Keithaholics Anonymous Thread 6/17/05 (Keith Addiction Counseling Here!)

[Berry Cool]

Greetings, everyone.

My name is Berry B. and...I'm a Keithaholic.

It all started so innocently. A little Countdown after work every night. Then it grew. Taping Countdown every night...getting Countdown-sloshed with my friends...then watching Countdown alone. Having to watch tapes of Countdown in the morning as an eye-opener. Having to watch the midnight rerun before going to bed at night.

Before I knew it, I was addicted to Keith Olbermann. Desperate for every old SportsCenter story I heard, searching the Internets frantically for the Boston Market commercial. It was not a pretty sight. I became embarrassing and unruly in public when told Keith would not be on the show on a given night. My friends had to take me home and put me to bed, raving like a madwoman.

Now, it's another lost weekend for me...a Thursday AND a Friday with no Keith. They tell me there is a special term for people like us..."Olbermannic-depressive." Giddy with stupid delight when Keith is on, miserable and depressed beyond belief when he is not.

Fortunately, I have found a product on the market that appears to have been made especially for us Keithaholics to help us control our cravings: Frozen Keith on a Stick.



It's the perfect summertime treat for when thinking about Keith has you all steamy and hot. Just lick or suck on one of these, and your cravings will be instantly appeased. Comes in three Keithalicious flavors: Serious Gray-Suit Keith, Howard Beale Keith (for those times when Keith-deprivation is making you crazy) and SpongeBob Keith (who needs SpongeBob ice cream on a stick when you have SpongeBob Keith)? Hurry up and grab all the Keith-goodness before he melts. Look for them in a grocer's freezer near you.

...Oh, what's the use. We're Keith-deprived and miserable. Rev, please help us. We can't hold out much longer. How many hours till Leno on Monday?

[gkhouston]

1. now, Berry do you really WANT to get better...

or you do you just want more Keef? :evilgrin:

[Berry Cool]

4. Ok, I admit it. To be cured, one must want to be cured, and...

...I don't really want to be cured.

Please pass the pops.

Hey, is DU exceptionally slow and buggy for anyone else besides me tonight?

Found another piece of praise for Keef today, in the first paragraph of a review of *ucker's show:

http://www.newsday.com/entertainment/news/ny-ettel4305952jun17,0,322089.story

Also, saw the ratings difference between Wednesday's Countdown and Thursday's. About 100,000 viewers turn it off when Keith is not on. Tells you something, eh? No, I don't think he will be taking Fridays off to accommodate the ESPN gig--not if MSNBC has a lick of sense, anyway.

Ah...did somebody say "lick"?

Yeah...I did...

*sigh*

[CC]

2. Great statement there

and rumor has it Keith may be gone until Wen. But it is only a rumor. On top of no Keith DU seems to be slow to broken here.



Hi everyone not sure how long I'm here between the Witless and broken DU that is running so slow right now.

[gkhouston]

5. CC, did you break DU *again*? :-)

I thought it was just my broadband provider breaking down. Where did the "rumor" originate (that Keith might be out until Wednesday)?

[CC]

9. Wasn't me

I just got home from dinner, but before I blamed DU for being broken I did check other sites/pages. (Made sure it wasn't me or my provider) I In the time it took me to use a round about way to get to the clubhouse I had surfed at least 10 other sites. I am more liable to break my computer but I haven't tweaked it in a long time.

I read if somewhere but I honestly have no idea where. But he did go to LA so figure it is more true than now. I would at least stay in LA a couple extra days if I went out there. Hell I would probably stay a couple extra weeks.

[Rhiannon12866]

7. Thank you! I was wondering what was going on.

I'm relieved to know that it's not just me.:argh:

BTW, are those all of your pets? If so, wow! But they're adorable.:wow::loveya:

[Rhiannon12866]

3. Dammit all! I KNEW it! I figured, after yesterday, that he was taking a

Long weekend!:grr:

But your post is still much appreciated, LOL! Very clever!:yourock:

BTW, I just read your sig! ROFL!:rofl:

[SharonRB]

6. He's in CA for the Leno show and won't be back until sometime

after that.

And, yes, DU is exceptionally slow tonight.

[gkhouston]

8. Duh. Me stupid. Of course, he'd need some travel time.

Hope he has a good segment on Leno. I assume he's going to talk about the ESPN gig although once Keith starts talking the sentences tend to go on and on and end up anywhere.

[Rhiannon12866]

10. Thank you! He's going to be on Leno on Monday?!

I missed his last appearance, except for the clips he showed on "Countdown," because the date changed at the last minute, didn't it?! And my friend who's a real Keith sports fan didn't see him at all. I'll have to let her know! Thanks!:hi:

And I wondered what was going on. I had time to go downstairs and come back up before what I clicked on appeared on my screen. So thanks! Elad said there might be problems. I guess I'm glad it's not just me.
:argh:

on edit: When I clicked on the group, I got an error. Anybody else?:shrug:

on second edit: When I tried to post my edit, about my error, I got another one!:eyes:

on third edit: 3X!!! I'm out!:crazy:

[gkhouston]

11. yes, I just tried to post something and got an error n/t

[Berry Cool]

12. I know where he is, but why is he going to be off so long?

NBC has studios in LA, after all.

OK, so I'm hoping for too much.

Especially given that people get jet lag. *sigh*

And yes, I can barely post tonight for all the bugs. I think this is going to be my last try tonight and if it fails, forget it.

[gkhouston]

13. well, no matter how you slice it, he'd have to miss Monday

and even if he flew back on Tuesday, he wouldn't really have time to write the show, so that's two nights right there. Strictly speaking, I suppose he could have waited until tomorrow to fly out (and perhaps he has; that's his business), but I've done the East Coast to West Coast trip myself and it is tiring; I wouldn't want to make a quick-turnaround trip unless vitally necessary.

[Berry Cool]

15. OK, I have to post this if I possibly can

If you skipped the livecast, try to catch the last 5 minutes of it with the Top 5.

Not only is it still the voice of Keith and pretty funny, but you have to catch the end.

The #1 story had been about a weird Web site featuring videos of people eating and crying (yes, eating and crying). The last image of the show, after Alex tossed the wad, was one of her, eating and crying. Explanation for her crying: "She misses Keith."

You and us both, kiddo. You and us both...

[CC]

14. Ok had emough

After a few dozen connection refused here...calling it a night before I

[gkhouston]

16. 'night, CC

I'm working, so I've long since passed that point. It's a damned good thing that the windows in the building where I work don't open or I'd be putting in a request for new equipment on a near-daily basis. ;-)

[RevCheesehead]

17. Now that's just priceless.

I'm glad you got started without me, I was detained.

Before we go further, I'd like go over a few things:

As with any 12-step program, participation is strictly voluntary; and what happens in the group STAYS in the group.

Smoking is permitted, but please confine it to the back of the room. Of course, if you are on fire, you may smoke wherever you are. The fire extinguishers are by the door.

Gluten-free snacks are provided, as well as the usual trashy junk food. If you want healthy snacks, then you'll need to bring them yourselves. The church ladies wanted to fix you a lime-jello dessert, but I persuaded them to stick with the cookies and coffee for now. Sorry, but all we have is decaf. (no grumbling - I'm not happy about it, either.)

Sorry about the posting problems. We have consulted with the management, and have been assured that these problems lie with the server, not DU, Skinner, or Elad. As of right now, things seem to be running smoothly.

Bathrooms are down the hall to the right. Air freshener and lotion are on the counter by the mirror. Gentlemen, please - return the seat to the down position, and for heaven's sake, flush.

[sparky_in_ma]

18. Hi Berry

:donut: The first step is admitting you have a problem.:D

[Berry Cool]

19. And I definitely have a problem.

I admit it. It is no secret. When I have too much Keith, I am a public embarrassment. I giggle like a fool. Friends don't want to be seen with me.

Now, I just need to know whether or not I am alone in my Keithaholism and Olbermannic-depression. Luckily, I found these questions you can all ask yourselves to discover whether you, too, have a Keithing problem:

1. Have you ever decided to stop watching Countdown for a week or so, but only lasted for a couple of days?

2. Do you wish people would mind their own business about your watching Countdown -- stop telling you what to do?

3. Have you ever switched from watching the live broadcast to the re-air (or vice versa) in hopes that this would keep you from being addicted to Keith?

