Leaving Room for Miracles & Other Good Things (and trying to help others do so too)

[Shallah Kali]

As someone currently with an anxiety disorder and from a long line of pessimists and worry warts I have had to work hard to learn to be optimistic or at least see the possibility that good things could happen. For years I felt like Damocles with the sword hanging over my head but without the otherwise fabulous life :p There was a feeling of impending doom, waiting for the other shoe to drop even though the first shoe hadn't hit the ground yet. Fast foward through years of convention and unconventional treatment with the unconventional having much better effect and doing so without horrid side effects. Throw in some neat-o spiritual experiences and a few creepy ones, enough to finally convince my left brain that I am not nuts and that, yes, there ARE good spirits out there helping people including me (YAY!).

I can finally think positively most of the time. Worry wart habits have been cleared and when one pops up I know what to do to heal it. Bigger problems still crop up but at least I don't have to deal with the low level stuff constantly on top of it. I successfully confronted my personal Snape this past winter, unwillingly but effectively. Soon after I started loosing excess weight without trying. I had worked to do this for years but never could manage with deep set food issues. Denying myself any food made me panic until ate. Exercise did not work out either as I ended up damaging my knees at a place the specialist who treated me said gave him half of his patients due to imbalanced workouts. And here with that confrontation all the work I had done through the years came together and I found I would stop eating after small meal and at most take a couple bites more content to put up the leftovers for a future meal. I would feel a little hungry but could stand to wait longer between meals and snacks. If I push it too long I react by inhaling my next meal but then I will find myself stopping when my body says enough for now. I still can't believe it is happening and that I don't have to force myself to do anything. Oh and my knees and back are finally feeling good enough for me to start exercising again :) I am doing some light weight lifting and my muscles are just responding wonderfully. I want to be a healthy and strong woman who can heft sacks of kitty litter without straining my back.

I have lost so much excess weight that my Mother the worry wart has gone from wondering if I will have a heart attack or die of diabetes at any minute (when I have no sign or medical evidence of either other than excess weight) to worrying I am really ill and will waste away to nothing :crazy:. The fact is I hope to loose another set of what I have already lost and know I am *very* safely within the proper range for my height and build. Poor Mom. Even showing her how my muscles are growing even as the fat shrinks she is worried. I am trying to be kind about it but it is frustrating to have her get upset when I feel healthier than I have in years. I learned a lot of fears from her as a child and I have to still resist the habit of learning knew ones from her today. My Mother is a wonderful kind, generous, and loving person and I know this is one of her issues just as I still have my issues. I just wish I could help her not worry so. I admit some is for my personal comfort because when she worries my gut clenches and knots automatically but mostly so she could feel more peaceful the way I do since I learned the tricks that helped me deal with so many worry warts.

[Celebration]

1. Congrats!

That is just great about getting control of your eating habits. Yes, people tend to use food for things other than just getting physical nourishment. Food is tied to so many things. Pavlov rules here.

I used to worry a lot. Well, there is something about having kids! Still, I finally decided that my worrying didn't change the outcome of anything one iota. Another thing I did was allow myself to worry, but not allow myself to worry about worrying. So, if the object of my worry only took place in a specific time frame, I allowed myself to worry, but only during that time frame. I thus was able to break the habit of anticipatory worrying.

I'm not sure what to tell your mom to help her. But I hate to see that your gut clenches when your mom worries. I would just be honest with her about this issue sometime. Parents worrying about their kids sometimes brings up issues of control, unfortunately.

As a side note, my mother in law was obese and only started losing weight after her mom died in her 90s. Isn't that something? She is now normal weight after being obese most of her adult life, until about age 70 or so. She's a real worrier. It rubs off on my kids sometimes, unfortunately.

[Shallah Kali]

4. Eating can be selfmedicating, a quick and easy reward, and more

Eating let me stuff away my emotions when I was overwhelmed and couldn't cope with the overload, and I feel overwhelmed so much of the time. Well the over all stress level is down but things still push my buttons only now I can stop myself faster even when I go from hungry to ravenous. OK so what if I gobbled down a hardboiled egg in under 1 minute or snarfed a heaping spoonful of peanut butter? When I have my next meal I find I stop eating after a smaller portion than if I hadn't had that egg or peanut butter. I can finally after all of these years hear the Enough signal.

