandma are gone, but I keep up with my friends through e-mail.

I've always been told my letters were very interesting, so I should figure out how to turn that into actual creative writing.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

11. Yes, I think our 9 to 5s are our "storefront"

And I feel much the way you do about my creative endeavors. I've published stories online, and tend to give things away just for the joy it gives others. Last weekend, I taught a fellow how to play guitar. The joy in his face was reward enough. My 9 to 5 has its moments when I can practice patience, give out sympathy, and figure out the intricacies of scheduling, all of which are small rewards in and of themselves. But to participate in the Dances of Universal Peace, to help a person create a musical healing opus, to create gifts for those who don't expect them! What joy there is in that!

[I Have A Dream]

4. This is wonderful, Perragrande.

Congratulations on taking control of your own life and your own experience in this world. You are a One-Of-A-Kind, amazing being who needs to be the you that you truly are to be fulfilled and to affect the world as you came here to do.

:)

[Manifestor_of_Light]

5. Thank you.

What I got degrees in and studied, because I thought I could get jobs in those fields: Court Reporting, Biology, Law.

What I love to do: Sing, play the piano, play the violin, grow flowers, sew, make bread, paint pictures, act in plays(never thought I would do that, but it's a spin off of performing music).


As anyone will notice, those are totally different types of activities.
I majored in biology because my parents pressured me to major in a hard science.


They thought social sciences were suspicious, and psychology was a black art. Liberal arts were terrible because "I couldn't make a living at it" and fine arts were even worse. I wanted to major in fine arts.

Because they grew up in the Depression, they did not understand the concept of doing something you enjoy for a living.

If I had it to do over again, I would have gotten a BFA in painting.

I got lots of years left. I'm only 53!

:toast:

And you creative folks can join me in the artist's commune I'm dreaming of! I already am in the process of moving to the house in the country.

[eilen]

7. I am unpaid right now

But that doesn't mean my days are not filled.

Yesterday I grocery shopped and saved money for my family. I create all of our meals. This has the effect of making my husband feel taken care of and loved. I didn't have time or energy to do that when I worked full time, in fact, I don't think I woke up with him in the morning and he travelled more, living in hotels.

Yesterday I worked very hard on altering a prom dress, It had to be shortened quite a bit. It has 5 layers to it: fine embroidered tulle, tulle, silky polyester, netting, silky polyester. It was hard to shorten evenly and I still may have to cut a little off on one side of the tulle. I also accidently tore the fine top tulle part in front (it caught on a corner of my table), and I repaired it with some fine poly clear thread. This took about an hour to repair. I also hemmed the first three layers of the dress with a rolled hem. Then I took it in ever with some tucks parallel to the zipper. One of the tucks was a little screwy so I am in the process of taking that out and redoing it.

I am doing this for no pay. The young girl lives in a neighboring county and her family really can't afford the prom dress, nevermind the alterations. I got into touch with her through a charity that provides prom dresses for girls their guidance counselors have referred for limited means. She did work, save and buy this prom dress but is going to 2 proms! (popular girl). Her mom works at a local gas station.

I made a good dinner (meat loaf, corn, mac & cheese, baked beans, salad). I made my husband's lunch (tuna salad sandwich, meatloaf sandwich, apple, salad). When sitting with my husband in the evening, I go through magazines and pull out pages that spark my interest. I use these to create creative collage, to help design an art piece or sewing project (or both). I also research a little side business I am getting into: period costume. I have come into contact with some pirates and their contemporaries who all need a local source for custom clothing, I will most likely be paid for this activity although, I am not sure it will amount to very much. I am interested in meeting more creative people and learning a new skill. I also sew regular clothing and refashion stuff, knit, quilt, write and paint.

Today is garbage day, I haul out the recyclables and garbage (of which there is much more recycled and composted). It also is my art class day and my son also has an art class in the afternoon, I also have a meeting tonight for the ASG in which I serve as a newsletter content provider and retail representative. Two jobs that I would not have time to do if I worked full time that do not pay any money. I just started the retail thing and have to put together a publicity package--which is new for me. So I will prepare a quick dinner to go as my dh has a union meeting tonight as well. Somewhere today, I will also find time to start some seeds for my garden. This weekend we will be doing a bunch of yard work together as a family activity. It seems the work is lighter and we accomplish more together when we do this. Much of this will be in gardening. Tomorrow I will be picking up the supplies so we don't waste half a day in traffic and lines.

