"The Bawl Street Journal"

[happydreams]

This paper's been around since 1917.



BAWL STREETJOURNAL TAKES ON NEW FORMAT

International Paper Down 27%
* * *Rainforest Supporters RejoiceShares prices of paper producers and pulp manufacturers plummeted yesterday as“The Bawl Street Journal” launched its newelectronic format. The Bond Club of New York,publisher of the esteemed paper, announcedthat the Club’s annual spoof of the Wall StreetJournal will be generally disseminated fromnow on via email. Nonetheless, attendees of theBond Club Annual Field Day will also receiveprinted versions on standard legal sized multi-purpose paper. “It’s a tremendous cost savingsto the Bond Club,” said the new editor.Many Bond Club members, however, seea different story. Bond club member KevinLeahy thinks club members were bowing topressure from their kids to save the world’srain forests. Others thought the move was timedto coincide with President Bush’s new energyplan to increase the use of nuclear power.Analysts noted the increase use of electricaltransmissions as Club members forwarded the Bawl Street Journal around the nation.Increased demand for electrical power, ofcourse, buttresses arguments for the need to build more nuclear power plants. MayorBloomberg called officials in Canada to reformatthe electric grid in case of brownouts.Reached for comment deep where theGrickle-grass grows, the Lorax sagely praisedBond Club members for changing with the times.Bond Club member Gates Hawn, long timepublisher of the Bawl Street Journal, also praisedthe move. Quoting Heraclitus, Hawn remindedclub members that “nothing is permanent butchange.”

To make his point Hawn cited anequally momentous development, the merger ofthe NYSE with Archipelago. (See story page 2)BVI Invades DelawareVirgins On the BeachThe British Virgin Islands declared waron Delaware yesterday after an amphibiouslanding had secured Rehoboth Beach for theallied forces of Offshore Tax Havens. The B.V.I,home to over 600,000 corporations, had growntired of being plagued by the Financial ActionTask Force and OECD as a place of “sunnybeaches and shady deals”.“Look at the Delaware corporation law”the partisans exclaimed as they marched onWilmington armed with barrels of planterspunch. “Delaware is less transparent than B.V.I!”they cried. A noted tax partner at Dewey,Cheatham and Howe did confirm that Delawareis a favored jurisdiction in which to form vehiclesin connection with structuring offshore taxavoidance structures.


The Bawl Street Journal and the NationalEnquirer have announced plans to merge.The Enquirer is going forward with the dealbecause it admires the BSJ’s willingness toprint pictures of a naked Saddam Hussein. Bothsides are being advised by Goldman Sachs.Morgan Stanley’s M&A department will alsobe involved as soon as it can be located.

* * *Crude oil stocks are down so crude oilstocks are up. Go figure.

* * *“England pleads guilty to Abu Ghraib abuses.” No—not Tony Blair’s England.

* * *Incoming Bond Club President SteveLessing was chosen at a conclave on the thirdballot. White smoke was seen coming out ofhis ears due to his anger at being elected.

* * *According to Dennis Kozlowski’s decorator,it was not just your average, everyday dogumbrella stand, it was a $15,000 1840’sFrench antique poodle-shaped stand. Tycostockholders are delighted they did not gofor a great dane-shaped one.

* * *Senator Bill Frist feels that the Democraticsenators should understand an up-or-downvote as they are all yo-yos. A.I.G. announced a restatement of fouryears or earnings, saying, “The restatementwill correct errors in prior accounting forimproper or inappropriate transaction or
entries that appear to have had the purpose of achieving an accounting result that would enhance measures important to the financial community.” How many years of law school did that statement take?
* * *We applaud the Supreme Court’s ruling permitting interstate wine sales, but don’twant to wait that long for a drink.
* * *The Wall Street Journal, following the BSJ’slead, plans to downsize its money-losingEuropean and Asian editions to tabloid size,thus saving $17 million annually. * * *After careful research, South Korea hasdecided not to clone Bond Club members.* * *“It’s nice to know that France dislikesEurope as much as the United States.”* * *Pope Benedict is a good egg.* * *All New York State and Federal judges intendto vote for Eliot Spitzer. They believe it isthe best way to deal with court congestion. © 2005 The Bond Club of New York, Inc. All Rites Observed.BCNY Vol. LXXVI No. 1★★★★ONLINEEDITIONMONDAY, JUNE 6, 2005 www.bondclubofnewyork.com★★★★FREEWEE NEWS
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