The cuffs on the bus go click, click, click ......

[Botany]

Rev had the church bus from hell. It said Methodist on the
outside but it was 100% EDV on the inside. A wet bar, a buffet, and
tranq guns mounted in the windows and the mother Bay Air @ the wheel
left little doubt that snark was on the road. Heading south from Door County
WS to Chi town and then east to NYC the babes were on a mission .....
to capture KO for "breeding purposes."

Already 2 Wisconsin Highway patrolmen were cuffed in the back of the bus ....

"100 bottles of snark on the wall a 100 bottles of snark"

:scared:

[Berry Cool]

1. But the occupants thought it was the church bus from heaven

or, at least, the church bus on the WAY to heaven.

In the back (where the seats were the most jolty; she had always liked that) sat BerryBush, as far away from the mother Bay Air driver and the ride-hitching Chicago Cubs as she could get. "I am never spending a moment with THAT bunch again," she thought grimly as she sipped her cosmopolitan. "There I am, thinking 'Finally, I'm going to score with Keith!' And...sure enough, plenty of 'scoring' happens, all right, but...not the kind *I* had in mind! Agggghhhh!"

Thinking about it still had the power to depress her. That damn mother Bay Air had pitched a no-hitter against the Team B of her Cubs (they had been divided into two teams, Team A and Team B), yet Berry had been so bad at fielding her pitches that Team B had taken base after base without any effort. They were able to score simply by dint of all Berry's errors. Yet the pitcher for Team B was so bad that Team A walked the bases regularly.

"BALL!" Umpire Keith had shouted over and over again, so smothered by his protective gear (including, of course, the highly depressing face mask) that Berry could hardly see him, much less pursue any extension of the cuddling session that had seemed so promising when it first began...before everything went tragically wrong.

"If you had asked me before that day," she thought grimly, "whether I would ever get sick of Keith and his 'BALL'!s, I would have told you 'Never!' But little did I realize..."

The final score: Team A, 213; Team B 254, in 67 grueling innings. Berry had been so exhausted afterward that she'd had to sleep for a week. By the time she woke up, of course, Keith was long gone.

She sighed to herself. "Oh, well. All that is baseball under the bridge. The next time Keith surprises ME with a diamond, it's NOT going to be in a BALLPARK! Not if *I* can help it..."

For a moment, she found herself distracted by the men on the seat across from her. The patrolmen didn't look too happy...yet, at the same time, they seemed to find themselves intrigued by the pink fur-lined handcuffs that held them captive. Yes, that Crispini was a clever one.

"No one is going to stop us now," Berry thought. First stop, Chicago--but not for a Cubs game. Still, it seemed likely that if they were to find their quarry anywhere in town, Wrigley Field was the place to go...after all, he was the kind that they'd have to bag where he was most likely to be found...and thus, there would be no way to avoid hitting the ballparks. "But only for a while," thought Berry. "Only for a while...and if we don't find him here, it's off to New York. He won't get far on foot..."

[noamnety]

2. They switched on the radio

And heard another of the ubiquitous terror warnings ... but wait! It was being interrupted by an important message!

They cranked up the volume, and heard an apology being read, by none other than Mr. Olbermann. "I'm sorry," they heard, "for making fun of The Gates. Deep down, I knew they were beautiful."

[Berry Cool]

3. Suddenly, they knew that something was deeply, deeply wrong.

In the back of the bus, Berry sat at attention. What was this? First, they'd heard Keith making apologies for criticizing ESPN...and now, The Gates? What was going on?

"And there are some other things I have said for which I need to make amends," he went on, as the entire bus sat in silent disbelief.

"Firstly, Bill O'Reilly. I deeply regret all the terrible, immature, petty ways I've ridiculed that poor man over the past few months. The truth of the matter is, we will never really know what happened between him and Andrea Mackris, and it is none of my damn business. Besides, who doesn't enjoy a good loofah and a falafel once in a while? I'm sorry, Bill. A lot of people said in a recent survey that you were a journalist, and, well, I agree with them. I only wish your cruise was still on, so I could join you on it.

"Secondly, that stuff about voting irregularities in Ohio. I just want to say, I think I jumped the gun on that, and to spend episode after episode of Countdown on stuff having to do with mysterious lockdowns and malfunctioning machines and all that nonsense was wrong of me--just plain wrong. My deepest apologies go out to Ken Blackwell. You're a decent, honest man, Mr. Blackwell, and I'm sure you will make us a fine President someday.

"Thirdly, Tom Cruise. I know this may sound like a small thing, but the way I ridiculed him for jumping up and down on Oprah's couch about Katie Holmes and how much he was in love with her was highly juvenile and uncalled for on my part. Congrats on the engagement, Tom--what could be more romantic than to propose to a girl at the Eiffel Tower? I wish you much happiness, fella.

"Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, my apologies must go out to a man I have maligned perhaps more in the past year than any other. By that I can mean only one man, and that of course would be our great President, perhaps our greatest President ever: George W. Bush. For many months now, I have implied that this man is not only stupid and stubborn and the beneficiary of a possibly stolen election, but that he may actually have deliberately manipulated Tony Blair into helping him start a war for no good reason at all. I realize now how highly treasonous it was of me to say these things, and I want everyone to know, but him most of all: I'm sorry.

"Mr. President, you're a great man. You won election twice fair and square, and you have involved this nation not in a senseless war, but in a noble mission to bring liberty to a people thirsting for freedom. Please forgive me. My hat is off to you, and I will have nothing but praise for you on my show from now on!"

For many moments after Keith stopped speaking, all was silent, except for the sound of jaws cracking as they dropped to the floor. Finally, BerryBush could no longer stand it. She had to say something.

"You all realize what this means, don't you?"

The others stared back, not sure of what to say. When they said nothing, she provided the answer.

"It's obvious what it means. KEITH HAS BEEN TAKEN HOSTAGE! His captors are forcing him to read prepared statements at gunpoint! Prepared statements that are at complete odds with the Keith we know and love! And you know what that means...we must FIND where he's being held hostage, and stage a rescue mission!"

[RevCheesehead]

4. Now that sounds like fun.

Camoflage fatigues, lamp-black on the face, and standard-issue riot-cuffs. Sparky can bring the toolbelt. :)

[crispini]

5. Exactly!

Woohoo! EDVs on the loose! Watch out, world, here we come, armed with compound bows and fishnet tights, high explosives and firetruck-red lipstick, AK-47s and chunky high heels. Those nasty Olber-nappers will never know what hit them!

:rofl: