I need help...

[GoddessOfGuinness]

Between 3-5 years ago, I began sinking deeper and deeper into depression. I was involved in an employment opportunity which turned out to be emotionally abusive. There was additional stress on the homefront with my spouse, who wasn't particularly supportive of my career anyway; and the political crises since 2000 served as icing on the cake.

I got some counseling for a couple of years to help me deal with those issues and others that have since arisen; and while it didn't take the pain away, it at least kept me from getting completely lost in it.

Now I'm clearing up certain business matters that date back to the years where my psyche was at its worst; and I'm finding it so incredibly depressing to face the memory of the treachery I experienced. I'm having a hard time separating the business from the bullshit of the past, and I'm not sure how to deal with it.

I suspect this is similar to what people must go through when they divorce; though I'm not certain.

Anyone have any suggestions?

[Quakerfriend]

1. Hi GoG!

Nice to see you over this way!

What I have done that really helps is to write down some affirmative-type statements and say them several times before retiring at night.

For example,I would say, "I will go smoothly thru this process and nothing that has previously been painful for me will cause me pain at this time" OR " I will release all painful memories whenever they arise, and not hold onto them. These memories will no longer effect me in a negative way" etc.

It's sort of like self hypnosis. But, I find it extremely effective.

If you can find time to exercise each day, this will help a great deal as well. But, that's sometimes easier said than done!

Hope this helps!

[GoddessOfGuinness]

2. When you first started making affirmations,

did you get that nagging feeling that you were merely fooling yourself...trying to brainwash yourself into believing what wasn't true?

If so, how do you transcend those feelings?

[Quakerfriend]

3. Just as you do while meditating I would gently push those

doubting feelings out and continue to say the affirmations.

What's interesting, is that during the day when an old negative thought would pop up I would find myself immediately repeating the affirmation! It works quite well for me.

I have to say that the only time it has not worked for me has been during menopause. This was an especially difficult time for me. I could not believe what a devil the "big M" was... prancing in and out whenever it pleased! Yikes, nearly drove me insane!

BTW, GoG, thought you might be happy to hear that I found some of the family music I had been looking for!! It took almost 2 months to get it by mail from Germany. But, I just love listening to their songs. Lucia Popp does the vocals. I'm sure you must know of her. Her voice is simply magnificent!

[GoddessOfGuinness]

4. That's wonderful!

I'm not familiar with Lucia Popp...I'll have to look up some of her recordings.

One of the most moving gigs I ever played was a funeral service for a woman who lived well into her 90s. She'd been a freelance violinist who performed at her church whenever the occasion called for something special.

When her first child was born, the organist at the church wrote her a Lullaby for violin and piano as a gift. So whenever there was a family birthday, wedding, funeral, or other occasion, she'd pull out the Lullaby and play it again. It's a beautiful tune, elegant in its simplicity.

The family all agreed that when she passed away, there could be no more fitting tribute to her than to have someone play the Lullaby once more. I felt so honored, and wasn't ashamed to cry for her myself after learning the story behind the piece.

[knowbody0]

5. GoddessofGuinness

the book, Radical Forgiveness was a very powerful tool for me. gives you a new perspective.
i too suffered from betrayal and treachery three years ago, and it sent me deep into the belly of the beast. its been quite a journey but today i am grateful for the whole experience
peace and love

[GoddessOfGuinness]

6. "Radical Forgiveness, Making Room for the Miracle", by Colin Tipping

Is this the book you mean? That's what came up most often when I googled.

Thanks for your recommendation. :hi:

[knowbody0]

7. yep

you can download a worksheet which i found useful as well. good luck

[GoddessOfGuinness]

8. Is that in the book, or on a webpage?

[knowbody0]

9. it's in the book, but in very small pring

downloading is free and recommended in the book. i'd love to hear your reaction. it was 'ENLIGHTENMENT' for me, and i've been on my spiritual journey for 30 years, with really wise teachers.

[LWolf]

10. Good suggestions here already;

Quakerfriend's advice has worked well for me, and I'm intrigued about knowbody0's book. I may check it out.

I come from a family that suffers from depression; we can trace severe depression back 6 generations. Whether that is some sort of genetic chemical thing or not, I don't know. I just know that it is real. Some of what we have done to manage our day to day lives include:

meditation, with deliberate focus on releasing negativity and inviting "light;"
regular physical exercise; it's amazing how much stress can be released through sweat and exertion!
diet
counseling
deliberate focus on the positive, in word, thought, and deed
special lighting in the winter
occasional chemical help, in the form of herbs or prescription medication; usually in response to winter or to unusual outside stress

For healing the anger and hurt that come with betrayal, I could say that this is something like peeling an onion. No matter how far you think you've gotten, there may be more layers ahead. What is presented with each layer is the choice; to let go, or to hold on to the feelings. Letting go, in this case, is difficult. In the beginning, I didn't want to. Then, when I wanted to, I struggled. This is where the affirmations came in. I spoke words of forgiveness, and affirmed that I wished to move forward, and let old wounds heal. It's worked pretty well. There are times that, after days or weeks or even months of content, I'm all of a sudden in tears for no apparent reason. I'm right "there" again. I let the tears flow, and I repeat the affirmations, and continue on my way.

:hug:

[GoddessOfGuinness]

11. Thanks, LWolf

I'm beginning to think that depression runs in our family too...some have been more serious than others. I appreciate your advice and your hug! :hug:

[tlcandie]

12. GoG... when I was 37-38 years of age I was taking care of interior

plants in Seattle. I had this bamboo plant that continued to have aphids. One day I showed up to check it out/water, etc. and broke down crying when I saw it still had bugs! :wow:

At the age of 35 I had to have a hysterectomy. I had been on Premarin and could not get settled to where I wasn't very up or very down. After the incident above I just stopped everything and cried for weeks.

I went to a psychiatrist who put me on Lithium and Pamelor stating that he felt I was manic/depressive personality given my life's history, etc. I took the drugs and they seemed to help me a bit, but I hated the flat-lined feeling!

I started soul searching and working on stuff myself via books mostly. Not long after that I went started training for becoming a licensed massage therapist and everything I ever knew or thought I knew in life changed!! It opened me up, healed me, and gave me power/knowledge to move forward and become the person I selected to experience upon setting foot upon Mother Earth.

After several months of the meds I stopped them and have never had to use them ever again. I was on Xanax for several months after the invasion started due to all the crap happening in the US and the world.

I have alcoholism/depression in my family as well. Early on I was at alcoholisms doorstep, but got scared outta my gourd by something stupid I did and stopped... exchanging that for RW Christian fundamentalism.

The things that have worked for me are journaling; writing letters to people who have hurt me (then burning them or filing them away.. often times prayers while burning them help to free the emotions that keep you locked into those feelings/thought patterns); bodywork (receiving massage...cried upon receiving my first massage... total release! that is when I knew I wanted to become a massage therapist); healing music spheres, Native American, musically tuned quartz bowls, international music, etc.; talking to others; reading till my eyeballs hurt; watching the Wisdom Channel on satellite TV (wasn't there when I had my issues); watching/listening to FSTV/LINK TV (lots of stuff there for triggers, etc.); workshops; readings; experimenting; learning something new; and CHOOSING to be around positive people and drawing the line on abuse and negativity.

I ask that my guardian angels and guides meet with yours to keep/comfort and direct you to your path keeping you in the will of the Creator. May Light and Love freely flow to you for your healing and guidance. May the brilliant white light of true Love surround you continually and bring the peace that passes all understanding.

Life is a journey. It's about the learning, the growing, the bumps and bruises. You WILL make it...you've asked for help and creation is always there when one asks. Sometimes it comes in ways we would never dream...therefore, may your dreams help to guide you and sort through the mish mash of chaos you see bringing you to resolution and healing ready for a more enlightened path that awaits us all!

Might check out http://thedivinewild.com. Not sure what your finances are like, but I'm sending it to my friend for her birthday present and me soon thereafter!

Hope some of this helps.. however, I think I've only rambled! LoL :+

:hug:

[GoddessOfGuinness]

13. Thank you for your thoughts

I'd prefer to avoid pills if I can. My mood definitely elevates when I walk on a regular basis; but I have trouble sticking with it. I also feel better when I take vitamins and a dose of St Johnswort; but I'm so not a creature of habit that I forget to take them at times.

I'll check out the website. Thanks again for your support! :hug: