Can Someone PLEASE Provide Me A Date For The Rapture?

[DistressedAmerican]

I want to know when I get to start laughing. When do these folks realize they are wrong? With an open ended date, they just get to keep assuming they are right. Hell, they die convinced of it. Annoying and dishonest.

I say, if people are going to make grand predictions about the future, they should have the balls to set a concrete date. Anything less it cowardly. Edgar Casey and many other fools have set a date. Are the more manly than today's fundie preacher?

Rapture peddlers, you are "on notice". Provide me a specific date in the next week or you risk being "dead to me".

:evilgrin:

[havocmom]

1. Actually, it was several years ago

Tell some fundies, bit stand back when ya do. ;)

[flowomo]

2. I think you're supposed to go stag....

but I guess you could take someone if you want.

[jeanarrett]

31. ROFL!! Cute. . .

[mcscajun]

62. Damn! We really need that "rimshot" smiley!

Da-Da-Bang-BOOM!

:rofl:

[LiberalVoice]

3. When God steps up, we'll stand down. nt

[peekaloo]

4. Can you pick me up by 8:00 pm next Saturday.

:silly:

[megatherium]

5. Jesus said he didn't know when, only God knows. nt

[seemunkee]

6. Can't he ask?

You would think he could talk to his dad about it.

[shain from kane]

22. Jesus at that time was mostly, "Are you fucking crazy? You want me to do,

what? I can't stand a papercut."

God: "Where's your Christian charity? We have to do something for these people, or they're going to hell."

Jesus: "What do you mean, "we", Kemo Sabe?"

[megatherium]

32. That's terrible. LOL nt

[Tesha]

33. They haven't had "the talk" yet. ;-) (NT)

[shain from kane]

44. He treats his 2000-year old son like a teenager. n/t

[SammyWinstonJack]

79. LOL! Good one! Personally, I hope for a "Rapture" to take away all

of these self serving, self absorbed and self righteous assholes, and let it happen soon! The World will a better place without them! Joke will be on them when they are left here on Earth with the rest of us, to deal with the crap they brought on. Morans!

[Freddie Stubbs]

7. It will happen in 24 business hours

8. I have read that the Mayan Calender runs out in 2012

and we are in between worlds until then. But you were probably asking about something else.

""The Mayan fifth world finished in 1987. The sixth world starts in 2012. So we are currently "between worlds". This time is called the "Apocalypse" or revealing. This means the real truth will be revealed. It is also the time for us to work through "our stuff" individually and collectively.""

http://www.adishakti.org/mayan_end_times_prophecy_12-21-2012.htm

[DistressedAmerican]

16. That is absolutely correct. Dec 23rd 2012 to be exact.

As a Mayan archaeologist, I can attest to that belief. I can also tell you that remains widely held in the more traditional communities. In particular, in the northern Yucatan many believe that on or by that that date they must wage open on the whites that have kept them oppressed or perish with the rest of mankind in the cataclysmic earchquakes that will flip the surface of the earth over killing us all.

Just the same, I'll be down there without a doubt at the time.

Don't get me started on the Maya afterlife. Not good.

23. If they are right - we will all get to see it

happen. I can't tell if things have changed since 1987?

[TrogL]

75. So tell me all about the Maya afterlife

[Chiyo-chichi]

19. Do I have until 2012 to start working through my stuff...

or am I supposed to be finished by then?

If it's the latter... I'm in trouble.

24. If it can't be done in 6 years - then

you aren't really trying.

[sueragingroz]

51. I remember the Harmonic Convergence etc in 1987

I remember folks going on about the Mayan calendar back then. I was waitressing at a pizza joint.

We used it as an excuse to go out and get drunk after work.

57. reason to get drunk

:P :P

[mrcheerful]

9. Its not a set date anymore, the date was foreseen to have been in 1835 but

when it didn't happen the preacher then said he miscalculated the date and the rapture would happen in 1840. After that the rapture folks just tell the selected sheep they will know when the rapture is about to happen by certain signs. Then change the signs from time to time when the signs start pointing to rapture, like two such signs were supposed to be Israel becoming a country again and going to war with the muslums in the area, when that happened in 1967 and the rapture didn't come they then added another sign that was missed before 67.

[jaxx]

10. I think it was yesterday......but it didn't work.

The sleezy son of a bitches are still standing around waiting for dubya to be raised.......I heard god took one look, laughed and went on his way.

