Last time on, "As the Senate Churns"

[TayTay]

(A parody of DU and how we see the Senate.)

When last we checked in on 'The World's Greatest Deliberative Body,' the Senate had just voted to not invoke cloture on the nomination of John Bolton to be US Bastard-at-Large to the UN. Senate Democrats were deeply reluctant to admit that they were, in effect, filibustering the Bolton nomination, because they weren't sure that all the Rethug Senators had their meds with them and this might set them off. (The Senate tasers were on the fritz and the last time this happened there was gnawed furniture everywhere and several unpleasant incidents where staff had to be given tetanus booster shots.)

Sen. Bill Frist, fearful that he was showing weakness to his Democratic opponents had offered a one-time throw-down challenge in order the get the nomination passed. The Rethugs would put up Bolton against any Democrat in a 'cage match' in the underground super-secret Senate Wrestling Ring. If Bolton won, the Dems would have to accept his nomination, three wingnut judges and wear funny hats for two weeks. If the Dems won, then Frist would have to stop calling them wussies and give them back the keys to the Democratic Senate bathrooms. (And the Rethugs would still get Bolton and 3 Wingnut judges passed.) Sen. Reid had laughed in Sen. First's face, exclaiming, "Ahm that's not how it works Bill. If we win, Bolton goes back to the wildlife preserve and the judges go back in the time machine to the 1800's. It's that or no deal." The negotiations are currently at an impasse, as Sen. Frist has changed his mind and decided that a tag-team match between Bolton and Sen. Allen might be more satisfying. Sen. Reid has not yet named the Democratic All-Star brawling team yet, but there is speculation that Barbara Boxer might get the nod to suit up for the Dems. Time and date to be announced.

Today's action picks up when we hear Sen. Kerry begin his speech with, "Have any of you lying sons-of-bitches ever told the truth about anything in your whole morally bankrupt lives? Seriously, I want to know. Have any of you dishonest, chicken-hawk piles of steaming monkey crap ever said anything that would pass a lie detector test?"

[whometense]

1. This is just

what I needed to read this morning! Thanks for the laugh!!!! Your are amazing - to turn that out on a Monday morning????? :applause:

On a sidenote - Rachel Maddow mentioned John's floor statement on the AAR 7am news.

[TayTay]

2. Satire is sort of beyond the Senate

But I decided to give it a try. Besides, it really is starting to sounds like a Fox nighttime soap.

We have the weaselly, you-know-you-can't-trust-him Majority Leader, (that first husband that you just couldn't wait to dump because he creeped you out two years into the marriage. Yeah, sure, he's a doctor, but would you want him operating on you? I think not.) You have Sen. Byrd, everyone's favorite Uncle, the one you think is sleeping through most of the family get-togethers, but is actually listening with his eyes closed and is the sharpest pencil in the family box.

Oh, come on. This is fun. You try one: Take Harry Reid, or Santorum or someone to your liking and tell me what kind of set character they resemble most on a night time soap. Lamar Alexander: that weird date your aunt brought that has that slight boozy smell on his breath and keeps talking about his model train collection in the basement. The guy you just can't get away from and who is killing you with his unbelievably boring speeches about what motor oil best goes in model train engines and how many he's tried. You decide that if you have to spend two more minutes with this jerk you're going to kill yourself or him. (But that's your favorite aunt. What the hell does she see in him anyway?)

(TayTay did not take JK as a soap character on purpose. I don't want to keep all the fun to myself.)

[whometense]

3. Hmmmm.

I guess this is where I fess up to my secret vice. For about 18 years I was a Days of Our Lives watcher. I stopped watching last year, when (honest to god) real life politics overtook the soap in testing the limits of reality. So now my daytime soap is the US Senate. I'm not even sure I'd call it a step up. :eyes:

Ok, I'm game. Let's see...how about Norm Coleman. Ex-dem turned rethug when the odds looked better from that side. Sold his soul to the devil while making the switch. If he ever loses his seat most likely to become a used car saleman. And god only knows what he promised to * in exchange for winning that miserable election in the confused aftermath of Wellstone's tragic death. His firstborn? His firstborn's firstborn? When he smiles, babies weep.

[ginnyinWI]

4. you don't even have to make up much of it!

It's all there already.

:applause: :applause: :applause: