OT: The Republican boyfriend made all the right moves this weekend

[rox63]

We spent the weekend snowbound at my place, and he made a lot of progess at winning my heart. And I ended up feeling warm and loved and totally wanting to spend all weekend snuggling. Because we live 60 miles apart, we celebrated Valentine's Day this weekend. He made a huge dent on my heart recently, when he spread a path of rose petals out in front of me when he picked me up for a date. (MELT...)

I am a self-proclaimed 'proud Massachusetts liberal'. He is a NH libertarian-leaning (pro-choice and pro-gay-rights) Republican. I'm all verklempt over feeling swept-off-my-feet by him. But I can't help myself. :evilgrin:

I think he may have voted for Kerry in 2004, although I haven't asked him about it yet. I know he can't stand *. Can this work? (I hope...)

[wisteria]

1. Sure, opposites attract and keep things lively and new.

You may just have more in common than you think and you may be able to convince him to go Democratic. I am happy for you.

[TayTay]

2. He spread rose petals out for you to walk on?

Amd you are asking if he is a keeper? Good Gawd woman, if you don't take him, I will.

(On the other hand, I did get a nice gift certificate to the bookstore from my hubbie for Valentine's Day this year, so I am also feeling really good.)

Ahm, yeah, take him as he is. Conversion to the true faith can come later.

[_dynamicdems]

3. Best of Luck, Rox!

It sounds promising. He's smart enough to dislike * and to want to win your heart. It really isn't what you call yourself that matters. It's about what's inside.

[karynnj]

4. Congratulations, that sounds so sweet

As one of 9 children of a couple who regularly canceled each other's votes, I am biased to think it could easily work. Read your post - you sound so happy and comfortable. Good Luck!

[blm]

5. Alot of NH Repubs voted for Kerry. There's a good chance yours did.

So cuddle up.

[WildEyedLiberal]

7. Someone loves blm!

You have a little valentine heart!

If I have any spare change to donate to DU, it'll be sheer hell to try to decide which of you awesome people gets my heart. You're all worthy.

BTW Rox: :woohoo: Sounds like it's going great! If he knows you're a "proud Massachusetts liberal," and he hasn't tried to spew any RW talking point BS at you, then you're probably in good shape. You must keep us posted and let us know if he's a Kerryfan, and if not, if he could become one.

[globalvillage]

6. Of course it can work.

He sounds like a keeper.
Find out about the '04 vote, though. We need to be fully informed before we can really pass judgement on the guy.
It's great to see you this happy. Best of luck.

[FreedomAngel82]

8. What does politics have to do with how you feel for someone?

If you're falling for someone politics shouldn't matter. And if you're dying to know who he voted for sometime just casually ask.

[sandnsea]

9. Oooooh Rox

He sounds delicious to me! Mine remembered to ask me when Valentine's Day IS, and that makes my heart go pitty-pat. A path of rose petals, oh my word. I wouldn't let that one get away!

[JI7]

10. sounds like a good one

[whometense]

11. I agree with prevailing opinion, Rox

He sounds like a keeper to me.

[BlueIris]

12. Respectfully, I'm terribly sorry to read that you decided to stay.

People who still vote Republican in this day and age have major issues. I have no idea why you continue to make excuses for his unacceptable beliefs, and I think you are unwise to feel safe with him in any social scenario. I really hope that nothing bad happens to you.

Some advice? Since you are clearly a person with an open mind who tries to see the best in others--watch out for the way that this tendency to be "open" and "fair" may have you overlooking negative and dangerous behaviors in this potential partner. My relationship with a Republican sympathizer (who wasn't even a voting Republican) started out seemingly wonderful and ended up in a life-shredding implosion of abuse and hatred that I haven't yet recovered from. Again, I would encourage you to find out just what "pro-choice" means as a concept in the eyes of your new S.O. Yeah, sure, he might not try to physically stop you from exercising your right to choose, but is he one of those creeps who thinks women who do so are worthless and not deserving of anyone's love or respect? That's what "pro-choice" meant for my ex, who was as stone-cold misogynist as they come, and successfully convinced me otherwise for more than one year (usually by making "all the right moves" after uncomfortable conversations). What does "pro-gay rights" mean to your S.O., really? For my ex, it meant affecting support for all non-heterosexuals and threatening violence against bigots in overcompensation for his own self-hatred at the way he repressed his gay identity. How does your new beau feel about the war, truly? People from other countries? The poor? Let's say he continues to give you answers you can live with, that don't make you think he's a total asshole. How do you reconcile that with his decision to support a party actively taking steps to obstruct privacy rights, the rights of gay citizens, kill innocents in Iraq and eliminate all means of governmental support for the poor (including seniors)? How does that not make him a liar and a hypocrite in your opinion?

