Objective Ministries is back!

[muriel_volestrangler]

For all that's best in oh-so-subtle parody of fundamentalist Christian websites (I still can't work out if they made up the word 'triclavianism', or found it in an obscure 19th century theological work):

http://objectiveministries.org/

The website is active again. Check out the new "statement of faith" (including "divine org chart", letting you know exactly where the burning bush comes into things, and as good an explanation of the Trinity as any mainstream sect will give you), and, especially for Modem Butterfly:

Make your own Mr. Gruff the Atheist goat. Children can keep him on their desks and practice witnessing techniques on him in between homework. Mr. Gruff comes with a coffee mug that he can hold. (Do not use mug with Lambuel figure. Lambuel thinks coffee is yucky!)

Requires: 1 sheet of paper or card stock, scissors, hobby knife, scoring tool, glue.

http://objectiveministries.org/kidz/crafts.html#COLORTRACT

[beam me up scottie]

1. Praise the Flying Spaghetti Monster !!!

I remember this site, I'd wondered what happened to it.
Thank you for letting us know, and let's keep track of it if it disappears again.

This is a scream:!!

Paedobaptism Is "Wack:" Towards A New Urban Waldensianism For the Young Generation

I dropped by our main auditorium yesterday while taking a much-needed respite from some vexing research into the history of Baptist succession, vis-à-vis Waldensian protoanabaptism, to investigate Pastor Fred Hoskins' Cinco de Mayo party, which had attracted quite a few curious people from the local Catholic community seeking to learn more about Jesus. Besides wanting to sate my hunger with some corn chips and avocado dip, I was also curious to hear what sort of music Fred had lined up; I find his ministry most intriguing in the way he repurposes popular forms to spread the Gospel to the youth. When I came in, he was performing a hip-hop song, or rap, with Mr. M.C. Eschatology of the rapping group Jiggy4Jesus. ("Jiggy" is an urban-youth term meaning "to be in touch with what's happening" -- apparently, it's been lately added to the OED; I shall have to see that the Mt. Fellowship library gets new volumes!) While I have heard some rapping before, I had never given much thought to its value in correcting the spread of erroneous doctrines in today's generation. However, after hearing the song that Fred and M.C. performed, I have had my eyes opened to the pedagogical possibilities of this modern form of syncopated doxology.

In what can only be a sign from the Lord of the importance of my inchoate research, the song they performed was called "Baby Got Baptism" and was about the very same erroneous doctrine of paedobaptism (or "infant baptism") that many of the Waldenses themselves endeavored to correct -- and which, sadly, is still promulged throughout most of the world. Fred was kind enough to give to me a CD with the song that included printed lyrics -- co-written by him and Mr. Eschatology, a few verses of which I'll reproduce here (do not be put off by the unusual spelling; it is part of the hip-hop vernacular):

She got baptized but she don't know why
All she can do is coo an' cry
'Cause when a girl gets elected inna bitta haste
An' don't know His Saving Grace
She gets sprinkled
Inna shallow font
No full immersion, just a front
She's not Jesus acceptin'
Ain't nuttin' but a baby wettin'
No, gotta axe Him be your Save-ya
Your Faith professa'

Tha Bible tried to warn yall
Nevermind your Pope, who's all
"Me so holy!"
Well, forget ol' St. Austin
Council of Mela don't mean nothin'
Mark sixteen, sixteen... belief before ya get tha sheen

Ya gotta know Him
To get tha ball rollin'
Ya met, wet, then born again with no regret

I'm tired of heresies
Saying baptism's all you need
Salvation is by Grace through Faith, ya know
But baby knows zero, so

Mothers (praise!), fathers (praise!)
"Suffer them to come to Me" (hallelujah!)
But sprinkle, sprinkle, sprinkle, sprinkle, sprinkle don't do a thang
Baby got baptism

An excellent argument against the error of paedobaptism. I think I shall play it on Sunday during my sermon so the congregation can become jiggy to urban youth hermeneutics.

Jiggy4Jesus !

:rofl:

[muriel_volestrangler]

3. Some of M.C. Eschatology's artwork

http://www.t-shop.fi.nyud.net:8090/shop/img/big/AngelDevil_big.jpg

[beam me up scottie]

7. Dammit !!!

Another flashback...

and the doc said these new meds would stop them.
:crazy:

[Modem Butterfly]

2. Damn that's a funny mug

ROFLMAO!

[Book Lover]

4. But doesn't "triclavianism" means three keys

not three nails? I'll have to go back to my Wheelock...

And this is killing me: ("Jiggy" is an urban-youth term meaning "to be in touch with what's happening" -- apparently, it's been lately added to the OED; I shall have to see that the Mt. Fellowship library gets new volumes!)"

[muriel_volestrangler]

5. Clavus = nail

from which 'clove' (the plant - the dried bud looks like a nail), and the French 'clou' are derived. According to that Internets thingy.

Whether or not they made up the word "triclavianism", there really does seem to be discussion, legend and controversy over the number of nails used: http://www.google.co.uk/search?hl=en&safe=off&q=cross+%22three+nails%22+%22four+nails%22&btnG=Search&meta=

[beam me up scottie]

6. You guys crack me up !!!

"Internets thingy"

:rofl:

[Book Lover]

8. I'm confusing

my Italian with my Latin - "chiavo" is "key" in Italian; I just lost an "l".

[muriel_volestrangler]

9. No, 'clavis' is indeed Latin for key

I don't know if either had a long or short 'a'. "Triclavian" might well be derived from clavis, but if you were to make a word from clavus, it looks as good as any.