The
FReeps Ahoy 4 cruise set sail yesterday!
A fun-filled, Sun-Filled Caribbean Cruise!
May 13 - 20, 2006
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1590378/postsBy now the official freep tour guide Bahama Mama is pointing out the mountainside home of liberal Robert Redford presumably so some of the more daring cut-ups aboard can pretend to "moon" him.
The liqueur will be flowing like a river later however, as I'm sure many will take the advise of cruisemaster Mama and use her tips on how to smuggle their own cheap whiskey aboard. (Hint: five bottles of Mountain Dew and one refilled with booze)
Then after stiffing as many cruise workers as possible (Just point to the "no tipping" sign), they'll retire to the clubby "Churchill's Lounge to exchange "FR Cards". These are business sized cards inscribed with an American Flag, screen name and e-mail addy. most also have the Free Republic web address and "The premier political forum on the web" or whatever, in script. (I bet more than a few served as a tip to puzzled staff as well)
When dinner time rolls around fun loving Freepers will dig formal clothes from their WalMart bags and dine at the less pricey general dining room to avoid the $30 "Personal Choice" restaurants. Those without their own tuxes can rent one on the ship. It will come with everything, cumberbund, cufflinks, and all. It's usually less than a hundred bucks, and they give you several shirts for different evenings. It can really add to the experience. It makes you feel so "special'! "Bring your own Rush Limbaugh tie." "Remember..You don't have to look like a prom queen on formal nights". (I got a mental image of Bahama Mama in her flowered Muu Muu)
Though I don't know why these wanna-be CEOs need to concern themselves with cost savings, they promise the "freeper fun and conversation at the economy table will be worth more than 10 gourmet bistros". (I imagine this is one more reason to wear a Canadian flag patch if I ever leave the country in the future).
After dinner it's time for the Freeper door prizes, provided by generous Freep donors.
Who's going to win that grand prize: "a $50 gift certificate for Home Depot where you can find everything for all those cruddy jobs you're forced to do yourself. Also great home decorating stuff at Home Depot. What a verrrrry desirable prize to bring back with you from the cruise, guys and gals".
(But that's not all);
"From our Alabama belle, Bizzy Bugz, we have a donation of two spectacular Swarovsky American Flag jewelry pins. Quality items, the pieces are in gold tone with red, white and blue Austrian crystals".
I guess since there's only the two prizes that won't take long ...so it's "Eagles Up" on deck for an evening stroll where many will be sporting their "FR Caps". These are adorned with an American flag and scripted with "Free Republic". White is recommended for the tropics and the beach. (Another mental image of Mama in her formal Muu Muu with a baseball cap).
On the first stop of the cruise they'll be able to visit the duty free shops at St Thomas where the more adventurous among them will be able to mingle with the locals. Care must be taken however, as last year there was a close call when according to one Freep: "We got scared, at first, on the way back. A couple of Rasta-looking guys got in beside us. But, one pulled out his Bible, and started talking to me about Jesus. I told him I already knew Him." (Whew! What might have happened if he worshiped a plant or something?)
Tomorrow morning after an intimate night of hetero-only, missionary position sex with their legal partners, "You can order breakfast in the dining room from a menu and the food is good. But Bahama Mama will be going to the Horizon Court breakfast buffet because it's more fun pickin' and choosin'." (I have a feeling there wont be much pickins' left after Bahama Mama starts chowin' on the choosins' ).
Later at the Horizon Court lunch bar there will be hoots and giggles with more "table prizes" such as last year's popular "Klinton voodoo doll (with pins)". (These Freeps really know how to par-tay). It's sure to be a mad house at the buffet because all drinks and appetizers will be "complementary" for the first hour. According to Mama: "Around the buffet area, it may be hard to find each other in this initial one-and-only mob scene we'll experience. Just look for someone with an intelligent face and a name tag hanging on a bright red cord around his/her neck......and you will have found a freeper". (I don't think I'd have a hard time finding Bahama Mama in her flowered Muu Muu, FR cap, and by now swollen ankles and band aids on her blistered toes, with plates full of "pickins and choosins").
When they're done gorging themselves it's "high tea on the high seas". Freep men need not worry about the appearances as according to Mama: "You'd be surprised at the number of men that attend the high tea. Why not? Elegant fare and service, quiet atmosphere conducive to intelligent conversation with other freepers". (USA! USA!! We're #1!)
Though it would have been a real vacation bust for innocent tourists who had the misfortune of booking the same week as "Freeps Ahoy", I think it would have supplied six months worth of humorous posts to ride along with Mama and her zealot Freeplings.
Too bad I'm allergic to nuts.
BTW, I checked...It's raining all week in the Caribbean (Damn global warming):
http://weather.msn.com/local.aspx?wealocations=wc:ACXX0002
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