My nephew is here after serving in Iraq, and I need some advice

[TexasLady]

Figured it best to post here, since maybe someone can help me out. My nephew was in Iraq. He definitely suffers from PTSD. He's 21. He got lucky on his second tour and left for Egypt. Unfortunately, he socked his 1st Sgt when he was drunk. So they sent him back stateside, and he's been with me ever since. He's ArmyNG.

He pretty much stays drunk. He has panic attacks a lot. The only good that comes out of his drinking is when he's finally plastered, he talks. He is on the outs with his mom and dad, and I have no one to ask about this situation. I doubt his parents know about all this. I don't plan on telling them either.

Because of freeper idiots who 'say' they support the troops, Im afraid to say what else is going on. If anyone at all can PM me, Id greatly appreciate it. Im worried for his sanity, and his well being.

[xchrom]

1. me? i would get in touch with AA.

your nephew has more than just ptsd -- alcoholism and or drug addiction and ptsd often go hand in hand.

he'll have to deal with one before he can deal with the other.

[JAN8525]

28. THATS NUTS

AA WILL NOT HELP HE NEED TO BE TREATED FOR THE PTSD FIRST THEN THE DRINKING AND DRUGS WILL STOP I KNOW FROM WHERE I SPEAK MY HUSBAND PTSD FROM NAM AND SON PTSD FROM DESERT STROM

[Totally Committed]

2. Get him to a good therapist ASAP.

You are not qualified or equipped emotionally to help him with what's going on now. Do that for both of you.

TC

[TexasLady]

6. he has called someone already

Im afraid there's much more to it than what I can actually post here. He contacted a therapist that specifically deals with PTSD, but I dont know when/if he is going.

[Totally Committed]

16. Just try and see he gets there if you can....

and a great big (((((((((((hug))))))))))) to you because you sounf like you need one. I'll keep a good thought for you both.

TC

[wryter2000]

3. Hugs

I don't really have advice, so I don't want to clog your inbox.

You're right...that kid is in terrible trouble. I'd get him professional help asap. Maybe rehab. If you don't have money for that, I'd get him with a bunch of vets who've suffered and come through the other end. Or, if he's a religious person, get him to a pastor, rabbi, priest, whatever.

:hug:

[aquart]

4. We're going to be seeing a lot more posts like this.

Any vet organizations in your area you can contact? Seems to me they've been there, done that, and know the steps.

[babylonsister]

5. Is he out for good, I hope?

That's awful. I really feel for your nephew. I have a few young men in my life who are serving, and I fear for them all.
I also have a b-i-l who suffers from PTSD from Vietnam. That's not helpful, I know, but reality.
I don't know what kind of help you're looking for, but I have my hearing and broad shoulders if you need them, TexasLady. :hug: :hug: for you and your young nephew.

[GreenPartyVoter]

7. *hugs and prayers* I hope that this can be worked through, and kudos

to you for staying strong for him and helpping him out.

[tsuki]

8. Get in touch with the DAV, Don't let him accept a general. Also

try the Iraq and VietNam Vets.

[TexasLady]

10. thanks tsuki, i did find a few 800 numbers for him

ill also tell him not to accept a general discharge.

[tsuki]

12. That is how they screwed a lot of VietNam Vets. They would come

home, commit an offense and be offered a general instead of a court martial. Thinking they were doing the best thing, they accepted a general and lost all their benefits. The DAV should be local. We have one here.

Also, you might try social security. They'll turn him down, but if you can find a social security attorney to take the case, he'll take it for 25% of the settlement.

Also, if I am not mistaken, if you call the Viet/Iraqi vets, they might send a group to your home. Check with them.

You cannot deal with this. The Vets can. They know.

[Wilber_Stool]

9. See if you can find

a combat vet from Viet Nam to get drunk with him. He really needs a peer to talk to.

[StraightDope]

11. That's my brother all over.

He's with the 459th Engineers out of Bridgeport, WV. His unit spent 15 months in Irag in '03 and '04. Poor kid had his 20th birthday the day that the invasion of Iraq started. :cry:

It's been over two years since he's come home, and he's the EXACT same way as your nephew. He works a shit job at minimum wage, detailing cars during the day, and is drunk from 5:15 P.M. until he passes out. Weekends are even worse, as you can imagine. He has no ambition, no desire to do ANYTHING with himself. I hope that your nephew doesn't end up the same way.

Advice? I wish I knew what to tell you. Try and channel his destructive tendencies into something beneficial and constructive, but that's easier said than done.

[lcordero2]

13. You might want to try something drastic

Challenge him so that he will help himself and drive him to the local community college so that he will enroll.

[alittlelark]

14. You are in a really tough situation,

It is wonderful that you can 'be there' for him. He is hurting DEEPLY and the alcohol is a release for those feelings that he keeps shoving down. I doubt AA could help him much unless there was a group that worked w/in the VA w/ REAL counselors trained in dealing w/ this traumatic situation.

There are some inovative treatments that are being used now w/ a good deal of sucess. I read about them a few months ago.

http://www.wired.com/news/technology/medtech/0,66408-0.html

http://www.wired.com/news/technology/0,68575-0.html?tw=wn_story_page_prev2

I hope some others on this board can give you more help.

Best of luck.

[fed-up]

15. try veteransforamerica dot org they have lots of links for help

http://www.veteransforamerica.org/

here is their resource for returning veterans page-best link at bottom of this post

http://www.veteransforamerica.org/index.cfm?&Page=Module&ModuleID=14

which links to this page

http://www.veteransforamerica.org/index.cfm/page/wiki/wikiid/3

Welcome Home

Dear Veteran:

Welcome home. As veterans of every U.S. conflict since 1941, we understand the sometimes difficult transition when coming home from a military conflict. You can take pride in your service to your country, and know that those who have served before you welcome you home with open arms.

We also know that sometimes, coming home isn’t as easy as it would seem. For many, especially those who were in combat, you’ll find that the images of violence and conflict will stay with you forever. For others, coming home may mean a job lost while deployed, or financial difficulties as a result of a drop in pay while deployed in a war zone.

America is grateful for your commitment and sacrifice, and many resources are available to assist you in your transition, from both the private and public sectors. This guide is designed to present an overview of those resources, and to help you find whatever assistance you or you family need.

The links to the right will lead you to a large number of sources of information, organizations and other sources of information to aid in your redeployment.

This list is constantly being updated and revised and new resources appear and others are changed. For the latest information, check our website at http://www.veteransforamerica.org. And please remember, though often the transition is difficult, millions of veterans before you have experienced some of the same issues, and are there to help.

Once again, welcome home.





here is the list of links on that page:
About the Guide
What is a wiki?
How to contribute to the Guide
Wiki syntax
Link to the guide
Make a donation

Resources
Active Duty Resources
Employment and Finance
Federal Resources
Health Issues
Legal Resources
Military Women
Private Programs and Resources
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Reserve and National Guard
Resources for Families
State and County Resources
Supporting The Troops

edited to add the link to the PTSD page which has a ton of resources for you, good luck, sending good thoughts your way

http://www.veteransforamerica.org/index.cfm/page/wiki/wikiid/index.cfm?page=wiki&doc=Post%20Traumatic%20Stress%20Disorder&wikiid=3

[MissWaverly]

17. he is self medicating

he can't handle the anxiety, he needs a prescription for it, I know someone who had anxiety
from carbon monoxide poisoning, the only way she could function was prescription meds.
Anxiety is something people don't take seriously but it is a serious medical condition
just like a physical disorder and needs treatment. What people don't understand is that
anxiety has nothing to do with how brave you are; you just have this surge of emotion
which makes you incapable of functioning in a normal way and it is not based on what
you are doing at the moment. You can be watering your grass and get it; so it's not
a matter of being brave and acting like a man. It's like going to the grocery store
and picking up the grocery cart and carrying it on your back and putting food it in and then putting the cart back onto your back. No one would think that was "macho." They would say that's stupid, don't do that.

[glitch]

18. He needs to talk to people who have been through what he's been through

and who are working to keep what happened to him from happening to others - this may bring him out of his memories and into the present, and make him feel better about himself if he's helping others. They may also have good advice and connections for his recovery.

http://www.ivaw.org/ Iraq Veterans Against the War

[eek]

20. Re:therapists, he doesn't have to work with the first one he meets

Caution: long. Apologies if too pompous. Meant in friendship.
Also: one non-professional person's opinion
.........

People often don't realise that they have the power to choose someone who feels right .
I agree with the person above who suggested against AA right away. IMHO that would be appropriate later since the boozing is probably a reaction to the illness/injury he has suffered.

