How many in GD dealing with severe mental illness in their home?

[EFerrari]

I know that the Andrea Yates decision has profoundly affected me and I wanted to ask, who here in GD deals with severe mental illness and / or our dangerously dysfunctional system in some way?

Discovering and surviving and learning to negotiate severe mental illness in my family changed my life in a profound way -- not the least of which, it changed the way I am active in the community and in especial, in the political community.

Who else?

I can identify with Rusty Yates on any day of the week, not because of his religious beliefs or his notions of gender roles but because when I married my love, I had no clue whatsoever about the degree of his illness. And, all along the way of understanding, the medical community was no help whatsoever.



It's funny. When your spouse is suspected of mental illness, the first thing that happens is that your community urges you to leave your spouse. There is no respect for the idea of the family. The solution you are pounded with is, "get out!" -- as if that would really solve anything. If you don't abandon this person that you love because they are ill, there must be something very wrong with you.

And if you don't leave, you are punished and put down. You are called "self destructive" or a "victim" or just about anything but a family member, trying to get MEDICAL CARE for someone who needs your help.

I've been called a "self-appointed advocate" for my husand. LOL! I was only his wife. And, there seemed to be no committee anywhere interested in "appointing" an advocate for him. And, no one else lived with his illness let alone, with the failures of the medical community to address his problems no matter how easily they could be addressed.

And that, really, is the state of our mental health system. We have the best tech in the world. People like Andrea can be treated. It's not a cakewalk but with a careful team, Andrea can be treated. Most of our family members can be -- with everything from meds to behavioral therapy to all the other tools we now have.

What the f#ck good is a toolbox if it never gets opened?



It's more profitable to build prisons for our mentally ill and it may be easier to try to shame their families into submission. But I'm here to say, not so fast. We won't settle for that. We won't go quietly.

For the children



Beth

[Swamp Rat]

1. Do I count?

:D

Sorry to make light of your serious question... I'm kinda joking on the square too.

[EFerrari]

6. Do you count?

:evilgrin:

[Tom Yossarian Joad]

26. I don't know if he can count...

But he's HELLA GOOD with Photoshop!

(Other than being one bright momma-jamma to boot)

:silly:

[lonestarnot]

72. I can't count!

:silly:

[EFerrari]

74. And you're complaining to ME?

:silly:

[lonestarnot]

105. Just joining in the counting process.

[EFerrari]

109. Okay!

lol

[lonestarnot]

113. Count Chocula! How nice of you to join us.

[readmoreoften]

129. Ain't no Chocula there, bro... That's THE Count. The one & only. /nt

[lonestarnot]

134. Oh, I see. Well must be needing a chocolate fix to have

misidentified THE Count. Stupid me!

[readmoreoften]

136. Chocula's good, but he's too skinny for me.

I like my counts to have big round heads.

The real question is, to you remember Frute Brute? The Strawberry Werewolf? They took him off the market because he turned little kids' crap pink.

[lonestarnot]

139. Nope, if it isn't chocolate, it isn't good.

[EFerrari]

137. Me, first! Spare a chocolate almond torte?

[lonestarnot]

140. mmm mmm mmmm

Now for sure I have to raid the kitchen.

[SteppingRazor]

2. I'd say whether or not you should leave a mentally ill spouse depends...

on the illness and its manifestations. If your spouse is a threat to you or your children -- and especially if your spouse has physicaly harmed you or your children in any way -- then, yes, you should "get out." Especially if children are involved. So, in that sense, I don't really understand the husband's position, I guess. If he had even a glimmer of what his wife was thinking, he most certainly should have left, if not for his own safety, then for the safety of his children. There's no excuse for being a basher -- not drinking, not drugs, not even insanity.

[EFerrari]

8. There is a difference between "getting out"

which assumes wrongly that by "getting out" YOU and YOURS will no longer be at risk, and actually dealling with the situation in a realistic way which may, just may, result in a bettering of everyone's situation.

Another way to look: Had I "got out", my now wonderfully functional and community serving and (did I mention) loving hubby would just be on some other doorstep.

It's like taking the grenade out of your livingroom and placing it in the middle of the street, no?

And this also speaks to the American sense of family. Do we marry each other or not? I'm no cheerleader for staying in impossible situations, but mental illness will not be resolved by more people bailing, especially when we are asked to bail on our family members. :)

/ack. h->k: it

[SteppingRazor]

15. good points all...

as I said, solutions would certainly very from situation to situation. It takes diff'rent strokes to rule the world. :7

[EFerrari]

21. Here's to doing what we can.

:toast:

[bigwillq]

198. You can 'get out'

and still be supportive, loving, encouraging, etc, etc, etc,


and by 'getting out' you can still continue to develop a strong relationship while that person gets the help they need.

[H2O Man]

37. Mental illness

is not an indicator of violence. Mentally ill people in the United States are far more likely to be the victim of violence than to be the perpetrator. It is a sad fact that our media confuses the public on this issue.

[EFerrari]

47. Exactly. People dealing with mental illness in this country

are much more likely to be the victims of violence that the perpetrators of violence.

And somehow, we all have this fact exactly backwards.

[BoneDaddy]

112. Absolutely

I don't think anyone, anywhere can comment on what someone else should or shouldn't do. I love the martyrs out there who urge "sticking it out" with someone with a dangerous mental illness. Love is one thing...stupidity is another.

[EFerrari]

143. I've seen no martyrs on this thread.

But I have seen a bunch of people with the courage to see what they're looking at.

Imagine that.

lol

[Dora]

3. Not in my home, but in my family.

My brother is on the verge of homelesness at 40 years old. Limited skills, limited physical ability, and undiagnosed/untreated cycles of mental illness that interrupt and destroy every highly-functional period that he's ever had.

[EFerrari]

10. Pm me if you're looking for resources.

My very best to you, Dora, and to your family and to your brother. :hug:

[tibbir]

4. I have bipolar disorder plus mental illness runs in my family.

Andrea Yate's situation was very real to me and I was sad but very gratified when the jury finally came in with the right verdict today. She didn't win - she'll live with the repercussions of her psychotic episode for the rest of her life.

[EFerrari]

11. There is no winning. I hope Andrea can get even a little

of the support she always needed. :cry:

[EFerrari]

5. Full disclosure: I have talked to Rusty on several occasions.

And that was after nearly a decade of trying and trying and fighting to get care for Doug.

WE were much, much more lucky than the Yates family. And we could have been them.

There is a kind of shock + exhaustion that sets in, when you're dealing with this every day, for days, weeks and years.

When you call and call and call the docs and get little or nothing in return. When no one bothers to give you specifics like: when will this medication kick in? how do I know if it's failing? what can I expect? how do I learn to predict a problem? how do I talk to the rest of the family? who else is going throught this?

Our current national strategy is all about making the problem "go away" at any cost. At any cost.

[bobbolink]

7. Very important topic, and very well stated and thought out!

First, I'm so sorry for what you've been put through. What you were dealt was hard enough, but people have clearly made it that much more difficult.

When will we all get that telling other people what to do is not "mental health"? Have all these people ever looked at that fact??

