So I've finished my 1st week making sandwiches

[northernlights]

chop veggies, carry water.

I found myself wondering why the universe is doing this to me. After a couple days, I had an answer.

On my 1st day working on the counter at Subway, Lance from the post office came in. He saw me before I saw him. I looked up and started to smile and say hello, but he was jerking his eyes away. He very carefully did not look at me or acknowledge my presence. I don't know if he was embarrassed or contemptuous or what. But -- ta da -- it didn't matter. I felt nothing. Whatever he was feeling passed right through me. There was no pride wound to touch.

On my 2nd day working on the counter, I was making a sandwich for a woman about my age. I apologized for my slowness. I could see from her eyes that she was a buddha of compassion. She kindly said she wouldn't know how to start a new job now. Over veggies, I quietly told her how I used to me over $100K, how I'd lost half my life savings, how a former colleague had stolen my identity. We choked back tears together, and she said she would pray for me, that she and her DH would pray for me, and I pulled myself back together. I felt that wound for a day...and then it was gone. She took that pain on herself, to spare me.

By the 3rd day, I noticed that the only thing that was bothering me with people was the 2 young men that work there, the way they were bossing me around. I meditated on it, and realized they reminded me of my father when I was young. And then realized that inside, they felt like losers and so bossed me around to feel powerful. Or were mad at their moms, and taking it out on me. And they stopped bothering me.

I just. don't. care. I work totally in the moment. What I mostly feel right now is physical exhaustion. Tomorrow a couple hundred bucks should appear in my checking account. I was going to use it to buy hay, but last night my kitchen sink faucet, which had been dripping, totally bit the dust. As in, broke off in my hand!I managed to kluge it back together, and am now avoiding using it, but will have to do dishes tomorrow. So plumber comes 1st. I have ~10 days of hay, and can buy a couple bales of hay if necessary to tide me over until the next payday or tax refund, whichever comes 1st...

In the meantime, I got a call yesterday from the firm doing the background check. The work is outsourced...to India. He misread a handwritten #5 as a 3 (my experience is that Indians tend to write those 2 numbers out a little differently than here) on my application. I snapped at him a bit, but I was very annoyed to be getting a call from India that took a job from an American. An American who would know the difference between a #3 and a #5, and would look at the typed resume to confirm.

Tomorrow is my day off. Then it's back to chop veggies, carry water...until I finish whatever it is the universe has sent me here for.

[FirstLight]

1. Have I told you yet today that YOU ROCK!

I know all too well how it feels to have to do something you have no "greater passion" for except to pay the bills and survive. and et I have never been at the place where you had come from, I have never made over 15K a year, with 3 kids and hud housing assistance, I wonder if I will ever know that success...

But your attitude and approach to the work, as a Being of Light - placed somewhere obscure to BRING that light to others...
Is AWESOME. I have had friends who tried to practice this approach when the job they were IN didn't work out, and it is a difficult task to be conscious and remain in one's heart through the mundane, no matter what the job.

So THANK YOU for making it a meditation and practice of walking the talk until the Universe calls you elsewhere...and kudos to you for allowing your self to be in the MOMENT!

:applause:

:grouphug:

:salute:

[MorningGlow]

2. Wow!!!

NL, that's amazing. Chop veggies, carry water indeed--what a zen meditation. Do you realize how much karma you are clearing with this one mindless job?! How many lessons you are learning while making people happy by providing them with fairly nutritious food?! That's a win-win situation!

Oh, NL, I know it's a comedown. And I know working in a service-type job is a pain in the you-know-what (I know the torture well from working in retail). But as long as you can remain in the moment and aware of the various lessons you're learning every minute, you'll do just fine and make the most of this experience. Oh--and don't forget to notice all the things you're teaching others at the same time!

Be well, NL. :hug:

[I Have A Dream]

3. I have to agree with FirstLight, northernlights.

:yourock:

:loveya:

[OneGrassRoot]

11. I third that sentiment...

:)

:yourock:

If I had a bowing-down emoticon, I'd insert that.