Anyway, going to a therapist can't be easy. Nor is it alwaysd easy to find one right for him.

For one thing, I'd imagine that seeing a therapist at all could seem "pussyish" to a brave young man.
Many people from all ages and backgrounds are quite resistant to therapy because they see mental issues weakness ; more character flaw than illness or injury - not least a
brave (but young ) person. At his age he probably hasn't have been around those particular blocks enough to learn otherwise.
Gosh - he's barely out of his teens. Getting a Guy to get that sort of help could be a big hurdle in the first place.

Now here is some stuff I think is really important . I don't think people often known is that they can have some control in chosing with whom to work.*

Finding a therapist isn't a punishment nor does it have to be right the first time.
Just like if he were going to any other doctor (or mechanic or bartender or checkout clerk or realtor...); though perhaps qualified, he may just not feel them. He don't even have to know why. This person may simply make him feel more confident or seem more trustworthy than that person.
Theycould have differnt styles as well. ( "One" is a great song but maybe you like Johnny Cash's version better than U2's. Flamewar, anyone?;) )


I knew a therapist, very well. "T" engendered very different responses from several people I am close to:

"C" thought "T" smart, funny yet grandmotherly. Their relationship was focused on a particularissue but the way they worked was rather lighthearted.

"J" thought she was frighteningly blunt. He was a macho dude who wound up with working with "T" for quite a while since nobody ever called BS on him like that.

"D" hated her at once; said she was snobby and condescending. Never went back

"M" saw her at 2 different times of his life - first time was to get a referral. He was Mr. "No I'm Not Depressed Gimme Another One, Beertender" and been super-resistant to seeing anyone. After their session he told me how "T" freaked him out by cutting right through his "smarter than you" attitude. Nevertheless, the referral she gave him was a perfect fit.

Years later "M" had reason to see "T" again for a different referral, having experienced a great trauma. This time she was very gentle and compassionate with him. She gave him another referral - again, someone who wasright for what he needed at that time.

Now, this other person I know *verrrry* well - I'll call them "e" - has been to various mental health pros at various time over the years.
There have been hits and misses: a college counselor was helpful when "e" just needed someone to listen for a few sessions.

Another time "e" was struggling with a depression during a big life transition. Upon a friend's recommendation , "e" went to this horrid guy - a cariacture bad "pretend this pillow is your father and tell him how you feel" kinda shrink. Blech.

(Fortunately, I...i mean.... "e" ;-) met up with "T" at another crucial time and found her to be juuust right.

And on and on.


Anyway, sorry for long post. I feel for the kid and for you. You are a mighty fine egg. Don't forget to take care of yourself, too. :thumbsup:

eek








* Usually. Of course his options are limited size of your town, and availability of resouces

[Homer Wells]

19. I am a Viet Nam vet myself

and I work (part of a VA work-study Rehab program while I am in school) at the local Vet Center.We get a lot of Viet vets in here, all suffering from long term PTSD, and lately have seen a trickle of Desert Storm and Iraq vets coming in, seeking help.
I think it would be a good idea if you were to look up your nearest Vet Center and take him there. They've got some great counselors, and do all they can to look out for the Vets.
Good luck to you ( and more importantly, to HIM).
These kids are really going way above the call of duty, and I believe they all need all the help they so richly deserve.

Peace

[happydreams]

21. How to show him he's not alone.

Being a veteran from the Vietnam Era I wrestled with the anxiety of being in the "real world". One thing that is very helpful for assisting someone in getting treatment is to show them that they are not alone, that there are alot of other vets who suffer what he's going through.
If possible get a vet, preferably one from the present Era, to meet him. Call a vet outreach center in your area and tell them your situation.

He's young and can work it out. That's something else he and you need to know. I sublimated alot of my anger by studying in college and finding out what all this crap is about.

[eek]

22. Hey : what do y'all think about a group or forum

just for these particular vets?

As opposed to Mental Health or Veterans?

So many DUers have loved ones like Texas Lady. Sadly, the numbers will continue to grow (thanks Scumfeld).
What if we could offer them their own real estate here at DU ?

It could be lightly moderated - mostly for abuse, trolls and signs of danger or dangerous behaviour.

Think the safety , non-judgemental atmosphere, relative anonimity and peer group thing would be helpful?

[peacebird]

23. excellent idea, eek.

a safe place for folks to talk about their experiences, hopefully feel less alone.

