OK, now I understand all the rapture talk on DU

[Sammy Pepys]

I've just had my own little "rapture" moment.

I had to walk down the street to another office to deliver some stuff, and on the way ran into a casual acquiantance who I've done some work-related stuff with before. He was headed the same direction, so we chatted while we walked.

After some small talk, he stopped me and said "Can I tell you something in confidence?"

"Sure," I said.

"I'm putting in my notice tomorrow. I'm leaving (workplace)."

"Oh," I said, not sure how to react. "You have something new lined up?"

"No," he said, very quietly. "Look man, get right with God. Because there are things coming...big things. This world is going to be changing very quickly very soon."

I hadn't figured out where he was going, until he said the following:

"The devil is here. Here on Earth. Now. He's here. Look at everything going on, all this strife. This is all the devil's work....all the work of evil and darkness (he had lots of colorful descriptions here). But God is going to come and save those who have accepted him. He's going to raise His faithful up to Him...(missed this babbling part)...I'm going to leave my job so I can prepare for his return and be lifted up. Seriously, it's going to happen next week."

"Oh..." I responded, thankful that I had reached my destination, "...well, I'm sorry to hear that you're leaving."

And he gave me a quick smile and a nod and walked on.

I don't know this guy well outside of work, but I had never gotten the impression that he was very religious. Nor had he said or done anything in front of me before to do to suggest he was slightly unhinged. I'm curious about tomorrow...I'll have to check with someone over in his office to see what the deal is. But I definitely understand all the rapture talk here on the forums lately.

[electropop]

1. Maybe he had a stroke?

:shrug:

[CrispyQ]

2. Ohhhhhhhhhhh,

It's gonna be a good week!!!

:evilgrin:

[Lars39]

3. The trick is to smile in nodding agreement while backing up

ever so imperceptibly.

[goforit]

35. LOL!!!

[atreides1]

4. Well look at the fun you can have

When he comes back to beg for his job, but you may not be that kind of a person! The next time you see him just ask "so that rapture thing, how did it work out for you?".

[calico1]

5. I wonder what he will say to the bosses when he

gives his notice? And I wonder how he'll feel when he realizes he ain't going anywhere? :rofl:

[Sammy Pepys]

20. Yeah, that's what I'm most curious about...

Forget the rapture, I want to know what his resignation letter is going to look like.

[Iowa]

111. I'll bet he'd sell all his stuff REALLY cheap...

What kind of car does he drive, and how do I get in touch with him?

[TallahasseeGrannie]

6. Oh my goodness.

[Lance_Boyle]

7. Try not to laugh too hard

when you find the same guy asking if "you want fries with that" some years down the road.

I almost pity these rubes, but they are such a malevolent lot.

[Blue Belle]

108. No kidding...

I wonder what he's gonna do after next week? Talk about your major let down and reevaluation of life... and when he does recover emotionally, will he be able to find a job in our wonderful economy?

[BuyingThyme]

8. Thank God! Was he certain on the time?

I would appreciate any details on the time; that's the thing that I'm always confused on.

And if we make it through next week, can you check back with the guy and get an update for us?

[TheDebbieDee]

39. I'd like to know the date and time of the rapture, too.......

That way, I'll know whether or not I have time to get my nails done!

[yorkiemommie1]

121. i just did my nails, just in case!

on my tips, I used 'Heavenly Pink '

on my toes, " RAPTURE RED "


:rofl:

[ContraBass Black]

9. "You will know neither the day nor the hour."

Neither will you know the week.

[tavalon]

90. You didn't read the disclaimer

"except for this guy, he's gonna know, well, at least within a week".

[Tesha]

109. "Nor the severence pay." (NT)

[Alexodin]

10. Kind of creepy isn't it? And here you had no idea that he was

religiously insane. In other news did you know that dinosaurs were on the ark?
http://www.angelfire.com/mi/dinosaurs/dino_ark.html

[Clark2008]

114. Who built the ark?

Dinos did! Dinos did!

Dinosaurs built the ark!

(Sung to a popular children's song about Noah).

[lumberjack_jeff]

11. Cool! I'm looking for work!

Maybe we finally rectify the unemployment problem.

[Sammy Pepys]

23. LOL...

Hey, fi this rapture thing does happen, there will probably be a lot of openings.

[Lex]

12. Don't forget to ask for their PIN numbers and titles to their cars

because, after all, they won't be needing them after next week. Right?

Just kidding.

[Dob Bole]

13. Next week? Whatever happened to "you don't know the day nor hour?"

Maybe not, but that guy knows the week I guess.

Even if a Christian is a premillennialist who believes in a Rapture, Jesus clearly said:

"Watch therefore, for you don't know the day nor the hour in which the Son of Man is coming."

It is quite possible that your acquaintance read some fiction books, like the Left Behind series, and took them verry seriously. Or he might have seen it on TV.

He's going to be doing a lot of soul-searching after next week.

[SPKrazy]

63. They Think That Only Applies To Non Believers

seriously

I read it on the Rapture Ready forum earlier because there was some post about "next week" here on DU

[Midlodemocrat]

14. Yup. He's right. The devil is here. He's sitting in the Oval Office.

[hootinholler]

112. Nah, not the oval office...

He lives at the Naval Observatory.

-Hoot

[bananas]

15. The rapture is next week??? Time to run up the credit card!!!

[malaise]

16. LOL

"The devil is here. Here on Earth. Now. He's here. Look at everything going on, all this strife. This is all the devil's work....all the work of evil and darkness (he had lots of colorful descriptions here).

Did you ask him if he voted for the devil himself in 2000 and 2004? I just wish he could guarantee that all of Bushco will 'rise up' and leave the rest of us in fugging peace.

[calico1]

21. .......

Did you ask him if he voted for the devil himself in 2000 and 2004?

That would have been a great comeback!:D

[OnceUponTimeOnTheNet]

70. Did you ask him if he voted for the devil himself in 2000 and 2004?

That's a great comeback & verbal slap in the face. Perfect.

[rniel]

17. I would've told him

Can you loan me some money then since you won't need it anyway.

[RethugAssKicker]

18. This is no joke... You and I know that This Rapture thing is BS

but the people who control the nukes believe in it and are hell bent on making it happen. Take these madmen serious !

The bastards are insane... their religion is insane ! and they are going to make us all suffer because of it...

Somehow, these men must be stopped !

[Ishoutandscream2]

41. Yes, this crap makes people make bad choices

It is frightening, and incredibly insane.

[charlie]

19. God can't get him at work?

He'll miss the moonbus if he's busy building widgets?

[mikeytherat]

25. Remember your scripture:

"You will neither know the day nor the hour, but if you're off at work, well, you're SOL, 'cuz I'm only parking the moonbus in one place."

mikey_the_rat

[Phillycat]

47. ...

:spray:

[paparush]

50. Parking the Moon Bus!!! OMFG!! ROFLMAO!!

I'm crying! CRYING I SAY! I'm laughing so hard...

parking the moon bus MIGHT just be the name of my next band...if not, its DEFINITELY the name of my next album. (prior art and residual rights implied)

[mikeytherat]

54. I'm not greedy - I'll transfer all rights for 20% of the T-shirt sales!

We'll talk...

:rofl:

mikey_the_rat

[flygal]

129. LMAO

good one.

[Nikki Stone 1]

29. Maybe there's a security badge or something

nt

[flobee1]

34. You missed your chance

I really would've had some fun with this guy



I cosider it my duty to drive those that are teetering on the edge, like this guy, stampeeding over the cliff:rofl:

I've actually had streetcorner preachers whip out their holy water and try to "exorsize" my demons.
That kind of stuff brightens my day!


Does that make me a bad catholic?
:rofl:

[Flying Dream Blues]

69. LOL! nt

[Warren DeMontague]

102. One hopes he's not also cutting his own nuts off, like those comet people

did...

Man, these end-of-the-world entrance requirements are TOUGH!

[porphyrian]

22. Cool! Maybe now some decent jobs will open! - n/t

[rhiannon55]

24. It's gonna be a LONG week

It will be so much nicer here when the whackos are gone... :bounce: :toast:

[renate]

26. Why doesn't he just use his vacation time?

If the Big Day is supposed to be next week, he can take a little time off to get ready... then come back to work and try to pretend he hadn't made an idiot of himself.

[calico1]

28. That would take common sense and logic.

And if he is waiting to be beamed up into heaven then obviously he's got neither.

[malaise]

40. Isn't that the truth

What will all these lunatics do when they realize that the preacher has been lying? :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :popcorn: :popcorn:

[Sammy Pepys]

30. Damn!

I should've asked him that!

[calico1]

32. Let us know what his resignation letter

said or what he said to the bosses, if you can!

[Sammy Pepys]

38. Oh man...I'm going to be thinking about that all night...

I hope he puts it in first thing tomorrow and doesn't wait until the end of the day.