4. Have you had to watch a tape or TiVo of Countdown in the morning as an "eye-opener" during the past year?

5. Do you envy people who can watch Countdown without becoming addicted?

6. Have you had problems with watching Countdown during the past year (such as cutting out early on social engagements because you had to rush home to watch)?

7. Has your watching Countdown caused trouble at home? Do your kids try to hide the remote from you? When you're watching the midnight re-air in bed and your husband turns to you with that gleam in his eye, do you turn him down in favor of Keith?

8. Do you ever try to watch "extra" episodes of past Countdowns on your tapes/TiVos during the weekends because you do not "get enough" during the week?

9. Have you missed social engagements entirely because you stayed home to watch Countdown?

10. Do you have "blackouts" (can't remember whether you watched Countdown or not)?

11. Have you ever felt that your life would be easier if you did not need to watch Countdown five nights a week?

If you answered "yes" to any of these questions...welcome to the club. You too are a Keithaholic and an Olbermannic-depressive.

[gkhouston]

20. wow, and you haven't even broached the subject of the way

some people react when photos of Keith get posted. :evilgrin:

It's occurred to me that it would be just like Leno to ask Keith about the Mary Carey interview, and then spring her on him as a surprise guest. If you think it was fun watching him react to her in Secaucus, wait 'til they're on the same set. :blush:

p.s. you know you're a KO addict when you expect the spell-checker to include the word "Secaucus" 'cause KO works there. :-)

[Berry Cool]

22. The way people react to pictures of Keith...oh, that's more trouble.

Yes, if your reaction when people post pictures of Keith is to become dizzy and faint, and mutter incomprehensibilities about caterpillars, you are probably a Keithaholic.

Uh-oh. If Leno springs Mary on Keith live and in person, things could get scary. I can just see it now:

Mary: "Hi Keith! You remember I said I'd like to meet you in person. Well, Jay found out about it, and HERE I AM!" (waving boobs in his face)

Keith: "Uh, hi!" (trying really hard to shake her hand without looking down--too much, anyway)

Mary: "So, how's about it, honey? You wanna go out for a few drinks? Hmm?"

Keith: "Uh...I'll get back to you on that one, Mary." (thinking "Ah ha ha ha ha ha!...not in a million years...at least not unless I boil you first!")

[gkhouston]

23. snort. I wouldn't put it past her to get into a detailed discussion

of what they might do after the drinks. Nor would I be surprised if an ordinary handshake transmogrified into a limpet-like body-cling. "Jay? Jay! Can you get this thing off me?" :rofl:

on edit: "Next time, can I come when the boa constrictor's going to be on the show? It would be safer."

[RevCheesehead]

24. I saw the rebroadcast of the Mary interview -

She was the #1 story.
Oddly enough, Keith did NOT sign off saying "keep your knees loose." :rofl:
(instead, he said, "good night - and good luck.")

[Berry Cool]

25. I noticed that when Mary was on

it seemed to be the first time since he'd adopted the phrase that he avoided using it at the end of the show.

I think perhaps Mary would take it the wrong way. (Or, perhaps, that she would take it as advice she hardly needed. Can't you just hear her? "'Keep my knees loose'? Keith, do you really think *I* need to be reminded of that? Ha ha ha!" Or, "I would ALWAYS keep my knees loose for YOU, cutie-pie!")

[gkhouston]

26. yes, my husband and I also noticed the absence of

"keep your knees loose". Okay, I confess. I was waiting for him to say it and wondering if he could manage to do it with a straight face and uncracking voice after that interview. Apparently not. :7

[crispini]

27. Hahahahaha!

And it's especially funny when mentally followed with "... and your heels round." :evilgrin:

We are so baaaad! :P

[gkhouston]

28. um, Crispi, dear

*I* don't usually add "... and your heels round." Now we know where your mind is. :rofl:

[Berry Cool]

29. Crispi's mind is in the gutter...where it belongs! :-)

and where it will never be lacking for company from the rest of us! :-)

:rofl:

Yeah, I can imagine what would have happened if Keith had tried to say "keep your knees loose" after talking to Mary. I think his voice would have gone up about five octaves. He would have sounded like Peter Brady going through "the change"!

[gkhouston]

21. we've got you

that usually suffices. :7