TOO FUNNY: Romance Novel conference - it's more than bodice-ripping!

[Nothing Without Hope]

http://www.stltoday.com/stltoday/entertainment/stories.nsf/books/story/EC33073BF69E710586256FFC007045FB?OpenDocument

Romance novels get kinky

By Cindy Billhartz
Of the Post-Dispatch
05/10/2005

Inside a local hotel conference room on a recent afternoon, several dozen women were one-upping each other on their sexual experiences. The images they conjured would've made Hugh Hefner squirm.

They began by shouting out their proclivities in categories such as sexiest food (Pop Rocks candy was the winner), most unusual place they'd done "the deed" (on fire coral while scuba diving took the prize), and nicknames for their partners' private parts (Darth Vader edged out Weird Harold).

That done, they broke into several groups and wrote "Purple Prose." Mounds, volcanoes, juices and bulges - all were sprinkled liberally through each tawdry tableau. So were pulsing and throbbing.

Then came the finale: a panel of nine male cover models with rippling muscles and Fabio hair who answered the same questions, only more delicately - to answer less so would've been impossible - then took their shirts off upon request.

(snip - much more in the article!)

Caption: Models for romance novel covers show off during the Wild and Wacky party at the Romantic Times Convention at the Millenium Hotel in St. Louis.
(Teak Phillips/P-D)

[WhirlyGirl]

1. Darth Vader AGAIN???!

. . . Most frequent complaint among these fellas while lovemaking: "Oww!-- yer on my HAIR!!!"

[Nothing Without Hope]

2. And just think of all the time they spend shaving their chest.

That would probably be the most frequent question from them: Can I "borrow" your razor?

One of those interesting quirks that almost all the models on the covers of romance novels have absolutely hairless chests, but in the text the description is quite different. Like the readers like to IMAGINE it, but not to SEE it.

[WhirlyGirl]

3. Huh! that is weird.

. . . But waxing is probably the preferred method of depilitation.

You know that new thing where all fur is removed except a little patch? And it's not on your chest? Can't remember what they call it. Anyway, that's all done w/ wax I think.

Meanwhile, these models retain their Samson-like manes.

[Nothing Without Hope]

4. Such a peculiar industry - and it accounts for 52% of total US paperback

book sales!!!! That is an extraordinary number. A LOT of women crave these fantasies. And this is not counting the romances that are passed from hand to hand in libraries, between friends, at used book stores.

I imagine some of these models make a fair living from this. It's worth their while to put up with some silliness and some wax - and you're probably right about that. Then they can use the rest of their time doing whatever is their main thing while the modeling pays bills.

And this is all about fantasy - really says something about US women. I know for myself that my taste in reading material varies drastically with my energy level and frame of mind. When I'm depressed, that's when I most turn to reading some selected romance authors. (But not the dreck and ESCPECIALLY not the ones with abuse.)

[WhirlyGirl]

6. And consider that most of the contemporary novels thought of as literature

. . . also contain such scenes; the authors just surround and camouflage them with highmindedness!

I can't read romance novels and fantasize about "generic" men. I need someone specific to daydream about. So I'm not a candidate for Barbara Cartland, I guess.

[Nothing Without Hope]

5. I wrote to the author of the article and she REPLIED!

I emailed her this afternoon:

-------------------------------------------------
Dear Ms. Billhartz:

Thank you for this delightfully funny article on the romance writers'
conference. Romance novels are serious business, not only in the
magnitude of the industry but also in the sometimes unnerving
glimpses into womens' preferred fantasies that the provide -
something for everyone.--including material for psychology PhDs for
years to come.

But I am writing this primarily to get you a laugh in return. You
MUST see the altered romance novel covers at this web site (and there
is more than one page - don't miss any of them):

http://www.worldoflongmire.com/features/romance_novels/

For anyone who has gone through a whole convention on romance novel
writing, this really is a must-see. Not something you can use in a
future newspaper article, but a good laugh is always welcome, I believe.

For example:

Best,
XXXXXXXXX
--------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------------------------------------
HER REPLY:
--------------------------
Dear XXXXXXXX:

Thank YOU for a good laugh. That site is a scream. I'm going to forward it
to several friends.

Thanks also for reading my story and for writing. I always appreciate the
feeback.

Sincerely,

Cindy Billhartz
Features Reporter
St. Louis Post-Dispatch
900 North Tucker Blvd., 5th Floor
St. Louis, MO 63101
314-340-8114

[WhirlyGirl]

7. Good work, Hope!

. . . :thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup:

PS, Notice the typo in her reply: "feeback" -- LOL!

[Nothing Without Hope]

8. yeah - it's a funny one, but I had some in mine too so can't laugh too

hard. ;) She sounds like yet another latent KOEB member. If this thread gets really going, I'll email her a link so she can see what we wrote about her article.

[WhirlyGirl]

9. Uh-oh... better be careful then! LOL!