A funny thing happened on the farm this morning. . .

[stellanoir]

I live luckily on an agrarian farm in the Northeast.

A Long Horned Texas steer and his girlfriend decided it would be a good idea to seek refuge, visit and prance around and upon for a while in our backyard earlier today. They were fairly feisty. The span of the bull's horns was well over four feet in width and he found enormous pleasure in rubbing somewhat destructively against our trees. Nothin' like a "bull in a china shop" I swear. He kindly stayed out of our gardens though did trample our seed bed to some degree though I've yet to inspect or survey the degree of damage.

The darling couple had first gone to a neighboring vineyard that holds excessively fancy functions in the summertime and the bovine couple perhaps would not necessarily have been considered guests of honor for the fancy function that is to be held there later today.

So the vineyard called the cops.

The cops inadvertently corralled the couple up the road with their vehicles and the cows most wisely took refuge from the cops in our backyard. So the cops were forced to evacuate the safety and protection of their vehicles and enter our yard. There was a female cop and a male cop. The female cop was totally cool and totally non pulsed. I went outside to check it out as the male cop was crossing the lawn.

I said, "officer where's your lasso." He put his right hand on his holster and joked, "I'm gonna get me some hamburger." I said, "awwww come on you guys gotta have at least at least one cowboy on the force." He didn't respond.

Then we were observing the bovine antics from the back porch and the male cop confessed, "I am a city kid." I made some small talk with him inquiring as to where he was raised. He was clearly intimidated by the shear size and strength and somewhat wiley movements of these funny and enormous creatures. I haughtily said, "so you have absolutely no bovine authority?" He sheepishly agreed that he did not. So much for the gunslinging hamburger maker. I think I'll refer to him jokingly now as the "Hamburgerler" and really bug him.

Then by the time the cows went most raucously into the front yard some cow savvy and friendly farm hands had noticed their presence, dutifully hopped out of their pickups and were unafraid and thankfully kept them out of the road.

A lady from the vineyard and a another lady showed up and figured upon second guess to whom these creatures might belong, used our phone, and by then the creatures owners were enroute to gently retrieve them.

The male cop kept fearfully, and repeatedly retreating to his vehicle whenever the creatures were in near proximity.

I was gonna post this tale in the lounge but then when I was typing it I realized that it was such a peculiar confluence of characters that general discussion might be more apropos.

The gun toting cop who came on strong and then revealed himself as a total chicken, the female cop who had a strong and steady approach, the ladies who were hell bent on relentlessly finding the owners, and our laid back amusement as we were more accustomed to dairy cows, was all a total stitch.

The male cop said, "you can report any damage to your property." I said, " and what the heck is the cost of a lost branch?"

It was reflective of how some folks in our culture believe only that death and total annihilation is even a anything more than a solution to anything.

When it only results in even more vitriol.

Then I saw the cover of Time Mag this week that read "The End of Cowboy Diplomacy." Yeah as if. . .a policy of bullying ever helped anyone. And North Korea goes boom, boom, boom. That was an ironic synchronicity.

When * stated his "Axis of Evil" crapola in the '02 SOTU, I was so insensed I threw a shoe at my TV. I was not at the time cognizant of the fact that is in fact a Muslim tradition of insulting someone. I'm sure it made no difference to him. But I was compelled to respond. Now we've irretreivably decimated one country, and the other two have gone nuclear. Brilliant diplomacy. . .? I think not.

Thank goodness for the gentle farm hands. They know better than most.

Too bizarro really.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

1. Pretty funny

I was seeing a different analogy, seeing as it was a Texas Longhorn bull and cow....

[tsuki]

2. You make me wish I'd been there. nt

[napi21]

3. That's quite an amusing story! Somehow I can mentaly picture

Shrub's reaction, faced with a similar situation on his "ranch"! HAH!

[AlamoDemoc]

4. good read, and well-put humor

[malaise]

5. A delightful story

with several lessons for wimps without weapons versus basic cultural skills.

[hootinholler]

6. Ok, was it a bull or a steer?

With a 4 foot spread my guess is a bull, I think longhorn steers horns stop growing after castration, and steers are less interested in cows.

The cop's reactions are typical in my experience working accidents when animals were involved, especially after they've been dumped out of a trailer and are confused and angry.

-Hoot

[stellanoir]

15. My guess is a bull as he was really frisky

though I'm fairly unfamiliar with the specificities of bovine termilology. Didn't get that up close and personal either. He was truly a wild one.

[Richard Steele]

7. That genius cop might just owe you his life, you know.

He thought he was gonna kill a full-grown Longhorn with his PISTOL?
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Unless he was LUCKY enough to hit its brain with the first round,
that sidearm wouldn't have done much except PISS IT OFF.