With worry I had to do what I am still learning to do with my big phobias and feel the feeling. Ride the wave letting the emotion flow until it runs out instead of stuffing the emotion in anyway. I started with the small worries like being late for an appointment because I am stuck in traffic. Seething and fretting won't make the traffic move. All it does is rile up my anxiety level, pump out unused adrenaline which then makes me feel horrid, and waste energy. I would ground myself and breathe into where the fear is in my body such as my solar plexus and throat and let myself feel the fear until the wave dies out on it's own. Also after I got attuned to Reiki I started self treating as I worked with the fear. As I continued to do this bit by bit the fear wore itself away. And I would point out to bits of me in fear that nothing horrible happened except a moment's embarrassment when I was late and often all that worry came to nothing as I made it on time. Things can still trigger the fear at times especially when I am with someone wound up but once I remember what to do it dissipates.

Treating the smaller fears is great practice for tackling my big ones and has done wonders for my general anxiety level. Believe me when you go from worrying about just about everything plus negative self-talk about how horrid a person I am for being so scared (which I worked on in a similar way) to maybe 10% of the old level I am down right happy even with the big stuff still needing healing!!!


re: my mom - I talked with my therapist about how she reacts to my improvements at times. Even though my Mother desperately wants me to get better going out in the world without fear sometimes she reacts in a way as if to get me back to the way I was. It is a totally unconscious kneejerk reaction and I know how hard those are to track down in myself. And at this point I haven't found a way to direct her attention to this without making her feel like I am attacking her. We have always been close especially after taking care of my Dad together when he got cancer and then died. We live together which isn't always easy with my Monk-isms and her lessor worry-wartisms conflicting and getting on each other's nerves such as when I am cutting veggies and she *has* to come up behind me and tell me to be careful or I will cut myself, then stand there and watch while radiating anxiety until my hands start shaking and I have to tell her to go away :crazy: In spite of this we generally get along great and don't hold each other's phobias against one another :)

[midnight]

2. Shallah I appriciate you wonderful triumph..... What a great victory.

keep up the good work...I too have been wondering how to take this weight to a lower level?

[Shallah Kali]

5. Thank you! 45 lbs and more still to come off

I am hovering around 190 and wearing my old size 16 jeans for the first time in 7 years. For once my hoarding paid off so I don't have to buy new clothing just yet. Since my budget is small I am going to hang on as long as possible before buying new stuff even if I do plan on sticking to thrift shops. It is so hard for me to let go of things it actually hurts to know I must give up the clothing that now hangs on me. Once my weight has stabilized I *will* take the too large stuff that is in good shape to the Goodwill. OCD hoarding or not I did manage to donate several big bags of clothing that I have had since my early teens that will never fit me unless my bones shrunk as well as the fat cells and some others that while they fit again I now realize look dreadful on me.


How to loose excess weight. OH boy, I have tried so many things. The best for me has been body centered psychotherapy as I have Issues that needed dealing with. Food was a reward, a way of deal with stress, and a way of suppressing emotion. I also was afraid to be thin. Those causes needed healing for any healthy eating or exercise program to take hold. I saw a documentary on a young woman who had one of those stomach surgeries to reduce her weight as she was dangerously over weight. Once she started getting near a normal weight she turned to alchol and partying to suppress the emotions she could no longer suppress by overeating. Her surgeon said it wasn't his responsibility for the mental and emotional part of her problem. There was no suggestion of psychotherapy to help her deal with those. Last fall my Mother and I went to two night hypnosis for weight release offered through the local adult ed figuring $20 per person was worth a try. After the first session I immediately hit up against a wall when I tried to overeat but when I couldn't find some way of coping I busted it down. That reminded me of that documentary and showed I needed a better way of coping first. A few weeks later the second group hypnosis session occurred and as before the hypnotist asked for suggestions. I asked if she could give the instruction that we know why we are eating. She ended up doing something normally used with smokers where she had us go back to when the over eating started. I was shocked to remember being teased for being too thin when I was 7 at a big family gathering by relatives I had never met before then. I was sickly constantly with ear, nose, and throat infections almost living on antibiotics and mutiple surgies removing tonsils, adenoids and putting tubes in my ears. I was told things like they could play the xylophone on my ribs as the other kids stared at me like they had never seen such a strange creature while I wished the ground would open up and swallow me whole. It hurt to remember but it felt soooooo good to get that out of me after all of these years. I had previously done past life regressions that let me release lifetimes of starvation and abuse that gave me some relief but that present life memory had never showed up before. Maybe that was the final thing I needed to do to start letting go of my weight? Anyhow it was a few months later I started eating a wee bit less with each meal. Then people started saying I looked thinner. At first I said no with part of me still wishing it wouldn't happen. Then even I noticed and I found I *was* happy about it. I was and am only a little anxious instead of phobic at the thought of being at my ideal body fat %.

