Rapture Safety Cards Prepare Parishioners, Airline-Style

[WillyT]

<snip>

PINE BLUFF, Ark. — Last Days Bible Church has taken a novel step to prepare people for the Rapture: under each seat in the sanctuary is an airline-style safety card giving instructions for what to do when the Rapture takes place.

"It's a way of getting people's attention," says pastor Mark Eckers, who preaches often about the end times. "We are concerned about people's Rapture preparedness."

Ushers hold up the Rapture Safety cards and give a complete safety demonstration before each service, even pointing out exit routes for people who are not taken by the Rapture.

For believers, the cards depict various Rapture poses they may strike when the trumpet sounds: the flange pose, with both arms pointed down like a badminton birdie. Or the more popular Superman pose: one knee up, both arms held skyward.

"When the Rapture happens we want saved and unsaved people alike to get through the experience safely," says Eckers. "We're especially concerned that no one get trampled, because, of course, the ushers will be gone."

<snip>

Link: http://larknews.com/october_2005/secondary.php?page=4

I certainly pray that Eckers and his idiot followers will be gone.

:rofl::evilgrin::rofl:

I believe THIS would be the more appropriate pose for these guys and gals!



Kinda like "dusk and cover", don't you think?

:shrug:

[CatholicEdHead]

1. That pic just screams for a Caption Contest

[HysteryDiagnosis]

2. I've got a sunlight? in the roof with exploding bolts... the remote for

the bolts is right next to my bible. Bring it on.

[rzemanfl]

3. Shouldn't the guy on the card be bare-assed naked? Just

askin'.

[cynatnite]

4. I'm afraid of heights...

for that reason I'm firmly anti-rapture. I'll just wait here until god provides a better route than flying like Superman into the air.

[Newsjock]

5. Spoiler warning

http://larknews.com/october_2005/content.php?header=header&page=../disclaimer

LarkNews® is a satirical newspaper published by Joel Kilpatrick.
LarkNews uses invented names in all its stories, except in cases when public
figures are being satirized. Any other use of real names is accidental and
coincidental.

[Kutjara]

6. Self delete

[DemoTex]

7. E: Do the MASH, the MONSTER MASH!

D: The vertical dimension of the replacement window is exactly 37 7/16". Write that down Billy Mac.

C: The Air Hostess would be proud of this form.

B: 36 .. 37 .. 38 .. whew!

A. Damn you! Just damn you!

[dflprincess]

8. So, suppose this Rapture business were true (let me be clear,

I don't believe in it), but just suppose. And suppose it's us liberals who get raptured? Do you think God would let us watch the wingnuts reaction?

:rofl:

[gatorboy]

9. THat would be pretty funny

"Michael Moore went WHERE????"