We all have different capabilities, inner strength and boundaries. NOBODY has any right to decide for another what they can/should do. That "bossiness" itself is insane! :)

All this reminds me of many years ago, when parents of newborn "retarded" babies were routinely told to immediately place them in institutions. Fortunately, there were those who balked and rebelled at such bizzybodyness, and forced the issue of the need for resources and retooling our schools, etc.

I have no doubt that you are on the leading edge of the same kind of revolution. It's always toughest on the front lines.

Doug is so very fortunate to have you!!

:hug:

[EFerrari]

12. We just keep doing, bobbolink, because we can

:toast:

[Lilith Velkor]

94. Good point

One of the reasons I avoided treatment for so long is that I thought I would have to boss people around all the time, which seems pointless and tiring to me.

[porphyrian]

9. Kick for mental health. - n/t

[EFerrari]

14. Thank you, porphyrian.

:)

[porphyrian]

19. No problem at all.

Being an underachiever has landed me a number of convenience store jobs over the years where I've dealt with homeless people directly. Here in Tallahassee, we are about thirty miles from a podunk town that houses a state mental institution, a stop light and almost nothing else. At least half of the homeless we have wandering about here are "cured" (read "fine while taking medication under supervision") people from the hospital. This is done because mental health is the red-headed stepchild of health care, at least when it comes to funding.

I've also personally dealt with various levels of anxiety myself, and have numerous friends with depression, some of it fairly severe. I'm ready to see some progress in mental health, and talking about it is a good first step.

[EFerrari]

34. The first step is always a bitch.

:)

[Kire]

13. self delete

[EFerrari]

16. Kick for a hard question.

:grouphug:

[Mz Pip]

17. Yes

and it is frustrating, painful and heartbreaking all at the same time.

Getting help has been next to impossible because the individual involved refuses to admit there is a problem. We have been unable to facilitate any lasting treatment as she does not follow through with treatment. Borderline personality disorders are extremely difficult to treat.

Fortunately, she isn't violent although she can be extremely verbally abusive at times.

Mz Pip
:dem:

[EFerrari]

22. It can be all those things at the same time.

((Mz Pip ))

[denese]

149. BPD

Is the illness that held my husband in it's horrible grip.
It's like living in a very long and exceedingly horrible nightmare.
((((Mz Pip)))
You are not alone.

[MuseRider]

18. Not in my home

but I had a brother who had some very serious problems that he self medicated with booze and drugs. I never knew what was wrong with him but he was always difficult. He left after my mother died, have not seen him in over 10 years and suspect he is dead since there is no one who has been able to find him.

I agree with you, there is much that could be done and done humanely but somehow we always end up back to prisons.

[EFerrari]

23. Here in CA, the prison lobby is the most powerful one.

:shrug:

[MuseRider]

40. I live and was brought up in

Topeka, Kansas the home of Menniger Foundation. I learned early on that there was much more that could be done to help people. They had an old museum (I can't remember if I saw this there or at the State Hospital when I worked there) with the chains and manacles and hard chairs with restraints from the early, pre therapy days. It was an eye opener. I did some mental health nursing and found it most rewarding.

[EFerrari]

20. It would be a cool thing if we could look at this poll and see

that a number of us are dealing with this issue.

[Tom Yossarian Joad]

24. My dealings were past tense. My sister was diagnosed as

a schizophrenic along with a boatload of other problems.

She died a few years ago and I beat myself up for not doing more than I did on a pretty regular basis.

You are a good person, Beth. Don't let the bastards get you down!

K&R

[EFerrari]

27. I'm still here, and actually, really jazzed to be here. lol

:hug:

[SmokingJacket]

25. My best friend was struck with severe mental illness.

So, not my family, but just outside. And in my extended family, there's some though I haven't had to deal with it.

Oh, and tons of mild mental illness all around me...!

[Lisa0825]

28. Past tense - work and home

My ex BIL had schizo-affective disorder. Each time he had a major episode over the years, it got worse. The last time before his brother and I got divorced, he got violent for the first time, tackling my then-husband and saying that he was evil, and to stay away from his daughters. Right before we split up, he moved to Spain with a woman he met. She knew about his condition. We were worried abouthim being in a foreign country, with no other family nearby to help if anything happened. She finally called me one day, sobbing, because he was out in major intersections screaming at people about the Apocalypse. They managed to get him to a hospital, and once he was more stable (and heavily medicated), they flew him home to check him into a hospital near his parents. I don't keep in touch with my ex-family anymore, but every now and then I do wonder how he is doing.

His wife tried to keep their marriage together, but he abused his prescriptions, and therefore never became stable for long periods of time. He ended up leaving her and sleeping on the street, and then staying at our house for a few months. I hope he got better, but he just seemed to be getting worse over the years until I lost touch.

I also dealt with quite a few mentally ill job-seekers (and those who were homeless and just looking for a place to pass the time) when I worked at a state employment office in Houston.

I honestly don't know what I would do if I got involved with someone with a serious mental illness. Some forms (and degrees) are much easier to manage than others. I just don't think I would have the strength to handle someone like my ex-BIL though.

[w8liftinglady]

29. I'd like to recommend a site with many resources

http://www.gentletouchsweb.com/

has links to may different sites.I referred to it when my son was first diagnosed with PTSD.

[EFerrari]

31. Thank you. Thank you.

This is how we get it done.

[EFerrari]

30. For the children

Can we just be not so afraid to look?

Can we just be a little slower to judge?

Can we just ask our Dems to take up this stuff?

What do you think? :evilgrin:

My husband, after I got the courage together to challenge the limp @ssed system and to fight for his care, is now, lol, working all over in this community. He's doing great political comedy in print, on radio and soon, on television.

If we can do, you, YOU can do this. Better, we can get it done together.

:kick: for all the families isolated and needing support and dealing with danger every day.

:kick:

[TygrBright]

152. sfexpat, Doug is lucky to have you...

...and all who deal with intense mental illness are lucky that people like you are willing to speak up on this issue.

I suffer from depression that is being treated very effectively, but depression can spiral out of control even before the most sophisticated, self-motivated patient realizes it. If I didn't have my Darling Husband I would always have a small level of worry that some day I'd have gone past the point of no return without realizing it. Very fortunately, he knows and loves me well enough to be 'aware' of how my moods and meds are interacting, and can 'mirror' to me if needed. I am so very, very, VERY lucky to have him.

gratefully,
Bright

[EFerrari]

154. We are so lucky to have each other.

((((((((((((Bright))))))))))))))))

[NMDemDist2]

32. I voted the first one as my mother is severly mentally ill

in her most "out there" moments she could have easily done what Ms Yates did.

it's tough

[EFerrari]

33. You have to be there to be there.

Here's to our families that undertake so much, with so much love and so little understanding, and

get so much done.

:toast:

[porphyrian]

35. While I know DU polls are hardly scientific...

...I wonder if it should be an issue that 51% of us that took the poll about it said they own a gun. Probably nothing, but something to ponder.

[proud patriot]

36. my son

[w8liftinglady]

46. me,too-

:hug:

[EFerrari]

144. One o mine. One beautiful one.

:)

[bicentennial_baby]

38. I do, and

I agree with you...100%

:hug:

[EFerrari]

41. Agreement! Cool!

:hug:

[bicentennial_baby]

44. I follow your post closely...

My gf is bipolar, and a host of other things...well, diagnosed as such, she is not her illness, she is so much more than that. :)

Much love to you and Doug...You're both fighting the good fight, I know. :hug:

[EFerrari]

48. We're still here and (don't tell ANYONE)

we're just fine.

:hug:

:toast:

[Crunchy Frog]

39. Does debilitating and intractible treatment resistant depression count?

If so, count me in.

[EFerrari]

43. Okay. Man, I hate labels.

Thank you, Crunchy Frog.

:)

[Crunchy Frog]

52. Also, now that I think of it...

A father who died of alchoholism, a sister who suffered severe childhood sexual abuse, a stepbrother who was the abuser and who went on to develop full blown schizophrenia, a brother with substance abuse problems and rage issues who has become completely estranged from the rest of the family, and a stepfather with bipolar disorder (who is also a complete asshole).

Yeah, I guess I would have to answer "yes" to your poll question.

[EFerrari]

80. Welcome to the club.

:)

I guess this means we're out now.

:evilgrin:

[Hekate]

42. The children of friends, two separate families

Their pain has affected me deeply.

The daughter of my woman-friend began having trouble in her teens but was not diagnosed as schizophrenic until after she hit the legal age of adulthood, which is all of 18, so my friend's hands were tied. By great good fortune, the young woman (28) is stabilized on medication. She is also a highly creative artist, although I find her work very disturbing.

The story of the 19 year old son of a man who was a colleague of mine ended hideously and tragically when he slashed his tiny stepmother to death while his father was out of the house on yet another errand to try to get him the mental health care he so desperately needed.

I used to think if you had money it made a difference, but my male friend is wealthy, and I know he tried as hard as humanly possible to help his son.

The system is broken in California, and we probably have more shrinks per capita than any other place on the planet. The funding, infrastructure, and laws all need an overhaul. Right now the Los Angeles County Jail functions as the biggest mental-health facility in the state -- and that's a crime.

You're right -- what good is a toolbox if you don't open it?

:hug: for you, Beth.

Hekate

[EFerrari]

50. L.A. Co is the biggest supplier on the planet!

Sets you back, really.

We'll do better. We'll get it done.

No more Andreas. No f#cking more.

:hug:

[denese]

45. For years I did

But not anymore.
My husband finally got help and got well years after we were first introduced to the HORRORS of the mental health system.
Unfortunately, he is one of the very lucky ones, far too many people suffer on and on and on.
My heart is with anyone who is stuck in this particular hell.
I thank God every day that we survived the experience (and I do mean "survived" literally).

[EFerrari]

51. I haven't read you before, denese, and welcome to DU

:hi:

[denese]

84. thank you

I don't write much but had to reply to this one.
So folks know they are not alone and without hope.
It's important.
Thanks for speaking up.

[EFerrari]

89. It is important that we speak up.

Thank you!

:)

[H2O Man]

49. I am a retired

psychiatric social worker. My wife is a pre-retired one.

I have an older brother who suffers from the same condition that killed Jerry and Mike Quarry. Like them, he is a retired boxer who found substance abuse was a substitute thrill that filled in for the excitement of athletic competition. The combination of organic injuries due to absorbing punches, along with heavy drug abuse, leaves a person a shadow of their former self.

[EFerrari]

55. Hey. H2O Man -- we could have used someone like you

in all those years.

(And all of us that work this all seem to be connected, in some way.)

Here's to a calmer day, a more thoughtful day, when people or families dealing with very seriour situations are supported before they are vilified.

Now, that would be a step forward.

:)

[joeunderdog]

121. The stories I could tell you...!

AS a 20-year case manager for the most disabled the state has to offer, I have a different learning curve than most. I've come to conclude: Count your blessings...it could be you.

On my caseload over the years I have had an ex-Wall St genius who headed a staff of over 500, a musician who developed one of the most successful wedding bands in his region of the country, the son of the creator of a product that now is a billion-dollar international household name, and many others who thought it couldn't be them. Then came the struggle, the stigma and the reality that life would be as different as if they were in a wheelchair.

Devestating, but help is available sometimes. I find that the insight and workability of the family is often a strong indicator for successful adjustments.

In sickness and in health...

[EFerrari]

123. To what we can do, today

:toast:

[K8-EEE]

53. K&R! THIS IS WHY I LOVE DU!

Thought provoking; thank you for sharing! Here in L.A. there are countless, I mean COUNTLESS obviously mentally ill people just abandoned on the streets. I often wonder why they hell there isn't infrastructure to take care of them. Some people just need help and if they aren't lucky enough to have someone like you in their lives, then they are dicarded in this "culture of life."

In Andrea's case though it would be very difficult; if she started getting better, just facing what she'd done would make anybody crazy.

[NMDemDist2]

54. there was an infrastructure until Ronald Reagun was elected govenor

he decimated the California Mental Health network (as flawed as it was.... )

[EFerrari]

57. I'm talking to Henry Waxman about L.A.

:evilgrin:

Andrea just needs our thoughts and wishes.

There is something obscene about getting the care you need just in time to learn, you've killed your children.

:cry:

We can and will do better than THAT.

:hug:

:grouphug:

[mikelewis]

66. Absolutely agree. This is why I love DU too.

[EFerrari]

153. This is why I love DU, too.

:)

[Fire Walk With Me]

56. So stop browsing Free Republic already. See, problem solved.

I kid, no offense intended to people dealing with genuine problems, all support implied.

[EFerrari]

58. LOL!

:)

[Lilith Velkor]

59. Yup, me

I wonder how society functions with all the abandoning and avoiding each other we are expected to do.

Oh yeah...it doesn't. So much for sanity.

[EFerrari]

62. Lol!

"You want me to do WHAT?!"

:hi:

[w8liftinglady]

60. These soldiers coming back from Iraq with PTSD will present a challenge

for years to come.many,like my son,will refuse treatment from a system they feel has betrayed him.

[EFerrari]

64. And, imho, that's a realistic assessment.

Let's look out for and support them.

:hi:

[w8liftinglady]

69. Thanks for this thread...sometimes i feel all alone

:grouphug:

[EFerrari]

75. Shhh! Don't disclose our location.

:hug:

[DemReadingDU]

61. My daughter suffers from depression

She suffered terribly in high school. She's 30 now and as long as she takes medication, she is managing in her life and job.

I also have a brother who also suffers from depression and alcoholism.

I've had uncles commit suicide.

My husband's grandmother (his mom's mother) also committed suicide. His mother suffered from depression too.


I believe people are genetically predisposed to mental illness, that somehow the tendency to have it is in the genes. Medication helps, but they get better and stop taking it. It's an emotional roller coaster to watch your loved ones suffer with mental illness.

[EFerrari]

Agree. It's not a one-way ticket at all.

Some people on psych meds need them tinkered with very often. It's not a decision but an ongoing process.

My best to you and yours.

[DemReadingDU]

71. It seems highly creative people tend to suffer mental illness

Do you find this to be true?

My brother is musically gifted and acts in community theater. My daughter likes to paint and draw. It took them years to get thru college, dropping in and out when the depression was too difficult to manage. I admire them for persevering to get a college degree.

I've suspected that the gene for depression must be connected to the gene for creativity. Has anyone else noticed this?

