Me 'n tha feller nex door . . .

[flamin lib]

Had a talk with my next door neighbor. The feller's heart is in the right place but his head is up his ass. He’s a born again Baptist (Southern variety) and jus' loves him some Dubya 'cause he's such a good Christian man.

He asks me how things are. I sez my bidnez suks (I’m in real estate) and that foreclosures is up 38% while dispos'ble income is down an' everbody's worried 'bout their job. However, I sez, I have it on good awthor'ty that the economy is strong an gettin' stronger--My Preznit said so.

So he comes back and sez we gots us 5 million new jobs. Well, I sez, that’s ‘cause Bush changed the way we measure employment and if you wuz ta' use the same rules as everbody from 1945 to 2004 we LOST 2 million jobs.

He sez that I have time to look up such stuff an he doesn’t. He’s retired ya’ know. Besides he sez, we’re being kep safe ‘cause we’re fightin’ ‘em over there so we don’t have 'ta fight 'em here.

I looks at 'im like he's got horns. Sez I, do ya' really think all them teraists Bush sez he's spyin' on here is all goin' ta move back to I-rak? He sez no, don't guess so. So I sez, then how in hell do ya' figger we're fightin' them there to keep 'em away from here bein' as they are already here? He gets this funny look on his face and sort'a wanders off back ta tha house.

So I'm tellin' my wife all this and she sez, Hon, ya' gotta' stop abaitin' that poor fool, ya' ain't gonna' change his mind. 'Sides, he's yer neighbor an' it ain't nice.

I sez, wait a minute. He's retired from the state and has docterin' is all paid fer by my tax dollars an' has the dam nerve to stan' in my yard an' tell me he don't want his money to pay fer everbody else's insurance 'cause they're too lazy to go ta work while my kid is a workin' two jobs with no benefits an' has a positive pap smear. I has ta' take a breath after that an she sez he's jus ignerent an I aught to let 'im be. Then I sez he's got the almighty gall to stan' on my propity and tell me the athists is a stealin' his rights an' wont to take his bible away! Well I'm athist ma'sef an' never onct wonted his bible an' tole him so. I tells her I'm dam tired of makin' nice an I ain't gonna' do it na'more. I ain't no bleedin' heart librul, I'm a flamin' angry mad as hell librul an' I jus' ain't gonna be quiet no more!

She sez, yes dear, an' goes back to sippin' her tea an' pettin' the cat . . .

[RagingInMiami]

1. Sounds like something Mark Twain would write

If he were alive today.

[flamin lib]

4. Thanks, aside from the political commentary it was an experiment

in dialect. It's not easy to abandon spelling and grammar and write true dialect consistently. "Correct" english keeps leaking in . . .

[ieoeja]

10. You overdid it. n/t

[flamin lib]

15. Well, if you grew up in rural S Texas you probably wouldn't

think so. I lived in a world where complete sentences were condensed into a single word.

The funny thing is that with two master's degrees and 40 years of separation from that culture I can spend a single weekend and revert.

Nowhutahmean?

[ArkySue]

19. Heh

I unnerstood zackly.
One question about speakin' Texan....how come a whole sentence is one word but the word 'damn' is 3 syllables? Dai-ya-ummm.

[flamin lib]

25. LOL!

Amazing! Can you read this?

ZEMDUKS?
MRNOTDUKS.
OSAR! ZMWANGS?
LIB. MRDUKS.

[Qutzupalotl]

30. Wow. I'll try.

See them ducks?
Them are not ducks.
Oh yes they are! See them wings?
Well, I'll be. Them are ducks.

...How'd I do?

[gauguin57]

55. i always heard it as CMEDBDWANGS?

see em itty bitty wings?

[rppper]

35. south texas?...'culda sworn it wuz nor' east texan u wuz typin'!!!!

i'll leave it alone...i love where i grew up...it hasn't changed a lot in the 20 years since i left it...thats a good thing....

[Viva_La_Revolution]

57. naw, it's good. My accent always gets thicker the madder i get.

:)

[Robb]

27. Beat me to it! nt

[xchrom]

2. lol -- you, sir, have a good wife.

[flamin lib]

5. An' don I jus' know it!

[Dr.Phool]

3. Ya gotta rattle their cages every now and then.

Just so they don't get too comfortable.

[havocmom]

6. Happy to give this one its fifth recommendation

And, if you have your journal turned on, flamin lib, your OP would be a good one to add in there. It's a keeper
:toast:

[Justice Is Comin]

7. Yes, the old job creation ploy.

Little do they know Bush changed the classification of putting pickles, lettuce and onions on hamburgers to "industrial jobs" in 2004 to prop up his job creation numbers out of desperation.

You can look it up in the required report the preznit has to sign at the begining of every year. His signature is right on there and it states that puttin' them pickles on there is an "assembly line" type of work so they reclassified you so they can say they created more industry jobs rather than them low payin' service jobs.

So all you people with them good $6-7 an hour jobs at them fast food joints, understand that you got one them industrial jobs like they're used to be at auto plants and steel mills and stuff like that there. Only you're paid about $12-15 and hour less than they were.

Course your neighbor and all his fellow hatchlings will never know that cause they got chitlins for brains.

[geardaddy]

9. Good for you...

for telling him the way you see it. I get the creeps talking to righties. If my neighbor were a righty, I think I'd just ignore him.

[newyawker99]

40. Hi geardaddy!!

Welcome to DU!! :toast:

[geardaddy]

53. Thanks!

Long time lurker. Finally thought I had something to say. :)

[Minnesota Libra]

8. This is just cool and sounds like something Huck Finn would say nt

[PublicWrath]

11. Recommended!!!! .......nt

[endarkenment]

12. Yes!

I'm inspired to rattle cages everywhere!

[MountainLaurel]

13. Holy dialectic Batboy!

You'd do Zora Neale Hurston proud with that.

[immoderate]

14. 5 million new jobs? Shucks, there's 10 million new people!

Good job, flamin. Dialect got heavier towards the end. And I bet you did quite a bit of editing. Sheeit! Hard work!

Best of all, though, is you got him to see the inconsistency of his thinking. That's the best shot at waking these people up. (I figger.)

--IMM

[SammyWinstonJack]

49. Five million new jobs, if we are too believe those #s, in five years.

Didn't the Clinton Administration create 22 million new jobs, and good paying ones at that, in 8 years? If so, ** has a lot of catching up to do in the time he has left. He'll get right on it. :eyes:

[genieroze]

16. Five million jobs, doin what, pickin fruit? Oh sure I can live on that.

[gratuitous]

17. Darn good post

What I liked best was his parroting of right-wing lines, and when you point out that it's total bullshit, his feeble response is "Well, you got time to look stuff up." Yeah pal, sorry if voting Republican is easier than thinking.

I gotta go back to sippin' my tea and pettin' my cat.

[Name removed]

18. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[arcane1]

20. I can tell you that I didn't

and my taxes are not lower either

[Richard Steele]

21. Yeah, cyclical: Repubs trash it, then WE build it back up, over and over.

And what's with the rude "stop your bitching" crack?
Are you just in the wrong thread, or the wrong website altogether?

[flamin lib]

22. Actually you don't know a damn thing.

My business is five years old. The first year I lost $15,000. The second only $7,000. Third I made $5,000 and last year I made $15,000. With luck I'll match last year with new building permits down 15% locally.

Six years ago my high paying high tech job with benefits, expenses and 401K went to China along with about 10,000 others locally.

If you'd be so kind would you please tell me where the manufacturing jobs are going to come from? Where are the engineering jobs, the IT jobs, the technology jobs and the all the support jobs for them as well?

My breath is bated . . .

[in_cog_ni_to]

23. That's right! Cyclical like the WEATHER! Global Warming is a Liberal Lie.

:eyes:

[RandomKoolzip]

32. Last year I made 24,000 dollars.

In 1999, I made 18,000.

Huh, I guess you're right! Fuck this liberalism bullshit. I'm gonna become a republican!

Sure is gonna be tough getting over the urge to take everyone's guns away and ban the bible, of course. And you'll take my Streisand albums once you can pry them from my cold, dead hands!

I never realized I was rich before...thanks, man. :thumbsup:

[in_cog_ni_to]

24. That was GREAT! I hope he wandered back ta tha house to bang his head

against a wall because he realized how stupid he had been! Good job....funny too!:thumbsup:

[AutumnMist]

26. Well The Point You Made

was received about some and their political views. But honestly? Who speaks like that? I know its satire and it was a commentary about opinion. But please most don't have "docterin" in the south, and even people who are more conservative don't speak like a Mark Twain novel. I think regardless it would make Democrats look worse trying to portray people speaking like that then an opposing opinion from the opposite side. Making a point is one thing, mocking others is another. Just my two cents

[knitter4democracy]

28. Was it mocking or just the way it was said?

I know people who speak that way, and I grew up in rural Michigan. There's nothing wrong with having the many wonderful dialects we have in this country. They're beautiful to listen to, I think, and have really interesting history.

Yeah, I was an English major . . .

[AutumnMist]

29. My point was

that not all people speak like that because they are Conservative or from the south. My relatives (grandmother and so forth) had colorful southern language, but didn't speak in broken sentences and total slang. Certainly I had some relatives that did speak similar to that and were dust bowl workers that I respected. My point was that it was a blanket statement in some ways about dialect and people from "conservative" places. Please we all speak a certain way. And acceptance of all rural or metro dialect should just be accepted. I dont like the mocking of it. It doesn't mean one is better than the other...just different.

[knitter4democracy]

33. But the speaker, a liberal, used the same dialect.

If everyone, both conservative and liberal, uses the same dialect in a story, then how is it mocking only one of them?

I'm one of those weirdos who thinks we shouldn't be working so hard to eliminate native dialects, and I disagree that dialects are instant ways to paint someone one way or another. I have heard great comics poke fun at speakers of all American dialects, as we can all sound stupid in our own way.

[AutumnMist]

36. You and I

are basically making the same point. We do not always use the same dialect, no. But I took it as mocking due to the fact that I am sure it was meant to be humorous? I am not trying to eliminate a certain dialect, just the acceptance that it doesn't get split down political lines. You got what I meant, I understand what you meant. Its the same thing....different sides of the coin. :)

[knitter4democracy]

37. I guess I didn't read it so much as humor but as dark.

You're right--we're agreeing on pretty much everything. :D

[dalaigh lllama]

34. I didn't see it as mocking

since both he and the neighbor were using the dialect. I see stuff like this -- and like Huck Finn -- as a means of preserving some of our dialectic idiosyncrasies. Dialects are fascinating and if someone can successfully present them in written form I'm all for it. Just my POV. :)

[Ksec]

31. Damn hilljacks

Sounds like sum of the hoopies rownd thees parts.

[Sparkly]

38. Love the message, and the dialect!!

This is classic!!

(I've been reading Kate Chopin lately -- different dialect, as she's all about N'Awlins, but you put me in mind of her characters anyway.)

I grew up in a mixture of New York and Boston accents -- harder to capture in writing! I appreciate a good ear for such things, and you've sure got one!

Beautifully written slice-of-life story, as well. :hi:

[No Exit]

39. "His doctorin' is all paid fer by my tax dollars"

This asshole is retired from the "communist/socialist/Marxist/welfare/goddam guvmint STATE?? Wow, he shore is consistent, ain't he?

Hey, I can top that! My ultra-Bush-supporting wingnut friend was complainin' 'cause "Medicaid didn't pay for ALL his grandchildren's medications"! I had to laugh---here am I, self-employed (do I qualify as a "small business", I wonder), never ever have qualified for a dime of any social program and it shore ain't 'cause I make very much money, and I have always had to pay for 100% of my kids' medications b/c the only way I can even afford to HAVE health insurance is to have a $9000 deductible... and this asshole (my friend... ?) is complaining because frikkin' MEDICAID doesn't pay for ALL the meds his little granddaughters need (no they're not chronically ill--these are just usual childhood meds like antibiotics and inhalers, etc.)???

What in the HELL am I MISSING????!!? We're "privatized" and we go begging and we hate Bush... he's got "socialist/commie/Marxist" programs paying for his granddaughters whom he is raising and he's this great "free-market republican" or something???

:banghead:

[Mr_Spock]

41. "I'm a flamin' angry mad as hell librul"

Oh man, that's just perfect!

I ain't jus' gonna be quiet no longer micelf - I'm with ya!

:D

Excellent post - thanks fer puttin' a smile on my face :D

[lavenderdiva]

42. Excellent post, flamin lib!!!!

Recommended! You made me laugh out loud as I read your post, and that's something I needed today--:hi:

[NastyDiaper]

45. Laughing and crying.

[lavenderdiva]

46. you're right!

but flamin lib has that type of conversation down pat. When you present them with facts, they back down, or say some kind of crap, because they know you have hit the nail on the head. Its sad...

[Touchdown]

43. Never could get through Twain.

I see why. You wrote a good story, but it's too much of a chore to read twice.:P

[kineneb]

44. like wow, dude, that is so, like, so cool!

Like, gag me with a machette! Surfs up, an' I'm like, so sure that we can feed the rats to a nice big shark.

(not a Valley Girl, but a Native Californian...sorry, but the written word does not convey the right "inflection".)

[flamin lib]

51. That's the hard part about trying to write dialect. How do you

add the necessary nuances that carry so much meaning? Once you hear the dialect a few times your mind will fill in the blanks, just as mine did while reading your response. I can imagine the almost nasal sound and the way the petulent breath is used as punctuation as the eyes roll.

[madokie]

47. That puts a smile on the ole' face :-)

Power up bro' cause you got it.

[SlipperySlope]

48. Blame Greenspan for your woes...

Greenspan made this mess with his 1% prime rate. It's gonna take a lot of bread to sop up all the $$$ gravy that is floating around.

Foreclosures, home prices falling 25%-75% - just the cost of the cleanup.

Not a good time to be a realtor or mortgage broker.

[rucky]

50. You incredibly RAWK!

we should never be ashamed of making sense.

[barbtries]

52. y'all keep on

tellin that arsehole. mebbe he'll get a CLUE
amen!

[hopeisaplace]

54. R.O.T.F.

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :spray: :patriot:

[Viva_La_Revolution]

56. Most excellent!

:headbang: