Letting go

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

This seems to be the season when you let things go. My friend and healer, Martha Moore Stevens passed away, leaving Love and Light in her wake as she crossed over.

And I am finding my ideals being shattered on the Rock of Truth. I've come to one of those places in my life where what I have been doing spiritually just doesn't seem to be my path any more. It is as if I were wandering in the woods and have gotten lost. A spiritual leader whom I admired did something very tacky, and I am still getting over the feeling of being used. I get silence when I ask guides in this world and also guides on the Other Side. My dear husband's condition is worsening too, and I cannot do a thing about it--and it is difficult, very difficult, to deal with his emotional swings.

I just want to sit and cry. I think I'll do that, as it is the first step in letting go.

I let you go, Sufism, if that is what is needed.

I let you go, Dear Husband, if that is what is needed.

Though I hope it is not.

[LaurenG]

1. Oh ayeshahaqqiqa - I am so very sorry for the loss of your friend

and for your pain over your husband and his health and the trauma you are enduring. I'm praying for you and sending good vibes and light your way, right now. :hug: :grouphug:

[I Have A Dream]

2. Ayesha, I'm so sorry that you're hurting so much.

I know how much you love Martha. May she stay connected to you from the other side (if that is for your highest good).

May you find the path that leads you to peace. I will be praying that you find this and that it happens without you having to give up those things in your life that you value. (This or something better for the highest good of all involved.)

:(

:hug::hug::hug:

[LWolf]

3. .

:hug:

[Cleita]

4. It seems when we approach the winter solstice, it signals that things are

dying and there is the cold winter ahead, but underneath it things are getting ready to be reborn in the spring. You have not lost your spirituality but the means by which you express it. A new path will be born for you and you will know it when it happens. I'm sorry about your husband and I hope he gets better. I lost my husband at this time of year too and it's makes the holiday season very sorrowful, however, the time will come when I will join him and we will be reborn anew after the period of hibernation and sadness our souls must go through from loss. You seem to be way ahead of me in acknowledging the need to let go if the unthinkable happens. I would not accept that he was dying even though I knew. I think you will be able to accept this in a more spiritual way making his passing much easier for both of you.:hug:

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

5. I'm sorry for your loss

Don't think it is easy to acknowledge what might well come to pass. It hasn't been. But I feel that it is the step to take at this time--it will aid in his healing. For years, I had no fear of death, after a mystical experience. But now...I don't know. That is part of what I also must give up. Thanks for listening.

[Cleita]

7. Thanks ayesha. I didn't mean to hijack your sorrow with my story.

I'm hoping it helps is all and that you know you are not alone.

[Dover]

6. "How is it that I have wandered into this desert...

where the once abundant, nourishing waters now transform into vapor or retreat back into the deep resevoirs within the earth, betrayed by a cruel Sun who steals the last drops before I have quenched my unquenchable thirst, but fearing that its setting will leave me alone with the dark emptiness of its absence...confused, sad and frightened at the recognition of an ending that is still opague to my conscious mind's eye, uncharted in waking experience, and yet I am unable to return as the path behind me has mysteriously disappeared with each step toward the fading day...
is this death?

Is this the path? I cannot see it anymore but must trust my feet to love the dark earth
and the inner light of my souls' wisdom to find my way...home...to You.

I wrote that some years ago at a particularly difficult time when death in all its forms brought
with it a great drought and then surrender. It was my heightened thirst and my trust in the untapped nourishment of a truer source that kept me moving.

Maybe these feelings will resonate with you too.

Your surrender is indicative of a deep and abiding trust that transcends all else.

A Houston astrologer, Nan Hall, wrote this forward piece to her December forecast which seems to speak to this cyclical death we call winter.

I hope your Thanksgiving was wonderful and an opportunity for an exercise in gratitude for having survived this unusual and difficult year. December brings us the Winter Solstice, the longest night of the year and the return of the sun as the days get longer and the nights get shorter. In preparation and celebration for this major change point, I urge all of you to align yourself with the possibility of a better life and more consciousness by making time for the following exercise: ask yourself these questions about your experiences over the past 12 months:

What have I experienced that I want to release?
What have I learned or gained from this experience?
What do I want to create/manifest in its place for the New Year?


(((big embrace))) courage

:hug: Dover

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

8. Thank you for these words

which do, indeed, resonate.

[FirstLight]

9. My Heart goes out to you too...

I don't pretend to know all tht you are dealing with Ayeshah, but I DO know this time of year and this time for us on the planet is very "thick" with struggle and lessons and everything we must deal with so we can resonate more & more light and love.

That doesn't mean that going through the 'eye of the needle' is any easier, but if it helps at all, know that you are not alone.

I commend you for acknowledging the shift of your spiritual needs and emotional health by crying... I also commend you for having the strength to open yourself up to what the universe brings and allowing the let-go if necessary...(i myself have trouble with THAT part!)

Thanks for allowing us to offer you love and support too..the healing is a collective peice
and I have also been held closely by you and others here as we struggle with
our issues and heavy hearts at this moment in time.
It is a blesing to have you here and share the tears and the joys :grouphug:

[davsand]

10. I have no wisdom to offer. I suspect that will be hard won and deeply personal.

What I do offer you is my love and support in a time when maybe a friend can come in handy. Please know I am here.

:hug:

May your burdens lighten soon and may your path brighten with every step.



Laura

[rumpel]

11. perhaps

your friend and healer left, as she knows what she can give was given and she needed to move on.

Ayesha, I know you have your unique powers and wisdom, lots of love you always and readily share. May all the good come to you.

It sounds like a siege of major disappointments, doubt and uncertainty. In addition it is truly not easy to deal with illnesses of a loved one. Sometimes you just have to retreat into your invisible cocoon. Moment by moment, one step at a time, is all we can do.

I send you light.



:grouphug:

[crikkett]

12. Wow

I'm sorry for the loss of your friend.

I myself have been so upset/unbalanced this weekend that I've fallen back on an old crutch -- I have gospel music running on my stereo.

Gospel music is cathartic for me - I used to sing in a gospel choir so it's like home. Try it yourself if you are into this kind of music - here's the show I just have running to help me get some work out before my deadline tomorrow. http://kpfa.org/archives/index.php?arch=29667 (obtw the show starts off weird, so give it about 10 mins)

So really,

Is it time to give up on things? I dreamt last night that everyone was worried (and how) but not ready to give up yet.

I've always considered you a wise and remarkable woman. Hang in there and know that you have my support. PM me if you want help or a friendly voice to crack bad jokes and entertain you with wild absurdity.

[Proud_Lefty]

13. I'm so sorry you're going through this

This is such a difficult time for most people. I spoke with Martha once and she was a very special woman. I just know that she's on the other side trying to reach you and give you encouragement to carry on. Try to hear her or to feel her. I'm sure you'd feel the comfort you seek.

It seems like that feeling cut off from our spiritual connection is a common thing with many of us. Don't throw it all away, Ayesha. If you can, sit back and take a look at the messages you understand and what messages you still need to decipher. I'm sure it'll all start coming together when the time is right. You know, I'm on my spiritual journey to connect to God, my divine, the source or whatever you want to call it. I've encountered many people on that path and very few actually have anything to do with my true path. I sure wouldn't walk away from my ultimate goal because of my un-enlightened people.

I'm sending lots of love and prayers to you and to your husband.

[elleng]

14. After great pain a formal feeling comes--

The nerves sit ceremonious like tombs;
The stiff Heart questions--was it He that bore?
And yesterday--or centuries before?
The feet, mechanical, go round
A wooden way
Of ground, or air, or ought,
Regardless grown,
A quartz contentment, like a stone.

This is the hour of lead
Remembered if outlived,
As freezing persons recollect the snow--
First chill, then stupor, then the letting go.

Emily Dickinson

[Shallah Kali]

15. I too have no words of wisdom. I just want to say I wish you well through this time of trial

and pray that if possible it be gentled and it's passage be swift.

[MorningGlow]

16. Oh Ayesha--I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend

Sending light to you, your husband, and to your friend's spirit for a quick, safe passage. :hug:

I understand completely what you mean about accepting death until someone we rely on heavily departs. (Me, I'm terrified of my mother or DH passing.) And it seems many of us on this board recently have been forced to examine our paths, our chosen faiths, and our support systems--and, quite often, let them go. Not that that makes it any easier when major changes hit home--especially when our guides are silent. But I'm sure your guides are silent because they know you have all the knowledge, all the insight, and all the instinct you need to arrive at your own conclusions. It's like they're quietly watching you, saying, "We've taught you well, so go on--you can do this one yourself." But of course they'll catch you if you need it.

I'm certain your path will come clear to you once the dark period prior to the solstice passes. In the meantime, don't forget to rely on the support available at this board. Everyone here does it so well!
:hug: :hug: :hug:

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

23. My inner guide came to me in a dream

and held me. No words, except "it is not the time yet", which I knew to mean not the time for me to depart this life. But there was reassurance that, no matter what my path, the Friend will be there.

[MorningGlow]

24. Oh, that's nice

Those dreams are so comforting. I don't know about you, but I often forget that we have lots of company, protection, and guidance at all times.

[midnight]

17. Sweet ayeshahaqqiqa I'm sending you strength and wisdom.

Peace for you and all the changes that are bombarding you and your husband.

[Fire Walk With Me]

18. 16. Breathing in, I contemplate surrender.

Breathing out, I contemplate surrender.

Attention on the breath in the body...

I'm so sorry for your losses. Never forget to bring your pain here, where it is welcome. May God provide you grace and ease.

[BlueIris]

19. Oh, man. I'm really sorry, ayesha. And also sorry for the loss of dear MMS.

But I know she is at peace now.

[amitten]

20. You will feel better soon.

:grouphug:

[northernlights]

21. no words of wisdom

Just hugs and healing light for you and your family. :grouphug:

[Mnemosyne]

22. I am sorry for your pain, ayeshahaqqiqa.

:hug:

[japple]

25. Dear Ayesha, I am so sorry for the loss of your friend.

Martha is smiling on you from the other side. Please know that you are not alone in your feelings. I, too, have felt alone and adrift, but after reading Karen Bishop's message posted by IHAD here http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=245x80239, I am more hopeful. Please take care and know that you are loved.

[lildreamer316]

26. Ayesha...

Much love to you and your wonderful husband. I so hope you don't have to lose him just yet.
It seems you are not the only lost one..I, too, am wandering blindly. I could have written that part of your post myself.
I will be thinking about you often.