By my count, Colbert was funny 56 times.

[KyuzoGator]

Since when is a room full of reporters the litmus test of what's funny? By that rationale, looking under a couch for WMD is the most hilarious thing ever.

I've boiled down Colbert's performance into the moments that made me laugh audibly. My count is 56.

1. Whoever parked 14 black bullet proof S.U.V.'S out front, could you please move them.

2. Somebody shoot me in the face.

3. somebody from the N.S.A. will be right over with a cocktail.

4. We're not brainiacs on the nerd patrol. We're not members of the factinista.

5. That's because you looked it up in a book.

6. I give people the truth, unfiltered by rational argument. I call it the no fact zone.

7. I'm a simple man with a simple mind.

8. I believe in America. I believe it exists.

9. I believe democracy is our greatest export. At least until China figures out a way to stamp it out in plastic for three cents a unit.

10. your great country makes our happy meals possible.

11. by those standards, we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq.

12. I saw this guy do it once in Cirque du Soleil. It was magical.

13. I believe there are infinite paths to accepting Jesus Christ as your personal savior.

14. We know that polls are just a collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking in "reality." And reality has a well-known liberal bias.

15. Sir pay no attention to the people who say the glass is half empty, because 32% means it's 2/3 empty.

16. There's still some liquid in that glass is my point, but I wouldn't drink it.

17. The last third is usually backwash.

18. The president is Rocky and Apollo Creed is everything else in the world.

19. Does he stay down? No. Like Rocky he gets back up and in the end he -- actually loses in the first movie.

20. The point is the heart-warming story of a man who was repeatedly punched in the face.

21. I ask you this, does that not also logically mean that 68% approve of the job he's not doing?

22. Think about it. I haven't.

23. I stand by this man because he stands for things. Not only for things, he stands on things. Things like aircraft carriers and rubble and recently flooded city squares.

24. no matter what happens to America, she will always rebound with the most powerfully staged photo ops in the world.

25. By 2008 we will have a mesquite powered car.

26. calls her his better half. And polls show America agrees.

27. I've never been a fan of books. I don't trust them. They're all fact, no heart. I mean, they're elitists telling us what is or isn't true, what did or didn't happen.

28. What's Britannica to tell me the Panama Canal was built in 1914. If I want to say it was built in 1941, that's my right as an American.

29. I'm with the president, let history decide what did or did not happen.

30. He believes the same thing Wednesday, that he believed on Monday, no matter what happened Tuesday.

31. Events can change, this man's beliefs never will.

32. I am appalled to be surrounded by the liberal media that is destroying America, with the exception of Fox News.

33. Fox News gives you both sides of every story, the President's side and the Vice President's side.

34. Those things are secret for a very important reason, they're superdepressing.

35. And if that's your goal, well, misery accomplished.

36. The President makes decisions, he's the decider.

37. Write that novel you got kicking around in your head. You know, the one about the intrepid Washington reporter with the courage to stand up to the administration. You know, fiction.

38. This administration is soaring. If anything, they are rearranging the deck chairs on the Hindenburg.

39. I've got Frank Rich, but we can bump him. And I mean bump him. I know a guy.

40. They still support Rumsfeld. You guys aren't retired yet, right?

41. I've got a theory about how to handle these retired generals causing all this trouble, don't let them retire!

42. If you're strong enough to go on one of those pundit shows, you can stand on a bank of computers and order men into battle.

43. It's like boxing a glacier.

44. your grandchildren will have no idea what a glacier is.

45. Justice Scalia's here. May I be the first to say welcome, sir (the obscene gestures count as one funny)

46. What a maverick. Somebody find out what fork he used on his salad, because I guarantee you wasn't a salad fork. He could have used a spoon. There's no predicting him.

47. look me up when you go to speak at Bob Jones University.

48. Washington, D.C., The chocolate city with a marshmallow center.

49. And a graham cracker crust of corruption.

50. the most famous husband since Desi Arnaz.

51. Valerie Plame. Oh, my god! Oh, what have I said. I am sorry, Mr. President, I meant to say he brought along his lovely wife, Joe Wilson's wife.

52. Pat Fitzgerald is not here tonight? Dodged a bullet.

52. Secret service name, Snow Job.

53. the second toughest job in government, next to, of course, the ambassador to Iraq.

54. Scott McClellan could say nothing like nobody else.

55. Really felt like he needed to spend more time with Andrew Card's children.

56. I have nothing but contempt for these people. I know how to handle these clowns.

[Inland]

1. Al Franken playing Colbert now.

[bullimiami]

2. i thought the video was a little long and tedious. helen really made it.

she is the best. i can still picture he stalking him now .........................

[Richard Steele]

8. I thought so too.

I only got ONE laugh out of the last 2/3rds of that-
when the voice at the other end of the security phone
asked, "Say, why DID we invade Iraq?"

But simultaneously, I got the biggest kick out of Helen Thomas
actually playing herself...and all those shots of her
just watching expectantly, with that totally deadpan expression.
It was funny, just not LOL-type funny.

[warrens]

3. The argument has nothing to do if he was funny or not

It's just an excuse by people who hated the message to dismiss the messenger. Of course he was funny; he just made a pack of self-satisfied press people uncomfortable and spit in the face of a richly deserving unelected punk TO HIS FACE. That's what got everybody so pissed off.

[onehandle]

4. The audience laughed an appropriate amount, imo.

Colbert wasn't being a stand up comic. His "act" is ironic. Those who weren't laughing either didn't have backbones or were Bush lackeys.

I heard a fair amount of laugher myself during the event. And the mike was on Colbert, not the attendees.

[KyuzoGator]

5. Much like the Dean Scream...the mic was on him, not the audience.

Good point.

[Quiet_Dem_Mom]

6. In his 1st show after WHCD, Colbert "went after" G. Clooney.

And made a point of using Clooney's quote: I just try to use the credit card you get from being famous in the right way.

Obviously comparing Clooney bringing more attention to the situation in Darfur can in no way compare to Stephen Colbert cracking wise at a press dinner...but I wonder if the quote was a bit of a message from Stephen explaining his performance.

And those 56 laughs, multiply it by about 10-15 times. I crack up to the point of tears every time I read the transcript or watch the video.

QDM

[ms liberty]

7. I thought it was hilarious...

Some of the best laughs I've had in years. Almost seven years, in fact. Of course, I live a reality-based existence, which of course has a well known liberal bias.

:evilgrin:

[Dr Fate]

9. You forgot the "spell check" line...

The one about the job of a Journalist is to run Rove's talking points through spell check.

[KyuzoGator]

10. Can somebody do a count of the "funnies" in the video?

I couldn't find a transcript.