Legal Advice Desperately Needed-S.Carolina-He told her to leave and...

[Kindigger]

come back later, and take anything she wants! My daughter w/one year old baby followed husband's job from GA to SC last June. He makes good money, and she stayed home with the baby until six? months ago when she got a job. They know no one, and her work schedule was arranged so that he would be home to watch the baby.

He has a nice car that they purchased with joint funds before the baby, but it is in his name only. They leased a second vehicle to transport baby to Dr., and now for daughter to drive to work. They have three joint saving & checking accts. They appear to be set up to allow one or the other to withdraw without the consent of the other.

I went to GA on April 22nd for the baby's 2nd birthday party. They appeared to be a "happy family" at that time, but after I returned home daughter called for advice. He had been periodically threatening her with divorce papers. She asked him to go to counseling, and he refused. There is no violence. His leverage is not coming home from work to watch the baby, hoping she will be fired & forced to leave. He offered to leave the home, but knows she cannot afford to pay for the house by herself. He recently said he cannot afford a divorce at this time, and claims "he knows she's going to get everything eventually".

He has now told her to take what she can fit in the leased vehicle, and leave this weekend. He said she could have everything in two savings accounts plus 1/2 of everything in checking (which he has been slowly withdrawing money from). She can also come back with a truck, and take anything she wants. She is scheduled to work this weekend, and is due to receive a bonus check on the 13th.

I told her to stay put. If she gets fired because she can't get to work, he will have to pay the house payment or he will be out too. I told her to call the bank, and somehow freeze the accounts so he can't clean them out. I told her to not leave him with everything as she will not get back in to retrieve anything. I advised her to stay until he is forced to turn off the utilities to remove her!

God help me. I'm up north, disabled, and she wants me to drive down to babysit so she can go to work long enough to get her bonus check. I don't know if this is possible on such short notice.
I've been searching SC divorce law, and that is one F'd up State. He knows something or has been talking to someone on how to proceed. I do not want her leaving there with nothing!

Someone please advise or ask further questions on board or through PM. Please help! Thank you all.

[KittyWampus]

1. Very first thing? Tell her to get the best lawyer possible. NOW!

[Kindigger]

7. Thank you for your reply

I told her that on the phone last night, but: she doesn't want a divorce, doesn't want to use savings for that purpose (one acct. is the baby's), and she's also afraid she will need the money to live on.

The only way that is going to happen on such short notice is if I do drive down there and help her. She is becoming very depressed. I think that's his strategy...just wear her down until she gives in.

[Warpy]

21. I second that advice

and it sounds like either hubby is mentally ill or he has an affair going on. In any case, he doesn't like being tied down to a wife and baby. She needs a lawyer NOW to protect her interest and the interest of the baby.

The main thing she has to do is stay where she is. She can't leave the residence. If she does, she is the one abandoning the marriage and will have no claim to anything despite what he says about a truck and picking up her belongings. He sounds like a guy who would tell all sorts of lies to get rid of her.

If he wants out, she can't stop him. However, he's the one who needs to pack his bags and go.

This is a horrible situation and one that happens far too frequently when the first baby comes along and reality sets in. I wish the best for her and her baby.

[Fridays Child]

2. If I were her, I'd withdraw all of the money and open an account...

...in my name, only, at a different bank. And yes, she should stay put. Can she get an attorney? Is there any way family can help with costs, if it becomes necessary?

[Jacobin]

3. She needs to look in the phone book in the yellow pages for

free or reduced price legal assistance.

ALL states are different when it comes to domestic law.

Of course, this will have to be HER decision and she may or may not be ready to take that course of action. Its hard being a parent and watching a 'child' go through this.

[Agnomen]

4. Tell her to get a lawyer

Promptly. Looks like this guy is adamant about breaking up the marriage, so your daughter needs solid legal advice to sort out the property rights, get child support, etc. She can call legal aid if she can't afford any lawyer w. shingle out. They'll be able to direct her.

[Avalux]

5. She needs to consult an attorney -

and I agree she should stay put. If both names are on bank accounts she won't be able to freeze them so she should probably withdraw her share or all. To be on the safe side though - she really needs legal assistance from a local attorney immediately. Is she worried he may become violent?

[Viking12]

6. The legal advice you'll receive here is worth what you pay for it.

As another poster advised...get professional help.

[ChairmanAgnostic]

28. BINGO. What viking said. And double that.

Hire the best damned divorce lawyer in that state that you can find. And beware of child-snatching, battery, threats, and be prepared to call the police due to domestic violence. DO NOT SIGN ANYTHING WITHOUT and attorney's advice, and DO NOT DO ANYTHING WITHOUT a 3d party witness.

This is a potentially dangerous time.

[elehhhhna]

8. what needs to happen for you to get down there?

sounds like it's a emergency and she needs you BAD. 'til then she must find a babysitter, pronto.

Why is the father in such a big rush?

[Kindigger]

14. I asked her if it was a female

but she doesn't think so. He was an adopted, only child. He is very passive, and remote. I'm not sure, but I think the rush is he has an "out of sight, out of mind" mentality.

[yellowcanine]

27. IMO there is about a 90% chance he is having an affair. The pattern is

there. Controlling men don't act like this unless there is someone else they have switched their attentions to. The fact that he is trying to get her to leave instead of him just leaving is suspicious also. Something is warping his thinking.

