Jesus is in my computer

[kpete]

July 28, 2006 at 03:32:43

Jesus is in my computer

by Mickey Z.

...................

What if I told you (and anyone who'll listen) that Jesus was talking to me through my computer? You know the drill, a suburban housewife claims to see Jesus in her toaster and the Mel Gibson crowd lines up outside her door for miles just to see it. Funny how it works, huh? America is blowing up babies in Iraq but Jesus chooses to appear in a kitchen appliance in Levittown. Talk about "mysterious ways."

Anyway, if I were persistent enough and sincere enough, it just might work. (Believe me...after 12 years of Catholic school, I can talk the talk.) Imagine this: I get the "700 Club" viewers to buy into my story that the son of god is chatting with me through my computer. Then, once the Jesus freaks are on my side, the politicians can't fuck with me. Nobody challenges a prophet, right? (Ain't that so, Mr. Koresh?)

That's when the fun begins. Once I achieve prophet status, I get myself interviewed by Larry King and "60 Minutes" and Oprah and I tell the world that Jesus is not exactly thrilled with landmines, depleted uranium, and daisy cutters. The IMF and WTO and World Bank and NAFTA? All the work of the devil. Stuff like strip malls and strip mining: positively satanic. In fact, capitalism was created in the depths of hell right alongside the U.S. military budget and Bill O'Reilly.

Imagine how famous I'd be. Maybe then, I'd finally write a book that sells.

So, whaddya think?

http://www.opednews.com/articles/opedne_mickey_z_060728_jesus_is_in_my_compu.htm

[porphyrian]

1. He better be careful or he'll short it out.

There's not a lot of room in a computer for a grown man, even if they are possibly the Messiah.

[Ezlivin]

2. When is the last time that you backed up Jesus?

Or ran a virus scan on him?

Have you tried upgrading to Messiah 2.0 yet?

[BluePatriot]

5. Naaaa...

he needs to debug the Beta Jesus first...

[Richard Steele]

6. Waiting for Messiah 2.0, but they just keep pushing back the release date!

[MsKandice01]

8. Just don't get Messiah Millennium Edition

It sucks.

[Richard Steele]

11. Bwahahaha!

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[ChairmanAgnostic]

3. quick! pull the plug!

he's probably infectious.

[Lars39]

4. And he's looking at all the p0rn.

Sorry, couldn't resist. :evilgrin:

[sgxnk]

7. jesus - apple or PC

<macgeek>

does jesus appear in an Apple?

the antichrist in a PC?

</macgeek>

[porphyrian]

9. Only if you believe the antichrist can't function properly. - n/t

;)

[sgxnk]

10. lol

[kpete]

12. Bar Code Jesus