"Rapture ready" folks 'HAPPY & EXCITED' over Middle East war

[Bluebear]

Yes the news is ugly, but their is good news on the horrizon, we are going home into the arms of our Savior.
We will look back on these times and remember our want for the Lord, and we will look into his face, and we will no longer want or need ever again!
Pray that we are all accounted worthy to escape what is coming shortly!
Joshua David

====

Is it time to get excited? I can't help the way I feel. For the first time in my Christian walk, I have no doubts that the day of the Lords appearing is upon us. I have never felt this way before, I have a joy that bubbles up every-time I think of him, for I know this is truly the time I have waited for so long. Am I alone in feeling guilty about the human suffering like my joy at his appearing some how fuels the evil I see everywhere. If it were not for the souls that hang in the balance and the horror that stalks man daily on this earth, my joy would be complete. For those of us who await his arrival know, somehow we just know it won't be long now, the Bridegroom cometh rather man is ready are not.

====
I too am soooo excited!! I get goose bumps, literally, when I watch what's going on in the M.E.!! And Watcherboy, you were so right when saying it was quite a day yesterday, in the world news, and I add in local news here in the Boston area!! Tunnel ceiling collapsed on a car and killed a woman of faith, and we had the most terrifying storms I have ever seen here!! But, yes, Ohappyday, like in your screen name , it is most indeed a time to be happy and excited, right there with ya!!
====

it has been quite a day today, if you caught all the news; I'm getting the feeling world tension is gonna be high for a long time with increased terrorism and nations being defiant. I don't think it will cool down until after the rapture when the peace deal is confirmed.

====

If He tarries, I will just have time to get my hair and nails done (you know let all I come into contact with know of my Bridegroom and what He has/will do). So i am all spiffied up for Him when He does arrive to take me home. No disappointment, just a few last minute details to take care of to be more pleasing to look at. Sound the shofar! Let the Enemy know the alert has been sounded and Yeshua is stepping onto the battlefield.

====

Days like today it's all I want. Other days because of others I want one more. But what a privilege to be apart of the rapture. I can hardly wait!!

Lets all cheer for Jesus.

====

http://www.rr-bb.com/showthread.php?t=264610

[SharonRB]

1. OMFG!

Maybe we do need some controls over the Internets. What a bunch of crap.

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

11. Seriously I plan on getting a haircut and pedicure this week but...

it's not to prepare for the rapture. In fact, if it was the end of the world, my hair & nails would be the least of my concerns.

I find it really disturbing that people actually find suffering to be a good thing and to claim it in the name of Jesus. Then again, the other day we had someone claiming that criminalizing rape is a conservative idea. I hope none of these people are breeding.

[TallahasseeGrannie]

43. If the rapture happens

and I am being considered..I hope my toenails won't make a difference. On the other hand, if I'm naked, I'll be so freaked out about that I won't be worried about my toenails.

Wonder if I need to get some new underwear or anything?

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

48. Hmm...I usually wear cute underwear or go commando

So I'm not too concerned.

[Gabi Hayes]

144. chicks dig me. I rarely wear underwear,

but when I do, it's always something unsual.....

[paparush]

190. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!

I LOVE Stripes..my friends (I'm almost 40) and I quote it to each other all the time....

[zanne]

204. So long as they're clean. nt

[Whoa_Nelly]

51. Damn! Just searched Google, and there's no fucking Rapture undergarments!

But I did find this....

[NMMNG]

259. Self-delete/dupe

:shrug:

[NMMNG]

260. Maybe you can borrow some "holy underwear" from a Mormon.

:shrug:

[roguevalley]

169. we may get armaggeddon, but we won't get the rapture. i can't wait

to look at the expressions on their faces when they are standing hip deep in radiation with the rest of us. Oh, wait. I can.

[Mr_Spock]

2. Delusional, psychotic cretins

Devil worshippers IMHO.

[originalpckelly]

The two best smilies from that site:

I think I want the Rapture too. Then we won't have to deal with all these fucking nut cases.

[Mabus]

115. If there is such a thing

Do you think God would zap them up first? With all their bitching, whining, hatred and lies why would any God want them around? Hell, if I were God I'd want people who could appreciate the better values in life. I'd rather rapture someone I could talk to rather than one of those goose-stepping, fear-mongering, hate-filled cretins.

btw, love those smilies.

on edit: on the other hand, after they leave, I'm throwing a party.

[WCGreen]

156. There is no "Rapture" in the bible...

The revelation dreams were meant to chastize Rome and to get those Christians thinking they could live within the Roman Empire, be a part of it without suffering the consequence of their worship of Rome, that they would be rejected by the community and the Savior when he returns....

[5thJames]

168. Wrong

There most certainly is a "rapture" in the Bible, although the word rapture (at least in the popular English translations) isn't there. But the event certainly is. In short, it's the "taking up" of the believers. According to Oxford, rapture means, " The action or an act of transporting a person from one place to another"

From 1 Thessalonians chapter 4 (King James version):
"13 But I would not have you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope.
14 For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so them also which sleep in Jesus will God bring with him.
15 For this we say unto you by the word of the Lord, that we which are alive and remain unto the coming of the Lord shall not prevent them which are asleep.
16 For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first:
17 Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord.
18 Wherefore comfort one another with these words.

chapter 5:
"1 But of the times and the seasons, brethren, ye have no need that I write unto you.
2 For yourselves know perfectly that the day of the Lord so cometh as a thief in the night.
3 For when they shall say, Peace and safety; then sudden destruction cometh upon them, as travail upon a woman with child; and they shall not escape.
4 But ye, brethren, are not in darkness, that that day should overtake you as a thief.
5 Ye are all the children of light, and the children of the day: we are not of the night, nor of darkness.
6 Therefore let us not sleep, as do others; but let us watch and be sober.
7 For they that sleep sleep in the night; and they that be drunken are drunken in the night.
8 But let us, who are of the day, be sober, putting on the breastplate of faith and love; and for an helmet, the hope of salvation.
9 For God hath not appointed us to wrath, but to obtain salvation by our Lord Jesus Christ,
10 Who died for us, that, whether we wake or sleep, we should live together with him."

As for the timing of the rapture, I believe these particular Christians are wrong. According to my understanding as a student of the Bible, the rapture will NOT occur until after the one commonly called the anti-Christ has been revealed publicly in the (currently non-existent) Jewish temple in Jerusalem. More specifically, the return of Christ, which is when this rapture will occur, isn't for about 3.5 years after the revealing of anti-Christ. Reading Matthew chapters 24 and 25 says this pretty clearly. (The term in the Bible referring to this particular man is not anti-Christ, though that word does appear. The word I've seen is "the man of sin", or "the prince of the people that will come", meaning the prince of the Romans. But that's a whole long discussion of its own.)

As for people here who seem to think that those Christians who posted on that site are happy about death and destruction occuring, you're wrong there too. Read the first sentence of the first post:
"Yes the news is ugly, but their is good news on the horrizon, we are going home into the arms of our Savior." What did he say? "Yes, the news is ugly", meaning that he sees it as ugly, therefore not a happy event. He also said, "but thier (sic) is good news on the horizon", meaning that the opposite of an ugly event is looked forward to.

Don't be too quick or too happy to condemn those whom you disagree with, especially when you don't understand what it is you're disagreeing with.

[Name removed]

171. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[5thJames]

172. *sniff*

Well, I do need to take a shower...

[WCGreen]

178. All that tells me as that Christians will rise into heaven...

Which is totally consistent with a lot of the mystery religions then competing for the spiritual mind...

The Rapture which most of the fundamentalist embrace, is the dream sequence spelled out in the Revelation of John....

Given the time of the authorship, somewhere ca 90 CE, you can easily see all the references to the number seven allude to the seven hills of Rome...

Also, there was a growing rift at that time between the Jesus movement as manifested in the Jewish community and the Jesus movement as embraced by the genitles...

It was a message to those abandoning the Jewish roots of the Jesus Movement that they faced a severe reckoning with god when they died...

[5thJames]

228. some believe this

The Rapture which most of the fundamentalist embrace, is the dream sequence spelled out in the Revelation of John....

Some believe this of Revelation (called "the Apocalypse" by Roman Catholics), but I do not. The rapture, as it is often understood among contemporary American mainstream Christians, isn't described in this book. ie-As popularized in the "Left Behind" books, which I do not like. Chronological and theological problems aside, their rapture is found in 1 Thessalonians, Matthew 24-25, and Mark 13 (which is basically another account of the what we see in Matthew 24-25). The most vivid picture of this event, and of the last days in general, is given by Christ himself in these two chapters, and these should form the basis for any Christian's eschatological understanding.

The Reveleation of John is not a dream sequence, but more properly it's a vision. It should always be read and understood along side the book of Daniel, which is in the Old Testament.

[Bridget Burke]

202. The current "Rapture" movement began in the 19th Century.

Lots of information here:

Various theories have been promoted by Christians that have linked the millennium, tribulation, Armageddon, second coming and tribulation together according to different schedules and sequences. During the second and third century CE, some Christians believed that the Millennium referred to in Revelation would follow Christ's return. This is called "Premillenialism." It was declared a heresy and suppressed by the church in the 4th Century.

This ancient belief was reintroduced in a modified form circa 1830. Most people believe that it was resurrected by John N. Darby, a minister of the Church of Ireland, a denomination in the Anglican communion; he founded the Plymouth Brethren. However, author Dave MacPherson claims that British pastor Edward Irving was the actual person responsible, and that a conspiracy was organized to give Darby the credit.

www.religioustolerance.org/rapture.htm

Serious Fundamentalists (the type who want to live by their beliefs but do NOT want to force others to live that way) reject The Rapture(tm) because it ain't in the Bible. The "Left Behind" books--co-authored by Tim LaHaye, a power in the Religious Right, have popularized the idea.

CRITICAL FACULTIES (Boston Globe)
The rapture debunked
By Christopher Shea | December 5, 2004

...is the Left Behind debate yet another example of the all-too-familiar standoff between secular types and traditional believers? Actually, for the last year, one of the people doing the most to debunk the worldview of LaHaye and others who believe in the Rapture (when Christians will be pulled up into heaven) and Tribulation (the seven years of supposed horrors that follow, during which the "Left Behind" series is set) has been a woman who labels herself a conservative theologian: Barbara R. Rossing, an associate professor of New Testament studies at the Lutheran School of Theology in Chicago.

"Today's Christian fixation on Armageddon and war is a sickness even while it may be thrilling and entertaining," Rossing said by phone, a few days after she preached on the theme of the Second Coming for the first Sunday in Advent.

Rossing, who has a doctorate from the Harvard Divinity School, says she wrote her latest book, "The Rapture Exposed: The Message of Hope in the Book of Revelation," which came out earlier this year, because "more and more I was talking to Lutherans and evangelicals and even Catholics who had read the novels and gotten the impression this was what the Bible teaches." In news stories on the Left Behind juggernaut, she has been quoted condemning the ethical implications of the "beam-me-up" aspect of Rapture theory, which she says "invites a selfish nonconcern for the world." But the heart of the book is Rossing's effort to go toe-to-toe with the Rapture theorists in Scriptural readings.

www.boston.com/news/globe/ideas/articles/2004/12/05/the_rapture_debunked/

[tanyev]

213. Best book I have ever read about the fallacies of the Rapture:

The Rapture Exposed: The Message of Hope in The Book of Revelation (Paperback)
by Barbara Rossing

From Booklist
Arguing against the dispensational theology of Tim LaHaye and Jerry Jenkins' Left Behind novels, Rossing advances an alternative view of the Revelation of St. John, a text that has fascinated biblical scholars and lay readers--beginning, no doubt, with those to whom it was first addressed--for almost 2,000 years. Although a professional New Testament scholar, Rossing writes for a popular readership, including Left Behind fans. She places the Revelation in a tradition of apocalypse and prophecy that has less to do with violence or prediction than with vision. In so doing she argues powerfully against the fascination with violence characteristic of much dispensational thinking. For Rossing, the Revelation is "a rapture in reverse"--God raptured, so to speak, into the world as Immanuel, God-with-us. That, she says, is a vision of a new Jerusalem, a beloved community--a vision of peace and justice that has inspired a host of good stories and still inspires persistent hope in the face of oppression and violence.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0813343143/sr=8-1/qid=1152803076/ref=pd_bbs_1/104-3480722-4539121?ie=UTF8

[5thJames]

227. Thanks for the heads-up

I'm going to look into this. Sounds like a book written along my own lines of understanding.

[LiberalPartisan]

255. Where they err is in the belief in the Pre-tribulation

Rapture. Nothing in the Bible supports this new reading. A Post-Tribulation Rapture is the only Rapture the Bible says will occur.

What these folks are buying and what they are being sold is the notion that their Faith will ensure they do not suffer and only non-believers will suffer. ALL will suffer and then the Rapture is to occur. If they were Catholic they'd know this.

[5thJames]

257. I agree 100%

What you said is right on! I just pray that more Christian believers will wake up to this fact.

[paparush]

192. I thought your post said "Two Best S I M I L I E S..."

I was looking for the use of 'like' or 'as'..
DOH!!

[sakabatou]

3. These people are sick

[bdamomma]

67. too much religion can make a person stupid

isn't that the truth!

[ChairmanAgnostic]

193. that is the only way to view them.

they are sick.

[calico1]

4. Well, I must admit.....

getting my nails done is not something I have ever associated with the end of the world. :eyes:

[Bluebear]

7. You just NEVER KNOW when you will meet your "Bridegroom"

And they make fun of Muslims for the 72 virgins thing?

[enki23]

95. jesus will *so* want to fuck her

.

[tavalon]

230. And that says good things about your mental health

and not so much about that narcissistic woman who said that.

[CatholicEdHead]

5. Disgusting, superficial

What a hollow form of Christianity.

"Time to get hair and nails done", what a joke.

[northernsoul]

18. This isn't Christianity, this is a Death Cult

I'm not a Christian, but this level of joy at the thought of massive death and suffering runs contrary to everything I understand that the religion is supposed to be about.

[Ioo]

21. You are dead on, they want total distruction of the world - Death cult!

[nebenaube]

122. FUCKIN' DECEIVED PROSTITUTES n/t

[libhill]

22. Actually

that is what it has always been about. Reference www.jesusneverexisted.com, it's a real eye opener.

[CatholicEdHead]

29. I agree with this correction

They are "Christian" in name only. Wishing for the death of others for your own gain is beyond belief. :puke:

[Lisa]

83. kind of the ultimate "I told you so", isn't it!

So much for turning the other cheek.

[shadowknows69]

99. It pretty much runs contrary to the teachings of most religions

True most religions have their version of "the end times" but I don't think most expect you to cheer them on. Call me crazy but I always thought prophecy was better used to prevent oncoming disaster not just to be used as a checklist for some twisted apocalyptic bingo game. First one to see the messiah wins $50.

[gatorboy]

108. There's a difference between "Religious" and "Holiness"

These people are definitely religous...But very little holiness going on.

[lumpy]

176. Similiar to those Hale Bop (comet)

people who committed suicide to ride on the tail of the comet going into outer space thingy.

[drfresh]

235. Or Maybe

There's a chance they just want to see scripture/prophecy fulfilled, in the belief that it might bring better things. Maybe they are looking hopefully at this violence, that it might signal the return of Christ and the salvation of the world. Then again, maybe some of these folks are self-centered assholes. Those who call themselves Christians are in a big mixed bag.

Oh crap, I didn't just insert myself into a religious thread, did I?

[htuttle]

20. You know what they say: "The higher the hair..."

"...the closer to Gawd."

[Whoa_Nelly]

59. Kind of like this?

You should see some of the women that go to this church...if their hair falls out, they stuff it back into their beehive-like weird-dos to make it higher...

Main photo page: http://rivdal.org/staff.html


Pastors Charles and Wilma Spencer


The sick fuckwad pastor in photo below (man in the center) told the congregation that my granddaughter would be pregnant before she was 15 because my son told him to fuck off (my son WAS caught up in this fundie shit, and left it about 4 years ago...I know many mega-horror stories and illegal things these people do..all for money.)

Revenge is mine, sayeth Whoa_Nelly :evilgrin: BWAHAHAHAHAHA


Associate Pastors Rev. Doug and Sis. Teri Spencer

[Monk06]

92. That picture is living proof that pigs can successfully mate with humans.

[Whoa_Nelly]

96. ROFLMAO

:rofl:

[ChairmanAgnostic]

194. wasn't that on a recent Doctor Who show?

oh man. what a photo.

[Monk06]

105. Memo: To Pastor Charles Spencer. Jesus looked at your family portrait...

and passed your application for Rapture on to me.
After a detailed review of your file I regret to
inform you that I must recommend that you,

FUCK OFF AND DIE.

You may appeal this decision within 30 days or 5 days
before Rapture which ever comes first by filling out
Form RaptDoc 1108, which you may download from our
website. Please be adviseed Active X controls MUST
be activated.

Yours For All Eternity

God

CC: Allah
BCC: Mohammed

[silverojo]

162. That's the funniest goddamn post ever!

I bow to your greatness!

[A HERETIC I AM]

243. The "C.C.'s" should read......

Yours for ALL ETERNITY
God


CC: Me,
The other me, The Ethereal me, Me, mini me, Myself, Us

[northernsoul]

216. These people don't look healthy

Their skin tone and their creepy, creepy smiles tells me that something ain't right.

[leftchick]

34. It isn't Christianity

it is another Jim Jones like cult. I just wish our pretzeldent was not a part of it and feeling the need for Armageddon.

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

6. Wow...what sick fucks...

I don't understand how a Christian can be so happy about death and suffering. Christ didn't want death and suffering. Armageddon is supposed to be something we can prevent. We're not supposed to encourage bringing it on.

[calico1]

10. This was the same reaction that I read on

another board I post to sometimes. This was just before the war started. The nutjobs were all giddy over the prospect of war they could hardly contain themselves.

[libhill]

30. Why don't they

all go enlist to fight in their nifty little war? After all, not to worry, Jaysus will be back soon to save them, and pull them up to Candy Land in the Sky.

[calico1]

37. A lot of people asked them just that.

Some of them claimed that practically all their male relatives were on the front line and they were proud of them and proud of them if they died for their country (yeah right). Most of them just said its a volunteer military and if you are a volunteer and get called then tough. They didn't see how it was their problem. They believed in bush's cause, just not participating in it themselves.

[libhill]

41. Makes a good argument

for a universal draft. Then we'll see how fast they pull out and end this thing. Wouldn't want Buffy and Duffy and J.B. Jr. to have to go fight that ol' nasty war with - horror - working class people?

[kineneb]

53. my motto: sign up or shut up!

should apply to these toadstools...

[kineneb]

32. news flash for fundies:

Armageddon has already happened- Rome occupied Israel and overthrew the Temple. Sorry folks, you didn't read the text correctly and got the timing off. And don't give me any BS about biblical inerrancy; if you guys are using the KJV, it is based on inaccurate translations.

[CatholicEdHead]

35. Technically to them, the KJV is not translated

many think that the Bible has always been in English exactly the way the KJV is now.

[kineneb]

52. that would be news to the authors

who wrote the NT texts in Greek...and the OT folks who wrote in Hebrew...shows how much the fundies don't know about Church history...English as a real language only dates from the 12th-13th centuries, and is first really used in literature in the 14th century...

:evilgrin:

this happy little Buddhist knows much more than them...what a hoot!

[kineneb]

57. forgot to add...

that the KJV is in Elizabethan (16th century)English, which is somewhat different than modern "American" English. Unless they understand 16th C. English well, they are likely to get the meaning of the texts wrong. Word usage was different, including the use of the informal vs. formal which still existed in English at the time.

[martymar64]

217. Not to mention, King James I was bisexual or gay!

He had Charles I, but he was known to be REALLY close to some of his favorites in Court.

[ChairmanAgnostic]

195. not to mention it is completely "inerrant"

if you want a laugh, check this out:

http://www.bible-researcher.com/chicago1.html

[kineneb]

223. what a crock

of pucky...I guess they don't do much thinking...just the inconsistancies in the Synoptic Gospels ought to indicate something to them, but noooo.

[LiberalPartisan]

253. Then they believe in a version rife with errors

And one which is very anti-Catholic - which I'm sure is A-OK since we all know 'Catholics are not Christians and they worship statues' - honestly, the density of some people is beyond belief.

[Monk06]

89. You're telling me I missed the Rapture train by 2000 years? You're cold.

[libhill]

90. Horror! Run fer the hills!

That done means we 'uns done got "left behind!"

[Raydawg1234]

120. Guys, most of us know that Christianity is bulshit, so why do we pay any

attention?

[libhill]

129. Because these people are sick and dangerous...

and to ignore them would be about as advisable as turning your back on a rabid pit bull...

[kineneb]

224. vast difference

between the teachings of the historical Jesus and the non-Jewish followers of Paul.(The religion really ought to be called Paulinism, since he rather invented it. Jesus' brother James continued the real teachings, within the Jewish tradidions.)

Jesus and Siddahartha would have had a good time together. They were both Buddhas.

[libhill]

8. Insanity!

These people are mentally fucking ill.

[C_U_L8R]

9. They should report to the rapture right away

Jesus is calling !!!
The trumpets have sounded !!
The horsemen are thundering forth !!!
All good fundies ...make your way to heaven without delay !!!
GO !!!
NOW !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Lost-in-FL]

12. AWWWWWWWWWW!!

I'm excited but also sad....so many are still lost... -Tanja

How cute...:sarcasm:

[joneschick]

13. omfg!

this is beyond my capacity!


"One good thing, if He takes us during the middle of the night, I doubt there will be morning breath in Heaven. "

Kendra
wtf?

[QuettaKid]

183. please. . . . .please. . . .PLEASE

tell me you are making that one up?
:wtf: :wtf: :wtf: :wtf: :wtf:

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

14. Get real, fundies

the Bible says that the End Times will come when people LEAST expect it.

[CatholicEdHead]

33. Actually, traditional interpetation of the "End Times"/"Least Expect It"

refers to our own impending death, in that we do not know the time or the day. Not some mass group of people suddenly going *poof*.

[leesa]

130. Get serious...they don't actually READ the parts that don't work for them.

[jeff30997]

15. These peoples make perfect sense...

If you suffer from schizophrenia.

[SmokingJacket]

16. That cannot be for real.

Oy vey.

[Totally Committed]

17. I don't know about any of you, but...

I'm ready for the whole damned bunch of these whack-jobs to get raptured right out of this universe! The world would be a better place without them. What an unbelieveable article.

TC

[libhill]

38. Well -

that might actually make a believer out of me... :)

[Ioo]

19. If I were them, I would watch what I ask for, Jesus would be shamed...

they are so full of hate, I am sure that Jesus would not come for these people.

[LiberalPartisan]

23. Absolutely nauseating.

'Christianity' in America today - It's not a religion - it's a cult!

[Red Right and BLUE]

159. Your signature

makes me laugh uncontrollably every time I see it.

[bowens43]

24. sick, sick, sick , ignorant people.

[Lost-in-FL]

25. Ironic they talk the same way as a suicide bomber

[libhill]

55. Suicide bombers

do less damage at least.. they only take out victims in their immediate vicinity. These insane ass hats want to take out the whole damned world, and everyone in it. Devil take all religions.

[Lost-in-FL]

69. Very selfish indeed

This people want the whole world to be destroyed so they can go to heaven.

[libhill]

84. Exactly...

and all the rest of us, who don't look like them or believe the way they do, are supposed to be destroyed or "left behind" to suffer all kinds of disasters. If that is what their "God" really has planned for his alleged creations, then I'll be damned if I'll worship that monster. I'd as soon take my chances with the devil.

[Marie26]

26. Those rapture-ready

people might be suprised where they end up.

[jbnow]

66. There will be two major groups very surprised

by what they are met by when they pass from here (by whatever method). One is right wing fundamentalists of whatever faith.
(The rw Christians should have some clues really if they did something wild like reading the quotes of Jesus.) They are just going to be shocked about what is truly of value, by who is welcomed.
(I'm not saying they go to hell but I realize this really isn't a discussion of life after death)

The other surprised group will be the atheists or those who think there is nothing after death...but for them it will be a happy surprise.

This isn't a theology thread either and as far as that goes I have no religion. But a verse that rings true is But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
Now none of us have perfect fruit but you can feel the spirit when you are near someone who radiates these things. They are at least as likely to be agnostic, atheist, no religious affiliation, pagan as a member of any church, let alone a right wing believer.

Another thing...they made up the rapture. Odd.

And if they look forward to the Apocalypse...well it is the end of the world as they know it, it just isn't the end of the world in the way they mean it.

It's real meaning, from the the root words, is in essence "revelation of truth" or to lay open what has been veiled or covered up, uncover, to disclose, make bare.
I don't think they would like that. It is "liberals" who actually long for it in it's true meaning. So I say Apocalypse Now! We hunger for truth.

[The_Casual_Observer]

27. If they really mean it they would go the Jim Jones way.

Or like those Hale Bopp weirdos. Given some more time & encouragement maybe they will.

[CatholicEdHead]

28. They must be monitoring the DU referring URLs

as new registrations are temporally suspended.

[AlwaysQuestion]

31. Bluebear, why do you bring the funny farm to us????

OhmygaWD, are these folks for real? I mean are they really from this world and do they actually hold down real jobs? All I can say is that they all need to be securely housed. They scare me. Bluebear, please take them away.

[damntexdem]

36. So when do they disappear from their cars, ...

houses, and cushy jobs? Just a bit impatient for them to depart, that's all. ;-)

[TallahasseeGrannie]

39. There is some

serious psychological shit going on here.

Wow.

[LittleClarkie]

40. Excuse me while I, as a Christian, do something.

:banghead:

[ContraBass Black]

71. I'm ashamed and sickened. n/t

[tinfoilinfor2005]

42. They have been reading the books by those ding bats.

Who, I'm certain, have no intention of zipping up to heaven without their millions that they milked from these freshly manicured ladies in waiting.

[Whoa_Nelly]

44. Went over to that site and read other threads, too

Sick and selfish fucks!

If He tarries, I will just have time to get my hair and nails done (you know let all I come into contact with know of my Bridegroom and what He has/will do). So i am all spiffied up for Him when He does arrive to take me home. No disappointment, just a few last minute details to take care of to be more pleasing to look at.

My bridegroom???? I know of an old friend here who went way over the edge into Fundieville. She, along with all the other women in that church, will be buried in a wedding dress and wearing a gold band so they will be forever married to christ.

Is it any wonder I'm an atheist?


Oh...and most of the posters there could use a spell and grammar checker. Then again, maybe they don't know how to use editing tools...hmmmmm :o

[frazzledmom]

45. Jesus is going to

slap the shit outta these folks. I kinda hope the "rapture" does come so I can see it.

[Lost-in-FL]

46. AHHHH!! WE DU'ers ARE GOING TO HELL!!!

Wait a minute...

That it's so awesome!! All of us together partying!!!!! :beer:


That's HUGE!!!

[ComerPerro]

47. and none of them are fighting in it

[marmar]

49. These people are really fucked up....

"Pray that we are all accounted worthy to escape what is coming shortly" :crazy: :crazy: :crazy:

[leesa]

132. Terrified of dying. It seems to be one of the most common features of

a fundamentalist...well this brand of fundie anyway

[Ioo]

50. I like the ads space there, I guess Jesus did not provide funds?

Funny, they support the things they hate, as long as it makes money

[Whoa_Nelly]

54. Supply Side Jesus would be proud o'them!

[bridgit]

56. these are the latter days, it's time to bend over & kiss your ass goodbye

[pepperbear]

58. OH HONEYBEAR!

If He tarries, I will just have time to get my hair and nails done (you know let all I come into contact with know of my Bridegroom and what He has/will do). So i am all spiffied up for Him when He does arrive to take me home. No disappointment, just a few last minute details to take care of to be more pleasing to look at. Sound the shofar! Let the Enemy know the alert has been sounded and Yeshua is stepping onto the battlefield.

That's right folks...she's hot, she's sexy and she's the star of the new reality show everyone's talking about...


Who Wants to Date the Saviour?


So what you're saying is, if he's late in coming, that's OK, because you'll have time to get tarted up a bit?


REALLY?

:spray: :rofl: :spray: :rofl:

[Bluebear]

62. 'Who Wants to Date the Saviour?'

I think you have a HIT on your hands there!

[libhill]

65. Damnation -

must be one ah them thar hussies with no shame!

[malaise]

60. Sick fuggers

This is fugging madness. Any bets Rummy is running this show. WTF were Israeli soldiers doing in Southern Lebanon other than stoking the fire.
Thousands are about to die.

[Blue_In_AK]

61. Oh, dear...

I fear some people are going to be sorely disappointed.

[Berry Cool]

63. I cannot believe this is not a joke site!

I am tempted to ask them "Just what part of 'you will know neither the day nor the hour' do you not understand?"

The part about getting the hair and nails done sounds like it's straight out of the Onion!

And the rest...OK, part of the Big Dig collapsed on a woman of faith. Let's all rejoice and be tickled to death 'cause it means "Jesus is a-comin!"

I have seen sick and twisted before, but this takes the cake.

[Bluebear]

73. The savvy hair salons will feature "Rapturepalooza" specials

A full day of beauty to make you "Rapture Ready". And the price is DOUBLED for the sale, because obviously these lovelies won't need earthly money when they are scooped up.

[Boomer]

77. Hot Babes for Jesus!

:rofl:

[kineneb]

97. probably reeeeallly Big Haaar

judging where many of these poor, deluded people come from...

apologies to all who have really Big Haar...

[pnorman]

153. NOT a joke!

Check out the sales numbers on that "Left Behind" series, or the devoted followers of Hal Lindsay. Here's somed more from that site:

>
>
Oil and Armageddon

By Terry James

What a time to be alive! Think of it: God chose you and me to live at the time that is almost certainly the wind up of human history. But the Christian has nothing to fear. The many things happening that seem so troubling mean that Jesus is about to return. All of the major signals that Jesus and Daniel the prophet foretold for the very end of this present earth age are in our headlines today.

I firmly believe that the European Union, in combination with the international community, is the forming final one-world government of Daniel Chapter 2. The world’s religions coming together in the name of unity and peace is the forming of the apostate harlot church that rides the beast of Revelation chapter 17. Huge banking and commercial institutions merging into one economic power is fulfilling one-world economic Babylon of Revelation Chapter 18. Great increases in technology, knowledge and speed of travel exactly match things prophesied in Daniel chapter 12.

We have seen the rise of false prophets. False teachers pollute our broadcast airwaves with their false doctrines. Wars and rumors of wars are a part of everyday life. We continue to witness famines and pestilences in the form of new, incurable diseases. Earthquakes are occurring often and everywhere. There are wondrous signs in the heavens, from man’s walking on the moon to unexplained UFO sightings to unprecedented solar flares recorded by astronomers and other scientists. All these things are eerily like Jesus said it will be just before his return to planet Earth.
>
>

http://raptureready.com/rr-oil.html

[libhill]

68. "Sorely" is correct -

but I'd bet they'll be more than just sore, when Satan gets hold of them and shoves that pitchfork up all of their self righteous ying yangs...

[Cameron27]

64. Pod people

Happy happy little freaks.

[ContraBass Black]

70. Three posts down the page, and I'm dizzy with nausea and rage.

God is always coming, and this is a fucking war, fools.

[mdmc]

72. I am rapture ready

bring it the fuck on... please...

[Boomer]

74. I can't wait to be Left Behind...

...and finally get my own planet back.

[acmejack]

75. They must have missed the part about the beatitudes...

Are these the teachings of the "Prince of Peace"?

[kineneb]

225. I think they missed more than that

like the entire Synoptic Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke). Especially the parts about giving up wealth, and the sin of hypocrisy.

[SalmonChantedEvening]

76. Death and destruction = Yay Jesus?

Just a boggler.

This are some sincerely sick folks.

[Bluebear]

78. And they mock the supposed 72 virgins in Islam

This is just as batshit, IMHO.

[SalmonChantedEvening]

81. That's why I think Buddhism might be the real deal

Fundies of all stripes fear enlightenment.

[Bluebear]

82. I am with you.

These people are relatively serene and do not go around blowing other people up.

[Warren DeMontague]

88. Yeah, but nobody cracks a joke like Lao Tsu.

Just sayin'. :hippie:

[Blue_Tires]

113. +1

[libhill]

93. 72 virgins sounds purty good to me...

after all, according to Christianity, looks like J.C. gets all the hot women? :)

[VOX]

179. George Clooney: "Who wants seventy virgins? I want eight pros!"

http://www.rollingstone.com/news/story/8957203/george_clooney/
<snip>
RS: Very few people wake up in the morning and say, "I'm going to do some evil today."

GC: Yeah, I think they believe in what they're doing and that they're going to get seventy virgins after they die -- but, really, who wants seventy virgins? I want eight pros.
<snip>

:rofl:

[WillyT]

79. Pssst... They're Waiting For Us...

on the other side of the comet.



:evilfrown:

[raysr]

80. Why, WHY

don't these fuckers just blow their own head off and "rapture" on? They're gonna take * with them aren't they? Oh, that's right, HE won't be going because he's been shitting them all along!

[peekaloo]

85. Oh my. Reading that made me "sound my shofar".

or it could have been the spicy chicken I had for dinner.

[Warren DeMontague]

86. The sublimated sexuality is weird, weird, weird.

"the bridgegroom is coming"

"If He tarries, I will just have time to get my hair and nails done (you know let all I come into contact with know of my Bridegroom and what He has/will do). So i am all spiffied up for Him when He does arrive to take me home. No disappointment, just a few last minute details to take care of to be more pleasing to look at."

Aye, hallelujah, praise be the 400 foot long invisible phallus of righteousness which will cometh down from the heavens to gleefully penetrate the quivering loins of the sinning world.

And let there be no more doubt in the mind of man, that sexual repression makes people nucking futs.

[libhill]

94. LOL

Very well said - :)

[ContraBass Black]

163. This is a direct (and badly misinterpreted) reference to scripture.

The proper relationship between God and man is likened to that (ideally) between husband and wife.

There's no mention, however, of a wedding ceremony of blowing people up, and the idea of dressing up to march down the aisle with Jesus because of this hints at a mountain of other issues.

[Warren DeMontague]

221. Right, I'm aware of that.

But, yeah, it still sounds like this lady's expecting Jesus to show up looking like Mel Gibson with a hard-on.

[Oldtimeralso]

87. I Hate to tell them

Rapture has already happened, so they are just some of the "left behinds"

[wtmusic]

91. Drop all their asses smack dab in the middle of Ramadi

and we'll see how "happy and excited" they are...

[shadowknows69]

98. Explain to me again

Why it's not dangerous religious extremism to root on the end of the world. These people should all be locked in a nice padded cell to wait for the rapture there.

[Amonester]

201. Not locked in a nice padded cell to *just* wait forever there, but...

... but also seriously *examined* by *many* Masters in Psychology, in order to *see* if (and it's a big *if*) some kind of a *treatment* could be found that would *cure* their obviously *insane* obsession with another person's *nightmare*, because they *suffer* from some kind of a cancer that could become *extremely* dangerous for all *things* living, *IMHO*...

It's *urgent*!

[shadowknows69]

100. Oh I simply must infiltrate this board

time to break out my bible and take some of these idiots to sunday school I guess.

[shadowknows69]

102. Oh and someone made a rapture smiley

that alone should be a cardinal sin.

[libhill]

117. A rapture smiley?

Seize the knave, bringeth him forth to be burned as a blasphemer! Unless he repenteth the error of his ways, and joineth our insane, uh, I mean, our happy and righteous throng...

[shadowknows69]

127. I would think that a smiley could be considered a graven image

Perhaps we should design a "Golden Calf" smiley. May I suggest the name Mooby.

[Lady Effingbroke]

101. "Pray that we are all accounted worthy to escape what is coming shortly!"

Escape - that's really what these freaks want because they can see the brown clouds on the horizon, a shitstorm that they have had a considerable hand in creating.

I have news for these dumbfucks - they're going through it with the rest of us, like it or not, despite their magical, fairytale, 3-year-old's wish that Jeebus reach down and snatch 'em up, thus sparing them the pain (no insult to 3-year-olds intended).

[shadowknows69]

104. They'll probably still get off easy

When it gets tough enough a significant number will glom onto A Jim Jones type who will convice them all to eat a bullet because it's Jesus' will that we should transport ourselves to heaven. I can't fucking wait.

[RagAss]

103. has the time ever been riper for another Jim Jones ???

[shadowknows69]

106. Wow, I just posted that same thing Ragazz.

Truly you must be a divine being for having such psychic powers. All Hail Ragazz!!! Can I have a window seat on the trip to Nirvana? B-)

[RagAss]

112. ...I've posted a variation of that in every Fundy thread for the past year

and I don't do it as a cruel joke....I really think we will see another bizarre event like Jonestown again....with a lot of these idiots at the helm waiting for their rapture....

[gatorboy]

107. Death and destruction all day! Weeee!!!!!

---------------------

"Days like today it's all I want. Other days because of others I want one more. But what a privilege to be apart of the rapture. I can hardly wait!!"

---------------------

It's the bombing that gets me all toasty inside!


Oy!

[shadowknows69]

109. WOW, it's funny and scary all at the same time

one poster talking about how she wants to get her hair and nails done to look spiffy for her "bridegroom" (Jesus) because of course he was all about vanity as a valuable human trait right? My head hurts. I can't believe I used to roll with this crowd.

[dysfunctional press]

110. theists are a sad sick bunch.

but they can always be counted on for a good laugh.

[shadowknows69]

111. Hey now

I believe in a higher power but I try to use what I learn from the divine for personal growth and the good of all. Not to expect to get zapped up to this massive twisted spiritual wedding in the sky while I cheer on the fact that most of the world is going to die horribly.

[Greyhound]

114. Ain't that old time religion a wonderful thing?

:puke:

[shadowknows69]

116. Again, nothing wrong with old time religion

Religion doesn't make people crazy. People misinterpret their religion and they go crazy and then people follow them.

[Greyhound]

124. No, faith is good or at least mostly harmless, religion is pure evil.

Always has been, always will be.

[shadowknows69]

126. Too general of a statement

I think you'd be hard pressed to prove that the Buddhists have created hundreds of years of global chaos.

[Greyhound]

136. I don't consider Buddhism a religion so much as a philosophy. But I'll

modify my statement to exclude the Buddhists. But all forms of Christianity, Islam , Judaism, and Hinduism are completely perverse and immoral, used throughout history to perpetrate the subjugation of the masses.

[shadowknows69]

138. I've met members of all those groups

that were subjugated by no man's philosophy but they took the good teachings from their religion and utilized them for what they are meant for. Enlightenment and self realization. Some people need a spiritual path or organized dogma to achieve this end, some don't. In my opinion I agree with you over all religion has been very badly utilized over the centuries by powerful people looking for more power. I still won't call them all evil. Perhaps man is inherently evil if the things meant to enlighten us simply make us drunk with power and capable of atrocity. I'm eager for the answer but I doubt any of us will find out in this life.

[Greyhound]

145. I never said they (the practitioners) were evil, it is the religions

as organizations that are evil. As I said in my initial response, faith is fine and some find it necessary, but the religious institutions have done nothing but evil since their inception.

[shadowknows69]

146. Then I believe we agree!

Bless you my child lol. Peace.

[Greyhound]

149. LOL! Yep.

:rofl:
Now, maybe you can explain this need (religion) to me. I was apparently born without some gene or something, because even as a little kid in Sunday school, it never made sense to me (in my innocence, I asked the questions and got my first lesson in why we don't ever question).

This and the, apparently overpowering, urge to procreate are the biggest mysteries to me. :shrug:

[shadowknows69]

150. I don't know that it's really a need for me to believe

I just do. That comes mostly from having experienced several things in my life that could only be described as supernatural or at least a different part of the natural world that we haven't quantified yet. I think that more than anything drives my spiritual side. There is comfort in it as well and I don't think people should be shamed for taking comfort in religion but to rely on it blindly is never a good thing.

[greyl]

152. There have been many Buddhist wars.

The western new-age marketed Buddhism is nothing like the salvationist Buddhism of the East.

[shadowknows69]

158. Well then they stopped before they got too dangerous

I hope anyway. Anyway they'll have to get back in line behind the current batch of religious crazies and they either aren't going anywhere soon or are going out with a big freaking bang.

[Greyhound]

237. I didn't know this, thanks for the edification. I wish it weren't true

as I had hope that there was one that wasn't detrimental to human life.

[greyl]

261. There is plenty of good reason to have authentic hope.

There are thousands of other human cultures on this planet. Ours does not represent humanity.

www.nativeplanet.org

[Greyhound]

262. But no religions, which seem to tap into some nearly universal

desire to believe in some super-being. If humanity could throw off the shackles of religion, most of the sources of conflict, as well as the means of mass coercion, would cease to exist.

[eridani]

177. It's actually a fairly new heresy

--dating back just to 1850 or so in the US. Not sure it qualifies as religion at all, let alone Christianity. More like an elaborate justification for being sociopathic whackjobs.

[gordianot]

118. Southwest Missouri haven of nutcase fundies .

My wife came (in her business) across what at first appears to be a mainstream conservative fundamentalist church. One of the tenets of this church is that fathers have sex (one time only) with their daughters. Naturally they are very secretive about this practice. They are definitely very much in the rapture business and sell it as hook. Once you associate with them they tell you the rest of the story.

After living in Southwest Missouri for 30 years there is not anything that these fundie nutcases can say or do that surprises me. Actually I hope they are raptured as long as I go the opposite direction. My wife's niece came up with this rapture line recently and I tried to get my wife to recommend the church(s) in Southwest Missouri (she did not find this funny, granted incest and rape is not funny).

[libhill]

125. Aww, shuckins -

tain't nuttin' wrong wit incest, ol' boy 'crost the way yonder done married his 1st cousin Daisey Sue nigh a year ago. Long's them thar funny folks cain't git married, it's o.k. Dang hippeye librals and yall's propagandy...that Bible feller called Lot done slept wit his daughters, cuz the preacher feller wit the fancy hare-do done learned me so. Bet ya'll don't like George W. Bush, neither.

[MadHound]

209. You are a braver man than I, Ghunga Dinn

I only lasted seven years in SW Missouri before I fled back north to Columbia. Two years in Hickory County and four in Springfield. Very strange people, very strange. While there was a small group of sane and intelligent people in SW Missouri, it simply wasn't enough to make up for the thousands of religious nutcases who are harbored there.

Finally couldn't take it anymore and moved out, best move I ever made.

Hat's off to you for putting up with that open air insane asylum. I go down to visit friends, but I will never ever live there again. It's a pity too, SW Missouri is quite beautiful, sad that it is filled with religiously insane people.

[troubleinwinter]

119. Too bad Ronnie Raygun shut all those mental hospitals.

#20 July 12th, 2006, 07:12 PM
Cricket55
Citizen

Lets all cheer for Jesus.

[OhioChick]

121. What a bunch of sick asses. n/t

[leesa]

123. They just love this shit. "Go Terrrorists", they've been wishing it and

praying for it. They hate themselves and their lives so much that they just want this all to end.

I hope they go soon...but I hope I don't end up anywhere with them.

[longship]

128. These people are seriously and mentally ill.

They *all* need to be locked up for life in Bedlam.

[Straight Shooter]

131. "and we will look into his face, and we will no longer want or need"

Sorry, Joshua David, you failed to capitalize "his" in your message. You are therefore relegated to eternal damnation for your lack of respect for His face.

:evilgrin:

[libhill]

134. Bringeth ye forth yonder scoundrel...

to be summarily hanged, drawn and quartered for blaspheming the name of Jaysus.

[blues90]

133. can't we draw them a map ?

There has to be some way we can get together and build the illusion these people will fall for and post it on their site ?

You know like a short cut to an active volcano all set with mystical death music and gold cups , they can just line up and leap in .

Sort of a message for their god leading the way , I will put up golden ropes and a red carpet walkway and specific directions pointing the way there .

[Recursion]

135. Want to see those boards descend into anarchy and civil war?

Just innocently ask on one of them, "does the tribulation occur before or after the rapture?"

Grab a beer and some popcorn, and watch fundies rip each others heads off with their different answers.

[shadowknows69]

139. Lol

that would be worthy of a pay-per-view. That's part of what woke me up from being a fundie was the infighting and predjudice and hatred against other denominations of THE SAME FUCKING RELIGION. Oh and I was a full card carrying member at one point in my life. After I woke up I became a solitary witch, so there ya go.

[silverojo]

166. Blessed be! n/t

[jobycom]

137. ROFL! I hope they write all this down, so they can show their grandkids

how stupid they were back when!

[libhill]

143. No,

they'll just make up some lame ass excuse for why it didn't come down when they thought it would. Actually, if they'd blow the dust off of their Bible and read the thing, they might discover that Jesus actually predicted all of this to happen during the lifetime of his followers, in the First Century C.E. It didn't, and it won't. Christians have been waiting for two thousand years, and they'll still be waiting for another two thousand, if the world survives that much longer. In my opinion, all bets are off.

[jobycom]

199. The world will survive

with or without human life.

[dorkulon]

140. That. Is. Fucking. Retarded. (nt)

[dorkulon]

141. Confused? Read GWB's Rapture Report!

[delete_bush]

155. The current "Rapture Index" is 155 .

Yes, they have one. 45 categories ranked from 1 to 5 including False Christs (2), Civil Rights (3), Moral Standards (3), Beast Government (3), and Mark of the Beast (5). Amazingly, Liberalism is only a 1.

Not sure how long they've been keeping score, but the Record Low was 57 on 12-Dec-93, with a Record High 182 on 24-Sept-01.

So in a way this all make sense, the worse things are, the higher the index. And who better to destroy the planet than their glorious presidential imposter (Leadership (5), Debt & Trade (5), Oil Supply/Price (5).

This has to be why they love the Chimp, and hate Clinton! (damned Record Low of 57 on 12-Dec-93).

[maxrandb]

197. I Can't Remember his name

but there was a British comic that did a whole routine about being the devil.

"Are there any Christians here?"
"Well, I'm sorry, but it appears the Jews were right"
"You must feel pretty stupid about now"

"What, you have to pee"
"I'm sorry, you should of thought of that before you left"

It was some of the funniest shit I ever heard.

[hatrack]

142. They can all go fuck themselves - tired of being nice to these turds

Seriously. I don't give a good Goddamn about their freedom to believe whatever psychopathic psychobabble bullshit they choose to.

When people start not just talking, but actually working on programs to breed the perfect roan bull, so that they can shed its blood on the Temple Mount so that Jesus will come down from the sky and end the world, or preserving Israel, so that the Jews can be cast into the pit of hell when everything turns into a bad movie, then things are really and truly seriously fucked up.