:hug:

[rosesaylavee]

4. Ha. This sounds like my

job... and you have a much MUCH better attitude than I have this week... I will try to emulate you tomorrow and remember that thingie about the kids having trouble with their moms or older women. Had thought that but have tried not to dwell on it. If true, nothing I can do about it.

I am pitching for you to catch a break... I really am.

:hug:

[Sanity Claws]

5. I admire your work and your attitude

I will hold you in my prayers tonight. Not that you need prayers -- you're doing wonderfully without my prayers.

[get the red out]

6. Universe doesn't care about position

just use, that's what I feel. I wish you well, this job isn't forever. We need to go back to simply honoring work in this society, that is something we have lost along the way. Simple honor in a day of work.

I think that any business that outsources jobs out of the country should be taxed enough to pay for gold plated health care for everyone in the country though. Frack-em!

[Flying Dream Blues]

7. Your post inspires me to try to try harder to find the grace in my current

situation, northernlights. There is a lot of wisdom in your post and the ones above mine, and all of them have helped me tremendously, so thank you so much for sharing this. I wish for easier times for you, and hope you will post again to tell us how things are going.
Peace and light to you~
:hug:

[I Have A Dream]

10. I'm with you, FDB. I'm inspired as well. nt

[BanzaiBonnie]

8. When chopping those veggies becomes a sacred service

I suspect you're on your way.

Whenever you are in service to others, you are in service to All. You're right, it does not matter what you're doing. You're there, giving it your all.


And it's likely that few of us here have been on the earning side of six figures. Thank you for having that experience for us.


In the meantime, yes some of this sucks, but your chin is up and you're doing a fine job of figuring things out.

[crikkett]

25. You really have a point BanzaiBonnie

I never feel so rewarded as when I'm doing something for nothing.

[lildreamer316]

9. That's great, northernlights.

I'm glad you're able to make peace quickly with these things.

I think you may end up enjoying this job more than you think....

I love some foodservice jobs. I had a couple; the longest being in one of those buffet-type steakhouses. I was there about four and a half years; I did everything except cook and manage by the end - lol. It's very satisfying to learn and do the job well; provide a simple service that makes people happy. I got a good feeling of accomplishment and satisfaction from doing the job, as well as the basics of making sure all was in order: the order line; the buffet layout (including chopping veggies, lol!); and especially the cleaning. I'm really good at cleaning and organizing. Sure, it may seem that the same thing you do everyday can become dreaded or boring, but I took pleasure from the different people I met and my interactions with them, as well as my co-workers (eventually!). It is sort of an active, repetitive meditation - especially during downtimes.

Best of luck and keep us posted. I love the place anyway...as a customer, at least. (Now I'll have to go get a $5 sandwich tomorrow).

[japple]

12. Thank you so much for posting this, NL. You have helped me

to see my own situation from a new perspective, or at least remind me of the reasons I chose to be here at this time. Keep on shining that light, sister. It's so bright, I gotta wear shades!

[Callie McAllie]

13. Congratulations on the job

There are many people stuggling right now even to find a job at Subway.

And congratulations on your good attitude, trying to find the good in this. I believe everything--good and bad--happens for a reason and that there's something to learn by having that experience. Maybe you won't know what it is right away, but at some point you will.

I hope that at some point you'll be able to let go of your anger toward the people who live where the outsourced jobs are going, though. I think, based on my own experiences, that you will need to let go of that anger to truly move forward.

And having finally worked up the courage to watch Slumdog Millionaire, I believe that there are a lot of people in India who also need those outsourced jobs, perhaps more than we do.

After all, we have $5 foot-longs. There are children in India who count themselves lucky to have five fingers on each hand and five toes on each foot.

Good luck!

[northernlights]

15. I am not angry at the people of India, Callie

I realize they need the jobs. I have seen the pictures of children fighting to lick the sides of dumpsters.

I'm angry at the companies that take American jobs away from Americans and send them overseas where labor is cheaper. And I have no doubt that when labor in some other country is cheaper than India, they will dump the people of India for even poorer people to exploit. India needs to invest in India, to build its own businesses. Not to become dependent on our outsourced jobs.

Back in the mid-80s, my manager was going on about outsourcing being the thing of the future. I asked her, "But then who will buy our products?" And she started screaming at me that I don't know what I'm talking about. She ultimately was fired for breaking a few too many rules, but ended up the executive VP at a major analyst. She is one of the people responsible for what is going on now...pushed the idea of outsourcing IT for years, refusing the face, recognize or care about the reality that it would ultimately destroy our economy. She got hers...and she got ours. Now we can go eff ourselves for all she cares. She is one of the people who, if things get too crazy here, will go hang out in another country where it's safer, living off the millions she stole, while those of use she robbed struggle to survive. They are destroying our country from the inside-out. And they will destroy India too.

I realize I am lucky to have the job at Subway. I am looking at my current situation in the overall scheme of my life. I worked in fast food when I went to college the 1st time around. Then in my 20s, I had an entire "lost decade." I was unemployed more than employed, and on the verge of homelessness much of the time. I also was offered the opportunity to commit myself, as I was in suicidal depression and my therapist was concerned about my ability to take care of myself. It was also in that period that I read the Asimov series Understanding Physics, and started the Castaneda series on shamanism. That kept me going.

I stumbled into my career at Digital, working there for 17 years, 1st temping as an admin, then hired as an admin in the Law dept. (known as the black hole at DEC), and then finding my way into marketing communications. It was during my tenure there that I discovered the online forum Dejavu, and then was invited into the secret forum, Arcana. I learned about YCYR, Louise Hay, and more. Over the next 9 years I worked my way up from admin to project specialist to writer/project manager. My salary, from day 1, alway lagged about $10K behind my coworkers. I was laid off in 93.

I freelanced for 18 months, pretty much doing my old job, until all my clients were laid off within a 2 month period. In the meantime, my meditation practice had gotten so deep I could sit for an hour and regulate my heartbeat. I meditated that I felt ready to go back to working in a cubicle for 3 or 4 months, and let it go. One week later I got a call from one of my old DEC clients. A colleague of hers in another part of DEC was desperate for help. It was a temporary, 3-4 month assignment making double what I'd made as an employee. I jumped at it and once I'd been there a while, I meditated that I thought I could stay there. My manager there went out on medical leave, broke some serious rules and was fired. It was there that my income rose to 6 figures, for my last couple years. And then high tech crashed, and my career fell with it.

Now I have come full cycle. I've had 7 years of "wandering in the desert" and am right back where I started, working fast food while in college again.

I started out making $2.50/hour and reading Castaneda. 35 years later, I make $7.25/hour and practice Castaneda. Nothing has changed. Everything has changed.

[NJCher]

14. People Seem to be Getting a Lot Out of Your Post, NL

Maybe you should continue to journal your experience. It could make a nice little book that people all over America could identify with. You could save your posts here, revise them, and send them in to a publisher.

An author I work with has just put a new freebie on his web site called "How to Write a Query Letter." He is a well-established literary agent in NYC. If you're interested in it, I'll send you the link.

And just for the record, I'm with BanzaiBonnie on this one. She said everything I wanted to say. You are taking care of your animals which is not only the loving thing to do, it is the right and moral thing to do.


Cher

[northernlights]

16. thank you, NJCher

I was thinking of starting a blog and posting there. I didn't want to bore or overwhelm people here with my ramblings. :) But I welcome the feedback and discussion here. Need it, really.

Please do send the link. I have tried a few times before to write a book, from my memories, but hadn't been able to get it to work. I was trying too hard, I think. Maybe writing as I go, posting small chunks as stuff happens, instead of trying to sit down and "WRITE A BOOK -- TA!DA!" will work better, lol :D

[eilen]

17. Maybe you should use your tools...

Go back into deep meditation and "see" yourself writing the book, sending the query letter and then... signing them in a bookstore!

Why mess with what works?

[northernlights]

18. actually I think I already have manifested what I needed

I was already thinking of trying to move from posting into a book, by way of a blog. I was concerned about bringing too much into here and turning people off by being around too much. And I haven't been able to move forward because I don't have high speed internet and do have an antique peecee.