[EFerrari]

78. Anxiety, depression and OCD are all over my family

And we're musicians, painters, writers, actors, teachers, newscasters.

:shrug:

[mopinko]

205. it's a little yes and a little no

i believe the statistics are that there is a high rate of depression and suicide among the gifted and talented. but there is also a very high percentage that are just more highly sensitive and emotional. when you combine this with the kind of jealousy that is often directed at them, and the isolation in which many find themselves, you have a high rate of existential, or reality based, depression. it is not usually possible to change your reality with medication. you have to change your life. you can't always.
i think the big difference is that this is more of a stable personality trait than something that can "run downhill". if it is recognized, and the talents that come with it are nurtured and fulfilled, and the person can find a "tribe" where they are the norm, they can be happy and fulfilled. but they need these things badly.
but i do think there is a fine line between genius and madness. or maybe it is a porous border. my family tree is full of artists and geniuses, and bipolars.

(they shouldn't look for that tribe on du, tho. read my journal to see why.)

[DemReadingDU]

209. Interesting reading on your journals

Thank you for your thoughts

[kimpossible]

63. Struggles here too

Without getting into too much detail, there's a child in our family who was "difficult" since toddlerhood. He's doing pretty well now, with treatment for ADHD and Oppositional Defiant Disorder, but we all went through years of hell trying to figure out what was going on and how to help him. ODD is one of those frustratingly nebulous childhood disorders that will probably develop into something else in adulthoood, something like bipolar maybe. The guilt and the lack of understanding from the outside world, on top of the sheer never-ending frustration of dealing with an oppositional child, while at the same time trying to teach him to understand and get control of his own overpowering emotions, and to remember that he's not a bad person..... Whenever I hear people putting down parents who medicate their children, or scoffing at the labels that are assigned to various disorders today, it makes me want to scream. Sure, in the "old days" they never used to treat kids for things like ADHD. Doesn't mean there weren't kids who had it, though! They were just written off as the "bad kids" who kept getting in trouble until they were kicked out of school, and ended up on the streets or institutionalized.

:banghead:

[EFerrari]

67. That child in your family is one lucky child.

Our families get tired and broke and desperate.

And, somehow, we just keep going.

Thank you.

:hug:

[yorkiemommie1]

65. My sister is in a group home

It's a long story. n/t.

[EFerrari]

68. And many of us know it by heart.

:hug:

[yorkiemommie1]

116. thanks for the hug

i love and miss her.

[EFerrari]

126. I don't think the missing ever stops.

It just becomes how we keep them.

Here's to them.

:toast:

[moc]

70. I was dx'd as schizophrenic at age 19.

Spent 1-1.5 years in and out of hospitals, was put on haldol. The whole nine yards. Actually, I think the dx was crap. I recovered fully, never experienced any further need for mental health treatment (this was 25 years ago). I obtained a doctorate, married and had kids, now I'm a tenured associate professor at a major university. My own theory is that I experienced an acute psychotic break as a result of a violent death (murder) of a family member.

However, it runs in my family. My older sister is bipolar but well-maintained on meds. She's a successful professional with a family. I have a cousin who is bipolar. My husband's family deals with a ton of mental health issues - intractable OCD, alcoholism, personality disorders. Oh, our kids have a genetic double-whammy! Ironically, my husband works as a therapist in private practice with adolescents, most in foster care and many with severe mental illness.

[EFerrari]

79. Hi there, moc

It's good to be on the "Whew!" side of this than an the "Whoa!" side, isn't it?

:hi:

[moc]

108. The "whew!" side vs. the "whoa!" side, lol!

I love that! Too funny! :-)

It's funny, I don't talk about my "past" that much any more. It's been so long ago. Many people in my life have no idea. Sometimes I share just so folks realize that mental illness touches so many in our society. We should de-stigmatize it.

[EFerrari]

145. Yeah! Make it something on our "to do list".

Because it's there anyway. lol

:hi:

[etherealtruth]

85. I am so happy to hear of your recovery!

My oldest son had a similar experience; at age 16-17 he was diagnosed with schizo-affective disorder. He spent the greater part of a year and a half in and out of psych hospitals ... and was placed on various psychotropic drugs. I was involved in an extremely rancorous divorce; in addition we had all just moved to a "new" state. Oddly, I believe his psychosis was triggered by a viral infection (chicken pox).

Like you, he appears to have recovered, at 18, he has not exhibited a symptom since (he is now 24) ... even though he was involved in an extremely serious car accident (involved as a passenger in a car; driver had a seizure)he remained symptom free.

He is recently married :)

[moc]

111. Best wishes for your son!

Yes, it is possible to recover and never look back. I remember when my older sister was hospitalized when she was first dx'd as bipolar. It was probably 10 years after my "episode". Her therapist called me to get information about my "condition" as a way of getting history on my sister. She matter of factly asked me what medication I was currently taking and I said none. Stunned silence. Recurrence? No. More stunned silence. She was so surprised I hadn't had a long term issues.

The human brain is so complex. There is much we don't understand.

[pacalo]

212. Thanks to both moc & etherealtruth for providing hope!

I have one very important question: Did you & etherealtruth's son hear voices constantly? My 21-year-old son is on Risperdol & he seems to be doing really well with it.

[pacalo]

213. Etherealtruth, please see post #212. :)

[marions ghost]

93. this happened

to someone I know, too. Psychotic episodes dont always indicate a longterm condition. It takes a really good professional to know how to leave the door open for recovery, instead of pigeonholing a person for life and in fact, projecting their mental health decline.

Yes this is one messed-up mental health system. People who do need help often can't get it, and others get a little too much of the wrong kind of help. There really are people who luckily get what they need. But we could be doing much better as a society on this. Part of it is the state of the health care system in general.

I think there could be many more happy outcomes such as the OP experienced in her life. There really is a lot that can help...if people can get access to it.

[moc]

114. The current state of mental health treatment in this country is shameful.

Since my husband is a therapist, it's something I'm familiar with. Insurance coverage for behavioral health is the "red-headed step child" of health coverage. There is no parity in coverage, and behavioral health is the first thing slashed when they are trying to reduce health care expenses. A few years ago, in an effort to balance the state budget, the Texas Medicaid program was changed such that adult medicaid recipients couldn't receive outpatient treatment unless their symptom severity was so high, it really dictated need for hospitalization. There was some implication this would be extended to children (my husband's patient population) in the future. How sick is that? We can't treat mental illness in this state, but we can sure put them to death. It's criminal.

You're right, we can do better.

[EFerrari]

119. A good start would be chiseling away at that 8 yr average

time to get appropriate care.

:)

[marions ghost]

159. 8 years--that is absolutely absurd

thanks for speaking up about this, sfexpat. One day, the mind (& emotions) will be considered as important as the body but our culture isn't there yet.

[EFerrari]

170. No, we're not there yet. Someday maybe we'll be as careful

of our brains as we are of our cars. :)

[Maestro]

73. I haven't read all the responses but you do know

that the husband denied her the medications that she needed, correct? You obviously are advocate for those that suffer from mental illness be it severe or not and you are definitely an advocate for your husband. I don't believe Mr. Yates was.

Personally I am glad she was found not guilty. No one in his or her right mind would kill five children. She needs help.