It's time to start calling people on this homicidal horseshit, and I don't give a FUCK about "reaching out" to millions and millions of STUPID FUCKING MORONS who think Tim LaHaye is great literature and who somehow have come to think that their belief in a septic comic book makes them immune, informed and holy.

Tired of bullshit, ready for rationality and not seeing much in sight. But more than anything else, tired of bullshit - especially the faux pious rapt contemplation of war up to and including nuclear weapons.

Again, ALL THESE PEOPLE CAN GO AND FUCK THEMSELVES.

[libhill]

147. And

the talking ass that they rode in on.

[Fleshdancer]

148. They even have praying smilies

I read a few other threads...it's a weird little place over there.

[Swamp Rat]

151. Oh Jeebus! Take them NOW!!! PULEEEEEEZ!!!

[Marr]

154. Ladies and gentlemen... the 30 percenters.

It's no wonder they love GW Bush. His destructive negligence meshes well with their death cult ideas.

[Hatalles]

157. This is akin to "dancing in the street"

[Bluebear]

174. Cannot disagree, Hatalles. nt

[leftofthedial]

160. she better get a pube wax too

'cuz she's definitely gonna get screwed.

[Bluebear]

161. ...

:spray:

[rucky]

164. Yeah, dancing on graves will get you right into heaven.

boy are they in for a dissapointment - one way or another

[earth mom]

165. Can't wait to be left behind!

So get the hell outta here already you fucking idiots!

p.s. God knows you're ruining this planet...so don't be surprised when you end up in hell! :evilgrin:

[Lady Effingbroke]

167. I'd like to dedicate this song to all the rapture-ready morans out there -

and I do mean out there!!!

Lunatic Fringe
I know you're out there
You're in hiding
And you hold your meetings
We can hear you coming
We know what you're after
We're wise to you this time
We won't let you kill the laughter

Lunatic Fringe
In the twilight's last gleaming
This is open season
But you won't get too far
We know you've got to blame someone
For your own confusion
But we're on guard this time
Against your final solution

We can hear you coming
(We can hear you coming)
No you're not going to win this time
We can hear the footsteps
(We can hear the footsteps)
Way out along the walkway
Lunatic Fringe
We know you're out there
But in these new dark ages
There will still be light

An eye for an eye
Well, before you go under
Can you feel the resistance
Can you feel the...thunder

[shadowknows69]

170. Tom Cochrane

another great musical gift from the Canadian people.

[enigmacat]

173. Kirk Cameron must be thrilled.

FYI, the kid from "Growing Pains?" Yeah, Mike Seaver. Check him out: http://www.wayofthemaster.com. Let it load. LOL.

[soup]

175. What about the children?!?

'Maria' sez:

>"I haven't been watching the news lately, especially today, since my little ones hug the TV most of the time..."<

[VOX]

180. Good God, what a Death Cult! Any chance they'll "eat the pudding?"

Really, this is such fringe-stuff territory, these death cultists used to be a laughingstock.

**When** did they become such an allegedly viable voting bloc that they are so catered to by the right wing????? :shrug:

[GeorgeGist]

181. Sweet Jesus...

Please let me also have the privilege to be apart of the rapture, ie. leave me behind.

[malaise]

182. Has it dawned on these ignorant morons

that for them to achieve this absurd fantasy, thousands of innocent humans will be slaughtered.

[calico1]

184. They know that!

But you see, only the sinners will be slaughtered so that's okay. :grr:

[malaise]

189. I'm not sure I want to share this planet

with so many ignorant people. This is beyond scary.

[QuettaKid]

186. this thread is even better.

folks wondering what they will do on their first day in Heaven.

""I wonder if on the day the rapture happens, once I'm whisked up to heaven, will my first reaction be to stand in awe of Christ, so much so, that I completely forget about the world/existence I just left? Will I be so awed by heaven, that I'd never want to even turn around and look back (probably so...)? Will I still keep my motherly instincts and look around to make sure my children are all accounted for and present??? Will I then clamor through a crowd looking for loved ones I hope are saved???

I know God is a God or order. He'll want for us to be at peace...will we then even be concerned for our children at that point - I wonder if we'll have maternal feelings still or do they just fall in as part of the beloved and we all love each other same.....

Call me nuts, but I often wonder about such things - in my humaness.""


OK, I'll say it. You're NUTS.

http://www.rr-bb.com/showthread.php?t=264570

[Ganja Ninja]

200. I often wonder in my humanness what kind of car do I get when

I get to heaven. Will I get one of those big screen HD TV's?

If I decide to stay on earth after the rapture I can go over to Pat Robertson's house and take whatever I want so heaven had better be a pretty sweet deal or I'm not going.

[MamaBear]

234. Don't Look Back!!!

Your God turns women who look back into pillars of salt, and you'll spend the rest of eternity getting licked by the perfect red heiffer!

:eyes:

[tanyev]

215. The death and destruction of everyone left behind is the part

they're REALLY looking forward to. They'll get a bird's eye view of it all from their new heavenly digs.

[Ganja Ninja]

185. So I guess I won't have to pay any bills this month.

Think I'll go out max out my credit cards too.

[calico1]

187. I bet a lot of them are doing just that. n/t

[shadowknows69]

210. That's how you put these guys on the spot

ask them, if they're so sure they're going to be "taken up" soon, "can I have your car?, stereo, TV etc."

[FooFootheSnoo]

188. I don't know wether to laugh or cry

I feel for these people's children. The poor little things must be terrified when they hear this kind of talk.

[maxrandb]

191. Isn't it usually the other way around?

"the Bridegroom cometh rather man is ready are not."

Isn't it usually the man that "cummeths" whether the bride is ready or not?

Of course, that never happens in my house. :evilgrin:

These people are completely "unhinged", but in charge of our country.

[Tierra_y_Libertad]

196. Does God allow camouflage underwear and guns in heavan?

And, how about the SUV's with the "Support Our Troops" and fish stickers on those golden streets?

[B3Nut]

198. These people don't have issues...

...they have the whole dang subscription.

It baffles me how American Christianity has ben so completely besotted by a system of interpretation (Dispensationalism, the foundation of pretrib rapturism) that only dates from the 1800's, and was considered by the more learned theologians of the day to be heterodox, and even drove famous English Baptist preacher Charles Spurgeon to call it "stupid".

I used to follow this brand of fundamentalism...let me tell you, they put the "mental" in "fundamental". It's sad to see so many people gone so barking mad batshit nuts. I don't see any love, joy (real joy, not giddiness at seeing "heathens" get blown to smithereens), peace, gentleness, or self-control here.

So calls the voice of the Rapturesnake.

Phooey.

Todd in Beerbratistan

[michael_1166]

203. Well nobody told those rapture ready morons the truth so far

After they get beamed away, they rematerialize in Earth's prehistorical past. So far so cool... if you don't mind getting reincarnated as blades of grass, being subjected to dinosaur poop all day.

Happy rapturing! O8)

[dogday]

205. These people have had too much Jesus Juice

[warrens]

206. The arrogance is stunning

Apart from the pure insanity of the subject, how do THEY know God's gonna pick them for his team. As they will be the first to tell you, only 144,000 get to go. That might have seemed a lot when whoever made up the whole story wrote it down, but that means about one in five or six million christians will make the cut.

Who are they to claim they've got it made?

Stupid, gullible but underneath it all arrogant egomaniacs.

[leeroysphitz]

207. Remember ladies: It's important to look your best for the

coming Rapture season. Why not kick the apocalypse off with a spiffy new hairdo or maybe get your nails done...

[MadHound]

208. This would all be funny, in a

"Point and laugh at the weird people" sort of way if it weren't for the fact that Bush and his circle of friends/advisors believe in this crap too. And even scarier is that these Rapture Ready people, including Bushco, are actively working to bring about the Rapture.

