Is it true that financial concerns play big factors in a divorce?

[Deja Q]

If money was no issue, would your family still be together?

[SlipperySlope]

1. What do you mean "if money was no issue".

Do you mean what if we lived in a world where there was no money?

Or do you mean what if we (personally) had no money?

[Deja Q]

8. Go back to your precinct, you grammar cop you... :)

I used "money" in a singular sense. Therefore "was" is appropriate. Nyah nyah nyah-nyah-nyah.

As for the point at hand, I am trying to figure out how the "party of families" can also be "the party of corporate fairness" since the latter aren't always family friendly when it comes to financial matters.

[unblock]

9. singular yes, but subjunctive mood. therefore, "were" is correct :)

as in, "if i were king" or "if he were ten feet tall"

nyah nyah nyah-nyah-nyah.

:evilgrin:

[SlipperySlope]

11. No, not the grammar, I just, oh nevermind

I just don't understand the question. How could money not matter, unless there wasn't any?

[JVS]

14. You should have used "were" because hypothetical situations...

call for the subjunctive mood.

[Warpy]

2. Nah, alcohol was the issue

I could handle being poor. I couldn't handle being married to an alcoholic.

[Kalisiin]

10. I Hear That

we were largely poor through most of my growing up, and my dad was an alcoholic. Unfortunately, despite my very best efforts at breaking them up, my mom stayed married...until my died finally died nearly seven years ago.

[Wickerman]

3. Divorce is financially devastating

but happiness is a whole nuther issue. YMMV

[Debi]

4. I can only respond in my circumstance

Physical/emotional abuse and infidelity is what led to my divorce (My ex is a REAL BIG LOSER!) If money were the issue it was only that we didn't have enough for him to go out and party AND pay the bills. I was such a meany I made him pay the bills first. :wow:

[rzemanfl]

5. I practiced divorce law for years. The main causes of divorce

generally are sex, money and booze, not necessarily in that order

[Kalisiin]

13. Hmmm

Not just sex, money and booze...really....but, rather, it is the things that sex, money, and booze lead to that causes divorce. For example, alcohol almost always leads to abuse...physical, verbal, emotional, mental...even sexual. One of the truest mathematical equations I have ever seen is: Instant Asshole, Just Add Alcohol.

[rzemanfl]

19. Can't disagree with you there, just trying to be brief in my post.

The booze thing applies to both sexes.

[unblock]

6. generally speaking this is a false question

if financial concerns break up a marriage it is most likely because the two people fundamentally want different, incompatible things out of life. most commonly, one wants to spend now and not worry about later, the other needs to save for later so as not to worry now.

money simply forces the issue. you pretty much HAVE to deal with money. other differences can be swept under the rug or laughed about or deferred until a better time. but money issues can't really be deferred because bills have to get paid and so on.

but usually, the issue isn't money per se, it's actually the incompatible life goals.

imho, and yes i am divorced, although very happily remarried.

[Beaverhausen]

7. do you mean money as an issue in the marriage

or what it would cost to divorce?

[Faygo Kid]

12. No. We were never about money. Either wife.

That was never a criticism. Divorced the first one twice, and re-married eventually 18 years, with daughter raised. Is that a failure? Second wife, divorced in 1998, and still together. A long story (aren't they all?). And I now, well after our divorce years ago, spend time with her and talk three times a day. Looking for idealistic, Disney cartoon results? Look again. I am proud of my relationships with women I genuinely loved. That includes my 29 year old daughter, and all the women I miss so much now gone who have been part of my life. Especially Mom.

[Horse with no Name]

15. I am watching my mom on this issue

She is married to her second husband. My dad died.
They have been married about 18 years now.
He brought a 4 year old son into the marriage. A son that lived with his grandma until my mom and this guy married.
This guy started off as a real creep. He came into the marriage with nothing, and I mean NOTHING, and proceeded to spend down what was left of my dad's estate.
He was then fired from his job for stealing about two years into the marriage. My mom paid all of the money back so that they would not press charges. The guy wouldn't go back to work so my mom supported him.
She then threw him out. Problem was his now 6 yr old son.
He had never known his real mother and took to my mom as his own.
She was his homeroom mother, cub scout mother, etc., went to his ballgames--basically gave him a normal existence that he thrived on.
Apparently his grandmother was not a very nice woman.
So when my mom kicked them out--first thing the little boy went back to his grandmothers to live.
He hated it. He called my mom and begged to come home.
My mom relented.
They moved back in.
The house that she and my dad lived in was sold to buy their house.
Her assets were used since well, he didn't have any.
Time progresses on. My mom learns basically to just live in this marriage for the sake of the boy.
Her husband cleaned up after a few years. He quit work and my mom put him through college. He obtained a degree. Now he has a good job.
My mom just figured that all the time she put in, that she would retire in a couple of years and start a business. They have a considerable amount of equity built up in their home. My step brother is now married and doing well.
SOooo cut to the chase.
Now this dickhead has a good job. His car is paid for. The bills are all paid. They have a HUGE chunk of equity in their home, and now HE wants a divorce.
He is insisting my mom sell her dream home and give him half of the cash.
The problem is--it is in Phoenix.
She will never ever be able to replace the home because of current market values and she is almost 65.
She won't be able to start her own business.
Yet this louse who used her all of these years is NOW entitled to half of the property which rightfully were purchased from her assets.
She has worked continually all these years while he fiddle farted around.
Sounds like he got a good deal.:shrug:
I wish there was something she could do, but the law as it is, she is basically stuck giving this creep money that he shouldn't be entitled to. She raised his son and now he has zero obligations and wants to be on his own to drink his life away.

[sallyseven]

17. Push him under a bus.

[Horse with no Name]

18. Don't think I haven't thought about it

;)

[raccoon]

23. Can she get him on adultery maybe?

Can people still do that?

[Samurai_Writer]

24. Depends on the state

I was able to divorce my husband for cause by proving adultery. Thus, he was not entitled to 1/2 of the 'community property' (it was all mine, before the marriage, anyway... he sounded much like the poster's mom's husband). It was not easy to prove, though, but since he was stupid enough to save emails and chat logs on MY computer, and one of the women he cheated on me with was willing to go to court and testify on my behalf, the judge was very sympathetic to my case.

[raccoon]

25. Good for you. nt

[Debi]

20. Not 100% true

She should get some credit for the assets being hers before the marriage (even though she comingled them during the marriage) and she should get some credit for paying for his education. Her lawyer will protect her interests.

[Horse with no Name]

21. She hasn't been to an attorney yet

He just sprung this on her.
She said that he just wanted half.
Is there absolutely a way around that?

[Debi]

22. First of all I'm not a lawyer (but I'm married to one and work for him)

and second of all, I live in Iowa.

Here in Iowa I believe (and again I can't say for certain) that there is some protection for assets brought into the marriage although that protection diminishes as the assets are commingled (using the home she previously owned outright to purchase a home they now own together) and there is some credit given to her providing for him to go to college in order to have the job he now does.

If she no longer works outside the home she should consider asking for alimony (rehabilitative or compensatory) and maybe settle for not getting alimony but getting to keep the house w/out him receiving any money for it.

She needs a lawyer NOW before he drains any joint bank accounts or joint investments or runs up any debt on joint credit cards. Even if she needs to file for divorce first and get an injunction keeping him from taking anything until a court can decide who should have what. She needs to protect her assets as well as her emotional health.

Just tell her to call a lawyer - ask her friends or church members or whatever group she may belong to to advise her on one, otherwise call her county bar association for a list of lawyers in her town.

[TallahasseeGrannie]

16. Divorce has never been an option for me

money or not.