Evil Gay Rays.

[KyuzoGator]

I made a funny in another thread about the mystical, magical force that causes otherwise straight people to suddenly "turn" gay. You know what I mean...like when they argue that gay marriage will hurt straight marriage, or that Brokeback Mountain glamorizes being a homosexual. I say we sarcastically refer to this as "evil gay rays" whenever a moron wingnut throws this our way, particularly those extra-fun "former gays."

I'm not gay. I can say with the utmost confidence that there is EXACTLY NOTHING in the entire world that will ever make me "turn" gay. I'll go out on a limb and say that this is the case for other straight people as well.

So when someone tries to make homosexuality seem like a highly contagious disease that requires quarantine, please give them a double-barreled sarcasm blast. If done correctly, they won't even know what hit them.

[donco6]

1. I'm sending gay rays to you now.

I wouldn't be so sure if I were you. :)

[KyuzoGator]

2. Won't work...I'm sitting down.

:rofl:

[donco6]

3. Ha! Very funny.

You know sex is all in the mind - my rays are influencing your cerebral cortex as we speak. You should begin desiring men any minute now.

Any minute now.

Really.

Oh hell, would you get up? Sometimes a direct approach is better.

[Bobbieo]

4. Gay Rays

Today's AZ Republic headline - 'AZ cities seeking to lure gay tourists - Spending clout prized despite conservatives'. This bothers me - Somebody is going to get seriously hurt in this anti-gay, Mormon/Christian dominated state.

[KyuzoGator]

5. Just stock up on tin foil.

Also I heard that having back hair repels the gay rays as well.

[William769]

6. Having back hairs doesn't repel gay rays.

People with back hair are not afforded gay rays. :rofl:

[The Witch]

37. But do you have a bag over your head?

I heard that you have to be in a doorway. Or under a desk.

[KyuzoGator]

39. Or in church. nt

[TallahasseeGrannie]

7. I have a slightly different take on it

but in the same spirit. I think that some men, who have gay fantasies and perhaps ...I guess what they used to call latent....well, I think perhaps they could be tempted and they don't like that concept one bit. They have put a lot of time and energy into maintaining their heterosexual life and they are very threatened by all these gay rays!

[Redstone]

8. Ah, but the Agenda Division of DU is working on a stronger

Gay Ray generator. It'll get you when they finish it, trust me.

They told me all about it. All you'll have to do is to DRIVE BY a theater that's showing Brokeback Mountain...

Redstone

[Swamp Rat]

9. I'm sending some to D.C.

;) :D

[xchrom]

10. alright -- which one of you told kyuzogator about our super abilities?!?!

we can revoke your membership card and take your toaster any time you know?

[Rowdyboy]

11. You don't need a evil gay ray to turn a straight man gay.....

Back in college in the early 1970's the joke was:

"Whats the difference in a straight guy and a gay guy?" Answer?






"A couple of joints and a 12pack"

[Johnyawl]

12. There's a germ of truth there, Rowdyboy...

...and it's knowing that about themselves that scares the hell out of the homophobes.

[Rowdyboy]

13. This was many years ago, before being openly gay was even conceivable

in Mississippi. Living a highly closted life, there were no apparent open gay men availble for me to chase. Instead, for several years of my misspent youth, I pursued straight(or at least apparently straight)guys.

I doubt human nature has changed much since 1973. And back then, just like now, some of the biggest homophobes were so far back in the closet its juat pitiful.

What you choose to hate speaks volumes about your fears.

[KyuzoGator]

14. I just completed my bunker.

Whenever the terror alert is raised to "Pink" I know that a burst of evil gay rays is en route and I'll have enough time to grab my Cheese-its and tuna and head down into my protective hetero bunker.

[SpaceCatMeetsMars]

15. Wait a minute

Did you say "Cheese-its?"

Everybody knows that only gays like "Cheese-its." REAL heteros eat "Cheese Nips." How could you not know that?

[shenmue]

41. Hee hee

:rofl:

[ComerPerro]

16. I heard that "The Gay" spreads like a cold

and if you even breath the air near someone with "The Gay", you run the risk of catching it.

[KyuzoGator]

17. I had a nasty bout with The Gay last month.

A little Tussin cleared it right up.

[DarkTirade]

35. Now that's just plain silly.

Teh Gay is spread by drinking the water. Everyone knows that.

[IdaBriggs]

18. ROFLMA!!! This is one of the funniest things I've ever read on DU!

Kicked, Recommended & Totally Enjoying It! (But don't use the Evil Gay Ray on my husband; I want him to stay straight!)

:rofl:

[donheld]

19. It doesn't work

I've been sending George Clooney Evil gay rays for years to no avail :cry::banghead:

[yurbud]

20. You are wrong. The gay ray worked on Ken Mehlman, Scottie McClellan,

Ralph Reed, Karl Rove, and probably the Texas Tard himself.

I'm sure all those guys were virile manly heterosexuals until the gay ray turned them into the bitchy, barely in the closet queens they are today.

[KyuzoGator]

21. Latest: How to defend yourself against Evil Gay Rays

In doing extensive research into our available defenses against the nefarious Evil Gay Rays, I've learned that the following can used to effectively keep yourself upright and hetero:

- Grow back hair.
- Buy a pretend ranch in Crawford, Texas and spend your vacations "clearing brush."
- Belching and farting has an impressive "force field" effect.
- Grunt sexist remarks to every semi-attractive woman you encounter.
- Denounce homosexuality at every opportunity.

Do these things, and you'll be healthy and straight FOREVER. Gay people will want nothing to do with you, and the Evil Gay Rays will have failed.

[baby_mouse]

23. Not so!

No, indeed.

I FLIP for homophobes! I know what they *really* want... Yum!

One of my biggest fantasies is to rope me a big ol' badditude 'phobe and make him weep with pleasure...

[JudyM]

46. ROFLMAO!

:rofl:

[tavalon]

40. Buy a pretend ranch in Crawford, Texas and spend your vacations "clearing

Call it Brokeback Ranch. ;)

[libnnc]

22. So bribery with promises of free...

small kitchen appliances won't work? We gotta use ray-guns now?

You straights are a tough lot.

[KyuzoGator]

29. We have thoerized that the toasters generate the Evil Gay Rays.

We're going to get to the bottom of this.

[baby_mouse]

24. My gay ray's busted.

I'm stuck with another queer. (not unpleasant)

How come I can't rope me a nice juicy, innocent straight guy, hm? Coz all my rays are focussed on my sweet guy...

:loveya:

[EstimatedProphet]

25. The problem is, fundies believe that to be true.

They believe that Satan emits Evil Gay Rays that turn straight men gay.

Seriously.

[MuseRider]

26. I just had to K and R this one.

Hysterical! I love love love my gay friends. I guess I should be very offended that nobody has even tried to Ray me. :cry:

[libnnc]

27. how about a free toaster? calendar for your fridge?

can huggie?

[MuseRider]

28. Well

:hug:

[Nickster]

30. Ohhhhh, a can huggie??? Do I have to sign anything?:-)

[Buns_of_Fire]

31. I'll probably regret asking this, but... What's a can huggie?

:shrug:

[Nickster]

32. It's one of those squishy plastic cup like things that you stuff your soda

can into, so that it keeps cool. It huggies your can.

[MuseRider]

33. Now I regret

that you asked that. See your response. Sounds suspicious to me.

[Nickster]

34. Here's a pic of one.

[Buns_of_Fire]

36. Okay, NOW I get it!

A friend of mine in yon times of yore used to call them "beer tittys" (HER words, not mine!). I've also heard them called "koozies," for whatever THAT might be worth.

Hmmmph. And here I was thinking it might have been something preverted... :spank:

[Nickster]

38. Freak!...LoL

[NMMNG]

42. He didn't give you *gay*, did he?!?

:rofl:

If gay could be "caught" like some illness, then why don't gay people "catch" straight by being surrounded by straight people, considering some 90% of the population is that way? :eyes: Fundies think the dumbest things.

[Servotron]

43. In this previously unreleased episode of "Masters of the Universe"...

Which was deeemed "too contraversial" for airing in the 80's, Skeletor & Hordak use their use their evil gay rays to homosexualize all of Eternia.

[izzybeans]

44. Everyone knows that they've infected our drinking water with

'The Gay'. "Evil Gay Rays" are just an urban legend. I usually drink my "gay" in the morning with a fresh muffin and some sugared fruit.

[KyuzoGator]

45. "Drink my gay" is wrong on about 18 different levels. nt