[Master Mahon]

27. WOW !

I had my tinfoil hat on last night and I was dwelling on all the lunacy that's been going on in the world lately, especially in the Middle East.
The actions of The US, and now Israel, have really mystified me because I don't buy the lame rationale each gives for rampant war and regime change.

Then it came to me, as if in a premonition, THE ANTI-CHRIST IS HERE!

I thought our political minions are simply doing his bidding!

Then I woke up! :+

[madinmaryland]

31. Very, very, very soon, this guy is going to be locked in

a room with rubber walls and wearing a jacket with no sleeves!

[Karmageddon]

33. How did you keep a straight face? I'd have been rolling on the floor.

[Sammy Pepys]

37. Well, at first...

...I was expecting him to say he was taking a job elsewhere or something. Right about the time he strated talking about all the evil was where I started to get what he was saying. And that was not amusing at all at the time...it was just flat out bizarre. Especially considering that, like I've said before, I'm not really close to this guy personally. Maybe he thinks I'm a heathen or something and is trying to convert me to win favor with the big man upstairs.

[calico1]

44. He probably likes you enough to think

you can still be saved! :rofl:

[Sammy Pepys]

52. Clearly...

..he doesn't know me very well :)

[smirkymonkey]

122. My first instinct is to laugh, but I actually feel kind of sorry for him

(really, and not in a condescending way) because I think that some of the people who believe this stuff are probably decent human beings who are either in so much pain that they find this reality unbearable (which I can certainly understand) or they are naive and gullible and have been sucked in by the vultures who promote this stuff.

But mostly I feel sorry for him because I think he is going to be shattered when he finds out that it's not true and he's out of a job and possibly out of faith.

[trixie]

36. He is right about one thing

the devil is here and his initials are GWB. :rofl:

This very well might open up the job market.....

[rhiannon55]

42. Did he say what day next week?

And will the xian wingnuts be driving cars that day? :scared:

[Sammy Pepys]

53. hahah...nope...

just said "next week"...not specific.

[SPKrazy]

64. August 3

Next Thursday

folks on Rapture Ready say it coincides with some day that historically a lot of Jewish tragedies have happened on, 9 av? or something like that

I read some threads over there and I'm not going back to find out for sure

:scared:

[never cry wolf]

115. OMG, that's my birthday

What a great present to have all the fundies disappointed on my birthday.

[laruemtt]

123. well that's just great -

we're flying back into the u.s. on the 3rd..........

[iamahaingttta]

43. These people just don't even know...

...that "The Rapture" was made up in the 1830's and is pure and complete bullshit.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rapture

Let 'em quit their jobs. Let 'em make asses out of themselves. They're gonna be so embarrassed when it doesn't happen.

[Lisa]

45. "I'm sorry to hear that you're leaving" -- perfect response!

Works on so many levels.

[Lone_Star_Dem]

46. I saw a similar post earlier

One where a person was bestowing his worldly goods to his neighbor (a DUer) next Tuesday when he's raptured. I guess this guy is closer to the "in" circle since he even had they day down.

All of this has gotten me wondering. I've done my time in the gut of the bible belt; why am I not hearing about this from my neighbors or clients? Do they all secretly hate me and want me to suffer through the end days regretting how I was a Godless commie-pinko? Have I so alienated the entire population of fundys here that they don't even want a shot at saving my soul?

Or do you just think they don't want to give me anything further to laugh at them about when it doesn't come to pass? :shrug:

[Avalux]

48. What are all these people going to do when the rapture doesn't happen?

I'm serious. So many of them are waiting to be "taken" - and when it never happens and time passes, will they lose faith and go nuts? Could make things mighty interesting.

[leesa]

56. No. They just reset the date like nothing happened. They thought

01/01/2000 was Rapture Day. There have been lots of them.

[bling bling]

73. I saw a Nat'l Geographic show on the rapture and end times.

In regard to end times, they pretty much concluded that Revelations was written by a guy named John the Apostle who was in exile and had a vision of what would happen to the oppressive Romans, particularly the empire's leader, Nero. The show also asserted that 666 using greek alphabet spells Nero, and doesn't have anything to do with Satan.