[shain from kane]

11. Here's what B.B. has to say ----

Hey baby, baby please set a date
Hey baby, baby please set a date
Well, don't say tomorrow
'cause tomorrow is too far away

[longship]

12. Try eHarmony.com!

They can hook you up with somebody, I suppose.

[Benhurst]

13. I can't give you an exact date; but you'll know because

I won't be around to post on DU anymore.

:rofl:

[sinkingfeeling]

14. Sorry, Darby said it was going to happen in the 1840's. They're still

waiting.

[TheFriedPiper]

15. It can't come soon enough!

We'll be rid of the christians AND we get to keep their stuff.

They got LOTS of multi-million dollar mansions.

But rich people are not allowed in heaven.

Damn it's tough when superstitions contradict themselves!

[NNN0LHI]

17. No one was laughing in 1978, when the Rapture came for the 913...

...followers of the Peoples Temple who were murdered by Jim Jones and his thugs.

Don

[Ganja Ninja]

18. Gotta big credit card bill coming up or just planning one?

[Warren DeMontague]

20. Damn, DA. Here, the world is ending, and all you can think about is

getting laid?

For shame. :evilgrin:

[badgerpup]

43. Umm...s'cuse me for butting in...

..but you say that like it's a bad thing!
:rofl:

[catmandu57]

21. The first of never

I can't prove this, but, neither can the rapture freaks prove that they're going to be lifted into the sky.

[mcscajun]

25. When you get the date, pass it on...I want to know when I can pick

up one of their homes. :)

[shireen]

45. LOL! Good one!!!

I'm house-hunting right now. If the rapture came tomorrow, I could get a really good deal by the weekend!
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[mcscajun]

61. Talk about a Real estate Bubble Busting!

:rofl:

[drubytue]

26. Reverse anti-semitism

Until the Rapture comes, the Christian right has to be nice to Jews, which they hate. After that, they can express their real feelings.

[blogslut]

27. According to SubGenius theology

Our "rapture" -called X-Day- was supposed to happen on July 5, 1998. The day after, we discovered the truth. Bob, in his infinite wisdom, transposed the year. Now we look forward to the true X-Day, July 5, 8661. Praise Bob.

[Touchdown]

28. This one is single...

She's brown hair, brown eyes. Has breasts, but doesn't measure them because that's a sin. She's a Pisces, but that's a sin. He birthdate is 4-07-1996 (biological is 8-24-1968). She's into basket weaving, men who aren't afraid to cry, and she makes a fantastic potatoe salad she named Quayle.

[shain from kane]

29. New tennis shoes for everybody. Don't forget to put the quarters in your

pocket.

[Norquist Nemesis]

30. Let me get my dart board

hmmm...inconclusive.

[noonwitch]

34. There is no rapture, it's not in the Bible

It's a psychologically convenient belief for those who want to see their enemies suffer, but don't want to suffer themselves.

Of course, I feel the same way about people who believe in hell, anyways. Most don't feel that they will be going to hell, but damn, everyone they hate sure is. This set of thinking crosses over religious and political lines, and is not exclusive to christian fundamentalists.

[Lone_Star_Dem]

35. There you have it... it's like purgatory

When they found a flaw in their belief that they couldn't wrap their minds around they created an out clause.

[ProdigalJunkMail]

36. while the term Rapture is not in the bible

the foundation for it is in the book of Thesalonians...which one I cannot recall...but it is in there.

sP

[Warren DeMontague]

47. So, as opposed to fiction, it is

...fiction.

[ProdigalJunkMail]

50. glad to see your bias

thanks...

sP

[Warren DeMontague]

55. Because I don't think the stories in the Bible are all literally true?

I don't think the Earth is 6,000 years old, either.

Hey- I also don't think there's a giant invisible man in the sky who, with a 14.5 billion light year wide Universe to presumably "run", has nothing better to worry about than what the hairless apes of Planet Earth are doing with their respective genitalia. I just don't.

Yep. I'm biased!

[ProdigalJunkMail]

63. well, I am certainly not hairless

but that is a matter for the waxing personnel... :-)

Just your tone tells me that you seem to think that people who have a religious belief are somehow deluded. That's fine...I just like to know to whom I am speaking. And I guess it is good that you don't mind being biased (and heck, who would? we all are about one thing or another)...but what about being close minded? Sounds like you have decided that it cannot be true...but I am just assuming that by your tone...and don't worry, saving you is not my desire here. Just curious...

sP

[Warren DeMontague]

68. I'm willing to lay serious odds that "the rapture" is not "true".

I'm not closed minded. Frankly, I think people who view the Universe in either/or, binary terms tend to be closed minded- like, there's a fifty percent chance that "my" God exists, or "he" doesn't.