I might have less impact in the world now than when I did as nurse but my impact is bigger on the people I love. I create a home that is a sanctuary from the world and that is filled with love and care. This is where my husband starts his day before he installs the electric, fire alarms etc. in the children's hospital. When I worked as a nurse, I poured everything into my patients and had nothing left when I got home. I did not feed myself and became empty. I could not even handle my cats in my lap. Working in that environment was such a huge drain, people were never satisfied and rarely expressed gratitude. After all, I was just "doing my job." Now there is one less person doing that job.

I also make sure my son does a little studying each day on his school vacation. Even though he is 15 and very self sufficient, he is still very connected and uses me as a sounding board. He is very interested in participating with the pirate friends I have, hoping to work next summer at the ren-faire. He is a really good kid, just a bit of laziness when it comes to school/homework but with what I hear, things could be a lot worse.

I actually have some friends now too and can be a real friend to them, not just a vague "call me" friend. We run errands together to save on gas and have good company. I give them reiki when they are not feeling well and gobs of moral support when they are under stress and adversity. And they give back.

[BanzaiBonnie]

9. I'm 53 too

My parents tried to get me to be a teacher, "because teachers will always have jobs".

Did not suit me and I knew it was a waste of time. I wanted to be an architect/designer. Didn't do that because I was busy raising my daughters and I've been too busy being a grandmother.

Last fall I found Matrix Energetics and began to help others with it. I LOVE THIS. Best thing I've ever done. And I've got lots of years to play with this.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

12. I'll be with you in spirit

I was lucky in that my mother said it was ok to have an Art minor, as long as elementary education was my major. Like your parents, she lived through the Depression, and she knew that teaching was a steady job that a woman could have.

That artist's commune is already a reality! Visualize it coming to fruition on this plane!

[Why Syzygy]

25. Perragrande,

An artist's village is something I dream of also.

The *Universe* reminds me in daily email of this goal. Have you seen this >
http://www.tut.com/siteindex.shtml
(Notes From the Universe)

Won't it be wonderful :D

[glowing]

8. I've been saying this a lot..

I went to college.. did what I was supposed to do.. and its not happiness that comes from the job.. A job has become the thing that pays me so I can do the meaningful things that make me.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

10. Wonderful summary of what is REALLY important!

I'm remembering a bit of Dickens' "A Christmas Carol" where the ghost of Marley says that the welfare of mankind was his business, not the financial house he had run while alive.

Wonderful things have occurred in my life, and not because of a job title I had. I just happened to be at the right place at the right time to help others and make things happen.

"For the glory of being alive"---what a beautiful sentiment!

[Callie McAllie]

13. I agree with all this, but I worry about everybody's seeming dissatisfaction with their mcjobs

I'm totally stressed out at work these days, and even though what I do here is not as fulfilling as my private passions, I would be suicidal if I could not find a way to make it feel meaningful. 1/3 of my life is too much to give up just to pay the bills. Maybe I'm just rationalizing, but if I didn't do that I couldn't stay here.

To quote Ralph Waldo Emerson (from a thing hanging on my cubicle wall):

"What is success? To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived; that is to have succeeded."

I believe I can claim all those things, and my day job is part of the package.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

14. Yes, everybody is stressed out about their crappy jobs

My partner got canned from his lousy job that was killing him in 2006. That was a blessing in disguise.

I haven't worked in a number of years because I seem to be unable to get a temporary or permanent job in the legal field.

I have managed to make retiring early work, but it's not from saving money for retirement. There are some income sources that have blossomed in my life that I would never have foreseen, say, back in 2002 when my Mom died. She wanted me to have the house, and no money to pay the bills or fix it up, but I got the valid will probated so I would have money to pay the bills.


This week I'm getting together with a contractor to plan the slab/gazebo for the hot tub I bought used on Craigslist, which I'm getting hauled to the country house where the artist's colony will be!! So come soak your weary bones.

:toast:

[Callie McAllie]

21. I've been thinking about this a lot lately, because there's so much corruption at the top

Take the guy from Countrywide mortgage. First he makes all these risky loans, just to make a buck for himself and his investors, then when the loans go south and cause a real crisis in this country, he leave Countrywide to start another company that will buy up all those loans gone south and repackage them in some more stable form (he says) and then sell them again, to make buck for himself and his investors! He should be in jail, for crying out loud.

Always I have had sympathy for the people at the bottom of the economic ladder. The ones with no insurance, making minimum wage, or without jobs. But now I see a new layer of sympathy emerging. For people who are doing what they were told, they have a job, they have health care, they buy a house, they're trying to live the American dream. But the money they're making is no longer enough to buy the American Dream. They lose their homes to adjustable mortgage payments, they see their health care eroded in the name of corporate cost-control, they lose their jobs to corporate downsizing our outsourcing.

And the people that run the company, the people that make the home loans, get obscenely richer.

And even if you're like me, fortunate enough to have a job, a fixed rate mortgage, a little 401k for retirement, I see now that I'll never get rich, because I'm not enough of a scammer.

I blame George Bush, as always. He sets the tone.

[southerncrone]

15. I will remember you for this wonderful post.....you did this for free, too!

The "you-are-only-valuable-if-you-make-money theory of person-hood is a fabrication of the industrial revolution. More specifically the post-WWII period.......another "scam" forced on the populous. Those who own companies who need devout employees are who benefit from this type of thinking. It is lemming thinking.



Edited for spelling.

[NJCher]

16. the scam

Even more so, it's an indictment of capitalism that people cannot be working in jobs for which they are compensated and that they also love to do. Why can't we do that? We could do it if we wanted to.

I'm not saying doing worthwhile work and getting paid for it can't happen with capitalism, but I am saying that it's fairly rare.

Capitalism sucks. I'm an English teacher and I should be able to say that far more eloquently but I'm not in the mood to search for euphemisms tonight. It's just a bad system that republicans have turned into a bizarre freakazoid economic system that primarily benefits them and makes everyone else unhappy and sometimes even suicidal. it doesn't even make republicans happy--just rich--but they're too psychologically dense to even begin to think about critiquing the monstrosity they've put together over the past 30 years.

I'm teaching Arthur Miller's "Death of a Salesman" right now and I point out to my class the pathetic nature of Willy's life and it's connection to capitalism. (I love Arthur Miller; he is such a leftie.)

Another favorite that I use to open students' eyes to questioning this economic system is Tony Cade Bambara's short story, "The Lesson." The odd thing is that the students never get what that story is about. They're so beyond questioning capitalism and "the system" that it takes major work on the part of the teacher to show that to them.

I loved your posts, Perregrande and eilen. We just have the best people here on this forum.



Cher

[rumpel]

19. yes, my thoughts, too...

that is why I like the concept of the time dollar - it does not place a value ($) on a person's connections, degree, years of experience, lineage, wealth etc...it treats whatever you bring to society as a skill of equal footing.

it puts a person's "quality", into the concept of time as value...so, a homeless person with no skills but compassion putting an hour's worth of time into helping an elderly person, for example, is equivalent to someone administering an hour of legal work for the homeless person - the exchange of time - Time spent is time spent, regardless.

Why should an executive wheeling and dealing on the golf course 4 days a week with one or two clients, or shmoozing with politicians, be paid hundreds of millions when an employee of the same company spends hours wheeling and dealing with hundreds of customers during the same time frame only be entitled to a fraction of that..vis a vis Enron et al, if taken at face value, these executives even did not now what was going on within their own firm, ehem. The one true responsibility they really had. What made these people's hour so much more valuable than the employee's?

but...perhaps a completely new value system is something for a time in the future, long after we are gone. But we will plant the seed - one way or the other...

thanks NJCher for your efforts with our next generation, and thanks Perregrande for your post.

[NJCher]

22. never heard of that

And thanks! This is really something for my classes to think about. I think I will research "alternative value systems" and see what I find.

I would like to have a class that just tosses that idea around--what might the ramifications be. So much to think about!



Cher

[Callie McAllie]

20. And wasn't he married to Marilyn Monroe?

The guy really had it going on, didn't he?

[Why Syzygy]

17. This is one of those posts that

keeps me thinking about it for several days.

Actually, we have good evidence that just taking one breath on the planet makes an irreversible *change* in the Universe. The butterfly effect. Breathing in and out every day, exchanging gases with the plant life and atmospheres keeps all that is, alive and evolving.