Regarding the rapture, the show highlighted people who have thought since the 1800's (when the concept of the rapture was invented) that they were about to be raptured. One guy who claimed to know the date of the rapture attracted many followers. They all went to the mountain on the anticipated rapture date and waited. Nothing. Then he re-examined his "info" and decided that the date was a few months later. Sure enough, a few months later they go to the mountain and wait. Nothing. You'd think his followers would get a clue by that time but they didn't. This guy went on to continue making prediction after prediction about the rapture date and they kept going to the mountain with their hearts full of hope that death was about to greet them while everyone else would be stuck behind in turmoil and destruction. It was kind of pitiful. On the other hand, their hopes weren't completely dashed forever. As I understand it, all of the ernest followers did eventually go on to die at some point in their lives...though not as a group or via a spaceship.

[PATRICK]

97. The Book of Revelation

saved itself from "accuracy" embarrassment by being written in code. Such books by occupied and persecuted people had been popular throughout the region. Specifically, after a few generational looking back to times of crisis- and no Second Coming, it spread out all the hope for justice and fulfillment in many dramatic cycles and reiterations- mostly concerned with events that had already happened such as the deaths of Peter and Paul and the probable course of contemporary events. jerusalem had already been destroyed so the next Big Event would be the destruction of Rome. That didn't actually happen until it became Christianized and invaded by barbarians from the north rather than John's perspective of eastern, or Persian enemies.

So the spiritual message should have been the most important, hope, triumph, significance, fulfillment. Instead, the fairly easy symbols were reinterpreted to do that factual prediction thing all over again despite such fortune telling and crazed reactions and cults being specifically condemned by both Christ and Paul. And they expect being members of such frowned upon, discredited fringe beliefs to somehow be specially rewarded. Of course such behavior stands out abysmally to the rest of the world and becomes a scandal against Christianity as a whole.

Now to the Parousia in particular. If it happens you'll know, is the main message of the one supposedly returning. Otherwise you can hear the strains between those desiring and believing the fulfillment would be complete and soon and the patient Teacher. Fulfillment is in the first step to the last of every life lived in faith not waiting for angels sweeping down with vacuum cleaners. The kingdom spreading like leaven or growing from a mustard seed suggest the redemption of history is possible as would be the "plan" of a Creator. The actual state of misery and oppression offers the conflict resolution of Exodus and judgment upon evil. Things grind on in hope one way or another and it doesn't have to go on like this forever or resolve into an earthly paradise of sorts. People escaping such a life through cementing some material surety in this life, some immediate painless gratification, reveals nothing except about the problem of the human condition. Every planet has some final drama. Our concern is how our life is lived moment to moment. That will do more to make or fulfill the future than waiting for the spaceship.

[azmouse]

49. Oh no!! Not next week!!! My birthday is next week.

I have a nice new outfit to wear when my husband takes me out for dinner.
Now it's all gonna be wasted... damn!!

[valerief]

51. Now I understand why all the big corporations shipped jobs overseas.

Americans are freakin' insane.

[mcscajun]

55. He must be a reader of RaptureReady.com

They publish, of all things, the Rapture Index...an up-to-the minute nonsensical number which is the sum of random values they assign to rapture-related events. :rofl:

I may be laughing, but these fools are Serious!

[Swamp Rat]

57. PLEASE!!!! I NEED A NEW CAR!!!!!!!!

:bounce: We are desperate here in New Orleans for help! I really need a car WITH AIR CONDITIONING because it is sooo hot down here! Please please ask him if he will deed his car to someone in New Orleans who is going to be left behind with the rest of the heathens!!! :bounce:

[Buns_of_Fire]

59. I'm thinking we need a "rapturebuddies.com" website

To match up all the worthy (but obviously not quite worthy enough!) people who'll be stuck here with the possessions of those who will soon be leaving us. Log in, leave your name and what you really, really need, and wait for your "RaptureBuddy" to give it to you. In return, you agree to feed their pets and water the houseplants after they're gone.

(I, too, desperately need a car. But in lieu of that, about $30,000 in cash or negotiable securities will do just as well. I'm not greedy.)

[Swamp Rat]

60. Great Idea!

I AM greedy - which is one of many reasons why I am being left behind - so put me down for 40 million dollars! :evilgrin:

[havocmom]

124. LOL Great plan! Can we get a lawyer to draw up contracts

so disappointed, un-raptured fundies cannot insist on the stuff back? :rofl:

Seriously, I have always figured this whole 'forgiven' thing was a cop out. If you do wrong, you gotta do right and correct what you can. You don't get off the hook just acting remorseful. And now that the fundies' chosen leaders have made such a mess of the world, they just want out. They can't face the disaster they had a part in making. They wanna be 'forgiven' and have some sort of god lobotomy so they don't have to help clean up the mess.

