Post Rapture diary...

[Javaman]

PR+1: The first thing I noticed when I got up this morning was the quiet. I walked around my neighborhood and noticed all the empty cars that had been abandoned. But the down side is, many of these boobs that got sucked up, were driving at the time so there are many damaged light-poles, fences, front lawns, etc. What a pain, even when they leave, they still find a way to stick to us one last time.

PR+5: Well, now that most of the dead cars have been pulled off the road, traffic is none existent. Infact driving to work is a down right pleasure. And since most of those cars that were "abandoned" were SUV's the price of oil has dropped considerably, due to lack of demand! Who would have thunk it, 50 cents a gallon!

PR+7: funny thing happened today, I was at the supermarket checkout counter and noticed that usual take a penny put a penny thingy was filled to the brim. Funny how that works.

PR+14:Quick update: when to a football game last night and guess what? All the sky boxes were open to the public!

PR+19: We were all just stunned and shocked, by the sudden acts of sanity exhibited by the congress, they actually passed the equal rights amendment, no shit!
They actually started doing their fucking jobs! They shored up social security, made medicare more affordable, we can now buy prescriptions from not just Canada, but from any nation, pot was legalized, hemp replaced cotton and patriot act was dismantled and no more fucking spying on us!! Sorry for the swearing but I'm a bit drunk. Everyone is just so happy and is celebrating! Oh, on another note, abortion is no longer an issue, it was included as a right as part of the equal rights amendment.

PR+22: It's like the party never stops! We were all going nuts today with joy and down right disbelief, the troops were finally pulled from Iraq!!!
There was a huge party on my block. the relief in the air was palpable
And, best of all, a real discussion and dialog has begun with the rebel factions over there. Also, multinational talks have begun with Iran and North Korea. I'm so happy I could cry.

PR+25: The now vacant churches in my neighborhood have been turned into shelters for the homeless. They were quickly growing over with weeds and we thought that would be the best use for them. You know the meek will inherit the earth and all that.

PR+27: In a brilliant display of leadership, President Gore, cut Defense spending in half. He quickly established the Denver Project for Energy, with the additional money. Basically, a nationwide effort to build wind and solar farms and make us energy independent. Thus saving the earth.
I'm so glad that the people of this great nation, rallied and made him president. Since bush* and all his goons got sucked up to god (I'm having my doubts about that), we needed a real leader.

PR+30: Dang, it's been a whole month now and so much has changed! I'm so incredibly happy. The most happy I have been in the last 6 years!! I still just can't get over the quiet. Pollution levels have actually dropped! Scientists are stating that the rapture may have been the best thing for the earth. Everyone is wondering if in fact those that were "saved" actually went to heaven? It's pretty nice down here right now.

[madinmaryland]

1. That's Great!!!

I've wondered what it would be like also, and figured it would be similar to your description!

:thumbsup:

[cain_7777]

11. If only dreams came true and they all disappeared

What a beautiful world this would be without biblehumpers:toast:

[jedicord]

2. LOL! PR+7 is simply priceless! n/t

[yellowcanine]

3. Funny - but the word is "palpable", not palatable. Unless you are meant

to say the relief in the air was "tasty".

[Javaman]

4. Well, now that's a head scratcher...

They air infact could be more tasty because it could be cleaner. LOL I'll fix. :)

[yellowcanine]

10. "Palpable" is an interesting word also. The verb form "palpate" can have

sexual connotations if one's mind is, as the saying goes, "in the gutter." It is also what the proctologist does to the prostate gland to check on its degree of rigidity and size. Now aren't you glad you used that word incorrectly?

[AndyA]

5. I love it - but I have one issue...

Bush and his cronies would NOT get sucked up into Heaven, as you indicated you had doubts about. So he would still be here, along with his evil family, selfish GOP leaders, greedy CEOs, and I suspect, most of his supporters.

I suspect they would still have to be dealt with, but it would likely be much easier since the veil of Christianity would be removed from the equation. There would be little room for doubt as to what the man stands for. (Death and destruction.)

[Javaman]

8. I have my theory about the "rapture"...

I think it's to save the earth and not the "x-tains". Hence, my doubts in the diary. :)

Cheers.

[AndyA]

9. Good point.

I've always thought that mankind had the ability to save the world. I don't see anything as being locked in stone, since man has a free will. If things start to turn around, the wars stop, the lying stops, and people begin to be treated equally, I doubt the end of the world, if scheduled, would come.

At any rate, The Bible says no man shall know when the end will come, so I figure as long as the "experts" profess they know we're in the end time, we're probably not.

[timontheleft]

35. That's a very interesting theory

I've always wondered how it would all actually "go down". I had never thought that maybe the rapture would be to clean things up rather then "reward" the so-called believers. Very thoughtful. One thing is for sure - whatever happens the folks over on the "Christian" right are in for a big surprise.

[PittLib]

14. If only ...

there was a "rapture" for Hell too. :)

[Javaman]

23. The anti-rapture, "the Rupture" ;) nt

[Crankie Avalon]

6. Wow, now you've got me wishing this rapture nonsense was for real. nt

[Freedomofspeech]

7. Thank you for making me....

laugh out loud today. We should be so lucky!!!

[YOY]

12. Kinda reminds me of an episode of the Twilight Zone/Outer Limits

Everyone was trying to get ready to get on ships to colonize a new planet with no polution and untouched resources. They called it the 'New Earth.'

Our heroine, through 'tragedy' misses the last ship. As she watches the last rocket take off she laments to an old man planting a seedling that she will 'never see the new earth.'

"But this is the new earth!"

Then again...we'd still be stuck with the fanatics from other religions...

[Javaman]

13. I thought about that, but according to my theory..

the rapture is about saving the earth not the x-tians, so all the nuts go, not just them. :)

This theory keeps me warm at night, otherwise I would be writing my memoirs with toenail polish on the walls of my padded cell. :)

[Tom Yossarian Joad]

15. LOL. Loved it!

Thanks,

K&R

[zbdent]

16. and the punchline ...

PR +50

I'm the last one ... there was a plague resulting from an unsanitized phone ... growing weak ...

[Cerridwen]

17. And on PR +60, we all looked around and realized

we're in heaven. We'd actually been the ones "raptured" and all the rest had gone to "hell" on "earth" and lived in their polluted, destroyed, and war-driven world.



edited to add: Who says God doesn't have a sense of humor. She's sitting right next to me now laughing her ass off. Party on, dudette.

[ComerPerro]

18. God, I wish all those "true Christians" would just disappear forever

[Javaman]

19. Thanks for voting this up, I just put this together off the top of my head

I'm glad you are enjoying it. :) this is the highest I have ever gotten with one of my posts on the greatest forum.

Thanks :)

[oxbow]

20. You should do more comedy writing

this is classic stuff, Javaman!

:yourock:

[movie_girl99]

21. fantastic post....we can dream of a place like this n/t

[Generic Other]

22. Lot couldn't even find 10 good men to save Sodom and Gomorrah

What makes you think Christ is gonna be able find more than a handful to rapture?

[Javaman]

24. See that's just my theory, god won't, he's out to save the earth...

not x-tains. lol

[Generic Other]

25. Or she

Humans are the head lice of the earth!

[Javaman]

28. Oops my mistake, I try hard to keep God sexless.

Thanks for catching that.

[malaise]

26. I love it n/t

[Q3JR4]

27. Yay!

Never thought I'd agree with the crazy fundie types, but that rapture thing does sound really good from this end.

I can't wait, it will be so great.

:hi: :bounce: :hi:

[Javaman]

29. Every dark cloud has a silver lining! :) nt

[myrna minx]

30. Thanks fot the laugh!

:toast:

[DarbyUSMC]

31. Terrific. Made my day. Thank you.

[Mabus]

32. We've been making post-rapture plans for a while now on the Kansas forum

Post-rapture tips for driving to and from our monthly meet-up: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=153&topic_id=5014&mesg_id=5014

addressing the concerns of post-rapture ettiquite (non-raptured family members should have first dibs on remaining property): http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=153&topic_id=5014&mesg_id=5033

ending with this:

I also think we're overlooking a lot of benefits that we can reap from the rapture. Here's how I see it. Once the rapture happens the homeless problem will pretty much solve itself. Unempoloyment will decrease as jobs will be opened up. This means that Social Security will remain funded because the number of payees goes down while we enter a period of almost full employment. Then we can really get to work. We can get health care for everyone, clean up the electoral process and really start taking care of each other.

The one thing I'm wondering about is what is to become of all those churches? Can we take them over and make them neighborhood meeting houses? How about we turn some of them into neighborhood clinics to make sure that health care is fully accessible?

[TwentyFive]

33. Excellent! Love PR+25, vacant churches. We can worship the trees saved by

not building churches or printing bibles.

[Javaman]

34. Dang, I wrote this as a sort of snarky little ditty, I'm now 7th

on the greatest list and I'm a little ashamed. The ones a head of me and a few behind me were real posts worthy of though provoking stuff and here is my goofy little thing already having 25 votes.

I just want to say thank you to those who have enjoyed reading it. I would have never expected this kind of response.

Peace always.

[dweller]

36. i'm glad i found it there

i enjoyed it!

:thumbsup:

and a :kick: and R!
dp

[jdadd]

37. Really Funny

:kick: & Recommended

:rofl:

[NMMNG]

38. Beautiful!

If only it were true.

[DanCa]

39. ROFLMAO

The rapture's been ruptured. Nothing further to see, move it along, move it along.

[and-justice-for-all]

40. thats bloody EXCELLLENT!!!

[eppur_se_muova]

41. Who cares where they all went? Just so they're gone. nt

[datasuspect]

42. DARK SIDER!!!!!11111

why do you hate 'murka so?

didn't you know that 'murka was founded in the bahble?

when jesus comes back he's a gonna be plenty mad and hungry. then he will feast on the flesh of the living!!!!11111

[Swamp Rat]

43. Sweet! ... k&r

:D