There may be some projecting going on in the thread you mention. I didn't read it. If the woman is disabled but bases human worth on earning wages, then what must she think of herself? I don't know if that's the accurate situation, but it could be valid in another context.

After initially reading this thread, I caught part of a tv program about the disparity between life expectancy in the USA, which is clearly established by income bracket. It's even progressive. A little bit better off makes a difference in LE. I thought it was on PBS, but can't locate it now, and it may have been on a broadcast channel. It was worth watching again and spreading far and wide.

[Why Syzygy]

18. This is the documentary I watched >

http://www.unnaturalcauses.org/

Or >

http://www.pbs.org/unnaturalcauses/

I just noticed a thread was started in GD about this.

[bigmonkey]

23. Here's one for me about this.

I've gotten so that I cringe when someone uses the phrase "lead a productive life." What do they mean, really? I'm an old guy, so there's lots of standard answers I know, but I see that phrase as mostly propadanda for exploitation now.

[elleng]

24. Been doing this lately:

"Have you ever tried to herd cats? If you need to organize any groups today, you might get a sinking feeling that you've been given an impossible task. Everyone has different ideas about what the right options are, and trying to formulate a compromise either won't be possible or won't be helpful. So you've got to be ready to be the bad guy today -- put your foot down when the time comes, and don't be afraid to throw your authority around. You are in charge for a reason!"

SO as this is my today's horoscope, I guess that's who I am, at the moment anyway.

To clarify, been doing stuff for my elderly folks.

[raccoon]

26. Great post. My experience is somewhat similar to yours.

I have degrees and am not now employed in the area my degrees are in. I am in my mid 50's so am not exactly a sought-after job candidate.

I tell people I'm happily underemployed--which I am. I get some satisfaction from helping the customers. As well as from other things outside my day job. I love nature. I love watching bird, squirrels, insects, observing plants, etc.


" Her values seem to be the superficial one of "are you getting a paycheck from SOMEBODY ELSE?". "

As a society, we HAVE to get away from that, and from thinking somebody's who is unemployed is lazy, sorry, just didn't look, etc.

It's important not to have our jobs define us, especially nowadays, when jobs are here today, gone overseas tomorrow. We need to get away from defining ourselves by our jobs for that reason, and others such as you mentioned.

[Brewman_Jax]

27. That individual sounds too much like my father

to him, your worth is in direct proportion to the job you have--No job, no worth. My mom was a stay-at-home one until she got worried he would leave and got a bank teller job. She worked for 8 years 'til asthma disabled her. She could have had a labor suit against the bank, but, my father, the uncaring self-centered narcissistic freeper bastard he is (did I leave anything out?) wouldn't support her in that. Add to that, he can't stand his brother, a Juillard grad that didn't find financial success. He mooched off of his parents and siblings for years, up to the present. I think that's another reason my dad gave us (myself and my younger brother, who's an art grad) so much crap for being unemployed in the past. At my previous job, I was absolutely miserable. Drank a 6-pack a day to wind down, and had the beltline to show.

Years later, I am gainfully employed, and I like my job--most of the time. My artist brother is not, working freelance art jobs, the ren faire, and other assorted jobs. Looking back, I had as much fun working part-time in the mall (great fringe benefits, and the pay was good for PT) as I do now. I work the ren faire for no pay (I get the passes, free meals, and the other benefits, just no check) because it's what I want to do. I have a blast there, too.

Do what you like because peace of mind has no price tag.

One can be rich beyond measure, the measure doesn't have to be money. I am rich beyond measure.

[rosesaylavee]

28. This posts sums up so much that my SO and I have

been going thru. I was trained as an actress/director but havent done that for years. I have done such a hodge-podge of stuff. Last big stint ended last year and I have been doing a low-paying job since last fall when I wasn't able to find other better paying work. People keep asking me what I am doing... like that is who I am now.

And my husband is an artist. Has taken a lot of criticism for doing his work and not getting a "real" job. Link to his work in my sig line now. Does it look like he needs to find another job? I can't think of any one more suited to what he does. I would definitely like it if it paid more... but it makes his heart sing.

And my son is studying to be a musician. We are encouraging him to do what he loves... in the end, that is what you are remembered for...

Great post. Thank you!