[acmavm]

9. Face it, the guys not looking out for anyone but herself. If she

leaves, she's done, out, gone. (Abandonment if he really wants to get nasty.) I did it but to me it was worth it to leave everything. And get the attorney to freeze all bank accounts, get an injuction to keep him from selling anything. And if he's whining about not being able to 'afford a divorce at this time' that's just tough shit. What is she supposed to do, wait until it's convenient for him?

She doesn't want to go anywhere and get a good divorce attorney NOW. Or contact legal aid. And call an emergency hot line for women and see about what she can do to get help (in any way she needs). Or the YWCA gives hotline numbers.

[bigscott]

12. if she leaves she is screwed

call a lawyer immediately! get the money into a single account. Use it for a lawyer if you have to - there are some things more important than an infants college fund. there is time to replace that - NO time to get rid of this asshole

[niyad]

10. all of this is excellent advice--tell her to clean out ALL the accounts

IMMEDIATELY and to put them in her own name in another bank, tell her to stay put, and above all, to get an attorney. he is planning something nasty, I can almost guarantee you. probably has been having an affair, too. she might also want to have the phone number of the domestic violence center handy.

I can only begin to imagine how stressful this is for you, feeling a bit helpless. but with the right advice and counsel, she can get through this.

question--if the car was purchased with joint funds, why on EARTH is it in his name only? my guess is that if there has not been actual physical abuse, there has been a great deal of psychological abuse and undermining going on. in a state not as f***** up as SC, she might just want to call the dispatch desk at the police department, and ask them exactly when she could call in an abusive situation.
good luck, and please keep us informed.

[Kindigger]

16. Okay, I am going to get ready to go

I cannot get my meds until Monday, but I'll get a prescription to take with me.

You are right about the car. It has been all about control from the beginning. Everything has been so "okay" that she hasn't even noticed those little items.

There is family in GA offering to come over with a U Haul, and clean the place out. I don't think there's that much equity in the house for her to bother with.

[hang a left]

17. You are right!!!

Tell her to drain the accounts, get an attorney, and tell HIM to leave. Doesn't matter if she wants a divorce he obviously does. She may be able to get some kind of immediate support order. She needs to act NOW.

Also if he thinks she is getting wise he might come on with the charm. Make sure she doesn't fall for it. The guy sounds like you can't trust him.

[Kindigger]

11. I sounds like I have given her good advice so far

She is a smart person, but absolutely clueless in this situation. They were highschool sweethearts, and life with him is all she has ever known for ten years.

I have Vonage. I think I will make some calls down there myself.

[bigscott]

13. sweethearts nothing

this guy is abusing here - she needs help -from an atty or from the police -

[dogday]

15. SC is a community property state

meaning if the car is in his name, it does not matter.. All assets acquired during the course of the marriage should be split... I don't hear anything about the child? That is the most important thing, is to retain the custody of her child...

He can be forced to pay temp alimony if she needs it (providing the laws haven't changed)... Plus child support of course..

If she can stay in the house, it would be best to force him to leave.. Especially if she has custody of the child...


Clear out all accounts now... Contact a attorney now...

on edit: depends on where they have established residency, either SC or Georgia as well could have jurisdiction of this divorce..... Usually a 90 day period for establishing residency in a state...

[hang a left]

18. great minds and all. n/t

[Kindigger]

19. Residency SC is 3 months

They've been there since last June.

Your post mirrors almost exactly everything I told her to do. I think he would be forced to leave sooner if I were there. He hates me, and has tried to keep her away from me. He has tried to keep her helpless, and clueless.

That is going to end ASAP.

Thank you for validating my intelligence :hug:

[dogday]

20. Then you are giving her sound advice

It's great that you are there for her... She is going to need a shoulder during this.. Not a pretty picture, divorce is messy sometimes, and takes the life out of you.....

[yellowcanine]

22. She should get his request that she leave in writing. She should also ask

him to carry some of her and the baby's stuff to the car. Hopefully have a neighbor witness this if possible. If he won't cooperate she should stay unless she feels physically threatened. Then she should leave immediately with the baby and check in at a local woman's shelter and follow the advice of lawyers there about how to proceed. If she doesn't know of a shelter, have her call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)from work or from home when her husband is not around. This is a national domestic abuse hotline and she might want to call it now anyway because this sitution sounds as if it could easily go in that direction and she may get some advice on how best to keep the situation from escalating. At the least, psychological abuse has already occured from what you describe.

[yellowcanine]

23. On second thought, you should call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) NOW.

This is the national domestic abuse hotline. Ask them for advice about how to proceed. They may even be able to arrange some of the legal stuff for her.

[Kindigger]

24. Thank you

I told her I wished she had him asking her to leave on tape. I also asked her to get his deal in writing. I'm on the phone with social services right now, and have a SC # for "Ask a Lawyer", but it doesn't open until 1 o'clock.

[hang a left]

25. Lots of family law practioners have free consultations.

Can you get a hold of a yellow pages from the area??

[niyad]

26. tell her also to get copies of every single record she can lay her hands

on--deeds, titles, birth certificates, social security, EVERYTHING--or the originals, if she can.
also, tell her she needs to have some sort of safety plan or escape route--that sort of thing. and to have a contact number to call in case she cannot get hold of you for some reason.