Free to good home

[Mythsaje]

Because of our current political climate, we, the intelligent, compassionate citizens of the United States, are being forced to seek another home for several million of our fellow citizens.

As much as it pains us to admit it, these folks just aren't a good fit in our home anymore. We originally thought it might be possible to rehabilitate them, but we've had to give it up as a lost cause.

They are very aggressive, spending too much of their time and energy growling and snapping at anyone who gets too close. Impossible to house break, they frequently urinate on our Constitution.

They make excellent guard beasts--though we do recommend the use of a heavy chain to keep them from straying too far. They're extremely destructive when they slip their leash, tearing up whole cities and chunks of countryside if allowed to run amuck.

They can be placated by feeding them treats of empty platitudes and reactionary rhetoric, as well as bible verse taken completely out of context. They enjoy praise, and can easily be controlled through empty flattery. They particularly enjoy being referred to as the "Chosen People" or "Patriots" though it remains unclear why they think they're 'chosen' and what, exactly, is patriotic about their actions and attitudes.

They are all purebred registered Republicans, with papers. Many, if not all, come from a good lineage. Many are show quality, though some are only pet quality. They can be shipped with or without their own toys and bedding--as you prefer.

We'd be very grateful to anyone willing to take them off our hands. In fact, at this point, we'd be willing to pay YOU.

in abject desperation,

The TRUE patriots of the United States of America

[raccoon]

1. Great post. And so right on target. nt

[acmejack]

2. Waiver available on Good home.

Type of home negotiable, in fact any and all preconditions are negotiable. In fact, there are no conditions whatsoever. We deliver!

[babylonsister]

3. The Ransom of Red Chief Repugs; excellent! nt

[muriel_volestrangler]

4. I understand there will be some baking hot desert opening up

near the equator shortly, due to global warming. Maybe you could do a swap with the current inhabitants, who are facing the loss of their farmland due to these same Republicans? Tuvalu and the low-lying areas of Bangladesh might consider the swap too.

[Ganja Ninja]

5. We should build 3 rockets.

One for the Republiklan.
One for the Democrats and Progressives.
One for Independents and everyone else.

The plan is to colonize Mars. First we launch the Republiklansmen since they are fearless and hard working and love freedom more than everyone else. Then we abandon the plan.

[tinfoil tiaras]

6. K&R

For among other reasons, you're a great writer! =)

[Minnesota Libra]

7. Mythsaje, what's really sad is the only people who would want them........

....are either all dead or in hiding - namely the Nazis.:shrug: Your article may never get published but you really should send this to a few newspapers - both middle of the road and definite liberal ones. BTW, keep us posted on who publishes this and when. This is really good and be sure to sign me on there as agreeing totally.:applause:

[PurgedVoter]

9. Some med students might want them.

But then again, those med students would be Republicans wouldn't they?

[PurgedVoter]

8. K&R

Will you provider free neutering?

[blonndee]

10. You know what the best thing to do with "lost causes"

is, right? :)

[helderheid]

11. Oh good - that means I get UTAH ALL TO MYSELF! (actually there

are many a good D here - Utah was BLUE in the 60s!)