Reality bites and some folks just don't wanna face facts and roll up their sleeves to fix things. Coulter called liberals Goddless. No, many of us do good and holy work. But those dipshits that follow the neocon bait, well, they are gutless. No intestinal fortitude at all. They just want out.

They slap yellow ribbons on their cars and think THAT is the sum total of doing their share to support the troops. They thought jingos and posturing was the same as loving God and Country. They were all wrpng and some of them can't face it. They get an fuzzy idea that they had a part in allowing evil to triumph and they HAVE TO HOPE the end is near and somebody else picks up the tab

Fuck em.

[Touchdown]

104. I gotta story on your bumber sticker.

I printed it out to show some co-workers here at work. I asked if they believed in the "Rapture" before I showed them, because I didn't want to offend anybody who might believe this bullshit, looney, moonbeam crap (I mean that respectfully).

The stares I got was priceless! They all looked like deer in the headlights. I got answersd like..."Well, it does seem quite popular right now." and "Ehh somewhat." They all thought I was going to get all eye dialated on them and start on some fanstastical narrative in proselytization, and they were petrified.:rofl:

When I showed them your sticker (which is too wide for an 8X10 paper BTW), they busted out laughing in relief that they weren't going to get preached to. "really. I never thought YOU would believe that stuff!" I didn't register the reactions I got until the 3rd person told me they were bracing for a "witnessing". :rofl:

[eppur_se_muova]

125. That's what happens when you haven't established a 'reputation'.

If you've lived your life appropriately, NO ONE will think even for a minute that you've actually turned fundy. Start asking about the Rapture and you'll get responses like "Why, what're you selling?" or "Is this a goof? Where's the camera?".

[renate]

58. serious question about the rapture

If the rapture isn't mentioned in the Bible (which was news to me--thanks for the info to all those who have told us that, including iamahaingttta who provided the link below), how come the preachers and assorted nutcases who are telling us it's coming don't fall into the "false prophets" category? (I assume "false prophets" isn't meant in the sense of people prophesying false events but in the sense of those who preach a false religion or who try to change the precepts of Christianity.)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rapture

(I've just been assuming that the rapture was the whole Revelations thing--it scared the pants off me when I was a kid and I never reread it: but if not--what IS Revelations if not the rapture? From that link, it seems like it could be the same thing, just with a debatable timeline.)

[SPKrazy]

67. Well It Depends How You Interpret I Guess

the Thessalonians verse about believers going into the clouds with Jesus is what most attribute to being about the rapture (most fundies and non fundies alike)

but the question about this is really: is this verse talking about the second coming of Christ?

or about the rapture?

Historically I think people interpreted it to be an image of how Christ will return

In the 1800's John Darby and others started preaching about a pre-tribulation rapture.

I suppose it is a nice thought to think that Christians wouldn't have to go through the tribulation, but it is a new idea about this.

Since that time, it has made the apocalypse viewpoint (for pre trib rapture believers) much more palatable since they won't have to endure the tribulation and one could theorize that they will be watching from afar.

My religion doesn't really speak to this. My personal beliefs are that anything is possible, but I don't center my life around the idea of being "raptured"

I think it is human wishful thinking that if there is a tribulation that "believers" would be raptured to save them from this just because of their belief.

[SammyWinstonJack]

61. Jesus! These people are INSANE!

Other than that, words fail me! :wow: And when he is still among us "sinners" next week, without a job, what will he do/say then? :rofl:

[GreenPartyVoter]

62. This poor guy is going to be

devastated when both his faith falls apart and he realizes he has no means of support any more. :cry:

[Liberal In Texas]

65. He should have hedged his bet and put in for a weeks vacation.

But then, that would mean he didn't really BELIEVE. Ha Ha Ha...

What a nutcase!

[Generic Other]

66. Where the heck are they getting that date?

Any link to further info?

I made a flash video about the phenomenon. "Rapture Party Death Trip." http://media.putfile.com/Rapture-Party-Death-Trip-

[mogster]

96. Rockin'!

All this talk make my head ache. I needed to get in in perspective :D

But we should at least check out what it means, if something big is going down next week (I mean, wether Bush have some earthly plans he needs divine diversion for...)

[RebelOne]

105. Here is how they are figuring the date.

I think there are going to be a lot of disappointed fundies on Aug. 3.

http://www.rr-bb.com/showthread.php?t=264708

[MissB]

68. Hope his co-workers throw him a going away party.

Wonder what the cake would look like.

[Cameron27]

71. The poor knucklehead

If they'd only stop messing around with civil rights, I might even feel sorry for them.

[LSK]

72. theres one word for these people: INSANE

[StellaBlue]

79. I agree wholeheartedly, and, personally, think all religious beliefs are

varying degrees of mental illness. If adult said some of the same things, made some of the same claims, about any other made-up entities, they'd be committed. But religion's off limits. I don't get it.

Flame away.

[Cleita]

74. It's known as a sucker is born every minute.

I feel so sorry for the suckers. I really do. The rapture is being so promoted all over the place. What is going to happen when IT doesn't happen?

[Redneck Socialist]

75. Next week! Damn, I better get my shit together!

What should I pack? How's the fishing in heaven anyway? Should I bring my bass gear or my fly rod? How about CD's? Do they have CD player's up there or should I bring my own?

Fuck I've got so many questions. Is there a web site or something I can check out, with maybe a packing list or something so I can be prepared?


:crazy:

[eppur_se_muova]

126. FEMA's in charge of that, site is "under construction"...check back later.

[readmoreoften]

76. NOTE TO RAPTURE FREAKS: GIVE UP YOUR JOBS!

The body of christ compels you! Give up your jobs! Give all of your automobiles to your heathen neighbors as an act of kindness! I repeat: give up your jobs.

Finally, the answer to outsourcing.

[StellaBlue]

77. People (Americans) are soooo weird.

So I was talking to my stepmother on the phone last night, and we're talking about the unseasonably hot weather, and she starts telling me about the ant problem out by the pool, and says, suddenly, "You know, the Bible talks about things like this happening... when the end times come."

Seriously, WTF?! She doesn't even go to church!

I was like, "What? Are you insane? Ants?! I hope it's more spectacular than that. And, besides, people have been saying that for hundreds of years, over and over, and, look, we're still here. And, on top of that, there's all KINDS of crazy shit in the Bible. You could point to anything and say that."

"I know, I know..." she says, "But... weird things are happening. I think it's the end times."

I just sighed, as sarcastically as possible... you know, over the phone.

:eyes:

[StellaBlue]

78. and, I would've said to your co-worker:

"Yeah, it's too bad that the devil is the president of the United Motherfucking States."

Seriously, I would've said that.

[Bolo Boffin]

80. The funny thing is...

...if you read one of the most common Bible passages used to talk about the end times, it actually means exactly the opposite of how it's usually interpreted.

I'm talking about the Olivet discourse, which finds its fullest expression in Matthew's Gospel. Let me quote the verses really quickly:

Jesus left the temple and was walking away when his disciples came up to him to call his attention to its buildings. "Do you see all these things?" he asked. "I tell you the truth, not one stone here will be left on another; every one will be thrown down."

As Jesus was sitting on the Mount of Olives, the disciples came to him privately. "Tell us," they said, "when will this happen, and what will be the sign of your coming and of the end of the age?"

Jesus answered: "Watch out that no one deceives you. For many will come in my name, claiming, 'I am the Christ,' and will deceive many. You will hear of wars and rumors of wars, but see to it that you are not alarmed. Such things must happen, but the end is still to come. Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be famines and earthquakes in various places. All these are the beginning of birth pains.

Okay, let's set the stage here. Right before this in Matthew's text (I'm using Matthew as shorthand for the author), Jesus is seen in the temple. Various groups come up and try to trip Jesus up, but he responds to every one of their questions. Finally Jesus sweeps away in a rather foul mood. He's stomping off when his disciples try to point out the incredible buildings of the Temple. He looks up at them and deadpans that there won't be one stone left on top of another - that the Temple will be ransacked.

And off he stomps again. Leaving a bunch of devastated disciples, because this massive building project was still going on. Herod the Great had dropped some major coin to get the Temple built (around 19 BCE) The actual Temple was done in a year and a half, but outlying buildings went on for eighty years. If you place this discourse in the time Matthew means us to, that's around 30 CE, so there's still 30 more years to go before the complex is finished.

Now naturally the idiot disciples think that the destruction of Jerusalem means the end of the world. But reputable scholars agree that Jesus isn't talking about the end of the world here, but the Roman destruction of Jerusalem in 70 CE. In fact, Matthew's gospel is believed to be written after the fact. A little pious fraud is going on here. Jesus is being cast as predicting the fall of Jerusalem. And obviously, the fall of Jerusalem didn't mean the end of the world. The world kept on going.

So here's the dilemma for the gospel writer: how to have Jesus predict the fall of Jerusalem and not the end of the world itself?

Answer: the Olivet discourse. After the disciples tiptoe up to him at the Mount of Olives and put the question to him, just imagine a huge sigh from Jesus as he looks around at the lunkheads. Of course the fall of Jerusalem couldn't have been imagined by any pious Jew of the time - God wouldn't abandon Jerusalem so utterly.

So Jesus starts slowly. First off, an warning not to be deceived, because lunkheads are easily deceived. Lots of people will come, claiming the authority of Christ, and deceive lots of people. Now how are they going to deceive people?

They are going to whisper about wars and rumors of wars. "Don't be alarmed," says Jesus. These kind of things are going to happen, but it doesn't mean that the end is here. All kinds of terrible things are going to happen in your lives - nation rising up against nation, famines, earthquakes, all the natural and human calamities that get fire-and-brimstone preachers agitated and agitating. They will jump up on their pulpits with the "Word of the Lord" and prophecy that the end is near...

...but it's not. Jesus says that these kind of things are the beginnings of birth pains. Ladies who have gone through labor, tell us: how many times did you experience the "beginnings of birth pains"? Count every instance of false labor. And when it finally happened, when labor actually started and you delivered at the end - how long was it between the beginning and the end? Count how long it felt like it was.

What Jesus is doing here is not giving the faithful a checklist to identify exactly when he's coming back. He's saying: You lunkheads! Cities in rebellion to Rome get destroyed all the time, and Jerusalem is no different. It doesn't mean the end of the world. If you're that committed to a false proposition, then anybody who tells you what you want to hear is going to take you for every thing you're worth!

It's remarkable to me that people quote this very Scripture to claim that the end is near, when it so obviously is trying to warn us about these very people.

[NMMNG]

81. You should have asked if you could have his car

:rofl:

[theHandpuppet]

82. I think we need a website called "Rapture Registry"

Where those of us "left behinders" can put in our requests for all the stuff the raptured won't need any longer.

I would like a taxi-cab yellow Dodge Ram truck and a small farm (10-20 acres) with pond. Maine would be nice. I'd also like a band saw and a router with all the extras to replace the one that was stolen from me a few months ago.

That's all. Thanks!

[shadowknows69]

83. Somehow Bush will use this to prove to us that he creates jobs.

n/t

[Sammy Pepys]

84. OK, it's Friday....

I'm going to wait a couple of minutes and then call over and see what's up.

Told my wife the story last night. She thought it was hilarious.

[leftyladyfrommo]

85. I live with this stuff everyday.

Welcome to the Bible Belt.

[Ganja Ninja]

86. Next week!

WOW! I think I'll spend my rent check on some hookers and booze. Screw the landlord.

[zanne]

87. Mental illness does not always interfere with productivity...

I'm not a mental health professional, but I've known enough people and done enough reading to know that there are some pretty severed mental illnesses that hide themselves in the workplace. People with major depression or bipolarII disease can seem completely normal and become very successful despite their illnesses. It's only when you get to know them on a personal level that their illness reveals itself. This might be the case with your acquaintance.

[Theyareallthesame]

88. I know that he is here,

for I am he. :evilgrin:

[Javaman]

89. A fool and his employer are soon parted. nt

[Pawel K]

91. As humorous as it might be I still feel sorry for these people

this guy might have a family to take care of and he just quit his job because of a stupid cult that scrambled his brains. Its a sad world we live in.

[tavalon]

94. Naw

He's old enough to engage his higher thought processes and this will be one of those spiritual life lessons. I feel sorry for the kids swept along by this insanity.

[tavalon]

92. God must truly be merciful

because if the rapture happens, then the Presidential primaries probably won't happen and DU will therefore be saved from the vicious primary wars that occur and harmony will reign even unto GD.

Or something. :hide:

[dusmcj]

93. this was in DC ?

VA cracker ? I didn't think they had that flavor north of the Carolinas...

[Sammy Pepys]

95. OK, got an email from someone in his office

As follows (edited):

"Yup, (person) quit. He didn't even give 2 wks, just made today his last day. (Supervisor) isn't terribly pleased but at least we have recess to find someone and I think a few calls have already been made...if you know anyone let me know so I can pass it on. (Three other co-workers) are taking him to lunch and (a couple more people) and myself are going to take him out for a drink after work. Everyone has been promised an explanation."

[Norquist Nemesis]

100. Wow! What's he going to do if in six months

he's still waiting?

[RebelOne]

107. No "if" in six months, but when in six months.

Because he will be still waiting.

[calico1]

101. Keep updating us!

I can hardly wait to hear what he said.

On another note, since he is the one being raptured, I hope he pays for the drinks!:rofl:

[never cry wolf]

116. You ought to ask the emailer where they're going for drinks

You can just happen to stop in for a beer yourself and watch his co-workers' heads spin.

[Warren DeMontague]

98. Cool. So there will be more jobs for the sane people.

Buh-Bye!

[Warren DeMontague]

99. If you have a sadistic streak

you should give him a phone call in a few months to see how he's doing.

[Az_lefty]

103. Th next time this happens...

have them do a Google search on "The Great Disappointment". Mostly about the Plymouth movement but several denominations were involved in this date setting business that never came true. It's easy for decent people to get caught up in all this pre-trib rapture stuff. Those promoting it make it sound very believeable by wrapping human desire with Bible scripture.

[stubtoe]

117. Hi Az_lefty, I did just that and found some good background info.

From a Frontline program http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/apocalypse/explanation/amprophesy.html

This apocalyptic streak in our culture seems to come from way back. I once knew some folks who thought that the Aliens were going to come in their spaceships and take them away to safety before the Earth imploded. or something.

To the apocalyptics I say: Sorry guys but we're gonna have to clean up our own messes ourselves!

[Beelzebud]

106. LOL What a bunch of dumb asses... Who put this idea out there?

Who put out this idea to these idiots that they would be raptured next week? What a bunch of fucking idiots... These are the fucks that elected W. Fucking morons.

IF YOU BELIEVE THE RAPTURE IS COMING YOU ARE A FUCKING DUMB ASS!

[Reckon]

120. Stop the hate people

or your no better than the fundies!

[Beelzebud]

132. Yeah yeah, but if you honestly believe the rapture is coming you truely

are a dumb ass... Period. There is no room for debate, there is no hatred. Those people are just INSANE.

[spanone]

110. Move slowly away from this person. Alert some form of authority.

If need be constrain this person till some form of sedation arrives. This person is definitely out of their fucking mind.

[leeroysphitz]

113. I just wish it would happen TODAY so I don't have to go into

work tomorrow...

Just sayin'

[yowzayowzayowza]

118. Jus so you no....

Gotta a flyer on the truck declaring the last possible date for the rapture to be 9/12/06 from, I think, these folks:

http://www.yahweh.com/

Whoda thunk it all started with Buffalo Bill...

http://www.religioustolerance.org/dc_house.htm

:crazy:

[Reckon]

119. Stop worrying about the "rapture"

If you can't see what's staring you in the face your blind.

Do you believe people can be evil?

[Homer Wells]

127. I recall reading somewhere

when I was in college, about a Christian sect which believed in the rapture back in the late 1800's; perhaps when it first was invented, where they were told that they were going to be called to Heaven on a certain day. The entire church group climbed up into the trees outside the church building so they would be ready to be taken up in the air on that particular day, and were quite disappointed when nothing happened. The leader of this church told them that he had made a mistake about the date, and the people just climbed down and went back to their lives.
I can't seem to find this online, but I am still looking for it. I think it was in Missouri or Kansas. Does anyone else remember reading this?

[Pryderi]

128. Matthew 24:8-10 , Mark 13:8 For nation will rise up against nation

"What we're seeing here, in a sense, is the growing -- the birth pangs of a new Middle East. And whatever we do, we have to be certain that we are pushing forward to the new Middle East, not going back to the old one. "

http://www.cnn.com/2006/WORLD/meast/07/21/mideast.diplomacy/index.html

Birth Pangs

Matthew 24:8-10

But all these things are merely the beginning of birth pangs.

Then they will deliver you to tribulation, and will kill you, and you will be hated by all nations because of My name.

At that time many will fall away and will betray one another and hate one another.

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matt%2024:8-20;%20Luke%2021:12-24&version=49

Mark 13:8
"For nation will rise up against nation, and kingdom against kingdom; there will be earthquakes in various places; there will also be famines. These things are merely the beginning of birth pangs.

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?book_id=48&chapter=13&verse=8&version=49&context=verse

[Nikki Stone 1]

131. So Condi is usually scriptural terminology. Preplanned for the fundies?

What an insult to the rest of us.

[mnhtnbb]

130. I'm going to be in Panama next week checking on the house

we're building there. Think I'll miss it--the Rapture, I mean?

I sure hope these freaks aren't putting their families at risk of becoming homeless over this crazy stuff.

[theHandpuppet]

133. When George and Laura are raptured can I have their dogs?

Those Scotties need a good Democratic home in the tradition of FDR and Eleanor!