Drowning in a tidal wave in Iowa.

[Skidmore]

Guys, last night I dreamed that my children were small again, and I was trying to get them to safety. There was a mountain of water headed our way and we were already on the highest point I could locate in the vicinity. Still the wave towered over us and it was full of darkness and and hidden dangerous flotsam and jetsom. I was panicking because I can't swim and didn't know how I could be of help to my children. I knew I was dreaming, but the urgency and fear in the dream kept drawing me back, making it hard for me to detach from it. I was drowning in the dream. When I woke up, I was shaking and in tears. Two hours later, I still feel shakey.

As I've been trying to ease into the day and leave the dream behind, I've been giving some thought to what it means. In Iowa, I'm far from the coasts, but the waves come crashing down on the hinterlands too. I've had much happening this past year--a bout with cancer, lost my job, a car ready to die on us, lots of things needing repair at a time when our income is halved. AND I received my first rejection letter in the mail yesterday. I'm worried about losing health insurance and my retirement plan. In the current climate, I'm worried that if I speak my mind some rightwing nutcase will take it upon himself to hurt me or my family. I'm worried that a bunch of greedy madmen will manage to blow up the world or bathe it in blood. I'm worried about living in another theocracy, this time in my own nation. I fear the consequences of political doublespeak that does not take a stand and seeks to placate public polls.

Drowning. And my voice being drowned out in the roar of the wave.

[Oversea Visitor]

1. n/t

:hug:

[ninkasi]

2. No wonder you feel like you're drowning

You have been hit with blow after blow. I'm sorry so many bad things have happened in your life, and know that it must be even more frightening when you consider the current political climate. I wish I could say something to make you feel better. There is no "safety net" anymore, not in Bush's America. I have yet to see the "compassionate" part of compassionate conservative.

There are a lot of good, caring people here, and If nothing else, we can listen. I don't blame you for being reluctant in speaking out in general though, because conservatives are liable to get vicious as they see Chimp's poll numbers continue to fall. I'm sending positive thoughts your way...I just wish there were more I could do...:hug:

[annabanana]

3. We must bring back the sunshine.

I hope you have a support system out there in the real world. There are days when all our fears conspire to swamp us all at once. Come here for an occasional psychic pick-me-up. There are signs that we will be able to "fix this" mess.

[ClintonTyree]

4. Time is relative....

in your current situation time seems to be standing still, giving you the impression that there is no way out, nowhere to turn and that this is going to last forever. It's not. Things WILL improve. Take it from one who's been close to your situation. A failed spinal surgery, loss of job, a daughter in College with no way to pay her tuition bills and the IRS is after me for $20,000 in back taxes they say I owe them (I do not, but try to deal with the IRS).....so yeah, I know exactly how your drowning dream feels. I even went so far as seeking professional psychiatric help because like you, I saw no way out of my situation. The psychoanalysis was useless, well, except for the fact that I found renewed strength that it was ME that had to change my attitude, that I was NOT going to let my circumstances rule over my life. Basically I took the attitude.....screw it, I'm NOT going to let them win.

Fight, friend. Sometimes you don't know where the fight comes from but FIGHT! Do NOT give in to those lingering thoughts and doubts, they'll tear at your soul and spin you down in an eddy of self-pity, self-loathing and remorse. FIGHT! The process of change may take some time but the moment change occurs happens instantaneously. You'll wonder what the hell you've been so scared of and why you've let life rule you instead of it. FIGHT!

I'm not saying my problems have gone away because of this. On the contrary, they still remain but my attitude about them has certainly changed and I no longer feel like I'm in that sucking whirlpool of depression and helplessness. If you need someone to talk to, PM me. Sometimes just having a sounding board makes a big difference. I think that's what the shrink did for me, just listened. That's all I needed to work things out in my mind and lead to the discovery that the way I react to these challenges is entirely up to me, no one else. Like I said, if you think I can be of some help, please contact me, lets talk. I hate to see a human being sucked into that maelstrom of helplessness and depression. We're all in this together. FIGHT! ;)

[Minnesota Libra]

5. Skidmore, Wow, with everything going on in your life it is no wonder......

....you would dream of drowning. I hope you know that here at DU O8) we may not be there by your side but we are there in spirit O8) and we will always be there in spirit with you:grouphug:

Wow, do I ever understand the feeling of not being able to speak out because of the current political climate. Some of these neocon/fundies act like they would just as soon knock a person's lights out as look at at them if they say one word against the WH Idiot. Whatever happened to the America I knew where all voices were valued even though we may not agree with each voice at the time???:cry:

If you ever need or want a shoulder simply send me a message and if you need to chat privately you got it. I'll send an email address and we can chat our hearts out. I'm not just saying this either - I MEAN EVERY WORD.

[snappyturtle]

6. So sorry to hear....

about all the bad stuff happening in your life. I haven't had cancer but I have lost my health insurance and part of my retirement and it makes me nervous---IF,.......I think about it. However, I've noticed that even with our reduction in income, our lives are OK.....really, we are OK. I'm telling you this because if you can just hang on with so many others in a similar boat, better times will come again......once we get this administration out of our lives. Just know you have a lot of friends out here who are trying to keep all of our heads above water. People ARE waking up to the travesties of the madmen in charge. :hug:

[Pharaoh]

7. That dreams quite symbolic of your life

right now,

I always like to recomend "The Power of Now" by eckhart Tolle

for people who are in crisis, and I fear we may all be in crisis soon.........

[DU9598]

8. Must be the Nussle campaign ads from TV

But don't worry, we will beat him back in November. Send an email if you need to talk, I am here in DSM and I know all to well the thoughts you have been feeling.

For those outside of Iowa, Nussle is Congressman Jim Nussle and he is the House Budget committee chair - aka Bush's budget buster pal. Bush was here last week to raise $1 million for him in return for his help in raiding the treasury for the BFEE. He started airing TV commercials this week and he has no primary opposition.

[roguevalley]

9. hold my hand, honey. we know what you face. cancer here with the dad and

the cost of gas, etc. makes you wonder doesn't it. take heart. you aren't alone.