Solve the Middle East Crisis in 40 Words or Less.

[Philosoraptor]

Go ahead geniuses, let's hear the solutions, seriously.

[leftofthedial]

1. arm all sides with copious numbers of short range nukes

[Philosoraptor]

2. hhhmmm, dramatic, yet plausible...

[IA_Seth]

5. My a-political father suggested that yesterday.....

Unfortunately it would almost assure the complete destruction of an entire region.

[leftofthedial]

6. bummer

[ixion]

12. ah yes.. .the old put-out-the-fire-with-gasoline approach

very effective, albeit the most destructive as well.

Given that:


In a community, if a member of that community does something the rest of the community rejects, that member is ostracized until such time as the community sees fit to allow them to reenter.



I would propose:


Solution {

If the world community roundly rejected the violence on BOTH SIDES and ostracized BOTH SIDES until the violence stopped, the violence would stop very quickly.

}

[Ron Green]

3. Elect a US President and Congress with the courage and political will

to act diplomatically and decisively in the Middle East while setting an example to the rest of the world with our own move toward energy independence and sustainability.

[leftofthedial]

8. the supply of crises in that region

far exceeds the supply of courageous political leaders in the US

indeed it will long outlive the US

[berni_mccoy]

4. Cease-fire and Negotiate.

The objective: A peace treaty that will ensure involvement of Arab nations in stopping terrorist organizations.
What's required: Involvment of world's best mediators for to create a balanced treaty that does not favor one side. Placement of a neutral force that will work to stop attacks from Hizbollah and act in Israel's defense.

[Recursion]

13. Actually, Solomon had the solution

The Israeli government draws up a map dividing Israel and the territories into 2 parts.

The Palestinian authority chooses which part will be Palestine, Israel gets the other part.

[WePurrsevere]

34. Not a bad idea...I used to do that as a parent of 2 & it worked very well.

B-)
n/t

[genie_weenie]

7. I'll even do it standing on one leg!

"You shall love your neighbor as yourself."

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

10. Oh, Rabbi Hillel! eom

[Sammy Pepys]

9. Fire all of your guns at once...

..and explode into space.

[Recursion]

11. Here goes (these don't count for the 40):

Single-state solution for Israel/Palestine with amnesty and a truth and reconciliation commision and international guarantees of a secular Constitution.

Massive Marshall plan for new state of Israelistine.

UN peacekeepers along ethnic boundaries for a generation.

Tension for years.

Eventually, peace

[cali]

17. That's just a recipe for

another humanitarian disaster of epic proportions. Although, in the best of all possible worlds, that would be a good solution, we don't live in the best of all possible worlds. Aside from the fact that neither side wants such a solution. A two state solution is truly the only viable one at this time. Maybe a couple of generations down the road, they could merge, but a one state solution now, is not the answer.

[Recursion]

22. Then I default to my "Solomon" solution above

Israel divides the land in two. Palestine picks which half they want.

[cali]

28. Why not think about

a real solution? Yours isn't for about a hundred reasons. The first being that it's patently unjust.

[Recursion]

33. I don't know about "patently"

It's world-famous as an equitable way to divide property, and well-studied in game theory. It requires both sides to make sacrifices, and limits either's ability to blame the other.

Israel is currently drawing a unilateral border, whether they call it that or not. This sounds exactly like the mythical case Solomon famously judged. One divides, the other chooses.

[clydefrand]

19. eventually peace _ not in

Gods life time.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

14. One idea

Use a country with no religious ties to the region to negotiate a settlement and have them enforce it with funds from the world.

[cali]

15. I'll give it a shot.

Nothing can be solved without talking. Unilateral decisions on the part of Israel are disasterous. I know Israel wants recognition from whatever body is governing the Palestinians, and that's understandable, but they should talk whether Hamas or anyone else recognizes them anyway.

Israel should be willing to pull back to the 1967 border and Palestine should be willing to trade a small portion of the land on which the larger settlements have been built for land of equal value and dedicated access in the form of a tunnel or railroad, built and paid for by Israel, between Gaza and the West Bank.

Israel must give up it usurptation of Palestinian water sources.

Jerusalem should be under international protection, and both countries should be able to call it their capitol.

The right of return should be largely symbolic in so far as the number of Palestinians who are allowed to return to Israel proper. Restitution should be made to all others. (Restitution should also be made to the 750,000 jews who were forced to flee from Arabic countries after 1948, and who had to forfeit their property)

[chimpymustgo]

23. Who gets to return, and how many in this symbolic return

and what is the point?

I agree with most of your other points, except the settlements. Total 1967 border, with Israel paying restitution for all the destruction, displacement and havoc is has rained upon the Palestinians.

[Recursion]

25. Recrimination is a non-starter

Once we start down reparations and repayments this degenerates into the same "you started it" BS we're seeing now. Cali rightly pointed out the problems with my single-state solution, but I think I was right in that post to suggest that the model needs to be south africa's truth & reconciliation committee: everyone who admits what they did in The Troubles will get complete amnesty, as long as they detail it before the commission. That includes amnesty from having monetary reparations except in eminent domain-type situations.

[cali]

31. I can't agree with that

Palestinians deserve reparations. That doesn't mean there can't be truth and reconciliation commissions, but there really must be reparations as well.

[cali]

27. The number of Palestinians

returning is something to be worked out between the parties.

And sorry, but the Palestinians are going to have to make concessions if they want a contiguous nation. The West Bank does not adjoin Gaza. No concessions from the Palestinians and Israel is going to be well within their rights to refuse to allow access between the two. A state divided like that will not work.

Both parties need to make concessions. Period.

[clydefrand]

16. I don't usually like to repeat myself, but

the ICC in the Hague is the best solution. Get '*' out of here (and in prison?) and the middle east will slowly quiet down - just not for long. They have been fighting for so many years (decades, centuries?) that they will never have a lasting peace (as Bushes peice says she will work for).

[kentuck]

18. Get the UN involved...

Put it an adequate buffer in Southern Lebanon. Pass a resolution in the UN that states the the UN will unite to punish anyone that breaks the agreement. Then begin negotiations to resolve the differences, including stating that Israel has the right to exist, and that Israel will withdraw to original boundaries when the plan is put into place and that all her enemies will give up their weapons and work within the framework of the UN resolution. Last of all, the UN will put in a Marshall-type plan to build up Israeli neighbors with infrastructure and jobs. Violence cannot be tolerated by the civilized nations and the UN should accept responsibility for once.

[Liberal_Dog]

20. Change The Entire Middle East

Get rid of all of the phony nations created by the British after WW1. Place the various religious/ethinic groups into their own independent nations. It will take some hard work, but I believe that it could be done.

[Finder]

21. Require all nations receiving aid from the US and/or the UN to be secular.

Secular democracies that is, and required to be subject to international law. UN should be located in Jerusalem and it should not belong to any nation but all nations under UN administration.

[Recursion]

24. Hmmm...

Placing in Jerusalem the HQ of a secular world body that will then go on to enforce secularism in other countries seems... perverse, at the very least.

[Finder]

35. Enforcing the rule of law is perverse? n/t

[treestar]

58. Great idea - maybe even kick them out of the UN - any country

that does not allow religion freedom

[tjwash]

26. I'm gonna go over the 40 word limit, because I have to say...

...they have been fighting out there since before the old testament of the bible was written. Hell they were warring there when the Mesopotamians came up with the first written history ten thousand years ago.

In six billion years, when the sun has swelled into a red giant, and boiled the oceans away destroying all life on the planet except for a handful of bacteria, those bacteria living in the Middle East will be mortal enemies.

What's happening out there never became a "crisis" until they found all that oil in Saudi Arabia, and Iran. 9-11? Pffft. That was mission accomplished by the Saudis who were using Al-Qaeda to get us involved in their never ending cycle of war out there, to do their fighting for them.

You know how you solve it? Get the fuck out of the Middle East, and stay out. Let them fight their tribal wars themselves like they have been doing for eons, and don't be stupid and get sucked into their conflicts. We can start doing that by not sucking on the OPEC oil tit, by developing alternative energy sources, and a working mass transit system. You know-pretend that we are the world leaders in invention and ingenuity like we used to be.

[Philosoraptor]

30. You won't be penalized for going over.

Because you get an A+ and you are now class president.

I have to agree with your post the most.

[schmuls]

29. Klatu Barada Nikto

[Philosoraptor]

36. Ah yes, the GORT solution....

[mopinko]

32. spread DU all over the place,

poison the seeds of all the warriors, so that they will die out as a variety of homosapien. focus government functions on the welfare of pregnant women and children. war ends in 20-30 years.

on edit- wish to clarify that i do not think du is a good thing. i am just acknowledging the reality on the ground. in rawanda, with the men gone, the women were left to rule. i think it will be interesting to watch.

[Zomby Woof]

37. If the U.S. withdrew ALL aid to Israel

And we withdrew from Iraq... at the very least that would end anti-U.S. terrorism.

As for the violence there - there is no solution. The mongoloids on ALL sides have been fighting each other since the Bronze Age when their bare asses were living in tents and they were first foisting the toxin of monotheism upon the world.

I know the U.S. will never withdraw aid from Israel, but that would solve more problems than the aid created.

[schmuls]

39. why won't the U.S. withdraw aid from Israel? Do we really have to

finance all of these countries? Let these countries try to survive on their own...we little guys have to pay the price (in other countries as well). I know we have a long history with Israel. Someone give me a succinct and short reason. (I'm not anti-Semite by the way). Just want to know.

[mopinko]

41. taxpayer revolt

[Totally Committed]

38. (1, 2) Immediate Ceasefire

(3, 4) Intensive Diplomacy (5, 6, 7, 8) Tough but Fair Negotiation (9, 10, 11) Disarmement of Hezbollah (12, 13, 14, 15) Respect for Civilian Welfare (16, 17, 18) Hopsitals and Schools (19, 20) Improved Infrastructure (21, 22, 23, 24, 25) Equal Access to Clean Water (26, 27) Live Peace (28, 29) Demonstrate Peace (30, 31) Practice Peace (32)Love (33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40) When in doubt, do it for the children.

TC

[LiberalEsto]

40. Put "happy pills" in the water supplies

All these idiots in the ME -- and I mean ALL of them -- are too damn trigger-happy and filled with hate and rage. Giving them a chance to calm down and mellow out might make them receptive to negotiations.

:9

[lastliberalintexas]

48. I like!

But could we get that solution here as well? :)

[treestar]

57. SSRIs could really open more pathways in their brains

Maybe then they could see the big picture.

[Totallybushed]

42. Paelstinains give up

their cherished demand of a "right of return".

Everything else will fall into place.

[CuteNFuzzy]

53. sadly I don't know if you're serious or not

please say you aren't being serious?

[warrens]

43. Close down the "settlements," draw borders and put the UN at them

It won't end it all, but the pressure on the Palestinians to settle would be enormous. And that would take away the main issue the militants use against Israel.

[muriel_volestrangler]

46. That would roughly be my solution

I would add the UN would need to police, very strictly, the Arab areas close to Israel.

[MyNameGoesHere]

44. I hate war

and i hate killing. I wish a world coalition could forcibly seize ALL countries involved and not let them have their sovereignty back until they could play like children. I say children because they are a better example of how people should get along.

[smacky44]

45. I'll try:

Send lots of money to pay Iraqis to rebuild their own nation.
Send lots of money to pay Lebanese to rebuild their own nation.
US get out of ALL Arab lands.
Isarel get out of ALL Palestinian territory. (1967)
Try Bush and Olmert war crimes.
Disban Israeli air force. OR
Make the weapontry equal between Israelis and Palestinians.

Ok, so I went over my 40 words but it was worth it.

[Jeroen]

47. Call the whole territory 'France' and give all of them a French passport

Coffee and croissants in the morning...they cannot refuse ;-)

[treestar]

56. Make French the official language

While they all try to learn French, they bond together. :-)

[treestar]

63. Send them all the illegal Mexicans

See if they unite in the effort to deport them all and to fight off Spanish as the official language!

[rug]

49. Four words.

Withhold all military aid.

[CuteNFuzzy]

50. I'll answer in 4

Threaten To Disarm Israel.

They'll enter negotiations real quick then

[sentelle]

51. How's this in four words

"Get the hell out"

That includes our money. No country gets a handout, a loan guarantee, or weapons.
all existing loan guarantees become null and void, and payable now.
Enforced on penalty of death.

[cracksquirrel]

52. Okay...

1. Lots 2. Of 3. Hot 4. Sex...
Beyond that I really can't think of anything. If we just got rid of all that religious sexual repression, the ME would be the happiest place on earth! Like disneyland, only with Bangledeshi child cameljockies instead of sweatshop workers!

[treestar]

54. Brainstorming ideas

partly tongue in cheek, but

- arm the countries equally. If Lebanon/Palestine were more equal the Israelis might be less willing to attack if these countries had real protection and the Israelis would have to face a real fight. Removes the irritant against the Arabs that is probably behind suicide attacks - i.e., they feel safer from Israel, so they don't have as much to prove.

Develop the Gaza strip - unless there is some condition I don't know about, it looks like an ideal place for a beach resort. Have casinos. Make the people there so damn rich they don't care whether there is a Jewish state next door or not. Take all the money spent on giving military aid on just building Palestine into a middle class place, again, just make them so happy they don't give a damn whether there is an Israel or not. Once you get it started, the economy can roll from there. In sum, find some way to make life in Palestine just not be so desperate that suicide bombing is something anyone wants to do.

Reverse course and aid the Palestinians to get the Israelis out. So the Palestinians feel "safe" from further Israeli incursions. The US is going to protect them. Have the US go all out to protect Palestine from Israel. Undoes the Arab resentment against the US. Makes it impossible for the Israelis to build their "settlements." The Israelis won't suffer terrorist attacks, if anyone is so fanatical they still want to do it, the US is in the way. If they still manage to do it, the Israelis can't get revenge for the few that are left, because the US is in the way.

Demand a Christian State - seriously, there are Christians there. They get ignored and overlooked. The Zionists often defend their concept of the Jewish state by pointing out the the Muslims have their states. Demand a Christian state in the area with Bethlehem for a capital, after all, that's where Jesus was born. Since the government will be able to force Christianity on the population in the Christian state, the fundies and freepers will migrate there in droves. Having them next door is adequate punishment to all who are there now.

Abandon the concept of a Jewish state, it is surrounded by enemies and will always have to be on a military footing. Allow everyone is Israel to migrate to the US. With an offer like that - be in a free country where you can practice your religion two oceans and half a world away from your enemies - if they turn that down, it proves they never wanted to live in peace. If it is true that Israel could not survive without US aid, then Israel is truly a colony of the US - why have a colony in such a dumb location? Bring them all back and start from scratch.

Give the Israelis a state in part of Germany - the Germans may agree, at this point, to pay the price for the Holocaust. From some arguments, it appears that the Palestinians have to pay the price, when they weren't the ones who did it.

British style, redraw the lines so they are all in one country. Then threaten to attack them. See if they all come together then. (Maybe that didn't work in Iraq, but who says it wouldn't here? Worth a try).

Getting too silly, now, time to quit.

[WilliamPitt]

55. .

[napi21]

59. I think we should demand every world leader be sequestered

into ONE room, and locked there until they can either reach a peace agreement or kill each other! Those who survive can eventually come out and go home.

Every one of them, including Shrub, Blair, Amadinijad(sp), and all the rest seem to love to fight, but they make others do the fighting for them.

I say fight it out guys, and may the best man win!!!!

[treestar]

60. Put them all on Alcatraz

The last one standing rules Alcatraz

[Dr Fate]

61. They should all just screw each other and be done with it. n/t

n/t

[MrSlayer]

62. Destroy the "holy" sites.

Simple as that. Destroy it all and then see what the fuck is worth fighting over. It is such silliness fueling this thing.

[ecstatic]

64. Pay families 1 million dollars each to relocate

Or maybe only give them the money if they agree to relocate with a family of the opposite faith. Or if they don't want to leave, pay 1 million to families who agree to live with or marry someone of the opposite faith/race.