[w8liftinglady]

76. I agree with you 100%

I've seen those same tired eyes in a lot of the fundie soccer moms at my son's school.

[EFerrari]

77. Maestro, he didn't nor could he have done that.

But more importantly, as he wasn't the only other other in her life, where was everyone else?

We need to think carefully on this situation so we can do our utmost to recognize and prevent its worst predations.

:(

[Maestro]

81. Check your PM

:hi:

[EFerrari]

82. Okay.

:hi:

[EFerrari]

83. Thanks, DUers. You are one amazing bunch of people.

Thank you!

:loveya:

[Megahurtz]

86. What is your husband's mental illness?

It might help if you tell me what his diagnosis is.
And don't worry, I would be the last person to ever look down upon you or put you down for it.

[GreenPartyVoter]

87. My family deals with it as I am biploar II.

[EFerrari]

90. We *all* deal with it in some way, don't we though?

Mental health issues are not contained in one body or under one roof.

And there we are, interacting with other people.

:hi:

[GreenPartyVoter]

117. True, although I go out of my way not to leave my house so ppl

probably interact with me less than they could. :) If it weren't for the internet, I could go weeks without talking to a non-family member.

[EFerrari]

128. And there's always what we can keep on hand!

:rofl:

[bleever]

88. There is so far to go.

And in some ways, we've come a long way in the last fifteen years.

Depression is no longer a shameful diagnose, as it was in the recent past.

But my heart still aches for the people who need real help with mental issues, but who can't be their own pro-active, aggressive advocate, and don't have anyone to carry that fight on for them. And it is a fight above and beyond the struggle with the illness itself.

:grouphug:


Great thread, Beth.

[EFerrari]

91. bleever. Did you see Jon Carroll's column

day before yesterday? It was all about the creation of something called a "patient advocate" when you have a family member in the hospital?

:rofl:

We've come light years and we can do better, you bet!

:toast:

[bleever]

104. Just dug it out and read it.

Caveat emptor applies in spades to health care consumers, especially mental health care, eh?

:hug:

[EFerrari]

106. Well, YES!

LOL!

:hi:

[etherealtruth]

92. Personally, professionally, in the community ...

I was a nurse manager of a geriatric psych unit.

My son was diagnosed with schizo-affective disorder (treated for a year and a half; has been symptom free for 6 years).

A very close friend has been diagnosed with bi-polar disorder (among other psych diagnosis). Her daughter lived with me for almost 2 years while she was in and out of inpatient treatment.

My mother has never been diagnosed with a psychiatric disorder but not one would describe her as particularly stable and my father is a "high functioning" alcoholic.

Arghhhh ...

So many difficult stories here, but we all seem to "hang in" there.

[EFerrari]

95. Because the alternative would be?

Here's to us.

:toast:

:hug:

[etherealtruth]

97. The depths of despair hold very little appeal

:toast:

[Megahurtz]

96. Anyway........

I do.

I have a severe form of Post Traumatic Stress and Major Depression (very long story)
and I get Federal Disability for it (Not Social Security)
I also had a pretty bad Postpartum Depression after my daughter was born.

[EFerrari]

100. I hope you have the good care and support you need.

Be well, Megahurtz.

[OzarkDem]

98. We need mental health parity

Treatment can help so many people to live normal lives.

I work in a field where I encounter patients w/ mental illness problems occasionally. Medication works wonders. One in particular has been dx a parnoid schizophrenic for 20+ yrs., but does very well because she takes her medication. She's a sweet, kind, loving person who you would never suspect of having severe mental illness if you didn't know.

My heart goes out to people and their families who have to deal with the problem. They need all the help we can offer as a society.

[etherealtruth]

101. That is a huge problem ...

Right up there with lack of insurance.

[EFerrari]

102. Meds can work with skillful monitoring.

The latter seems to be the problem, even in the Yates case. :(

[etherealtruth]

107. Many psych meds have horrific side effects

I don't think "people" understand how severe and debilitating some of the side effects from some of the drugs can be.

[EFerrari]

110. You bet. No disagreement from me. Not at all. n/t

[moc]

115. Yes, yes, yes! Posted the same thing above...nt

nt

[smirkymonkey]

99. George W. Bush is on my television, does that count as mental

illness in my home?

Seriously, my roommate is a raging whackjob and I'm depressed, so I would say very definitely, yes.

[EFerrari]

103. TURN IT OFF!

:rofl:

[moc]

118. I heard such a sad observation from one of the commentators on the AY case

He was saying that she's doing fairly well on medication but will never be cured. He said, however, that whenever she recovers enough to understand the horror of what she did to her children, it sends her back down into madness.

:cry:

So many victims. What if she'd received the proper treatment? How much tragedy could have been avoided.

[EFerrari]

120. I know. There is no "winning" on this one.

:hug:

[NNadir]

122. I had a schizophrenic housemate who killed himself.

I would like to say that there was something that could have been done about it, but in reality, there wasn't.

He was going to kill himself, and there was nothing anyone could do.

Otherwise he was a very fine person with some very fine talents. I sympathize.

[EFerrari]

125. I'm sorry you both went through that.

I maintain we can do better. I may be wrong and then again, maybe not.

[NNadir]

132. I agree that we can do better with health care, especially mental health

care. I certainly don't want to come across as favoring the abandonment of any person who is ill, mentally or otherwise. I think it is an international disgrace how we treat the mentally ill in particular.

That said, some conditions are fatal. My housemate's case was terminal. There was no right answer.

There is no right answer in the Yates case either, I think. It is pure tragedy. This woman is dangerous of course, but I also think it's clear that she is ill.

[EFerrari]

133. Yes. Hopefully, at least in her case, the question is settled.

Here's to better choices and thank you so much for your thoughtfulness. It's such a relief for so many of us, tilting day to day.

[NNadir]

135. And thank you for loving your husband.

You restore my tenuous faith in humanity.

[EFerrari]

138. It's the best thing I've ever done or hope to do.

:hug:

edit: plus, he makes the coffee in the morning. lol

[DireStrike]

124. Depression, and an Autistic brother

The depression is spread across several people with varying degrees of intensity and medications. My brother was a constant source of stress while the family was together. Now we are in three - my mom and I, dad and brother, and my autistic brother in a home. It's a good place, and we visit often.

My mom also works in a mental hospital.

[EFerrari]

130. Distributing the stress just so we can manage anything

is a big part of the whole deal. It reads like your family is doing a lot to mind that important part.

Our best to you all.

[readmoreoften]

127. Major Major Major mental illness in my family.

Dad hospitalized for psychiatric disorders most of my childhood. Mom had that "spousal syndrome" where she believed his delusions. Best friend and ex-roommate autism & severe depression.

[EFerrari]

131. "Baby, it's all right"

And there you are, beautiful, keeping a union on its feet and on DU.

To you, readmoreoften: :applause:

[readmoreoften]

141. The worst part is that my dad was right. Just 20 years too soon.

He believed that the country was going fascist in the '80s and said he could hear jackboots outside the door. American Nazis were always about to take me away. Actually he did work for the state government and enemies in his office fucked with him by leaving messed up notes on our doorsteps, etc. I think that's why my mother bought into it. I'd come home from school and my parents would be looking in the walls for bugs. One time they woke me up in the middle of the night to move to Toronto. Just when I got into it, they decided not to go (dammit!)