My ex isn't your guy and my situation wasn't what you believe yours to be--but my story is very common. Ask around on this board about whether others (especially women) who have dated Republicans, think what you're doing is safe for you. Some of the explanations I can think of for why someone who claims to dislike what Republicans do would still consider himself a Republican...don't make that person a total asshole. But the reasons I can come up with? Don't make that individual a good person either. Best case scenario? He's a Patriarchal apologist who feels too scared to say "no" to the ideologies Daddy raised him with and stop supporting misogyny, bigotry, xenophobia and class warfare with Republican votes. At worst--you're not with a person who is emotionally or physically safe for you to be with.

Don't worry, after this, I won't post anything more to you about this matter. Adults have right to make their own mistakes. I only want to communicate one more thing, though: I'm vaguely psychic, especially when it comes to the lives and activities of people in this forum, whom I care about, despite our differences of opinion on many issues. I was just wondering earlier whether anything new had happened with you and this individual and praying that it hadn't. And look, here's your thread. I'm getting a bad feeling, here. Please be on the lookout for things that don't feel safe in this situation. Please take care of yourself.

[rox63]

14. He is not a rabid right-winger

And he is a very gentle person. I know he is pro-choice, because he believes in 'zero population growth'. We've discussed it at some length. He has several friends who are gay or bi (I also know some of them), so I'm pretty certain that he supports gay rights. He's not a religious-right nut, he's a neo-pagan. I really think he's registered as a Republican because his family has always been Republicans. And he just wants the government to stay out of our personal lives as much as possible. I know he voted for Gore in 2000. So I assume that he also voted for Kerry in 2004, because he despises *. I just haven't asked him specifically about his 2004 vote. He mentioned that he'd voted for Gore in 2000, without my prompting.

[Island Blue]

13. I'm happy for you Rox!

He sounds like a great guy. Keep us posted!

[Blaukraut]

15. He sounds like a nice person

But Rox, why not do the most logical thing and talk politics with him? I assume you guys are serious enough where such a subject shouldn't be taboo anymore.
In any ordinary situation I would say a mild difference in political views is nothing to be concerned about, but...and here it comes;
Rox, you are no ordinary, everyday, only marginally politically aware person. You are a liberal activist, and have great passion about your political beliefs. This is where problems may come in later on down the road. With people like you, and all of us here, the best relationship will be with a person of like beliefs, and preferably like passion and activism.
That said, if your guy has only mildly different beliefs than you, your knowledge and caring about the issues can convince him to see things your way, or at least allow you to carry on your work without passing judgment or trying to dampen your spirit. :-)

[WildEyedLiberal]

16. I concur

He sounds totally great, but definitely have that political discussion with him. I broke up with my ex-bf because we fought about politics ALL THE TIME - he was a Dem, but a RABID Deaniac who hated Kerry, and didn't really respect my feelings about it. All he ended up doing was strengthening my love for Kerry and making me realize that not all liberal Democrats are overly intelligent or politically wise. I also had bad experiences with every Deaniac I've met, so it's affected my entire perception of Dean and his supporters as well.

Point being, have that discussion, because it's better to find out now if he holds any beliefs that are anathema to you, rather than later when you're more emotionally involved. I hope for the best.

[ProSense]

17. Snow bound:

romantic scenario for sure. Do talk about the political stuff though; better to get it out in the open. Even if you disagree, there may be common ground to be found (heartening, since I know you're going to stand on principle, and you may be able to bring him around). If you have no serious disagreements, it will wind up being a really good feel good, and then some, discussion.

[Vektor]

18. You may be able to convert him...

It sounds like he isn't a rabid right-winger, and may just need you to show him the light...

Congrats, and best of luck to you!