DC:Breaking: Suspicious Package to be blown sky high!

[Laura PourMeADrink]

http://wonkette.com/

BREAKING: SUSPICIOUS PACKAGE TO BE BLOWN SKY HIGH!
This just in, from a Capitol Hill operative:

This is a message from the U.S. Capitol Police
As part of the U.S. Capitol Police investigation of the suspicious package, the following streets are temporarily closed; Third Street between Independence Avenue SW and Constitution Avenue NW; Maryland Avenue SW between First and Third Streets, SW; Pennsylvania Avenue between First and Third Streets NW; and First street between Independence Avenue SW and Constitution Avenue NW. Furthermore, in approximately 10-15 minutes, a loud, controlled bang may be heard emanating from the west of the reflecting pool area. The above area will remain closed to pedestrian traffic until further notice. MCG
HAPPY MONDAY!!!

Of course, we have some questions. What does a “loud, controlled” bang sound like? How can you tell it apart from the other varieties of “bangs” (e.g., “soft, uncontrolled” bangs)? Who’s going to be doing the exploding? Will bomb-sniffing robots be involved? And where’s Jerry Bruckheimer?

On the downside, it looks like it’s going to fuck up the traffic patterns in that area. But a spectacle like this can justify some sacrifices. If you get to witness this event, please feel free to drop us a line.

[elehhhhna]

1. What if it's full of anthrax or a dirty bomb?

I wondered about this last time they blew up that Toyota a few months ago.

[IndyOp]

4. Bing, bing, bing! Yeah, what if it is full of contaminants?

IDIOTS!

:grr:

[Fridays Child]

8. I know what it's full of...

It's full of $3 per gallon gas, guest worker policies, Rove indictments, 32% approval ratings, Iraq war failures, nuke lies about Iran...

[IndyOp]

15. Touche' (n/t)

:hi:

[Tesha]

18. Now you know *YET ANOTHER WAY* to "game" our clever security forces.

(NT)

[displacedtexan]

2. I'll let you know.

I'm 11 blocks from the capitol.

[Ian David]

3. They're gonna detonate more underpants?

Oh, the humanity!

[mcscajun]

10. Collecting Underpants is just Phase One

Phase one: collect underpants.
Kyle: So what's phase two?

Gnome 1: Hey, what's phase two?!
Gnome 2: Phase one: we collect underpants.
Gnome 1: Ya, ya, ya. But what about phase two?

Gnome 2: Well, phase three is profit. Get it?
Stan: I don't get it.
Gnome 2: (Goes over to a chart on the wall) You see, Phase one: collect underpants, phase two-

Gnome 2: Phase three: profit.

Time to go to work! Work all night!
Search for underpants hey!
We won't stop until we have underpants!
Yum tum yummy tum hey!

[dipsydoodle]

5. If it turns out to be

a suicide pack of M&Ms then please let me know. I'll pay for USPS Express to the UK before they go stale.

[Ian David]

7. What happens if they detonate a package full of those styrofoam peanuts?

They'll be cleaning that shit up for months!

[dipsydoodle]

14. Having had something in the order of

a hundred or so banjos etc. shipped to me over the past 4 years I have more than a lifetime supply of those damned things - the poly peanuts not the banjos. It can't be those anyway - can you just imagine how big a suspicious package would need to be filled with those. The only thing suspicious would be its sheer size - about the same as a truck I guess.

However - M&Ms are quite dense.......

It is a fun thought though poly peanuts blowing around like snow in Washington.

Reminds me of Steve Earle's song Christmas In Washington which has that wonderful line So come back Woody Guthrie, come back to us now.

Read all of the words :

http://www.lyricsdomain.com/19/steve_earle/christmas_in_washington.html

[Ian David]

16. A giant box full of packing peanuts detonated in the middle of a city...

people walking around for weeks with little pieces of styrofam static-clinged to their clothes.

[Ian David]

6. Suspicious packages

Airman Cameron... nice sofware!

[BR_Parkway]

11. Suspicious mail? You mean I can turn over all that junk that comes

to the house and Homeland Security will go get those idiots? Because of wrong names or titles?

I never knew - thanks for posting that.

[madrchsod]

12. i take it that mail package warning is real

if so you never get this package because it would never leave the post office. as for the address label i`ve mailed out labels cut like that-

[0007]

9. More first class comedy from the gang that couldn't shoot straight.

[hlthe2b]

13. They're blowing up Bush's* package?...!

and on the 3rd anniversary of its unveiling, yet.... Move over Rodney Dangerfield..... Our Bushie* can't get no respect.... :evilgrin:

[Ian David]

17. They're trying to destroy the tapes of Colbert's speech n/t

[UTUSN]

19. Containing CHEENEE's energy committee & Iraq Attack notes n/t