My dad used to tell me that I would have to wear a 1/2 star of david because I was 1/2 Jewish. Funny since I'm a queer. Now I wear a black triangle w/ pride (what they put on lesbians and prostitutes).

Now my dad overcompensates by NOT believing in conspiracies. I always argue with him: Now's the time to be paranoid, dammit!!!

I grew up hanging out in mental institutions. Loved the folks there. I learned early on that the only way you can talk to a schitzophrenic is to enter into their delusion with them and talk them to safety through their own logic. These skills have helped me.

Like you said, though, people really did give my mother shit though for staying with my dad. All of us are fine now, and actually really close. :)

Screw people that criticize you for staying with your partner! One of my best friends is schitzophrenic and he and his partner have been together for 12 years. I'm really lucky that my partner is mentally sound. Unfortunately, I worry about her because she is a cancer survivor, though :(

:hi:

[EFerrari]

142. "My life is for itself and not for spectacle."

:rofl:

[kestrel91316]

146. My mom has been severely mentally ill for 31 years. After she

developed serious complications from untreated high blood pressure, we were FINALLY able to get a psych evaluation and have her declared incompetent to make her own medical decisions (medical power of attorney given to my sister) so once she was safe in assisted-living, she could be put on antipsychotic meds.

She has responded fairly well to them, but unfortunately she now has stroke-related dementia and is losing her sight. Her quality of life is better than it was for years, and she is much SAFER. But it's sad. A life completely wasted because the mental health care and legal systems have no way to PREVENT this. They just deal with the aftermath of not treating the psychotic.

[EFerrari]

147. Geezus. Let's see if we can raise a good enough ruckus

so we or our kids will have better care, better options.

Because there is no confusion: state of the med tech can handle the majority of these conditions.

Must have been a long one for you, kestrel.

[EFerrari]

148. DUers, wouldja look at the poll results and check out

that the families of these folks are the ones shouldering most of the awareness of a problem?

This may need to be adjusted if we're ever to move beyond a Yates - type tragedy.

Because the immediate family gets pretty worn out, and Dog knows, we can always use a spotter.

[porphyrian]

150. Again, thanks for creating an opportunity to talk about it.

If people start feeling comfortable talking about mental illness with strangers anonymously (and not-so-anonymously) here, they may find it easier to talk to people outside of their family that they trust, and then maybe everyone will be able to discuss mental illness as easily as a broken leg...

...and then we're dancing...

[EFerrari]

151. Shall we dance!?

Great analogy. lol

[Bluerthanblue]

155. in the sad majority here, past and presently-

thank you for this post Sfexpat, your compassionate, coolheaded, words are so needed and appreciated.
You speak as only someone who knows through painful experience can, and speak so well.

thank you-
and peace,
blu

[EFerrari]

156. Peace to you, Blu. It's a beautiful day.

:hug:

:grouphug:

[Bluerthanblue]

187. thanks for the hug, and

the hopefull outlook- I appreciate it more than you know-
and :hug: back at you-

You are a bright spot in a pretty shadowy world-

:grouphug:
blu

[EFerrari]

157. kick for the brave community types here at DU

:smoke:

[NMMNG]

158. Mental Illness still carries a significant stigma in our society

And many people don't understand it and/or think of it only in significantly stereotypical ways. The media portrays people with mental illnesses as unpredictable, likely to "snap" at any moment, quite often dangerous. This is one reason that they often tell family members to "dump" a mentally ill loved one. They fear that the person with mental illness will be too much trouble or even a danger to the non-ill person and other family members.

The reality is that in most cases with proper supports people with mental illness can remain with their loved ones. There is no more need for them to leave their families than for diabetics or people with heart conditions. This is typically much easier on the family than tearing it apart, even though there may be a few bumps along the way.



I work in a community-based mental health program BTW.

[EFerrari]

164. Hey, Buffy. I remember that NAMI used to have a project

called "stigma busters" that would send out a call to action every time the leader read or heard a stigmatizing comment about mental illness. That was a good five years ago, though. I haven't seen one of those emails in a long time.

[NMMNG]

166. The program still exists

http://www.nami.org/Template.cfm?Section=Fight_Stigma

I'm going to sign up!

[EFerrari]

168. Cool!

:)

[zanne]

218. What can you do for someone who won't get help?

My husband has some kind of mood disorder. He "runs hot and cold", if you know what I mean. In his down periods, he can stay in bed and not speak to me or anyone else for days. He doesn't get really manic phases; sometimes, though, he talks almost incessantly and starts to work on projects that are too much for him to finish. I've tried to get him into therapy for years, but no luck. I suffer from serious depression and get counseling and meds. It helps so much and I wish he could feel better, too, but he can't "see" himself.

[EFerrari]

220. It's just a part of the illness sometimes, not to be able to

"see" yourself.

I'd rec the DU Mental Health forum for support and, let's see, this site for information on resources:

www.psychlaws.org

This problem is common as corn and many people are dealing with it.

:hi:

[eridani]

160. I always find it really odd--

--that people who realize it's ridiculous to holler "Just make more insulin, dammit!" at a diabetic think that it's perfectly acceptable to say "Just cheer up" to someone with severe depression, or "Just snap out of it" to people who may be a quart low on some neurochemical.

An old college friend periodically turns up at my doorstep who has been schizophrenic for 30 years. She stays until she decides I'm plotting against her and then goes off to some other friend or relative, outpatient clinic or homeless shelter. Sometimes meds help, and sometimes not, so it's hard to know what to do.

[porphyrian]

180. There's a good chance she stops taking her medication.

It's pretty common for people to stop taking them if they are doing so under supervision. This is the case with many of the "cured" people released by state hospitals because they can't afford to keep them. And, as you've observed, the meds prescribed aren't necessarily the right ones or in the right combination/dosage the patient needs, anyway. You're a good friend.

[eridani]

204. I feel very inadequate as a friend

I figure the least I can do is put her up occasionally, but she isn't a legal resident of WA state (spends most of her time in CA), and I have no idea how she'd get meds out of state.

[Erika]

161. I just accidentally found this thread.

Please keep it alive or repost.

For those of us who have known mentally ill people, we acknowledge it exists, we have seen it.

Those people who want to come down so hard on Yates and view her as a criminal must have had no experience with the profoundly mentally ill. They are not criminal, they are sick.

As one with a broken back cannot be expected to walk correctly, nor can a person with an ill mind be expected to think correctly.

It's another one of those "walk one mile in my shoes" thing.

[eridani]

162. WA state got mental health parity last year

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2002196411_parity04m.html

Sometimes it's very helpful to have some high profile person like Randy Revelle giving testimony. Before the state law was passed, he also succeeded in getting Group Health (large local HMO) to be better about supporting prescription drugs for mental illness. He was famous for standing up at the annual meeting with a bottle of diarrhea meds and saying "Why is it that you will cover my ass but not my brain?"

[EFerrari]

165. Lol! Now, THAT'S funny.

:hi:

[WernhamHogg]

163. I was diagnosed with severe OCD

In my early 20's (I'm in my late 20's now), I was diagnosed with severe OCD along with depression and anxiety. If it wasn't for the love and support of my wonderful husband and my wonderful mother, I seriously think I would have ended my life during some of my darkest days. Thanks to them, I got the help that I need, but it wasn't easy to get that help, especially since we don't currently have insurance.

Also, my MIL is Bipolar. In fact, a few years ago, right after Reagan died, she called my husband, crying hysterically. I was sitting next to my husband and she was so upset that she was YELLING into the phone "he was the best President EVER". My husband, knowing she was upset, didn't try to argue with her about it but I had to bite my tongue so hard it bled when I heard that. Bipolar or not, I think a person HAS to be absolutely crazy to believe that about Ronald Reagan ... ;-)

[EFerrari]

167. Oh no.

lol

My godmother and my mom both have something going on and they tend to have their -- um -- enthusiasms, too. Luckily, none of them so far have included Republicans. :)

[B Calm]

169. Majority of my cheap labor hourly co-workers vote republican..

[EFerrari]

171. A condition which someday no doubt will make it into the DSM

:)

[Karenina]

186. I shouldn't laugh...

:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

My child has just experienced a psychotic episode. The pain is much too fresh for a public airing but I'm deeply grateful that we're not in the U.S. He will get proper help.

[EFerrari]

188. Laughing is a good thing, Karenina!

:hi:

And, I'm so glad your boy will get the care he needs. :toast:

[Karenina]

196. Na Du...

:loveya:

[DemExpat]

172. I did growing up with a very depressed mother and abusive father

and only survived myself after stepping AWAY from the mental health professionals that admittedly did their best individually but as a whole only seemed to worsen my situation.

Living 20 years now with clear memories and scars, but in a place of relatively good balance and health.

GREAT POLL here, Beth,

:toast:

DemEx

[EFerrari]

173. Hey, DemEx!

:toast:

Good to see you. :)

[woo me with science]

174. We will never get mental health parity until

until the mental health profession abandons its zeal for disorders that are questionable and treatments that are unverified by science.

There has to be an insistence on empirically validated treatments for actual mental disorders. No insurance money for energy breathing, age regression therapy, or "rebirthing." No therapy for multiple personalities and repressed memories of ritual abuse that never occurred. No tapping on "energy" points or waving fingers in front of the face, and no neurolinguistic programming. When Paul McHugh at Baltimore came in and started demanding accountability at Johns Hopkins, he was immediately savaged by the purveyors of quackery.

After they do this, maybe parity will be possible. But right now there are too many poorly trained quacks out there hawking questionable diagnoses and even more questionable cures.

[ProfessorGAC]

175. Define Severe

Then i can better answer. I have close contact with the issue. Very close. But, i don't know what you mean by severe. I think what i am close to is serious, but i think i would call in under control, and therefore, not severe. Others might think it is severe. What would you call severe?
The Professor

[EFerrari]

182. Really good question. I suppose I mean, mental illness that

is debilitating to the point that there are breakdowns in shared reality and so, in relating and functioning in relationships over time.

Let me look at that for a minute. I think that's what I meant. Because if I just give a range of DXs or even an "axis", that doesn't really cover it, does it? :)

[electron_blue]

176. btdt, and I disagree with you

"The solution you are pounded with is, "get out!" -- as if that would really solve anything."

Had Russell left with the kids, they would be alive. Sometimes leaving solves things.

I left my ex because I was convinced he was dangerous to me and our child. He refused to get help of any kind. He continued to be self-destructive. I told him I thought he was suicidal and needed professional help, he didn't. Until 2 yrs after I left him. I've recently learned that he has severe brain-damage and that may be the reason for his dangerous behavior over the years. He continues to have severe near-fatal 'accidents', including just 3 this month alone. He probably won't survive much longer. I told him again he needs help. I tried to have him committed to a psychiatric hospital. I agree - there isn't much help from the medical community on this.

Any involvement beyond what I've done with him will destroy me and my child. Sometimes you leave the family member as if you are leaving a burning house. Please don't make sweeping generalizations implying that leaving wouldn't solve anything. My child and I are doing *so* much better withouth him. This is devastating and liberating at the same time. I've been through the wringer on this.

Trust me, even when you do leave, you are still looked down upon. Don't act based on what others think, do what is best for you (and your child).

Okay, now if you're dealing with mild mental illness, there is ample hope for someone sticking it out and riding the storm to arrive at a better day. I don't think you're talking about mild mental illness, though.

[EFerrari]

181. Leaving improved your situation and your child's. That's great.

However, it sounds like it didn't solve the mental illness that made your situation untenable in the first place. My point was, mental health needs to be a community undertaking. When it is, then the actions of one individual are less likely to cause so much terrible destruction.

I'm sure you did go through the wringer. Hope things are working better for you. :hi:

[mopinko]

177. got a bp kid. sometimes moms carry as much stigma as

the person who is ill. special hell that.
also have a hubby with sleep troubles that really built up, and left him quite deprived and loosing it. i was told to leave him, or "let him go" as well, even though i kept insisting (correctly) that his problem was only sleep. medical docs, therapists, friends, family, everybody. everybody, that is, except a few great folks at du, including beth.
it is quite amazing what you have to go through to get help for someone who is insisting that they are fine. if people think you just have to pick up the phone, and repeat the suicide threats to the nice intake worker, and all is well, i can only say i hope you never have to find out. even when my kid had cuts all over her body, and was hearing voices, and her therapist was calling insisting that she be hospitalized, we still had to phrase it just right to get her into the hospital. we had to say that she had immunized herself to the pain from cutting, and might accidental hit an artery and die.
a special hell.

[EFerrari]

183. mopinko

:hug:

[tavalon]

178. Last week

My bipolar and borderline partner attempted suicide for the second time in six months and now she has decided to leave us and return to Texas, with next to no plan, no job, no prospects but just because she'll feel "safer" there. It's hard to watch this woman/child falling apart in front of me. I feel horrible letting her go, knowing that this is likely just one more crash and burn (of too many at this point) but I'm also relieved to not have to watch this slow motion destruction up close and personal for a while. The rest of the family needs a break from the nonstop insanity.

So, yes, I'm up to my eyeballs in it and frustrated beyond words with the mental health system. As a matter of fact, there is next to no such system, really. It's pathetic, not geared towards helping anyone as far as I can tell.

[EFerrari]

184. There IS next to no "system". Thoughts and wishes to you

and yours, tavalon. I hope you can catch some rest.

[kineneb]

179. me

I am living and coping with major depression. And, yes, mental illness can destroy relationships; it profoundly affected how Hubby and I relate. We are still married, but it is more of a caretaker relationship, due to my mental health, and his physical health (dialysis, diabetes, congestive heart failure, and also depression).

Mental illness runs in my family. Great-grandma was a suicide (drank poision), my grandparents both did the "suicide by starvation" in their old age, and Mom (in denial) is a severe workaholic. I got all the goodies: clinical depression, OCD, panic disorder. I was suicidal by the time I was 12, and have had at least five major depressive episodes since I was a small child. I am so thankful that there are medications that help me function. Most people who meet me do not realize that I have a mental illness problem.

