Do you think that parents should financially assist adult children?

[debbierlus]

I am curious as to the issue that has been a hot button topic in my family.

[waiting for hope]

1. Crap - my parents have had to help us out a few

times because of job layoffs and the like....I know there will be some inheritance but the way they feel about it that no matter what, I'm still their child - btw, I have never taken advantage as I know many have...

[debbierlus]

4. Recently came up in my family...

Hence the poll -

The situation was B in this case. But, I don't know, if any money will be forthcoming.

Just wondering about the general attitude.

[imax2268]

5. I totally agree...

my parents have supported me in the past due to job lay offs and the like. I never asked for their help but they helped me because the debt was growing. I just landed a part time job so i will be able to clear up the rest and pay them back.

[Taxloss]

2. Qualified yes. It's up to them what they do with their money, after all.

I don't see the harm in it unless the children come to expect regular subsidy, or if it becomes a burden on the parents. The deal works both ways, though ...

[Ron Mexico]

3. They can if they want to - but "should?" No.

The idea that parents have an obligation after 18-22 years of raising a kid to keep funding him is not one I accept. If they want to, great - but assuming they've raised the kid from birth to adulthood, they've already done their part.

[electron_blue]

6. I replied qualified yes, but...

I also think adult children should financially assist their parents if they can. In fact, I think everyone should financially assist other people, in general, if they can.

Are you thinking of a more specific concern, like paying for their mortgage or college education or something like that?

[debbierlus]

8. I was thinking about asking my parents for money

Which is about as pleasant as a dental extraction....

They do NOT like to give assistance. It is a horrible process to go through to ask them for it. But, the money could literally make or break a business my husband has been working hard at developing for the past four years. A small loan now could translate into huge success.


They have it. No question. It was a completely LAST resort choice. And, it may not be successful. But, I had to try.

[electron_blue]

11. I thought you meant helping them pay rent, groceries, "bills"

Giving money for something speculative is different. Their judgment of risk-taking comes into it. Everyone has different levels of risk they want to assume. Are you going to suggest an interest rate to go along with the loan, with payback terms written out?

[debbierlus]

13. It is for a pretty short term time frame

Under six months....

This money is needed due to SUCCESS. There isn't a way to transcend into the next level without a financial boost. I would pay interest, but I do think that is a little silly given the short term nature of it and the fact that they will miss this money about as much as if I loaned out 50 bucks!

[Kailassa]

18. I've given my daughter food money when she's needed it.

She's worked her arse off making a life for herself and her daughter, and the only place where she, in my eyes, wastes money is in spending too much on clothes for my grand-daughter. But she wants her little girl to never be picked on for having cheap clothes as she used to be.

There is nothing wrong with helping someone get by if they are already doing there best, and if you know they appreciate it. It's not a one-way thing, usually people can then help others in their turn. This brat of mine sure does.

Who would want to see a hard working young mum and her kid go hungry?

[HiFructosePronSyrup]

7. Should adult children assist their elderly parents?

Yes or no?

[debbierlus]

9. Yes, if they have the resources to do so.

And, the parents weren't abusive or cruel.

[Kailassa]

17. Sometimes it's good to help even if people were abusive or cruel.

Once my mother was complaining to me on the phone about how terrible things were for my father now that he'd developed Parkinsons. I replied, not uncaring, but needing to point out the truth, that it was the best thing that had ever happened to him. She was horrified, ordering me to explain myself. So I pointed out that she was no longer afraid of him hurting her, he was no longer knocking me unconscious whenever he got mad. Being incapacitated had made him learn new ways to relate to people, and he had become pleasant to be around.

Then I heard my father speaking, he had been listening in on another phone, and was pretty angry. I was too stubborn to go back on what I'd said, so I just asked him if he disagreed with it. He quietly answered that he guessed not, and he and I were able to start being friends.

I was able to help by massaging him, that's my trade, and when he was in hospital I would take stout in to him, (with the doctor's agreement) and stroke his head at night till he slept. And when he needed to talk about dying, I was the one person he could talk freely to, as I have a bunch of unorthodox ideas that I have no interest in pushing, and I'm not scared of the subject. He died happy, with the idea in his heart that he just might come back as one of the lyre-birds he always loved so much.

Never cut someone off for having been abusive or cruel unless they are continuing to act that way and you are sure they can never change. We can all do terrible things, and often have more even to gain from understanding and helping a person change than they gain through our help and forgiveness.

