Dear KOEB Friends--

[crispini]

Just as there is a difference between savoring a sweet sample of gourmet dark chocolate and eating a couple of pounds a day, so there is a difference between being an ardent admirer of someone's work and being a raving lunatic. And although we of the KOEB are a little batty, I have always thought that we usually err on the side of sanity. Now I have confirmation that we are, in fact, compared to some, models of moderation. GO US!!!

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x3755291

:crazy::crazy::crazy::crazy::crazy::crazy: What a world, what a world.

[Gogi]

1. These are the same women who appear on Oprah, breathlessly tell

their favorite QVC host how wonderful and cute they are, made that ABBA musical a hit, are Barry Manilow groupies and absolutely adore Celine Dion. :crazy: :shrug:

[crispini]

2. Ok, I actually did like the ABBA musical.

:blush:

But, I mean:

I would definetley give my life for Clay.

:wtf::wtf::wtf::wtf:

GIVE YOUR LIFE for a not-even-all-that-famous POP SINGER that you DON'T EVEN KNOW? :wtf:

[Berry Cool]

3. Hey, my sister liked that ABBA musical too!

Let's not make assumptions about fans of other things just so we can ridicule them.

Except fans of Celine Dion. That's OK.

LOL, just kidding.

Anyway, I guess your showing us this Web board has forced all to ask ourselves some truly tough questions as members of the KOEB. Namely:

1. Would you give your life to save Keith's?
(My answer: Depends. How much would MSNBC pay me to keep their ratings from taking a dive after they have to get a new Countdown host?)

2. Do you feel Keith has such a HUGE purpose and destiny to fulfill in his short time on earth, whereas your own life has very little value to the world, other than to your kids (assuming you have some)?
(My answer: Given that I have no kids, I'd have to say yes. After all, my only value is to write and snark, whereas Keith's value is to write, snark, fight the forces of administrative evil AND look gorgeous.)

3. Do you truly love Keith?
(My answer: How does one answer this question? Can love be measured by the hours in a day? I have no answer now, but this much I can say...)

4. Has Keith saved so many children's lives that you would save his life?
(My answer: I guess this depends on how much he's donated to the Celiac Sprue Association. Probably yes.)

5. Have you ever had bad dreams about Keith getting shot?
(My answer: No, not really. Fired, yes. Shot, no.)

6. Is part of your purpose to help Keith with his?
(My answer: If his ultimate purpose is to find the love of his life and be happy, yes. Now I have some swamp land in Central Park to sell you.)

7. Does Keith do more in his life and more to better the world in a month than you have done in your entire life?
(My answer: Now that's a personal question. But if we're going to make the assumption that "things go better with snark"...well, probably yes.)

8. Would you give your life to save Keith's if your kids were no longer little?
(My answer: Not applicable. Unless they were his and mine.)

9. Would you take a bullet for Keith if someone tried to shoot him at a meet-and-greet?
(My answer: Depends on the size of the bullet. Just kidding.)

10. If you and Keith were trapped on a deserted island and he was weak and ill and you only had a little bit of food....would you most likely let him have it?
(My answer: Yes, I'd let him have it--and then I'd give him the food. OK, OK, I'd let him have the food. Unless it contained gluten, of course. Then--sorry, bud, you're SOL!)

11. Would you give him the food, but only if he agreed to a six-month marriage with you first (so you could die happy from a heart attack)?
(My answer: Sheesh, why settle for a six-month marriage when you can have a lifetime commitment? I'd hold out for the whole enchilada.)

12. If you are 14 years old and you want to live to at least 20, would you give your life to save Keith's?
(My answer: Not applicable. I mean, I'm like, a few years over 14. But *only* a few.)

13. Do you believe Keith is far more able to do God's work on earth than you are?
(My answer: If the Lord's work is snark...he is far more able.)

14. Would you give your life if it would save Keith's and several other young Christians you care about?
(My answer: Only if he agreed to give my eulogy, and in doing so tell everyone what a wonderful person I was and how much in love he was with me.)

15. Have you reserved yourself a place right next to Keith in the heavenly choir, because that is when you will have the joy of really knowing him?
(My answer: No, I was unable to do so. Try as I might at my audition, they refused to seat me in the baritone section.)

16. Do you get upset even if something bad happens to the "fanfic Keith"?
(My answer: The FANFIC Keith? You mean, there could be a FANFIC Keith? Now that is a scary thought. Imagine a fanfic Keith...he would have no life, other than a) doing Countdown and b) ah, "doing" the Mary Sue-author of said fanfic. Poor fella. He'd never even get to go to a baseball game. There just wouldn't be time. In fact, in Keith fanfic, there would probably BE no such thing as baseball. Or the Internets.)

17. Are you afraid that there is such heavy rivalry between the cable news fan bases that it seems like someone could actually pull the trigger to get Keith out of the way?
(My answer: Sure. Look out, it's a crazed Bill O'Reilly fan! Duck! He's got a loofah! (Keith: "Fan base?? Did somebody say 'base'??")

18. Do you believe Keith has such a beautiful light and as long as that shines bright and people are benefiting from it you want it to continue to be here?
(My answer: I used to. But then I realized that was just the harsh studio lighting during his standups.)

19. Do you feel that in a non-death sense, you have already given your life for Keith?
(My answer: Given the amount of time I have invested in watching Countdown, that would be a yes.)

20. Do you believe Keith has killed YOU hundreds of times?
(My answer: Yes. Every time I see the "C'mere" screencap I die a thousand deaths. But otherwise, I'm holdin' up. How about you?)

[noamnety]

4. About #15: the Heavenly Choir

Um ... I've heard Keith sing a few lines on Countdown ... is that really what the Heavenly Choir is supposed to sound like?

[RevCheesehead]

7. Sweetie - -

"FanFic" = "Gull Bay." :evilgrin:

and the last I read, you were still frolicking with the Bay-Airs.

[Berry Cool]

11. Yeah, sure Gull Bay is fanfic,

but considering how little Keith actually gets to do in it...vs. the Norwegians, the pink furry handcuffs and the Bay Airs...I'm not sure it makes that much of a difference!

[crispini]

15. Yes, since most of our "fanfic"

is about US.... does that mean we're our own fans? :crazy:

[Botany]

14. The Bay Airs finished off the food from the KOEB meet up in Bayfield, WS.

But oh what a night. Food, wine, beer, brats, drinks, ice cream dishes served
with fresh berries and so much more. Botany was up early walking along
Lake Superior with ? as the KOEB girls tried to sleep off their hang overs and
the Rev watched "her Sparky" sleep in his pink boxers.

[WolverineDG]

9. ok berry, i'm bad

if celine dion fell face down in the fountains in front of the bellagio, i'd help hold her under......

:evilgrin:

dg

[crispini]

10. SNORT. Can't believe you're parodying that website...

especially as it needs none whatsoever....

I also think it worthy to note that in a non death sense we have already given our lives for Clay with all that we do to support him and all that we sacrifice for him, out lives are very much his in a lot of ways and our lives are very each others in the same sense.

Scuse me.... I'm feeling a little... :puke:

[Berry Cool]

12. Some of us do not parody merely that which NEEDS parodying.

We can't resist parodying the self-parodying as well.

It's just a thing with us.

[Gogi]

5. That's okay Crispi, I still like you only...

please tell me you don't call QVC and proclaim your allegiance!:evilgrin:

[Muffstser]

6. Okay, here's my confession:

1. Would you give your life to save Keith's?

It depends on what I get to er, um, DO with Keith before I meet my untimely demise.

2. Do you feel Keith has such a HUGE purpose and destiny to fulfill in his short time on earth, whereas your own life has very little value to the world, other than to your kids (assuming you have some)?

Does my cat count? Well...I'd have to say he DOES have a God given talent that needs to be shared, but my purpose in life is just as important: to amuse my friends with my sick sense of humor, and spoil my little niece rotten. Besides, who else would put up with the Muffster?

3. Do you truly love Keith?

I love his talent. I love his looks. I love his gutsiness. I love what I THINK he'd be like in real life. I'd describe it a la Jimmy Carter: I'm lusting in my heart.

4. Has Keith saved so many children's lives that you would save his life?

Yes, because of his work for that 9/11 fund that's related to a baseball player (whose name escapes me). I think he's the type of person who keeps his charity work low key, and doesn't do it for the publicity. Just a guess.

5. Have you ever had bad dreams about Keith getting shot?

Does being canned in favor of Bill O'Reilly count?

6. Is part of your purpose to help Keith with his?

Yup. It's called keeping the show on, so he can earn a living.

7. Does Keith do more in his life and more to better the world in a month than you have done in your entire life?

I'd call it a tie. Again, not knowing him personally, it's hard to say. I think standing by my best friend when her husband died at age 29, leaving her a widow at age 30 with a one year old baby, and dedicating my life to make sure that child's and her mom's lives have some joy, counts for something.

8. Would you give your life to save Keith's if your kids were no longer little?

N/A. BUT, if my niece counts, no way.

9. Would you take a bullet for Keith if someone tried to shoot him at a meet-and-greet?

Depends on if he'd try to save mine if I did get shot. Mouth to mouth resuscitation, with a miraculous recovery, MIGHT make it worth it.

10. If you and Keith were trapped on a deserted island and he was weak and ill and you only had a little bit of food....would you most likely let him have it?

Uh, it depends on how he'd show his "gratitude."

11. Would you give him the food, but only if he agreed to a six-month marriage with you first (so you could die happy from a heart attack)?

Only if conjugal visits were part of the deal.

12. If you are 14 years old and you want to live to at least 20, would you give your life to save Keith's?

I refuse to answer that question on the grounds it will not only incriminate me, but show my age. Sorry.

13. Do you believe Keith is far more able to do God's work on earth than you are?

Depends on his religious beliefs, and what his definition of "God's work" is. Mine is trying to live my faith by being a good person, making my friends laugh, and loving my shortcomings as well as my strengths. I'd like to think spoiling my cat rotten counts, too.

14. Would you give your life if it would save Keith's and several other young Christians you care about?

If the young Christian was my niece, yes.

15. Have you reserved yourself a place right next to Keith in the heavenly choir, because that is when you will have the joy of really knowing him?

I won't answer that until I've heard him sing. Based on what little I have heard, I think we'd be better in the deaf/mute section

16. Do you get upset even if something bad happens to the "fanfic Keith"?

As a soap fan, I've dealt with totally psycho people, who can't tell the difference between the character and the real person. So, my answer would be NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

17. Are you afraid that there is such heavy rivalry between the cable news fan bases that it seems like someone could actually pull the trigger to get Keith out of the way?

Uh, if beating someone senseless with a "no spin zone" coffee mug counts, then yes, I do worry myself sick.

18. Do you believe Keith has such a beautiful light and as long as that shines bright and people are benefiting from it you want it to continue to be here?

Jeepers, I thought he stole that line from the Tucker Carlson promos.

19. Do you feel that in a non-death sense, you have already given your life for Keith?

Yup. It's called irritating my friends to death by nagging them to watch this show.

20. Do you believe Keith has killed YOU hundreds of times?

Damn right. It's called "don't drink water or eat when Keith makes a snarky remark - may cause chocking. Be especially careful during Puppet Theatre segments."

[WolverineDG]

8. OMFG

:wow:

that makes all the tie & suit fixations seem, well, :boring:

i can't believe these folks are talking about clay being here to fill a "higher purpose" when we're ALL here to fill a higher purpose.
:banghead: plus the fact that these (apparently) christian ladies are ignoring the First Commandment....

not even sci-fi fans are this nuts and yes, i speak from experience....


dg

[Berry Cool]

13. They are a little scary, eh?

Not that I don't consider myself a little scary...but really, I'm harmless.

You don't suppose these women are guilty of...IDOLATRY, do you????? Well...Clay WAS on "American Idol," was he not????

Hmm...I wonder when they will realize their god has feet of...or, well, at least THE feet of...well, you know.

[WolverineDG]

17. there's a difference

in getting worked up over someone's suit & tie (and handcuffs and bay-airs and norwegian ski teams) and talking about ending your life and/or sacrificing something for some person you don't even know.

the first is eccentric (fancy word for "weird but fun"), the other insane.

dg

[crispini]

20. Exactement!

I love your def'n of "eccentric." Honey, I'm all about the "weird but fun!" :P

[RevCheesehead]

22. I've always been about the "weird fun" myself.

To the best group on DU; and TTTTB! :toast:

[WolverineDG]

16. Well, if you thought they were bonkers before

yesterday, I saw the cover of this week's TV Guide & guess who was on the cover saying he wished he could fall in love with someone so he could write a "real love song?" I wonder how many of them would volunteer & sacrifice their marriages & kids so CA could write it?

In other news, Prevention Magazine's cover says this issue will instruct you on "how to get pregnant"....could it be "have sex?"
Since I haven't had a boyfriend in several years, I think I've forgotten how that works..... :freak:

dg

[gkhouston]

18. marriage and KIDS?

these people are old enough to be married?!? I thought it was a bit sad for preteens and early teens to be thinking so melodramatically, but if alleged adults are buying into this shit... that is so dysfunctional. So depressing and icky at the same time. That kind of idolaltry isn't healthy for the idol-worshipper or the idol; don't they know that? :puke:

[WolverineDG]

19. i read as much as i could stand

and one of them posted a couple of times, once mentioning her kids & then in another post stating they were older (perhaps teens/young adults?). :crazy:

dg

[gkhouston]

21. sooooo....

she's hung up on a talentless near-nobody who's almost young enough to be her son? Cue the theme from The Twilight Zone.

[Berry Cool]

23. Actually, I have known a fan world more pathetic than this.

I cannot identify it for fear it might cause bad things to be burned on my lawn. But yes, I have seen middle-aged women act this pathetic before. Believe me. And in response to someone I wouldn't have thought would cause them to respond that way either.

Trust me. You ain't seen nothin'.