I try to be precise about what I want. I don't want to be thin, I want to be HEALTHY. I talk to my fat cells telling them they have done a wonderful job taking care of me. They have done such a good job they have a new mission! Grow smaller until they are at around 20 to 25% of my weight. I want to have a healthy amount of muscle as well so I know that makes saying what weight I should be difficult. It is the body fat % that matters.

[BanzaiBonnie]

3. I am so happy for you

This is a big deal. You've worked hard and it's paying off.

I'm working with someone who is dealing with extreme anxiety. She's been to so many counselors over the years and meds did not help.
We clear layers and layers of old stuff. I've shared some exercises so she can practice feeling the good parts of life. It is a slow go, but she makes progress weekly.

What has been most helpful to you in dealing with the anxiety? What worked and what didn't?

[Shallah Kali]

6. Start with the smallest issues first and negative self-talk

I had no self esteem so I had to find motivation to force grow some. I am very left brain so I would argue myself into seeing that if all people have innate worth that means I have worth. If a baby does not have great accomplishment and yet is worthy of love and kindness why don't I deserve at least a little from myself? I would stop myself and ask if a good friend said such things to herself I would try to stop her and encourage her to have compassion for herself instead of criticizing herself constantly. Basically treat yourself like your own best friend. Instead of beating myself up for an normal human error I would stop and say to myself 'how dare you be a normal human being and make a mistake you normal human being you!!!'. It was so stupid and lame it would help break that habit of calling myself an idiot for dropping and breaking a mug or other common mistake. Sometimes picturing a giant VOID stamp slamming down on the negative self-talk would help. It takes time but things like this wore away at the cycle of self-criticism.


Similary working on the smallest fears and daily anxieties brings down the over all anxiety level. Starting small is less intimidating than tackling a major phobia and gives excellent practice. I have learned things will crop up under stress, things WILL still push the buttons I thought I removed and that is OK! It is *normal*! people with problems like mine have this happen. I am NOT defective. it is not necessary to panic over a *momentary* relapse, thereby doubling the panic. Just remember to breathe and give myself a chance to remember how to deal with it and know each time I do it I am wearing away the issue just as a drop of water wears a way a rock until it is a grain of sand. One piece at a time I rebuild myself. I describe this a bit more in a post above in this thread.

The therapist I work with is trained in traditional psychotherapy plus she does bodywork such as accupuressure and reiki. I lay on a massage table as I talk, she works on release points, helping the stored anxiety move, and pulls from the chakras as needed. One of the first things she taught me was to pay attention to where I feel my fears. Then we would work with that area. Also she is a trained hypnotist so we have done many past life regressions to peel away layers. Now one can work with past lives as symbolic of current issues and release them that way. I am a beliver so I take them as is, not really interested in historical details just the emotional truths that shaped who I am right here and now.

Another important thing was learning to ground and shield. I am empathic as most people are to some degree so being around other people without a shield is overwhelming. As a child I would come home from school and cry for hours sad and scared without any reason that I knew of then. As I got older I learned of psychic abilities and considered the possability that I might have it especially as I finally noticed that I could go from a wonderful mood to feeling like I had been through the wringer with one phone call. I went from beliving only special few were psychic to accepting this is common and then wondering how many miserable empaths are out there on drugs from trying to deal with other people's stuff. If you believe this could be apart of your client's problem and she knows of psychic ability and is willing to experiment it won't hurt to try. It surely is less toxic than medications. At worst you waste a few minutes a day on visualization. For me it is wondrous to only have to deal with my stuff!

[eilen]

7. I have read that empaths often

find themselves with excess weight as an effort to shield themselves from the pain and other stuff they are picking up from others--unconsciously.

I am very empathic and have found myself in this situation. I know in my bones that there is this excess that doesn't belong. In my previous jobs I have worked with people in incredible pain and had no skills in grounding or detaching myself from the constant energy drain nor shielding. As a result I became not only overweight but drained and very depressed. I have gotten out of the depression but it is taking time to get the energy back. I have become attuned in reiki level 1 but have not done any healing to people, just really to my plants and my cat and myself.

I have done some reading on psychic protection and some meditations as well as reading some books on codependency and Louise Hay's books for some insight and other tools. One day I had so much anxiety related to my husband that I did one of the exercises in the Condependent book, just wrote all my most horrible anxieties and reasons for them. I felt such an emotional release, it was very helpful when the actual event I was anxious came about. I was able to stand aside from those anxieties and look at things differently. As a result, my perceptions and behavior came from a center of love going outwards rather than looking inwards expecting everything to be caused by some flaw or inadequacy in myself.

I am a little torn feeling somewhat guilty that I have not been back to nursing or even just working with people in need of healing. This is due to my readings regarding the purpose of us here is to serve and help others. So I get a bit torn even though I know I need to work on myself. I am also impatient with myself i/r/t getting back on my feet and "getting it together".

This is truly very vexing and I get very emotional about it, just writing about it. I have the knowledge of what I need to do and I often set off in a good direction but then lose steam, energy to continue and this block sits there like iron gate I can see through, I can shake but am not strong enough to open.

My friend and I are going to start on a detox and cleansing and see if that helps. She has training in herbs and has a gift of healing. The other day she did a clearing on my and helped me with some shielding.

[Shallah Kali]

8. IMO a healer's first duty is to properly care for her/himself. You *are* working with someone in nee

and very worthy of help :hug:

Once you are ready you will be so very much more effective in assisting others than if you neglect yourself now and burn yourself out. If your conscience cannot yet accept that you too are worthy of healing maybe it will accept that reasoning? I know I have to argue myself into taking care of myself and not beating myself up for not doing more.

Also consider this - have you ever noticed that just being around good healers raises your energy? The more powerful your personal energy becomes the more effective a healer you will be. Just being around you will perk people up. And if you put any credence into the 100th Monkey Effect by raising your energy to a higher and stronger vibration will raise the over all vibration of all Beings. Every fear you reduce and then release is one less bit of fear in the world. The more love you feel and have the more you share that love with the entire world. You change the world by changing yourself.

I am very glad to read you have learned Reiki. That was just about the most potent thing I learned that finally gave me the energy to create effective shielding and to more easily clear myself of the stuff I picked up from others. I send Reiki into my shielding as I build it and then reinforce it with the symbols. I found out that I could use the symbols after Reiki 1 even Raku which is supposed to be for master level. I use Raku to separate my energy from others if I get entangled and Cho Ku Rei to breakup and transmute the negativity. I shield myself, my bedroom, the home and the property it sits on as I tend to open up unconsciously when I am asleep which makes for anxiety driven dreams and vague terrors constantly wake me up. Maybe it is overkill but I always feel more peaceful and sleep so much more soundly for it! If even that is not enough as I find I feel more permeable at times than others I will ask the archangels of the directions to surround my room and the property north, east, south, west, below, above, & center blocking anything that is harmful. I read that technique on a website that I could never find again so I can't remember the names of each angel when I tried it in despiration one sleepless night. They still came and helped me and I was shocked in the morning to realize I immediately fell asleep after the invocation. I have an insomnia since I was a kid so this is a great gift. Oh and I shouldn't forget to share this one from Shamballa Reiki. All I say is 'Archangel Micheal please give me (my home, my car, my workspace) a pillar of light to protect me from all harm. Thank you.' I instantly will feel as if I am in a beam of light that cuts off any bad vibes around me.

Have you experimented with distant healing yet? Remember with Reiki time and distance does not matter. You can send healing to a past trauma in your life or to a future even that you know will be stressful such as sending to your kitty when s/he needs to go to the vet for a shot. Or send to a future positive event such as a healing session with your friend to make it even more effective. I will selftreat in the days before therapy to prepare me for the work and after to help integrate the changes. I reiki stuck jar lids and my phone and pc so only good energy passes back and forth when communicating :) The more I use Reiki the more I feel that I can channel which is another good reason to self treat.