The Ideological Purity Test

[Autonomy]

Make one choice for each question, and mark the letter on a piece of recycled paper.

1. What kind of car do you drive?

a) a compact car that gets good gas mileage
b) a hybrid
c) an electric car
d) a Cadillac Escalade SUV
e) pedal power for the people! only savages drive cars

2. When was the last time you ate meat?

a) more than a week ago
b) more than a month ago
c) more than a year ago
d) i am eating a raw pork sandwich as i read
e) no corpse flesh has ever defiled my pristine body

3. How do you smoke up?

a) joints
b) bong
c) eat it in brownies
d) you can smoke Oxycontin?
e) i don't smoke, as it funds covert CIA operations

4. How long will it be until you watch Keith Olberman again?

a) at least a week
b) at least a month
c) at least a year
d) is he related to Toby Keith?
e) i've never watched the capitalist mindsucking machine in my life

Scoring: 1 point for each a; 2 points for each b; 3 points for each c; -5 points or each d; 4 points for each e. Now add up your score.

0-4 points: You're an Apostate. You're an ideological disgrace. You probably don't even know the difference between a liberal and a progressive!

5-8 points: You're Toxic. You're the Love Canal of liberals, and it will take decades and congressional superfunding to clean you up!

9-12 points: You're a Fallen Angel. You've fallen prey to corporate enticement and are slowly reverting into a impure consumer. Visit your guru, psychotherapist, or the executive officer of your anarcho-syndicalist commune as soon as possible!

13-15: You're an Ideological Paragon. You have the purity to be an example to others and don't have to worry much about ever being called a hypocrite, the worst of all accusations!

16 points: You're an Ideological Saint! With your every exhalation of carbon dioxide, green, leafy plants sing your praises! No one understand that you don't bathe because the water instantly turns into wine! Starbucks close down when you walk by! But you feel you could be somehow better. Did you remember to hand wash your homespun linen "Free Mumia!" shirt in biodegradable soap?

Less than 0 points: Hi, you're a conservative, and you're on the wrong website. Click "Logout" for information on what to do next.

[Hardrada]

1. I guess I'm an apostate of some sort!

Oh well.

[Autonomy]

2. You ideological disgrace!

x(

[Hardrada]

5. I think I came up as a monarchist on one test I took!!

[Jazz2006]

3. Any test with "purity" in its name, I'm bound to fail.

[LoZoccolo]

4. It never matters how ideologically pure you are.

The minute it's convenient to a manipulative opponent, they'll cheat and attack your liberality. If you agree with everything they say heretofore, and some new issue comes up where you disagree, it's always on the table for them to pull this card.

[chookie]

6. Can I be tombstoned for this...?

But I am not ideologically pure. There are still some areas of nuance and skepticism in my mind -- and I have been taking a lot of heat for it lately. The range of thought crimes I have been vitriolically accused of lately is remarkable.

[Autonomy]

7. You do understand this is satire?

I am at best "toxic" myself. I hate the very idea of ideological purity.

edit: just looked at the test, and there's no way i'm getting past apostate

[Random_Australian]

8. I am expected to watch Keith Olbermann?

:shrug:

Edit: Your meat question made as much sense as a hamster in a tumble dryer.

[NMMNG]

9. 12: Fallen Angel

The "middle road", so to speak.

[REP]

10. I Must Be Satan

I last ate meat about 20 minutes ago; I'm smoking tobacco as I type; it's an Infiniti, not a Cadillac; and Olbermann is on tomorrow, isn't he? Isn't he??

[Autonomy]

11. Yes, Olberman is on tomorrow, but...

you have an exorcism scheduled at that time, so you won't be watching him for a while.