Good thing for him that cooler heads prevailed.

[stellanoir]

23. Truly

that dude was clearly over amped until he saw the force and enormity of these funny though delightful creatures.

[Viva_La_Revolution]

8. Cops and cows just don't mix...

I had a similar situation.

We lived on the edge of city where many people had property big enough for a milk cow, and one got loose, wandered up the road to our house. She was just hanging out, munching on the sweet grass in the overgrown lawn when the cops showed up. They had no idea what to do with her. They stood there discussing the situation for some time, from behind their cars, scratching their heads.
A neighbor kid ran up, and said he knew who she belonged to, but they weren't willing to get any closer to her.

After I finally got myself to stop cracking up at the looks on their faces, pulled a switch off a nearby tree, and headed towards her.
"Miss, what are you going to do with that stick?"
"I'm going to herd her home... it's only a cow, and I'm pretty sure she's not armed."

A few taps on the haunches and Bessie got moving. We escorted her down the road, behind me 6-7 neighborhood kids who thought it was the funniest thing they ever saw, and 2 cop cars following slowly behind us.

[stellanoir]

16. Another great tale but sheesh I should have edited the OP

bit more before I ran errands.

Good for you. Simple solutions are often the best.

[top_rah_man]

9. And North Korea goes boom....?

I hope you're always in a positon to joke about it....

[stellanoir]

13. Believe me I could more easily cry about it

but I still hope for the best.

[newyawker99]

19. Hi top_rah_man!!

Welcome to DU!! :toast:

[havocmom]

10. "Thank goodness for the gentle farm hands..."

We don't see enough people who can manage to even envision a win/win solution to a problem in America.

Yes, thank goodness for the farm hands. Practical people seeing something that has to be done NOW, and doing it in the manner least likely to cause further problems/damage.

What a concept.

[DELUSIONAL]

11. Good Sunday Read -- thanks for sharing.

I live in a rural area -- and yep the city cops are out of their depth.

Plus cops (the city kids now country cops) here cannot direct traffic -- they are the world's worst at directing traffic. I've been in third world countries where nearly every male can untangle a traffic jam in a couple of minutes -- of course the population density is low and the roads are mostly rural back roads -- but still they do a great job.

Put the city bred and born guy in a uniform and then park him in a rural environment and he doesn't have a clue. He can talk tough -- touching his gun for comfort.

Yep -- it does relate to the all hat and now cows cover on Time Magazine.

Slow down -- assess the situation and find out who owns the cattle.

Which reminds me of the stupid fireworks -- shot off in fast forward speed. No one has the time to even watch a firework display anymore.

[BensMom]

12. Cowboy or Farmer - Good Company

People that live on and work the land have a different perspective of things. Usually they are right-on.

I'd rather listen to their "life wisdom" than anything gathered from schooling.

[Vidar]

14. If the "lost branch" was a long branch" we could consult Miss Kitty.

Oops, she's no longer with us.

[sendero]

17. The fellow I bought...

.. my land in the country from had a bull get out. He couldn't get him to go back inside the fence and in desparation he clocked the bull right on the head with a 2x4.

The bull did not take kindly to this, and trampled him. Put him in intensive care for over a week.

But just when they were about to release him from the hospital a few days later, a routine test found a malignancy in his colon. They operated the next day.

That bull might well have saved his life.

[stellanoir]

18. I went to a fundraiser for dolphin research once.

One of the speakers told a tale of this pushy NY couple who went to swim with the dolphins. One of the normally docile dolphins hauled off and rudely rammed the lady in the abdomen with his snout.

Well this overbearing couple were threatening to sue the trainers, the dolphins, and the ocean for that matter, so she went for medical tests.

Turned out that she had a still operable malignant tumor in her abdomen (I forget on which organ) and survived. The normally docile dolphin saved her life.

Needless to say they didn't sue anyone.

People are generally clueless about the wisdom of many creatures.

[autorank]

20. Correction.

"I was so incensed I threw a shoe at my TV." Come on, tell the truth. It wasn't your shoe, it was your:



You can call that male officer the "Hamburgler," but can't he refer to you as, "that babe who is full of bull?"

This is a wonderful story, very well told. I like the attitude of everybody. At least the male officer confessed is ignorance of bulls and what to do. You're no expert but you knew, just watch. After all, how often to get a chance to watch Ferdinand and Elsie cavort without leaving your property?

[stellanoir]

22. And what pray tell do you know of my footwear darling?

I'm an aspiring Imelda. I assure you.