For all of us who deal with maintaining good mental health-
:grouphug:

[EFerrari]

185. I'll take it!

:grouphug:

:hi:

[MamaBear]

189. Yes.

When I was young, close friends of the family had a beautiful, adopted, seriously developmentally disabled daughter, who spent lots of time with us. She was non verbal and a bit impulsive, but clearly very bright. Later, I babysat for two children who were called "retarded" (they had PKU), lovely, cheerful beautiful kids (also a bit impulsive).

As an adult it seems everywhere I turn I encounter addiction, which I believe is just untreated mental illness under self-medication. One good friend is bipolar, bless him. His wife, fortunately, earns a decent living; he has a very difficult time holding a job. There was also alcoholism in my immediate family; we live far apart now so I don't know how the one who is left is doing day-to-day; he holds down a responsible job and copes the best he can.

I do my best with chronic depression and ptsd; I hold down a job and have my whole adult life. I private pay my therapist and consider him my best friend. I go without some things to do it, but it's important to me to maintain that relationship in a world where everything else seems to shatter if looked at too hard.

One lovely friend who was dealing with a son with paranoid schizophrenia told me that it was as if his son were a radio tuned to stations we could not receive. His son was occasionally violent. The multiple locks on the bathroom door attested to those episodes.

I have been really hard on Rusty Yates and his mother, but given some time to think, I remember now that when you're with someone every day, you don't always notice a decline unless it's very fast and dramatic. It's only after some sort of episode that you wonder how you could have missed it.

Thanks for hearing me out... I guess nothing worthwhile is easy.

[EFerrari]

190. You raise a really good point. When you're with someone

everyday, sometimes you don't notice the small changes unless you work hard to train yourself to notice them. And even then, you can get tired of being vigilant 24/7. I know I do. We've planned and trained and trained and planned and still can be caught flatfooted. Not so much any more and not so dangerously since I found a real doctor who really *does* monitor the situation with us.

Thanks for sharing that, MamaBear.

[MamaBear]

191. A caring professional in your life can be a great support.

Literally, a lifesaver. Most of the people I know who have been through the mill have a special quality to them.

Anyway, I offer you a :hug:

[EFerrari]

192. Thank you very much.

Back atcha.

:hug:

:grouphug:

[EFerrari]

193. FYI: DU has a wonderful Mental Health Forum. Link:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topics&forum=276

[Ron Green]

194. I'm surprised to see over 70% severe mental illness identified in the home

I don't think that reflects the general population.

[EFerrari]

195. Doesn't. But 60% (iirc) have some form of contact.

It may be that people who are already dealing felt more comfortable in responding to the poll.

I wonder how this poll could have been more user friendly or, inclusive?

[porphyrian]

208. Not to be intellectually elitist, but there is also the possibility...

...that there is a greater awareness of mental illness here because DUers tend to be thinkers moreso than the general population and less likely to simply disregard mentally ill behavior (or blame it on the devil, or think it's normal because "everyone" acts like that, or whatever).

[EFerrari]

214. If I'm translating right, because DUers are more compassionate

and inclusive?

lol

(((((((((((((DU)))))))))))))

[bigwillq]

197. He should've have taken the children

and made sure of their safety.

And then get her ALL the help she needed, no matter what the doctors said or did. The doctors are partially to blame in this tragedy.

But so is Rusty.

I agree, he needed to stand by her. What kind of man would he be if he just ran away from the person he was in love with flaws and all??

But there was a long history of her mental illness. How could anyone leave their children alone with someone in that kind of mental state?

[EFerrari]

199. I can't imagine what it must be like to have an opportunity

to keep those babies safe and then, not have kept them safe -- Rusty, the family, the friends, everyone. I don't think I could handle that. :(

[bigwillq]

201. It's a really sad situation

and by reading a lot of the posts in this thread....

I want to offer you my praise, love and support. You are a wonderful wife. :hug:


But I believe that everyone involved, Rusty, friends, families, should've have taken those kids and ran.

They could still get Andrea the help she needed and they still could've been supportive of her but get the kids safe.

You can still 'get out' and be supportive and work through the problems.

It's easy to say that now, I wasn't in their position. And I wouldn't want to be.

However, my first lover was a drug addict and had mental issues and it tore our relationship apart. I had to leave him but I still stuck around to make sure he got help. He got help but our relationship was over.
However, he relapsed and I couldn't go through that again. He needed more help than I could ever, ever give him.

[EFerrari]

202. It's hard to negotiate, that balance of support and self

care or care for others, isn't it? Sort of a lifelong learning process, refining and refining.

:hi:

[mopinko]

207. maybe you do not realize, but

first, this thread is not about rusty yates.
second, in criticizing him in this thread, you are probably causing a lot of hurt for the people posting here who have been in his situation, and maybe regret their actions, lack thereof, or failure to negotiate the system that is stacked against them. there are plenty of threads here for people to criticize rusty. please do it there.
thanks.

[SammyBlue]

200. Father is severe bi polar

younger brother is severe bi polar and acutce schizophrenia.

I am OCD.

[EFerrari]

203. Hi there, SammyBlue.

:hi:

[yurbud]

206. In family, not in house

[EFerrari]

210. Ah -- I didn't put up that category, really. Oops! n/t

[pacalo]

211. I saw your post the day you posted, sfexpat, & recommended this.

I voted in your poll but didn't post because I'm still in the "hurt" phase. My younger son was diagnosed several years ago with schizophrenia. It's heartbreaking, to say the least. The most important thing I've learned is that it's a very, very misunderstood disease; the stigma that goes along with it, suffered by both the one suffering & by the family, is a big cross to bear.

There. I did it. I posted about my hurt & that's a good step for me toward dealing with the pain.

You're one of God's angels here on Earth, sfexpat. O8)

So is imissamerica. O8)

[EFerrari]

215. Hi there, 8_year_nightmare.

Schizophrenia is especially hard on parents because our kids often don't "come down" with it until they are in their late teens / early 20s. Just when we thought, whew! we're outta the woods!

:(

I'm no angel at all. My situation is sort of funny because my husband used to be my friend, one I've had since I was myself a "baby" at 16 and we share a lot of history. So, it's not all that much of a stretch to try to understand something for one of my oldest friends. I mean, he's not just my husband. lol

:evilgrin:

But, no kidding, trying to understand and practicing everyday has helped me get out of myself in a way. Helped me exercise a patience muscle and maybe, too, a "being in their shoes" muscle.

Curves can't touch that.

But, thank you so much for weighing in. I think that is how our families will finally get at very least the support they need -- when we talk to each other in private and in public.

Learning to negotiate all of this is, all by itself, nearly a full time job. Let's make it easier on each other. Please PM me whenever you want. And let's not forget DU's wonderful Mental Health Forum. The link is up thread.

best to you and yours,

Beth

Edit: Link to DU Mental Health Forum: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topics&forum=276

[pacalo]

216. Yes, you are an angel.

Look at all the good you've done just in this thread. There are a lot of people here who feel a lot better to know they're not alone. No one really understands mental disorders unless they've had to deal with it, so it helps to talk to those who have been there.

Thanks for the link to the forum; I've been checking it out since I saw it upthread & I've bookmarked it. :)

[EFerrari]

217. See you there, then.

:hi:

[mopinko]

219. ditto those wings. nt