Happy New Year! A bedtime fable, by TayTay

[TayTay]

Hey, 3 of the 8 Dems on the Foreign Relations Committee are thinking about running for Pres in '08.
Sens. Joe Biden, Russ Feingold and John Kerry are all on that committee and they are all 'interested' in an '08 run for the Presidency. (Interested just means interested. Who knows it they will all run.) These hearings this year are going to get real fascinating as each of these Sens. tries to make a mark. Can you imagine being Rice and having to go up and testify in front of that motivated a bunch of Democrats?

Condiliar calls * to complain about her schedule:

CR: Sire, why do I have to go up to that den of vipers up there on and talk to those, those Democrats? They are nasty, nasty people who don't even bow when I enter the room or anything. They talk before I nod at them and speak without being spoken to first. They have no deference and don't know their place. It's, it's annoying and I have better things to do with my time than pretend that I have to talk to these lowlife serfs. Sire, can't I just blow it off.

Dumbya: Now, now my Lady . We have to pretend that we are accountable to someone for something. The Lord Regent Dick has mentioned that the people expect us to pretend to show up once in a while and give little nods and speeches and stuff that make it seem like we are but one branch of the government. We must put on a good show for the masses. Our people seem to like to pretend that they live in a, yuck, democracy, and it is our pleasure to let them continue to think so. It keeps the masses entertained and passive.

CR: But, My Lord, I am so tired of these little Senators like Kerry and and Boxer and such questioning my motives. Who do they think they are anyway? I think we should have them hauled away to the Royal Dungeons at Gitmo and have our Royal Inquisitors teach them some manners. (Condi smiles evilly.) Yes, that would teach them to ask me impertinent questions about whether or not we are going to invade Iran or Syria. As if I would ever tell the serfs my plans. Honestly, if it wasn't for the chance to see the Royal Fools Allen and Coleman perform their wonderful comedy bits, I just wouldn't bother to show up. I mean, Sire, it's not like it matters what they ask me or what I say. We do what we want. I just think it sets a bad example for the people to see other serfs actually questioning the nobility. No good will come of it.

Dumbya: My good Lady, I know that you suffer this indignity for our sake and we are grateful to you for it. We shall reward you by giving you the Royal Medal of Freedom and Confusion sometime soon. You know how much that ticks off the serfs in Congress. We would do it just to see the look on their faces, not to mention the fact that you have done great service to the Realm and deserve the Award of Confusion. Now, go up there to CapHill and confront the lowlife serfs and put them in their lowly place. You can do it. Do it for us. Do it for the nobility. Do it for the Lord Regent Dick. After all, he was the one who elevated you to the High Ministry and you don't want to disappoint him. He owns the Inquisitors and the keys to the Royal Dungeon at Gitmo. He is not someone you want to disappoint, trust us on that one.

CR: (gulps) Yes My Lord, I will do it. But these serfs all think they can overthrow you sometime soon and are planning revolts. I know it's silly to think that lowly serfs can ever topple a High and Mighty King like yourself, but I'm telling you, those peasants are planning something. I can feel it. Can't I at least bring some Imperial Guards with me? That might intimidate those Democrats (yuck) into showing some respect. They don't even address me as Your Worship anymore. It's just so brazenly common.

Dumbya: Patience my dear. Patience. Just refuse to answer any questions from the Democrats (yuck) and try and stick to the comedy bits from Our Fools Allen and Coleman. They should be enough to get you through the whole odious process. Then come back here and we can have a few laughs over their antics. That Allen really cracks us up. We have a standard drinking game in the Royal Chambers you know. Sir Fool makes a football reference, we drink up. You should have seen Our Royal Minister of Defense, Rummy, after your 'confirmation' hearing last year. He was drunk as a skunk. It was a sight to behold. Now, just suck it up my Lady and take one for the Royal Team.

CR: Yes Sire, but if one of those mealy-mouthed serfs questions my handling of Iran one more time, I am going to have the Imperial Guards taser them. That will teach them to hold a civil tongue in their heads in front of their betters. Serfs! How revolting.

*************************************

That's how I see it.

[Island Blue]

1. Brilliant work of fiction Tay Tay!

And you can tell it's fiction because Dumbya is just so darn articulate. "Odious" - As if! :rofl:

Very nicely done.

[MH1]

2. ROFLMAO! Another good tale from TayTay.

You're quite good at this, you know.

:toast:

[ProSense]

3. Friggin brilliant! The titles are cracking me up!

Lord Regent Dick, Royal Medal of Freedom and Confusion, Our Fools Allen and Coleman, Our Royal Minister of Defense...

Bravo!


:applause:

[cmnh]

4. It took me a sec to realize you were talking about Cheney.

Well, not really, but you have to admit the title "LRD" could apply to almost everyone in this administration.

[TayTay]

12. Sad, but true.

Honestly, if we truly do have a 'Monarch' like Bush, then we must have a Regent around somewhere. And I agree, there are several Lord Regent Dicks around that Admin. Sigh!

By the way, since your new here and all, I formally apologize for my negative obsession with Sen. Allen. He just bugs the crap out of me. I cannot believe he is a US Senator. He is dumber than a bag of cold rocks and I cannot abide the man. I will attempt to not mention him in any future parodies as I have to get over it. (But he just begs for parody. He just begs for it. He's the one who brings dumb football references into his speeches. Doesn't he know that people sometimes watch this stuff. We even have people in other countries who tune into C-Span on the internet to see what America is talking about. And they see this guy acquainting Iraq with a late field goal. No it isn't. I'm not the brightest light in the socket and even I know that. Gawd, I can't stand that man.)

And Santorum is not what God was thinking of when he let man evolve to stand upright. Really, we did not spend millions of years evolving from single-celled creatures to wind up with Santorum. This is someone's idea of a joke, I know it.

[globalvillage]

5. More!

I want to hear the part where the white knight rides in and smites the evil king*.

Oh, please, please, please...

[TayTay]

6. No, the next part would concern The Loyal Opposition

and the strange tale of the Foreign Relations Committee that had 3 people who wanted to be the next ruler of all they see. Geez, can you even imagine what those hearings are going to start to sound like? Biden, Feingold and Kerry are all on SFRC. This is gonna get real good. I can't wait until The Crown Princess Condiliar deens to stop by and explain herself sometime in Jan or Feb. That's just great. (BTW, they can't have it, we wants the Ruling Ring for ourselves. They can't have it. It's my precious, not theirs. Pretenders.)

Glad you liked my New Year's tale. As the King said to New Orleans, 'Let them eat cake or doughnuts if they don't have any cake. Where's my new guitar anyway? Dick? Dick? Where's my new guitar? I have a song in my heart for the New Year." God help us all.

[globalvillage]

7. Oh....OK.

But can the SFRC knights all sit at a round table, can they...hmmmm...can they? Or even a roundish one??? And can one of them be taller and handsomer than all the others??? Pleeeeeese?I promise to be really, really good if there will be a wise and worthy knight who (verbally)thrashes the evil princess. And can we watch on the magical box (channel 17 for me, check your local listings), PLEEEEEEASE???
Oh, thank you, thank you, Tay Tay.

I guess it would be too much to ask for horses.

[TayTay]

8. Okay, I can do that. I wrote you another story over here

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=273&topic_id=61904&mesg_id=61954

Cuz that letterwriter made me laugh till milk came out of my nose. (And I was drinking a diet Pepsi at the time, so that was remarkable.)

I hope you like it.

And I will sleep on the Knights of the Policy Table story and let you know if it lights up any of the dusty corners of my brain. (Inspiration is an iffy thing.)

[globalvillage]

9. It's wonderful. You are quite the storyteller.

I pray John Hancock is able to rid Boston of that louse Santorum without getting anything on his suit.

[TayTay]

10. Hancock was quite the guy.

He was the richest guy in the American colonies at the time and was a principal funder of the Sons of Liberty in Boston. The Crown forces never could figure out why a well-born guy like that would side with the rebellion. Hmmmm, clueless bunch of bastards.

The clueless Constable Santorum was later fragged by his own men and a pack of wounded dogs somewhere in New Jersey. He wasn't really missed. And he never got near Hancock's tailor. As if.

[globalvillage]

11. Thank heavens.

Good to know the dogs didn't trash John's tailor's duds. Now THAT would have been a tragedy.

[karynnj]

13. Great Tale

But Bush wasn't looking for his guitar or talking to New Orleans. He found a way that should offend even his own supporters (if true)

He apparently has a new cut on his forehead from clearing brush and he visited with severely wounded soldiers joking that he do was injured.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=364x31855

And I thought the purple heart bandaids were as sick as they could get on that.

[ProSense]

14. I caught that.

The fool continues to make a mockery of the award.


Another thing, why is he always losing battles with inanimate objects? A 2" scar?

[TayTay]

15. I think he was drunk again

and walked into a wall. Those people around him are just enabling his drinking again. What a lush.

[karendc]

16. TayTay

Your sense of humor matches JK's--dry and Irish! (Even though he is, of course, JEWISH).

Enjoyed this immensely.

[TayTay]

17. Thanks (blush, blush)

You know us Boston people, things may be hopeless, but they are not serious. }(

It's just that way. Just when you think it's safe to have a perfectly good depression, the damn sun comes out and spoils the mood. Things get better. It's inevitable. Sigh!