I consider that closed minded, or at least limited in perspective. Personally, I lay about equal odds for the existence of Jehovah, (or whatever you want to call the cranky old Deity of the Bible) King Kong, The Flying Spaghetti Monster, The mythical bird that underlies the Yanomamo creation myth, and anything else for which there is no corroborating physical evidence. Doesn't mean I wholeheartedly write them off as "impossible", but I don't give special dispensation to certain ideas (like "God") that I wouldn't give to other ideas with equal empirical footing, like the notion that a 500 foot tall invisble, weightless, odorless, imperceptible Orangutan lives on my roof.

When evidence comes along to convince me otherwise, I will be all ears.

[ProdigalJunkMail]

70. that's groovy

and thanks for not taking the hairless ape thing too much farther :-)

Just was gathering from your internet posting 'tone' that you thought is was all bunk. I swear there are some people that will swear there is no God NOT MATTER what happens...meaning, the guy appears in the sky and says, "Howdy." Of course, appearing in your local piss-stain on a wall is all that is necessary for some...

Keep your ears and eyes open...you need them both to see the evidence (for or against). Don't wait til the evidence passes you by before paying attention...

sP

[Warren DeMontague]

71. Fair enough.

Here's my proseltyzing for the day: Not as action-packed as the bible, but it has more jokes.

http://www.wam.umd.edu/~stwright/rel/tao/TaoTeChing.html

Bear in mind, that's only one potential translation.

Peace.

[ProdigalJunkMail]

72. cool... a little light reading from my past

thanks for the pleasant exchange. And may the Grumpy Old Man in the Sky not be so grumpy the next time he looks down on all of us...

sP

[Cleita]

37. It was supposed to be in 2000 or 2001 depending on which

date of the actual millenium. So I don't know why they haven't figured out it's not going to happen any time soon.

[HiFructosePronSyrup]

38. July 23, 2006.

Whoops.

[Tierra_y_Libertad]

39. Let me call Elvis on the toaster. He may already be booked.

[Boomer]

40. Not soon enough for me

I can't wait to be Left Behind. Go already! Just GO!

[zcflint09]

41. I'd like to know...planning a trip to Vegas soon

And I hope that I'd don't need to rebook.

[Generic Other]

42. Looks like it's soon! Here's the video link

LINK:
http://media.putfile.com/Rapture-Party-Death-Trip-

[sueragingroz]

52. here's a Rapture Ad that I made once

Back a while ago when I was goofing around with an internet radio show.

I don't have much audio left from that foray because my computer crashed.... but I do have this:

http://www.sueragingroz.com/audio/rapturead.mp3

Here's the pic that went with the Ad:

[warrens]

46. Well, I'd probably be free

Who pays for dinner?

[shireen]

48. I believe in the rapture!

Because it's the only hope I have to get those f*ckin' crazies off the planet to leave the rest of us alone to live in peace!

Does Christ have to appear? Maybe we find get someone to impersonate Christ so he can tell his followers to walk to the ocean and just keep walking. Kinda like a baptism, but they won't come up for air.

[treestar]

49. July 7, 2007

It didn't happen on June 6, 2006, but that's the Anti-Christ's Day.

:evilgrin:

[Deja Q]

53. Let's date each other! I have nobody. Sounds like you don't either.

WHOOPS! Wrong type of date... :blush:

[Swamp Rat]

54. HURRY UP AND GET RAPTURED ALREADY!!!

I'm getting tired of waiting! :eyes:

[RamboLiberal]

56. With our luck - Jan 20, 2009 just as we kick Bushie, Pickles

and Cheney out of the WH!

[Fire Walk With Me]

58. No rapture for you!

Go home, we're CLOSED!

[CatholicEdHead]

59. Would this dating website help?

You should find some to fulfill your request.

http://www.christiansingles.com/

;)

[Dead_Parrot]

60. 7th April, 2003

It will come as something of a shock to the fundies when they find out only 3 people were good enough, and the entire event went unnoticed.

[ecstatic]

64. On a serious note, here's what my pastor said:

He said the end of the world/armageddon will come when every single person in every part of the world has heard the gospel.

[Nikki Stone 1]

65. Don't forget to get a manicure and a pedicure. Jesus apparently likes

well done nails, according to recent rapture sites.