"Full of bull. . .?" An accusation I'll fully rally to refute. Huuurrrrummphhh.

Now Ferdinand. . .he's more my type. We have a total thing going on. :)

Too funny really.

[sandnsea]

21. You can't bully a longhorn anyway

We used to have a few get loose from their home and wander on to our property. They're a different kind of cattle, they don't bully and aren't easily herded. I really don't know how their owners got them to move, but I think it's more an exercise in patience than anything, and moving them along slow but sure. Your hamburgler cop was right to stay out of the way and wait for wiser heads to prevail. I don't know why he thought he could just shoot them anyway, he'd have been facing animal cruelty charges and a liability lawsuit too. Glad it all turned out well, fun morning for a northeasterner!!

[truedelphi]

24. Great story and well told

I just moved to a rural area and it is so great to watch cows and horses interact, see wild animals, and feel the mystique of wide open spaces.

Soon maybe I'll have a tale or two of myown to add

[Richard Steele]

25. "What if the bull will not move?"

The question was posed, "What if the bull will not move?"

Nobunaga answered: "Kill the bull!"

Hideyoshi answered: "Make the bull WANT to move."

Ieyasu answered: "Wait."

I knew your story reminded me of a Koan; took awhile to remember which one!

[mom cat]

27. I always kept some "range cubes" (something like a cow sized

doggie treat) around for the occasional bovine that had to be coaxed off the front porch. It worked every time.
A gentle touch is always better, especially with something bigger than onesself.

[Vinca]

26. Several years ago we lived in the woods of southern Vermont,

in the middle of about 50 acres. We had great vegetable gardens and were always careful to have them close to the house to deter the deer. The tactic might have deterred Bambi, but not the herd of holsteins from a farm down the road. When the corn ripened, they apparently caught a whiff, broke down the barbed wire fence around their field and trekked up a long hill and a half mile down a driveway to our house. We awoke one morning to the sounds of snorting and clomping. The cows took out most of the garden before the farmer arrived to round them up. He produced a pail of grain, gave one of them a taste, and the whole herd followed him back out the driveway and down the hill to the farm. We let the deer have the rest of the garden. It's the price you pay to rusticate.

[femrap]

28. thank you for the great story.....nt

[banana republican]

29. Reminds me of the Code of The West.

“In the old west, an unwritten code governed the daily affairs of life. Cowboys were expected to be honest and friendly; they were required to be courageous.”

We have a written code and unfortunately, as our report indicates, we do not always get it right. Cowboys lived a rough life but things were not complicated. “Teddy Blue” Abbott may have said it best:

“You know a cowboy by the way he stands and walks and talks.”

It should not be difficult for us to understand that certain things are not complicated
or hard to understand, concepts like courtesy, respect and candor. Nor should it be difficult or hard to understand arrogance, rudeness or insensitivity. Another wise cowboy once said:

“The Code of the Range was a way of doing business, meeting others and conducting oneself.”

We have our rules, but do we really understand who we are as lawyers and live our lives as if we were on the range? Ramon F. Adams was quoted as follows:

“The Code of the West was a gentleman’s agreement to certain rules of conduct. It was never written into the statutes, but it was respected everywhere on the range.”

The Code of the West was not about loopholes and grey areas. It was not about seeing how far the rules could be bent or how long we could live on the edge, just barely escaping in the nick of time. We as lawyers have taken an oath that sets us apart from all others in the conducting of our lives. We are not perfect and we are not always going to be so. This message is not about perfection. It is about recognizing our imperfections and our attempting to stand, walk and talk as a professional. In closing, let me share with you a quote from a real cowboy, John Wayne:

“Tomorrow comes to us at midnight. It’s perfect when it arrives, and it puts itself in our hands and hopes we learnt something from yesterday.”

As we think about tomorrow, let us hope we learnt from yesterday.

http://www.okbar.org/members/gencounsel/articles/110604.htm

[stellanoir]

30. Thanks for posting all the great quotations.

I love them all but I was especially struck by your commentary. . .

"It should not be difficult for us to understand that certain things are not complicated or hard to understand, concepts like courtesy, respect and candor. Nor should it be difficult or hard to understand arrogance, rudeness or insensitivity."

I as well always marvel over how hard it seems for some people to just be pleasant. Yikes.

[Squeech]

31. Good story

That cop with the hamburger exemplifies the phrase "All hat, no cattle." (Almost as well as the smirking chimp in the White House.)

[Chemical Bill]

32. Symbolic on many levels.

The man is a chickenhawk, and the women are calm problem solvers. Should we call them the neocon and the liberals respectively?

The best part is, just like in DC, the bull is way too strong to hide, let alone corral.

Bill