A good laugh!

[ProSense]

http://www.seacoastonline.com/news/johnb/1_24fake.htm

[whometense]

1. hee hee

"Abramoff fingerprints found on president's ass"

Since you started it :evilgrin:, here's something my son sent me this morning:

50 Most Loathsome People in America, 2005

Some of them are extremely satisfying, including a few I wouldn't dare post on DU. Here's a safe sample:

43. Rush Limbaugh

Charges: Rather than engage in the admittedly difficult task of justifying GOP policies rationally, the key to Limbaugh's success is attracting an audience that actually yearns to be lied to. It doesn't matter how many righteous fact-checkers assail him in print and on the web, because dittoheads don't care that he's lying, as long as the lies justify their prejudices. Limbaugh's program is not just hypocritical; it is a celebration of hypocrisy for ignorant crackers, angry at smart people and strung out on the dwindling sensation that they are better than everyone else by virtue of their race, sex, nationality or level of bluster, because their character and accomplishments don't warrant such feelings. If political discussion were sex, the Limbaugh audience would be a horde of virgins beating off to deranged rape fantasies.

Exhibit A: Started out in sports radio; hasn't changed his approach one bit.

Sentence: Starved to death in full view of glazed ham; ACLU mistakenly bestowed entire estate due to barbecue sauce stain on last will and testament.

5. Tom Delay

Charges: A politician so horrible, his prior career as an exterminator constitutes fratricide. Smiled for his mug shot like it was a campaign poster. Asked three young Katrina evacuees, "Now tell me the truth, boys, is this kind of fun?" One of an elite handful of white Americans still engaged in the time-honored tradition of screwing over Indians. Responding to a request he extinguish his cigar in a restaurant in accordance with federal regulations, Delay replied, "I AM the federal government." Claimed that there was "no fat left to cut" from the federal budget to offset New Orleans reconstruction costs. So arrogant in abuse of power that he doesn't even take time to construct plausible lies.

Exhibit A: Explaining his failure to enlist during Vietnam: "'So many minority youths had volunteered' that there was literally no room for patriotic folks like myself."

Sentence: Bashed to death with hammer.

[TayTay]

2. Now this is a sports rivalry

This is very, ahm, rough.

33. Johnny Damon

Charges: Any baseball player with highlights in his hair should be faced with the same penalty system applied to those using performance-enhancing steroids. It’s ruining the game. And if a ball player is going to grow a beard, it should be a Charlie Manson/Thurman Munson scraggle of bushy whiskers, not a neatly manicured and softly conditioned frame for your pretty face. The only thing that got Damon to step into line and quit hair-farming was a 52 million dollar check from the New York Yankees. Boston prayed for the multi-bladed Gillette that officially made him a Yankee to slip while gliding over his Adam’s apple and spill his lifeblood into the bathroom sink.

Exhibit A: Going from the Red Sox to the Yankees is like f*cking the guy that murdered your husband.

Sentence: Killed by barrage of hurled D cell batteries when he takes the field at Fenway next season.
***********************

Ahm, no wonder the rest of the country thinks we're crazy!

[whometense]

3. have to admit

it made me laugh.

Especially Exhibit A. :rofl:

[ProSense]

4. Those are classic!

Jeff Gannon


:rofl:

[ProSense]

5. The Texas Sidestep (letter to Chris Matthews)

January 24, 2006

The Texas Sidestep
by Missy Comley Beattie

http://www.opednews.com

Chris Matthews of "Hardball" requests our e-mails, telling him what we'd like President Bush to talk about next week in his State of the Union Address. Oh, Chris, you're such a boob. But I'll play along.

Dear Chris,

I would like the president to uh, uh, uh...just say nothing at all. Because, you see, he isn't very easy on the ears. I tried to listen as he stated the case for his Terrorist Surveillance Program (Peepism). I watched his body bob and his face scrunch. At one point he was writhing at the podium, hunkered over and almost hugging it for support. Someone needs to work with him on this body language thing 'cause it sure isn't pretty, but I stuck with it for awhile. Then he had to go and totally ruin it by referring to the terrorists as "folks."

Come on, Chris. You have to remember right after 9/11 when George W. said he was going to get the "folks" who attacked us. Plenty of journalists and anybody else within earshot criticized his use of the word. I'm sure Laura cringed. Even Mommy Dearest, who said she lost her son to history because of his stellar performance after the Twin Towers came down and the Pentagon was hit, must have told him, "No, no, no. We don't call these evildoers 'folks.' They're terrorists, George." And then she probably head-slapped him to drive home her point.

Folks are in-laws, Chris, and neighbors--people you'd invite to the ranch for a beer and steer cooked on the barbeque grill. Not terrorists. But George must have had a little memory lapse, leaving me to conclude that the man should speak as little as possible. Or he should always wear one of those boxes like he back-packed during a debate with John Kerry in 2004. Which reminds me--what about the presidential, omnipresent TelePrompt? Did the multiple, backup generators fail? That's what it sounded like to me. If, according to SenaDoc Bill Frist, Samuel Alito is the worst nightmare of liberal democrats then, certainly, Bush's handlers have their own bad dream--the malfunction of the TelePrompt.

more...

http://www.opednews.com/articles/opedne_missy_co_060124_the_texas_sidestep.htm