:grouphug:

[eek]

26. yeah - but just for them. we wouldn't jump in. they can

always go to a different forum if they want our opinions.

[The Wizard]

24. Start with

getting hooked up with a veterans service organization: VVA, VFW. American Legion, Amvets, DAV, etc..
Set up a C&P exam with the VA. The service organization will do this. Get PPG (primary care) doctor at the VA hospital or outpatient clinic. Get a referral for PTSD evaluation. One of the primary manifestations of PTSD is waking in the middle of the night and the inability to fall asleep again. Isolation and substance abuse to kill the memory are also indicators. Early intervention is vital and in many cases difficult as military training teaches to never show weakness as weakness will cause you to get killed or cause fellow soldiers to get killed.
The main thing is to not give up. The government wants veterans to walk away and another characteristic of PTSD is walking away from difficult situations. Never give up. Never ever give up. When a disabled veteran gives up and walks away from benefits the Republicans who voted to slash veterans benefits win.

[AwakeAtLast]

25. Also try

http://www.militaryonesource.com/skins/MOS/home.aspx

Sort of a one stop website for soldiers and families.

My husband returned in June 2006, so if you need someone with whom to share, I'm here for ya! :hi:

I hope he is able to find what he needs. He is lucky to have you in his life!

[sarge43]

27. First, hand salute TexasLady for standing by your nephew

Second, when you and he find a counselor or support group that works for you, get counseling and advice for yourself. You need to know what to do in this situation and you need support, too. Don't try to go it alone; I speak from experience.

:hug::patriot:

[JAN8525]

29. NEPHEW

TEXAS LADY HE SHOULD BE GETTING HELP FROM VA MY HUSBANDS SPECILITY IS GETTING THESE BOYS AND GIRLS TREATED AND PAID FROM THIS I WILL TRY TO GET HIM TO POST YOU FROM MY NAME

[Lowell]

30. He needs to be around other vets

who have survived the same ordeals. When I came back from Nam I went through a period where I stayed drunk for a long time. I ended up with a DUI and in trouble. I did my community service at the VFW. It was the best thing that ever happened to me. They took me under their wing and got me help. I ended up joining several veterans organizations and have been active for the past 30 years now. Most of these organizations have Service Officers who specialize in getting these young veterans the help they need through the VA and other sources. No one can talk to a combat vet like another who has been through the same thing. Also most of these vets give little credibility to anyone who hasn't been there. Good luck. With some help and encouragement he will come around.

[Dover]

31. This man works with PTSD and Vets.

He uses a variety of traditional and nontraditional techniques. Might want to start by reading the book and see if it sounds like something you might like to look into further.
At the very least it might give you some helpful insights for relating to your nephew. Might also just call and talk to this doctor about the situation.

http://www.mentorthesoul.com/

[james101]

32. Chaplain and Psychological Services.

First I would tell your nephew to keep his mouth shut and trust no one. Second he needs to regularly request to see the Chaplain and go there to tell about his PTSD issues. Then he needs regular appointments with psychological services. He better get going because once you screw up you're on their shit list. Right now they'er probably plotting how they can get him out with a dishonorable. He better get going, his war is now with the military.

[james101]

33. A lot of Cases of PTSD lead to dishonorable discharge.

I've been reading a lot of cases on the internet where people who had PTSD ended up doing something stupid, such as doing drugs, then got a dishonorable discharge. I've had PTSD ever since I went to Kosovo in 2000. I came back and started drinking a lot and not sleeping much. I ended up getting an honorable. The problem is it's easy to be in denial about PTSD. It's been almost 7 years and I do feel 100% better than I did for those first 3 years after my honorable discharge. The thing is if I get cold, hungry or tired I can get flashbacks from my PTSD. I never requested disability compensation though I had to drop out of college because of PTSD, coulden't socialize with my family and friends. I recently put in a claim but the problem is somehow my medical records were lost when I was at the hospital going through my discharge. Now that I think about it, I believe my medical records were purposely destroyed so they could try to screw me over in case I wanted disability compensation. I was never told I was owed 2 years medical and had lots of other compensation available. I found that out recently when I was reading some stuff on a military site.

[BikeWriter]

34. Stand up for him, PLEASE! I held together, raised my kids...

and managed to retire before I gave into the depression and went to shit. I have one dead Son, three divorces, alcoholism, and DUI convictions to show for PTSD. Don't let that young Vet get shoved to the side.