Then a couple weeks ago, right after I thought about the blog and need for high speed internet (we don't have dsl locally), I grabbed the local free paper. Haven't seen one around in a long time...I thought maybe they'd gone under. Just above the crossword puzzle there was an ad...for a new ISP (new to here, anyway) with very low cost ($3./month), local non-dsl high speed internet. For a little more than half what I've been paying for low speed, I'll have high speed!

And now NJCher has suggested the idea I was kind of toying with and the encouragement that I needed to give it a shot. :D

The new peecee is next. My old one crashes so much I'm constantly afraid of losing anything and everything I've been doing. I've been on Craigs List forever, but nothing has come up except an old monitor. But Dell has many sales going on...

[Digit]

19. Do you have Freecycle where you live?

It is a site for people to post items they wish to give away.
You just might be able to find a newer computer than the one you have...for free!

[northernlights]

22. Freecycle -- I wrote Craigs List, meant Freecycle

Yup, I belong. Nope, no computers have shown up. It's all good, tho. Between the tax refund, the pennies I earn here, and the student loans I'll be able to get a new one and be ok.

[Digit]

26. Well, a new one is always preferable anyway

I do admire the way you are living in the moment and handling it with such grace.
Your posts have been blowing me away. :hug:

[crikkett]

20. That was an uplifting story, Northernlights. Thanks for sharing it.

:hug:

You are literally "making hay." How much does hay cost anyway?

[northernlights]

23. last year it was $4.50/bale

but my supplier shorted me on the load, so it worked out to $5.00/bale.

This year the cost is not the issue yet -- it's finding any. We had no rain until the last day of April, so the hay didn't grow at all until May. Then we had very little rain in May. Then we had rain almost every day in June (4 hours of sun total!) and about 5 days/week in July. The last 3 days are the longest stretch of sun we've had yet. It looked like we were going to make a 4 day run, and then a storm came through and rained for 2 hours this afternoon. x(

The fields are so wet now that we need about 2 weeks of no rain for them to dry out enough for the farmers to drive their tractors on without either sinking up to their seats or destroying their fields. Then another few days for the hay to be cut, dried, and baled.

[crikkett]

24. then I shall wish for 3 weeks of dry weather for you.

May it be so!

Please keep us posted! I'm interested to know how you're doing.

Crikkett

[vanboggie]

27. Hay

I feel for you, NL. Our pickup died, so we've been feeding our horses hay pellets, getting a few bags at a time in our little car. Fortunately my hubby still has a job, so we've been able to afford the pellets, but they do also come in handy in a pinch when you're out of hay and can't afford to fill the barn.

I'm also going to forward your post to my daughter who is carrying water for a pizza joint. She'll appreciate what you are going through. She usually has answers for why the universe is giving her challenges, too.

Best wishes, and know some more horse people are sending good vibes your way.

[northernlights]

28. I was able to stuff 2 bales

into the back of my little car yesterday morning. I reached my hay guy -- he had yet to bale any! It looks as though he's down to his last couple dozen from last year. I past a farm yesterday that looked like a patchwork quilt, with random rectangles of high fields cut, next to lower or ledgier land with little ponds. I did find a dozen or so large round bales, but don't have the money buy them just yet, and can't bring them in anyway because it's still too wet.

I feed soaked beet pulp pellets to stretch the hay, plus I'm putting them out earlier and bringing them in later to push them onto the pasture. If worst comes to worst, I may have them live out for a while so they can graze at night as needed.

We were supposed to cloud up and get rain today, but so far only a few high clouds and it's been sunny, breezy and dry all day!!! So my fingers are crossed that a high will keep pushing down from Canada and keep us drying out.

[Fire Walk With Me]

21. Wow...hang in there and I pray that the Universe helps you to make the best of it

and to reveal any and all hidden gems...I've been washing dishes at the "sober living" I'm currently at, and do it only for service (was doing it every day until the attitudes became insufferable) and it's similar- do it for being where you are at this moment. "This very moment is the perfect teacher."

I do of course hope that you end up in the finest possible circumstances!