And JK is Irish, by association if nothing else. I know he's done enough St. Pat's Day breakfasts in and around Mass that he's just Irish by now. (Has to be.) You can't associate with all that Irish Mafia and not have some of it rub off. (For better or worse.) I have this real love/hate relationship with 'my people' in Boston. Which, come to think of it, is very Irish. Sigh!

Ahm, in all honesty, I was kind of scared of posting these parodies on line. Sometimes the humor meter at DU is, ahm, somewhat low. I was afraid, in all honesty, that someone would think I was serious. So I tend to hide most of these attempts at humor within other threads. I don't want to offend anyone. (Hey, you've been out there in DU. Laugh a minute they are not.)

BTW, blush, blush, I do watch some of the hearings, or rather listen to them when I am at work. That's where I developed my severe aversion to Sen. Allen. I came about it honestly, I actually suffered through his 'questioning/fawning' over witnesses. I would say that this alone knocks time off my future stay in limbo (purgatory) but I think the Vatican is considering doing away with limbo so I'll just have to grin and bear it in the future for no damn good reason at all. Sigh!

[cmnh]

20. "...the Vatican is considering doing away with limbo.."

How low can they go?

[globalvillage]

21. That's priceless.

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[TayTay]

24. Hey, that was traumatic for me.

Hey I thought I had a buffer zone. I'm not bad enough to go to hell, and I haven't done enough to get noticed by heaven. I thought I had limbo in the bag. (Sort of like living in Malden, actually. Nothing really wrong with it, but it's not really exciting either. It just is. Sigh!)

[globalvillage]

25. I have been to Malden.

You are not misunderestimating it's appeal (is that a triple negative?).

Tay, I would just go with "I'm from Boston". Same as I do Pittsburgh.

:rofl:

(this is my favorite smilie. have you noticed?)

[ProSense]

29. The smilie thing

:rofl:

[globalvillage]

31. Ah, my ROFL buddy.

Wondered when you would show up.
:rofl: :rofl:

[cmnh]

27. Well. if it makes you feel any better, you'll still be better off than

the poor schmoes that are in Hell because they ate a hamburger on a Friday before the Vatican changed that rule.

[TayTay]

28. True. Can you even imagine this?

St. Peter: Okay people line up, we got some judging to do here and I have a tee off time in 45 minutes with Thomas Jefferson, Sojourner Truth and Joan of Arc. Tell me your sins and I'll let you know if you get into the Big Resort or you take the elevator down to Eternal Damnation. You, what did you do?

Sinner #1: Ahm, I cheated on my wife, stole company funds, ignored the poor and never paid my taxes. However, I did do an Act of Contrition om my death bed, so I think I earn Heaven on a technicality.

St. Peter: Lawyers! Yeah, you got me on that one. Go ahead in. You can be the new Cabana Boy. (Americans, by the way, do view heaven as a sort of Island Resort or Club Med of eternity. They just do.) Hey, you there, what did you do?

Sinner # 2: I devoted myself to a life of service. I gave 10% of everything I earned to charity. I tried to stop and help people in need and I put others above myself. But once, in 1978 during a weak moment, I scarfed a Big Mac on Friday during Lent. I forgot all about it until just now, so I never confessed it.

St Peter: Get the rule book. Yup, 1978, the 'No Meat on Fridays in Lent' rule was still in effect. You never confessed it, so, ahm, sorry but you earn the Eternal Damnation. If only you had had the Chicken McNuggets instead, my job would be so much easier. Sorry. I don't make the Rules, I just enforce 'em.

*******************************

That's just sad.

[globalvillage]

30. Dogma is a bitch

Great flick though. Alan Rickman *sigh*.

Catholic doctrine seems a little weird, but I miss some of the tradition. Latin was nice. I still remember some. And there's nothing like fish sandwiches from St Anne's on Fridays during Lent.
I like to think fasting on Fridays was some brilliant woman's idea so she didn't have to cook one day a week.

[ProSense]

32. There sure are a lot of rules

I'm not Catholic, but if it were to play out that way:

:yoiks:

[globalvillage]

18. Shhhh...

I've almost got my mom convinced he's 'one of us'.

[globalvillage]

19. Hey, do you know they have purple heart postage stamps?

I make a point of using them.
:patriot:

[TayTay]

22. Cool! I will have to get some.

That is a nice way to honor people who have actually bled for their country. Thanks for sharing this.

[globalvillage]

26. Just remember that they're raising the postage rate

So you may have to get some .02 stamps to go with.

[ProSense]

23. Cool!

I'll get some immediately.