[renate]

34. I'm so glad it worked out well for you

A truth-telling situation like that in my husband's family ended in estrangement. Very sad and unnecessary. So I'm very happy for you that you were able to form a new relationship with your father--it sounds like he became an entirely new person not just physically but emotionally and spiritually too, and it's great that he was open to change instead of choosing anger and bitterness. And how wonderful for you that your memories of his later years are happy ones. :hug:

[Kailassa]

38. Sorry about your husband's family.

You never know till afterwards whether a person can handle hearing the truth.

Sometimes the bad stuff people do is through ignorance and stupidity, and because they are too lazy to change their way of reacting. Someone like this can sometimes change.

But some people are just plain malicious and deceitful and seem to hunger for the pain they cause others. And anything you say to this type will make trouble, whether you tell the truth, tell polite lies, or just ignore them.

My parents taught me the difference. One was the former, and one the latter.

:pals:

[lumberjack_jeff]

50. That is the most wonderful post I've read in a long time.

Thanks for sharing, and I'm sorry for the loss of your father.

Sometimes it's easiest to reconnect with parents at the end.

[jesus_of_suburbia]

23. Of course children should help their parents...

(unless the parents were horrible to the children growing up)


I know I'll be doing anything I can for my parents when they can't take care of themselves.
They won't need my money, but they'll need my help in other areas (and they often ask for help even now, and they are just in their early 60's!)

[lumberjack_jeff]

48. Generally, no.

The assistance adult children give their parents would be better spent improving the lives of their own children. If there's some question that children need to stand on their own two feet, then barring some significant mitigating circumstance, the childless (which most retirees are) definitely should.

This is from the perspective of a middle-aged guy with adolescent kids and no surviving parents. I don't expect to get help from my kids when they grow up, and I fully expect to provide them help if necessary.

Parenting should be a one-way street, imho.

When I was in my 20's, my wife and I did borrow money (always repaid within a month or two) from my parents. Paradoxically, it was something that actually made my dad feel valued. (Stepmother was less jazzed about it). ;)

[flamin lib]

10. Waddya gonna do? Let 'em live under a bridge? nt

[debbierlus]

12. My personal belief is that you should do whatever you can to help

If there is a legitimate need, not just a want (fancy car, extravagant house). I have loaned money out twice in my life, and I never had it repaid. But, I would do it again. Because the people genuinely needed it, and I was able to provide the help. I don't think parent's should always have an open wallet, far from it. I am a firm believer in teaching children to be able to take care of themselves. But, there is an extreme difference between mooching and needing assistance towards a goal. Obviously, this all requires the person loaning money to have the ability to loan it. I do not think anyone should go into debt or have to work overtime to solve another person's financial problems.

I am very pleased to see a generous spirit from DU'ers (I knew I would). The majority would either give unequivocally or in reasonable circumstances. Bless your hearts!

[Kailassa]

14. The more people ALL help everyone else, the better off

everyone is. Whether it's helping someone establish a lucrative business, or just getting a "loser" back onto their feet, it all creates more wealth that can then help more people.

The people advocating small government are the ones whose families have the money to take care of each other. What they don't want us to realize is that a society is just a larger family. When everybody in society can grow up with self respect and respect for others, and when everyone has education and opportunities for work, (for a living wage,) then the whole of society becomes richer.

If the money spent on war against Iraq had been spent on stimulating the housing and job markets in America, and providing education, clubs and sports facilities for the children, America could have been turned into a prosperous and happy nation.

I believe strongly in heaven. A heaven we are each blessed with in our hearts, a place we could create on Earth. But to bring it about is going to take enormous courage on the part of every-day people who just want life to be peaceful. I don't know if Jesus really said: "Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the Earth," but I do believe it is the truth.

An abused childhood turned me into a person who can calmly face death, but who will not lower her pride or anyone. One day, the abuse that governments will heap on us will make so many people like this, people to whom the indignity of struggling in virtual slavery, in a country that forced their poor mothers to give birth to them just to supply cheap labor and cannon fodder ... that a wave of rebellion will form, the like of which this Earth has never seen before. People who will not fight, because that is against their basic human dignity. People who will rise up gently and say:
"NO! Enough's enough! We are going to co-operate together and care for each other. We are going to be the gods of this Earth, turning it into the exciting heaven it should be for every individual in it."

[debbierlus]

16. I agree with you!

And, I also believe in Karma. What you give out comes back threefold!

[Kailassa]

22. What I've experienced is that, despite being dirt-broke for years,

even to the extent of living out of rubbish bins and having to beg for food for my supposed menagerie of animals in order to feed my family, whenever I've felt someone needed to be fed, I always had food on hand for them. It's felt like a life-long miracle to me.

Once some people I'd stayed with for a few weeks with my kids drove us back home, and being hospitable farm folk themselves, they automatically came in and sat at the table expecting lunch.
I could have died of embarrassment. The only food I had in the house was brown rice, red lentils, peanut butter and plain yogurt. oh, and curry paste I'd made. I said a quick prayer, picked some edible weeds from the wild garden next door, and soon we had creamy curried lentils on rice, with a side dish of wild greens, fried in oil from the peanut butter. It was delicious. :shrug:

The next day I was back to scavenging, but that was always successful. We never went hungry.

[undergroundpanther]

20. Beautiful..

An abused childhood turned me into a person who can calmly face death, but who will not lower her pride or anyone. One day, the abuse that governments will heap on us will make so many people like this, people to whom the indignity of struggling in virtual slavery, in a country that forced their poor mothers to give birth to them just to supply cheap labor and cannon fodder ... that a wave of rebellion will form, the like of which this Earth has never seen before. People who will not fight, because that is against their basic human dignity. People who will rise up gently and say:
"NO! Enough's enough! We are going to co-operate together and care for each other. We are going to be the gods of this Earth, turning it into the exciting heaven it should be for every individual in it."


And it begins with disobeying your"masters" disobeying the profitable sociopaths' status quo of dog eat dog, me,me,me..It begins with refusing to go along with the demands from those of'higher statuus, the white collar bullies angling for a culture you cannot cope with, the lies from those with"authority". It begins with sharing what you have.Whatever it is.Without fear.And admitting we need each other.

[Kailassa]

26. Exactly. :-)

We each have ideals in our hearts.
We should not disobey "authority" without a good reason,
but we must never betray our own ideals just to get by.

Neither America nor Australia were built on obedience. They were built by people with big hearts, full of a love of life, a love each other, and a sense of adventure. We owe then the duty of being aware of what is happening, thinking for ourselves, and working for what is really best for society.

Only an idiot dictator wants mindless yes-men.

:hug:

[htuttle]

15. We've blown almost all of our retirement money on our kids, and their kids

Not on extravagance or gifts -- but by helping them make rent, fix their car so they can get to work, etc... The economy sucks, and both of our kids (and their spouses) are at the bottom of the employment ladder (and seem stuck there).

But hell, if inflation keeps up as it has been, that money is worth a lot more today than it will be in 20 years, and I don't care whether I think they've screwed up sometimes or not (such as not going to college or leaving a particular job 5 years ago) -- we don't want our grandkids to starve or live in a car if we can possibly help it.

I'd much rather live in a broken down car myself when I'm 70 than know my grandkids have to live in a car today and I didn't do anything to help.

[undergroundpanther]

19. Parents

If you are unwilling to help your own kid out,you SHOULD NOT HAVE HAD ONE.Think on this before you react please.

I don't have kids because I know I cannot support them.I have PSTD and I don't think I can emotionally be there for any kids let alone financially.

AS parents you must realize things change because the world changes it is NOT the same country as like how your parents grew up in.. Shit it's NOT the same economy or social climate as when even YOU were a young adult seeking to build a life.

In the"old days" extended families generations lived together and supported each other, this"nuclear family bullshit is a recent form of social engineering so the state can meddle in YOUR kin networks.

Times are harder and more stressful and difficult than when you (parent)were entering the workforce.The 50's 60's were unprecedented in it's prosperity.In the 60's 70's people HAD health insurance.Rent was not this main drain on income..wages were more in tandem with cost of livinbg and there was a social safety net.During the great depression,some extended families lived crammed in their parents paid for homes because money was tight for everyone,they did what they had to. This I made it on my own two feet crap is a load of bullshit.

WE all make it possible for all of us to live.When you refuse to pay taxes you have to take on more"burdens"Can't have it both ways.

Have some fucking compassion.

[Kailassa]

27. What about people like me whose children were all accidents? ;-)

Looking back, I was very lucky to have my children before I was mature enough to realize what an incompetant parent I would be. The kids have grown up and survived, and my daughter is proud of being a better mother to her daughter than I was to her. And they all love each other and are the best friends I ever had.

I know about living with PTSD. I don't like going to sleep because I never know which one of me will wake up the next day, as my way of coping was to keep splitting. I hope you are loved or find love. People talk about cures, but I only started to get better at 50, when I found a loving guy who is patient with me through all the changes I go through.

:loveya:

[debbierlus]

28. Incredibly difficult times to succeed!

It takes SO much money to make money.

College education costs LOTS of money.

Investment in starting your own business takes LOTS of money.

America is NOT the land of opportunity. It is the land of the 'rich get rich, the poor get poorer'.

[jesus_of_suburbia]

21. It's up to each individual family.... no one else's business

Parents don't have an obligation to give money to their kids, but if they want to, it is
their business only.

[spanone]

24. Nobody's business but their own.

[npincus]

25. my Mom sends a monthly check for my daughter

(her granddaughter). I never asked her, but appreciate it. I put them in the bank for my daughter.

[Democrat 4 Ever]

33. I once heard my daughter on the phone with a boyfriend (who I

disliked intensely) arguing over who he thought she could go out with, have as friends, spend time etc. My lovely daughter had finally had enough and I heard her yell into the phone, (paraphrasing here but I'm pretty close) "I will NEVER forget my family because of you! If you want to gauge love by what a person has to give up to prove you are loved you are out of your ever loving mind. My family are the people who have taught me right from wrong, who have loved me no matter how shitty have treated them from time to time, who made sure I was clothed, fed, who made me understand the words like honesty, trust, dignity, hard work, and the value of an education - things apparently your mother never taught you (he was a lay-about, good for nothing, refused to work, go to school, trouble with a capital T).

"And finally, I know in my heart I will never be homeless, never be hungry and never be sick without my family there to help because my Mom and my sisters will make damn sure I will always have food and a home. Period. That's called a family. And they know they have the same thing from me. Don't call me again, don't come see me. Good bye." This was said as she got louder and faster with each word. She slammed the phone down and went to her room and cried. She never knew I had heard the conversation but that day, I knew I had done something right (something all parents wonder about from time to time - especially during the teen years!) I knew our family was tight but I had never heard one of my kids express it so clearly. We have had our share of arguments and such but never once did I not love my kids or they not love me. (Don't ask me about their father - he has completely different ideas about family.)

Guess I took the long way around to say: Yes, I'd give my kids my last dollar, the shirt off my back, the last morsel of food in my house - but I also know they would never ask.

My oldest granddaughter graduates from high school this month. She is one of those who fall in the cracks - too much family income for financial aid, too little family income for them to pay it themselves. So every month, while she is in school she will received a check for $100.00 to help her out a little on monthly expenses (I'm calling it the "Damn Straight, Let's Educate" Scholarship Fund.)She is getting parents' help, student loans, work study and is working a part time job. That's my graduation gift to her. I am on an extremely tight budget and it will affect my life adversely for the duration. I can't hand her a huge check in one fell swoop but I can do something to show her I believe in her and share her dreams. It is not much but if it helps her a little bit each month to get that diploma than I will sleep with a smile on my lips each night.

I plan to do the same thing for the rest of the grandkids so it will be tight for some years to come - unless I win the Irish Sweepstakes or make a killing on stock deals from all the spam I keep getting! Keep your fingers crossed for me!

[npincus]

43. thank you for the lovely story

you sure raised your daughter right- and how wonderful that you were able to hear her express her true feelings and values.

It's wonderful that you are helping your granddaughter- she will need it someday, and will appreciate what you've done. And maybe someday, she will be helping her own grandchildren in kind.

yes, i do appreciae those checks i get from my mother ($100/month) for Ava, my daughter. My little girl has quite a bank account! If she knew about it, she would try to figure out how many ice creams she could buy... but we won't tell her just yet!

Best regards to you and your family. :)


Here she is, Grandma's little artist!

[IdaBriggs]

29. I gave a Qualified Yes, but the word "should" bothers me.

Everything depends on the type of help being offered, in my opinion. Is it an "enabler" situation? For example, is there a "perpetual problem child" whose role in the family is to be the "failure" who everyone else has to rescue?

In that case, my answer is NO, because it isn't in the child's best interests, even if it APPEARS TO BE in the short-term.

Is there a family emergency? For example, is someone in the hospital, or was there an unexpected lay-off, or some other short term problem? In that case, with NO ONE BEING OBLIGATED, sure, help out if you want.

At the same time, parents must be responsible enough to make sure their own financial needs are taken care of so they don't become a "burden" on their own children. Sometimes this will mean saying "I'm sorry, you will have to find another way because I can't be the answer this time." Assuming drug abuse isn't an issue, grocery shopping, etc. can be done to help out sometimes.

Another issue is "throwing good money after bad" -- an uncle of mine got fired for cause, spent six months not working (because he lived on a lake, he enjoyed the time fishing and relaxing on his boat), borrowed the money to save his house from his mother, spent another few months not doing anything (including looking for a job), and then borrowed money from my parents in a last ditch effort to save his home, which didn't work.

He lost the house, and never paid ANYONE back any of the thousands of dollars he "borrowed" from them; our family could have used the money that ended up paying for his "extended" vacation!!! This example led me to judge a dear friend's similar situation with a realistic eye when she and her husband began the dreadful sink into bankruptcy / losing their home: neither she nor her spouse was bringing in an income (possibly due to the depression), and there was no "plan" (meaning "a job") to recover from what should have been a temporary situation, so we didn't make any house payments for her. She and her spouse have now been mooching off of another friend for a year, living in his basement rent free, and while hubby has finally rejoined the ranks of the employed, its sporadic, and she hasn't in about three years now.

:shrug:

On a personal note, when a business my husband and I own was sinking fast, the final wake-up call for ME was that we were about to miss our third house payment; we had already borrowed money from our parents, our friends, and the credit card companies to keep it afloat in the preceding months, but we were officially in over our heads. Realizing we were about to lose our home helped me realize it was time to pull the plug, and we then began the long process of digging ourselves out -- all $150K -- which took us three years, alot of Raman noodles, and working multiple jobs at the same time to do. I'm grateful folks were there to help us out, and I'm proud we paid them all back, but at the same time, if everyone had kept "helping" us, the hole would have just gotten deeper.

The bottom line for me is this: Once you turn eighteen, your parents owe you NOTHING. If they want to help, and have the means, that's nice, but NO ONE OWES YOU ANYTHING. And frankly, it can become somewhat insulting and cause permanent long term problems in a family if one "screw up person" is constantly "rewarded" with free money, etc., while the hard working, dependable kids are ignored. (Yes, I've still got some issues! LOL!)

One option that one smart woman I know is using is this: she keeps track of all the money she "loans" her children, and then that amount (if not paid back) is to be deducted from their inheritance when she passes. I find that a very fair method, personally, especially as all of her adult children are healthy individuals raised with a strong work ethic. It is intended to keep the siblings from resenting each other, and I think it has a reasonable chance of working. :)

But honestly, it is *HER* money, and she can do whatever she wants with it! :)

Hope this helps! :)

[debbierlus]

30. I WOULD BE THRILLED TO HAVE IT DEDUCTED FROM MY INHERITANCE

Because I stand to inherit a HUGE sum of money....

I would much rather have a smaller amount now WHEN it could REALLY help out. The sum I need to borrow is a TINY fraction of the amount I will get one day. However, it truly would make all the difference in the world right now. I don't EXPECT my parents to give me anything. But, since they plan on it, it would be a ENORMOUS help now! I truly am talking about a reasonable sum that would be paid back within six months time.

[IdaBriggs]

31. Then maybe you can make that suggestion as a 'just in case' scenario

when you "ask" to borrow the money.

Or, you can present it as a business opportunity, with a guaranteed interest rate set at something above prime.

If you are trustworthy, have a plan to pay them back, with a "Plan B" if the world ends (it could come out of your inheritance), and you are confident it won't hurt them financially, *AND* you are willing to take "NO" for an answer with no bitterness if that is what they say, then I say go ask, with my blessings!

Explain to them that you are proud, and you want to make sure they understand you don't just want them to "give" it to you, because its important to you to be able to (fill in the blank) yourselves (you and your hubby, if I read up thread correctly).

Good luck! :)

[kineneb]

32. If Mom didn't send $, we would be eating from the food pantry.

Hubby is disabled, in dialysis, and clearly unable to ever work. I am his caretaker. His SSDI check almost covers expenses, but there is no extra for the increase in gas prices, etc. Without the extra help, we would have trouble meeting our costs.

[MelliMel]

35. I will help my children when they are adults BUT

it will not be in the form of, "here's X amount of dollars to do what you like with". Help for a downpayment on a house or some such thing, yes. Help because they cannot be financially responsible, no.

[SmokingJacket]

36. I would never ask my parents for money.

I'm too proud. I'd rather live in a box.

I would probably support my kids as long as they wanted me too... though I do hope they're like me and take pride in being self-sufficient.

[AnneD]

37. It is better to give

with a warm hand.

[Scout]

39. qualified yes

they aren't obligated to help, and if they can afford to but don't want to that's their choice.

I'm certainly grateful that my parents have helped me financially during my adult life. I'm very fortunate to have them.

[politicat]

40. No idea... I'm too busy supporting her.

My mother has spending problems. Like a shopping addiction, as well as a lot of bills left over from my late step-father's final illness.

My sisters and I all send her money on a regular basis, because otherwise she'd be out of a job or a house or something.

I've borrowed a total of $100 from my parents since I was 16. I paid for college with scholarships, loans, and work study. (I did use their tax information, but they got deductions and breaks for me for years.) I don't even keep track of how much my mother has "borrowed"... We're well into 5 figures now.

And be damned if she doesn't open up every time she needs money with "I need you to pay back the money you owe me from..."

And no, she's not retired or unable to work. She works, she makes a reasonable living, and if she'd remember to pay her bills and change her oil and do other types of routine maintenance, she'd not have so many emergencies. She's 50, not 85, and she has nothing in savings or investments.

I think there's a mutual duty to help each other, but there's also a level of responsibility and resentment at work in every family. If loans cause resentment, one should not ask for them. (Not that my mother would notice, even if I took out a billboard that said "My money is not for your use" and had it placed where she could see it every time she looked out a window.)

[leftchick]

41. do you mean like my 54 yr old sister?

mother of five, loser in life and all around asshole? No.

[tinfoilinfor2005]

42. We do it all the time. Charity begins at home.

But they appreciate it. And as they get older and flusher, they are generous with each other and other family members. I've never wanted to instill cheapness in my children because I believe it is a most unattractive trait.

[SoCalDem]

44. Give money yes...Loan money-NO

If you give the money without expectations of being repaid,you can look back and say.."I helped them when they needed it"..

if you LOAN money, they are very likely to not repay in a timely manner, and it will create a gulf. they will become secretive with what they buy, because they will think that YOU would have preferred they repay the loan..

This happened all the time when I was a kid. My mother struggled to raise 4 kids and her sister , had no children and lots of money. they were always bailing us out, and since my mother could never repay them, everything she bought was scrutinzed, and she was miserable. She had propertym but only meagre rental money from some pretty run-down places, so she was always having to fix something in them, and because of a codicile put into my grandmother's will she could not sell them..

I learned then and there to never "loan" money :)

[madokie]

45. I have to go with the majority, we're doing that already

[bumblebee1]

46. Should? Only if they have the means and are willing to.

I came up with the idea for Mother's Day:

To my oldest niece: a gift card from Lowes. She, her boyfriend and their combined four kids moved into a fixer upper house.

To my second niece: a gift card from a supermarket. I gave her a $20 gift card from the same supermarket when she had a baby girl.

[SPKrazy]

47. None Of The Above

They can help them if they want to

but they are under no obligation to help them

most will if they have the resources to do so

some do it without the resources

[BuyingThyme]

49. I don't think people should even have children unless they've got

enough cash to set 'em up.

[OPERATIONMINDCRIME]

51. The Only Answer Is That It Is Up To The Parents, For Their Own Reasons.

There is no blanket answer to this. It is up to each individual parent to choose whether they want to or not. Not anyone elses business what that decision is.

So if there is an issue in your family about it, then whomever the parents in question are would be the ones whose decisions and opinions matter. That's the answer in my opinion. If someone in your family disagrees with their parents decision, that's just the way it goes. If the parents don't want to offer support, more power to em. If they do, more power to em.

[bobbieinok]

52. in my family and in my ex's it was a given that parents support

children though college......we were stunned visiting his parents and learning their friends spent money on house and antiques and clothes and the kids went to a local community college.......and one of ex's colleagues boasted about how each of his 4 kids were on their own once they graduated from high school (this guy was a university prof with a PhD)

[JNelson6563]

53. I can't imagine not wanting to do so

for anyone I loved.

Julie

[Lydia Leftcoast]

54. Qualified yes

They shouldhn't help their children lie around doing nothing, but if the children have high medical bills or otherwise find themselves financially strapped, no problem.

I base my answer on experience within my extended family, which includes a couple whose son has lain around going from one part-time job to another for forty years.