[shain from kane]

66. Compared to those really rough nails, hands and feet, on Good Friday. n/t

[notadmblnd]

82. but I thought god was going to make me perfect when I got there

... now I have to go spend money to get my Toes done?

[Javaman]

67. It's on a tuesday...

So there I was again out on my front lawn minding my own business and out marches my neo-con fundie neighbor Phil. Generally, Phil is a good guy. He is though, very uptight and humorless in that fundie sort of way.

Anyway, he marches right up to me and states clearly, "you can have my car".

Momentarily, shocked by Phil's bizarre and quite sudden sense of generosity, I said, "come again?"

Phil gazes off philosophically, "yup, you can have it. It's all yours. In fact, you can have anything I own"

I was reeling, had my normally selfish neighbor, the one who stated that people on welfare really aren't poor and in need, is suddenly having a real awakening? or was it a long delayed aneurysm? Or perhaps and more likely, it was in desperate need of repair and just wanted to unload it on me.

"well, Phil", I began, "What is sparking this sudden generosity?"

Phil looked me straight in the eye. "We are being called to God...next tuesday".

Suddenly, the image of a bumper sticker on the back of Phil's behemoth of an SUV shot through my mind, "Caution: in case of rapture, this car will be empty"

"Tuesday. ahhh, I see, well Phil, given that you are such the holy roller and are more than certain to be one of the first on the elevator to cloud land, can I get your word in writing?" I eyed him plainly.

For the briefest of nano-seconds, I saw doubt pass before Phil's eyes. He stammered, "well, I, um, sure.." His eyes darted about.

"Because, you know Phil, with your limitless faith in God, and your more than assured spot among the truly chosen, you should have no problem signing it all over to me", my comment hung in the air like a dung ball. I could see Phil's mind trying like all hell to figure a way out.

"Devil!" Phil Squawked.

I raised my eye brows, "pardon?"

"Lucifer!!" Phil screamed.

"Oh Phil, You hurt me, I lent you my edger." I replied.

Phil looked at the sky, "you are testing me!" then back at me, "Beelzebub!" Phil foamed.

Phil then screamed at the sky and stormed off. I continued watering my grass.

I thought about all of Phil's pent up behavior over the frustration of believing in something so much, that quite literally, he has defined it so his life depended on it.

Like most fundies appalled at "America's moral decent into hell", rather than take stock in life and love those around then and live the word of God, they instead choose to give everyone and everything lip service about burning in hell, because it's the easy in that self righteous way. Actually, working up a sweat and actually communicating to someone that is 1) a different color or heaven forbid 2) of a different religion and 3) may have a different opinion, would require them to go beyond themselves and experience what life is really all about. As a result anyone outside their realm of reality is looked upon as a none believer. It's just easy that way for them.

So come next Wednesday, when Phil gets home from work, I won't poke him in the side with a "what happened to the rapture" type of comment. That's to obvious.

I'll just causally look over at him and say, "nice car". He'll get the point.

[guinivere]

81. roflmao!

:applause: Great story.




I'm sure they will be surprised that only about 10 people float away.



Have any preliminary arrangements been made for the big Left Behind Dinner and party. I want to get my ticket early.

[alfredo]

69. Monday Nov 6 2006 1 PM EST

[mikeytherat]

73. According to this other DU thread, some time next week:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=364x1747947

Although you will know not the day nor the hour, you do, apparently, get at least one week's notice (which, you have to admit, is kinda nice).

:rofl:

mikey_the_rat

[tenshi816]

74. I wonder exactly how they've

worked out the logistics of a Rapture event, by which I mean do they think Jesus is going to snatch everybody up simultaneously, or is he going by time zones? I mean, surely He can't appear in the sky everywhere on the globe at the exact same moment - what about the parts of the world where it's night?

Of course, since the majority of the Rapturites are probably in the US, I doubt they're thinking about the rest of the planet. They see Americans as God's real chosen people.

I'm also confused as to exactly where the fundies believe their heaven will be. Do they really think they're going to be sitting on a cloud with Jesus? And what's with the being-Raptured-naked thing?

[timtom]

76. Sorry, but I'm married....

Oh -- you meant a CALENDAR date. Oops! (TeeHee)

[Czolgosz]

77. We're all going stag.

[ComerPerro]

78. I hope the rapture happens, so they all fucking disappear

[SeattleGirl]

80. I just read that it' supposed to be next Tuesday, August 1st.

I wonder what in the heck these people are going to say when they wake up Wednesday morning, and they're still here.

:rofl:

[seemunkee]

83. January 19, 2038

End time for Unix/Linux/Posix