Yes, they're idiots and mental cases, but sadly they're the ones currently in power, and by God if the big JC doesn't rapture their happy ass soon, they'll do it themselves.:scared:

[kiki]

211. Did anybody see...

...the fuckwitted freeper who thought the Onion article about the abortion chick ("I'm totally psyched for my abortion!") was real?

"If He tarries, I will just have time to get my hair and nails done (you know let all I come into contact with know of my Bridegroom and what He has/will do). So i am all spiffied up for Him when He does arrive to take me home. No disappointment, just a few last minute details to take care of to be more pleasing to look at."

The Onion article was satire. This, presumably, is not.

Jesus, save us from your followers...


Edit: Here's the cretin in question: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=364x1616165

Even after half the people on the internet chimed in on his comment board to let him know how dumb he was, he kept refusing to believe it was satire (note the use of "satire" in quotes), and then insisting that he'd "turned the satire against" the left-wingers... Damn, "hate" is a strong word, but I fucking hate these people...

[GreenPartyVoter]

212. Well, that's Jesus for ya. Wishing misery and death on everyone.

/sarcasm

[Clark2008]

214. OK - that was just weird

Especially the hair, nails and bridegroom woman.

Does she really think she'll still be in her earthly body?

:crazy:

[anarch]

218. I don't know about any "Rapture", but I sure wish all of these people

a speedy journey to the afterlife, whatever that might be. The sooner they are off the planet, the better.

[Domitan]

219. God DAMN the Rapture freaks

I'm not sure of the status of God, but it sure felt damn good to say that!

[bikebloke]

220. I might be the savior

Back in the early 80's, I worked a kibbutz in Israel at the foot of Mount Gilboa. At the time, some loonie prophecy (maybe the Japanese Makoya cult) said the world would end and the messiah would walk down Gilboa. In the afternoons after work, I used to hike up the mountain for the exercise and view (as most discovered, kibbutz life made it easy to gain weight). So the appointed day arrived. Afterwards my mates joked that I was the messiah, when I came down the mountain that afternoon.

So if those fundie, big-haired eejits think I'm going to be their bridegroom (YUCK!!!), they'd better be prepared for disappointment. I'm saving myself for Mila Jovovich.


**I had a friend at the time who was an upper middle class Jew from Long Island who was going to be a rock star or professional musician. He recently got in touch with me through a kibbutz reunion site (like Classmates). Now he's a freeper fundie christian cop in Tennessee.

[AngryOldDem]

222. Can we get the angel smiley here on DU?

The one that waves at you and then flies up and off the screen? That is just so cool.

And these people are just so sick and sadly deluded.

[Beelzebud]

226. These people represent everything wrong with religion.

From the fanatic muslims blowing people up, to these doomsday freaks.

I AM TIRED OF RELIGION.

No greater cause of strife, and murder on our world than religion.

[tavalon]

229. I can't believe I grew up sucking on the religious teat

of these freaks!

I got better!

Terri
former Southern Baptist and current Wiccan

[skip fox]

231. Now's the time to market "Rapture Gear"! Imagine: Rapture Runners and

Rapture Watches, Ascension Briefs and Heavenly Collars, Rapture Wristers and Transcendent Socks!!!

[ChickMagic]

232. They are desperate for unrest in order to obliterate

the Dome on the Rock. Plans have already been drawn up for a new
Solomon's temple. Supposedly, once that's built, Jeebus will have
a place to set foot on earth. The Dome is one of the most heavily
guarded places on earth because of the rapture nuts.

[ProgressivePatriot]

233. Too bad we couldn't help them achieve their goal. eom

[Alizaryn]

236. Wow

This leaves me teetering somewhere between screaming and vomiting...

"If He tarries, I will just have time to get my hair and nails done (you know let all I come into contact with know of my Bridegroom and what He has/will do). So i am all spiffied up for Him when He does arrive to take me home. No disappointment, just a few last minute details to take care of to be more pleasing to look at. Sound the shofar! Let the Enemy know the alert has been sounded and Yeshua is stepping onto the battlefield."

My understanding leads me to believe that Christ would tell all awaiting "the end" to get their heads out of their butts and mind the business around them like feeding someone who is hungry.

[RebelOne]

238. These people are delusional.

I cannot believe that they all think they are going to be whisked up to heaven.

[Initech]

239. These people scare the shit out of me.

:scared:

[Az_lefty]

240. It's my birthday and we're about to get raptured out of here?

this is so cool.
:toast:

[Sapphocrat]

241. I've got a cousin...

...about whom I've written here before -- the Idaho fundy Bushbot (whose son is now a teenage Rambo-for-Christ -- he wants to join the Air Force to defend America against the non-Christians, and, thanks to his Christian-academy un-education, believes man and dinosaur roamed the earth together no more than 6,000 years ago)...

Idaho Fundy's husband (Rambo-Boy's father) is fairly levelheaded for a born-again (at least, he doesn't believe in the man-and-dino thing). A few years ago, we were discussing the Middle East, and I was talking to him in a way that was respectful toward his faith (which is only fair, as he's respectful toward my unbelieving heathenism). "You realize," I said to Fundy Hubby, "what's going on sounds a lot like your take on the Book of Revelation."

"I know," he said, actually lowering his voice, and looking very grave. "I think this is really the beginning of the end."

And then he brightened. "It won't be long now," he said -- as if he had finally neared the front of a very long line for Space Mountain.

And this, my friends, is probably the most reasonable fundy I have ever known.

They really can't wait. Not even the ones that aren't completely insane.

P.S. As for the group of unhinged nutbags in the OP, my message is: The most Christian thing any of you could ever do is GET OFF MY PLANET, as soon as possible. If suicide is out of the question, consider martyrdom -- enlisting for active duty would be a good start. (After you've finished doing each other's hair and nails, of course.)

Bunch of delusional Millerites, that's what they are.

[Love Bug]

242. Fundamentalist revenge fantasies

[skip fox]

244. Get your Rapture Wear here:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=364x1625508

[Wise Child]

246. What, no Helmets?

When they get raptured they will need protective headgear in case they crash into airplanes, helicopters, cliffs and the sides of large buildings.

[progressoid]

245. must... resist... urge... to.... bang.... head.... on.... monitor...

:banghead:

[KamaAina]

247. "I'm so excited, and I just can't hide it"

They're about to nuke us all and I think I like it!

:wtf:

Maybe we could develop something like the neutron bomb, that wouldn't affect the rest of us. Call it the "Rapturizor".

:nuke: :nuke: :nuke:

[AngryOldDem]

248. Just looked at other forums on that site

And I think that the reason they're so excited is that they're under the impression that they'll be driving the sports cars of their dreams down Heaven's gold-paved roads. 1960s-vintage Camaros and Corvettes seem to be the cars of their desires...

Seriously, though, anyone who can take absolute delight in what is going on in the Mideast, or that tornadoes struck in an unusual place, or that "someone of the faith" was crushed by a slab of concrete (reference to the Big Dig accident) may have some things to answer for when he or she reaches the Pearlies...

[Forrest Greene]

249. This Time Around, Though

...I've heard he's going to insist on being referred to as "Jeepers Creepers." Better get that name right.

[Roland99]

250. Jim Jones would have had fun with those blithering idiots.

[glitch]

251. We should all pray for their rapture as soon as possible.

Perhaps a kind and generous God will answer our prayers.

[LiberalPartisan]

252. Screen capture of a must see post at Rapture Ready

If you've ever had to listen to one of these people you know what exhaustion really feels like....enough already.

[muriel_volestrangler]

254. The first time I saw the Rapture Ready site, I was sure it was a parody

It literally didn't cross my mind they really believed that. It just looked obviously like a piss-take of fundie stereotypes. It was only when someone else later said it was real that I went back, looked at the discussion boards, and realised that a significant proportion of posters there are deadly serious. But I still think several of them are just posting for laughs, to see the reactions they get. Getting your nails done for the end of the world? That one's a troll.

[undeterred]

256. After the rapture, can I have your car? (best bumper sticker)

[NMMNG]

258. Of course. Fundamentalism rots the brain.