Lets play a guessing game

[cosmik debris]

As most of you know, P.Z. Meyers has threatened to desecrate the Eucharist if he can get his hands on one. (If you didn't know about it, see the R/T forum)

So let's all guess HOW he will desecrate it.

I think he will just say unkind things about it and blow a raspberry.

"You're the illegitimate son of an Olive Garden bread stick and a Taco Bell taco shell. You are an under cooked pita with an empty pocket. You wish you were a Ritz, but you can't even make Melba toast." :raspberry:

So, what's your guess?

[beam me up scottie]

1. I think he'll just threaten it with a can of cheez whiz.

If he does go ahead and actually torture the cracker I'm sure it'll be done in a secret location and we'll never hear about it.

[varkam]

2. Myers is going to torture Jesus?

He's such a fundamentalist atheist.

[beam me up scottie]

3. As this month's Guest Overlord he's required to.

They upped the ante after all the bru ha ha over "Chocolate Jesus".

Infidels simply must be more offensive than christians, we cannot allow them to steal our glory.

[and-justice-for-all]

8. If I was xtian, the jeebus toast would have set me off...

that was sssoooooooooo ridiculous.

[beam me up scottie]

14. I'm sure many liberal catholics roll their eyes at stuff like that, too.

They just don't do it as publicly.

Sort of like how many atheists cringe every time "The Brights" draw attention to themselves:

[varkam]

17. Yeah, I pretty much managed to erase any trace of the whole "Bright" movement from my memory...

until I saw that.

Thanks, BMUS. Thanks a lot.

[beam me up scottie]

18. oops.

Sorry, but that's all I can think of when I hear that name.

Bad bmus :spank:

[and-justice-for-all]

21. "The Brights" does not really bother me...its kinda cute.

[beam me up scottie]

22. cute? CUTE??? That's the problem. Would you call a Klingon cute?

Atheists have spent thousands of years perfecting our evil image. Why the believers should be too terrified to even mention our name out loud.

And now they could ruin it all by giving us such a fey name...

[and-justice-for-all]

24. easy nancy...

I just do not let such a thing get to me. Cute, with attached sarcasm.

[and-justice-for-all]

7. Cheeze Whiz is the cheese of SATAN!!

[cosmik debris]

11. Cheeze Whiz is the SATAN of cheeses!

[moggie]

15. You're sounding evangelistic

Have you accepted cheeses into your heart?

[and-justice-for-all]

19. Ha! me loves the cheeses..nt

[cosmik debris]

26. Nope,

I'm lactose intolerant.

[moggie]

27. So you ADMIT you're intolerant!

Just like Hitler, Mao and Stalin.

[cosmik debris]

28. You left out Pol Pot

I'm also a mass murderer of green vegetables.

I practice eugenics, euthanasia, and late term abortions on my garden plants.

I voraciously devour the newborn offspring and even the unborn.

What's more, I openly encourage my plants to have SEX repeatedly and out in the open for all to see! Sometimes I even take pictures of them exposing their sex organs in public.

Ya wanna buy some pictures of underage naked plants doin' it in public?

[beam me up scottie]

12. Oh shit.

In my haste to defend our Overlord I forgot to capitalize the C and W of the official Cheese of Satan.

trotsky will probably be along any moment to smite me...

[and-justice-for-all]

20. Damn You!!

Nothing but jeebus flakes and water for you!

[Warpy]

4. Well, short of mugging a priest on his way to minister to shut ins

he's not going to find one that's been mumbled over correctly.

My guess is he's going to wing it with that goldfish food that comes in a sheet, just cut a circle out, same stuff.

As for desecration, dunking it in a cup of hospital coffee comes to mind, or using it to scoop up canned queso dip.

Then again, he might do what you suggest and simply speak roughly to it.

[goddess40]

5. all he has to do is go to a catholic church and get in line

they put it in your hand now, at least around here. and disgustingly they now share a cup for the wine - when I saw they were doing that nonsense again (at a relatives funeral) it made me gag. Why back when I was forced to go to church they used to dip the host in wine before they gave it to you and even that was rare.

[moggie]

6. He asked for people to send him consecrated wafers

But if I were PZ, I would not be opening any packages from untrusted sources right now...

Here's the thing about consecrated vs unconsecrated wafers, though: how would anyone know the difference? There is no discernable difference between one fresh from the pack (which anyone can buy mail-order) and one which has been mumbled over. I don't think you can buy them pre-mumbled. So a thousand bloggers could post pictures of crackers profaned in various inventive ways, and nobody would be able to tell if the crackers were really Jesus. Even the Pope couldn't do it, in a double-blind trial.

[cosmik debris]

10. Consecrated wafers taste like chicken. n/t

[TZ]

9. He'll eat it.

Personally that whole ingesting the flesh of Jesus thing always has struck me as creepy and gross..I've been dragged to Catholic services for weddings and such and have always been warned not to participate..I would never want to though..ICK!

[moggie]

13. Assuming he goes through with it

Something a bit scientific would be good. Take two wafers, one consecrated, one not, and take photos at regular intervals. Show that they grow mould at the same rate (I suppose you may need to moisten them to speed this up: use holy water). If a consecrated wafer is the body of Christ, it should not be subject to corruption, right? Or does its Jesusness evaporate after a brief period?

I've criticised his actions so far, since I think they've distracted attention from the Webster Cook story, which presented a clearer picture of insane responses to a harmless act. But if PZ does something with a wafer which pits the religious crazies against rational enquiry, it could still be a win. Anything which gets Catholics to try explaining transubstantiation in rational terms is good, since a lot of uncommitted readers will think "WTF? That's crazy!". And an experiment like the one above, while not appearing disrespectful to a reasonable observer, will still provoke threats and howls of outrage from some Catholics, again making readers question their sanity.

[YankeyMCC]

16. Crumble it into some Tomato soup nt

[uberllama42]

23. He'll perform scietnific tests on it

testing for the presence of proteins that only appear in the flesh of mammals, primates, or humans. If they are absent this will be evidence that it is not human flesh.

Of course, I don't think he'll do anything. He wants to keep his job. Who else here is embarrassed to be American?

[TZ]

25. I have an idea

We ship it down to Australia, (where the fundaloonies aren't as bad) and let R_A do some chemical analysis on it....I'm sure he'd enjoy it....:D

[skepticscott]

29. He could have it served

as airline food...the horror!

[greyl]

30. I hope it's nothing as final as flushing it down a toilet.

Maybe put some googleeyes on it and hang it from his rearview.



I imagine light glancing off the eyes could create some magical effects.

Or, send it to Bill Donahue via USPS after using a Sharpie® to scribe a polite suggestion. edit: Christ, I just realized he might want to have the package insured - but for how much? 20-30 cents? Or like 4 trillion dollars?



The Sharpie® idea has a lot of potential.



Of course, to be truly effective it would have to preserved and displayed. Maybe give it a few coats of shellac and hang it in the bathroom like my Aunt Betty likes to do with lousy illustrations she carefully tears out of Reader's Digest.

I'd really like to see PZ put it in the bottom of his sock and skip around the Vatican courtyard while singing Always Look on the Bright Side of Life till someone in a robe with a badge takes notice. I'm not sure if he has that kind of commitment to the project, though.

So, since you're asking us to guess - toilet flush.

[cosmik debris]

31. toilet flush is too easy

And not nearly elegant enough for the true prankster.

I had a second thought that he may just send it back to the church and let them wonder what he might have done. (Sometimes fear of the unknown is worse than the actual threat.) And what if they can't prove desecration? How can they say Meyers is the Satan of atheists if he graciously returns the cracker with only veiled implications of desecration?

Doubt is always a wonderful weapon to use on the faithful.